The Opposite of Voyeurism

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The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 11:36:44 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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As far as kinky folks go, I'm a total prude. I can discuss sex in quite frank terms, and I certainly enjoy it, but I really don't like to watch.

I'm not talking porn, which I can take or leave (mostly leave, but I'm not against it in theory). I don't like seeing real-life sexual contact. For me, BDSM is sexual. If I let you tie me up and spank me, I feel like we've had a sexual encounter in some sense. Even though I know rationally that BDSM is not sexual for some folks, I do think that a large chunk of kinksters do it because it makes them horny.

As a result, I don't like watching other people engage in BDSM. I saw a demo a few months ago which had some interesting techniques but I felt nothing but awkwardness and embarrassment watching him flog and grope her pussy, even though she was wearing underwear. I'm aware this is pretty mild and that some dungeons are likely to have far more overtly sexual things going on.

I've never been to a play party and wonder if I'm missing out. But I'm not sure I'd get anything out of it, and it sounds pretty uncomfortable.

So my questions are: does anyone else feel this way, or am I unusually conservative for a kinkster? And am I missing out on something great by avoiding play parties so that I don't have to be a voyeur?

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 12:13:53 PM

orgasmdenial12

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I hate watching too - I can almost never stand demos, unless they are particularly humorous and factual, rather than sexualised.

I don't mind being at play parties where I can move around and talk to people and avoid watching any play that is making me uncomfortable, but occasionally it will still trigger my discomfort. I was at a play party last year where a naked girl was being zapped with electrics, she was obviously finding it very pleasurable, and I had to get up and go into another room because it's just not my thing.

I have no problem with people doing it (hey, it's a play party!) and I'm not judgemental about it (I know it's my hang up) but yeah - it's just not my thing.

Weirdly, I don't mind playing at play parties, I just don't like watching. *shrugs* people are all different.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 2

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 12:25:50 PM

Ilyrium

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It's hard to describe, but, I like to watch, up to a point.

For example, I like to watch someone getting bound and whipped, mainly for the emotional value of the gagged whimpers and bodily wiggle, and, I must admit, fire play, for example, is a somewhat theatrical displays of fetish skill that I've seen in a local Edges dungeon party of the past.

But, on the other hand, watching someone make love? Meh. It's not that it's vanilla - it's just something that should be done in private (in my humble opinion).

So, I guess, I relegate the two sides of the coin as stuff that is (and should be) entertaining, versus stuff that is generally considered more a private affair.

YMMV

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 12:29:56 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
So my questions are: does anyone else feel this way, or am I unusually conservative for a kinkster? And am I missing out on something great by avoiding play parties so that I don't have to be a voyeur?

For Carol it's all and always about "being appropriate"... "not making others uncomfortable". But she's an inveterate spy of the highest order so if she was in a situation where some "sexual spying" was totally acceptable she'd be on it. I'd put it at 80% curiosity and 20% voyeurism in her.

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Post #: 4

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 1:10:58 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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I love going to play parties and watching others do BDSM-y play. That's all cool by me and I enjoy it immensely. As for actual sex and making love? I don't want to watch, I think that should be private. And I don't think I'm a prude.

NBMG

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 1:44:39 PM

MariaB

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I wouldn't say I'm a voyeur because in a club environment I don't go looking for things to spectate. I do love a good demo though and I enjoy watching a Master craft something he's an expert in.

The most memorable scene that comes to mind was a very dainty Chinese or Japanese woman being suspended. She was in a kimono and and so no flesh was showing other than her face and hands and feet. She was suspended horizontally on her back and her head fell back spilling her hair down towards the ground. Her Master dripped hot wax on her feet and as he did so her face became a picture of emotions but what really got to me was the one tear that fell from her cheek. I will never forget that scene and I'm so glad I was witness to something so beautiful.

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 2:00:19 PM

KnightofMists

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I been to a fair number of public and private parties. I have never been one to be particularly interested in watching others play. There has been occasions I have seen some interesting things but it don't see the play as being sexual for me. Even when it's rather sexual for those doing the play. What appeals to me is the energy that exist in the environment. Sometimes it's pretty good sometimes it's rather flat. It's like going to a dance club with the music playing. Not every time is going to be a fantastic time. But I will still have a good time regardless.

As far as missing out. That really depends on why you would go and what you would look to get out of it. Yes you could be missing out... But what you miss out on just might not be worth the discomfort from the experience. However, If the discomfort is not to overwhelming. I would suggest checking it out to learn for yourself. If it's not going well for you. Leave! Learning and exploring is for the courageous. You feeling courageous?

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 12/31/2013 2:01:16 PM >

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 2:03:55 PM

kiwisub12

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I equate S/m with sex - and thoroughly enjoy watching a scene. Yep - I'm pretty much the peeping tom, and have been known to get very aroused by bdsm porn.

I don't particularly want to watch anything overtly sexual - except maybe sound play, because I want to be the person having the things done to (that's really bad English, but..........)

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 8

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 2:09:36 PM

MasterCaneman

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Between working at the club and chaperoning dancers, I learned to tune it out years ago.

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Post #: 9

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 2:29:46 PM

kalikshama

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I've had a hard time watching some demos. Part of me interprets it as abuse, while the rest of me knows it's consensual. However, I feel I have more to gain by attending demos, so I do.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 10

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 2:32:50 PM

FelineRanger

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Going to a play party is really a question of seeing and being seen. Even though I volunteer as part of the dungeon crew at a play party, I am a bit of a voyeur and enjoy watching scenes. But that doesn't mean I'm standing right there with my eyes bugged out and my dick in my hand. I do my best to find an unobtrusive observation spot if I see something I want to watch. OTOH, I can think of a good number of regulars who show up dressed to be seen. One of my coworkers frequently wears chain mail and little else (and looks damn good, too!) Another regular wears a top hat has part of his outfit.

The other thing to remember about a play party is that it's a party

quote:

noun - a social gathering of invited guests, typically involving eating, drinking, and entertainment.

So even if you have no desire to see the prurient activities, there are still people to actually talk to, catch up with, or introduce yourself to. I do that, too. Lately, I've caught up with a couple of people I hadn't seen in a while. Hell, I spent one party just catching up with one of the first people I met at one of my first munches and that was glorious.

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 2:57:31 PM

Greta75

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I don't like watching either.

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 3:40:27 PM

Apocalypso

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I'm in a similar position to you, although in my case it's disinterest as opposed to discomfort. I simply don't find the idea of watching others play appealing, nor am I a (sexual) exhibitionist. (I'm a frightful show-off, just not sexually).

Are you missing out? Probably not I suspect. The only thing you're missing out on by not going to play parties is public play, which doesn't sound like your thing anyway. Everything else (demos, socialising with other BDSMers etc.) you can get at munches or fetish markets.

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 4:47:16 PM

littlewonder

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I feel exactly as you Athena. I don't get turned on by watching sex or bdsm. I'm basically indifferent to it. I have gone to play parties and such only to use the equipment. I rarely watch others though. Use the equipment, get my jollies and go home. Now Master, however, likes to watch because he gets ideas on how to be more sadistic with me.

Usually while he's watching, I'm usually thinking about something else...what I have to do when I get home, I wonder what the traffic will be like, where can we stop for a bite to eat, etc....

But me? Nah....does absolutely nothing at all for me. I'm not a voyeur at all. In fact, I'm more than fine with others calling me a prude.

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 5:46:30 PM

sexyred1

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Same here. I am the furthest thing from a prude.

I am not uncomfortable with watching, it just does nothing for me. I have seen live play and I feel it is missing the intimacy that is essential for me.

This is all sexual for me and I am a one on one woman, and private.

Also, I would rather be the center of attention AND nothing I have ever witnessed was as hot as what I have done in my own play/sex life.

So, nope, not missing out on anything.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 15

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 6:49:24 PM

DesFIP

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I grew up in a wild gay beach community. Fire Island is famous, or infamous for stuff done in public.

I never enjoyed going for a walk and having to step around two guys going at it in public. I don't like porn.

Watching people have sex is equivalent to me like watching a close up of someone eating a hamburger, chew by chew, messily dropping bits and occasionally chewing with their mouth open. Major turn off.

We did a shibari workshop and a rope group meeting where you can't be nude. I wear yoga pants or shorts and a tight tee for that. He can see what he's tying and I'm decent.

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 12/31/2013 7:16:18 PM

peppermint

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Thank you, Athena. I have always felt strange in not being interested in watching others do their thing. In fact, when the play at some of the parties we went to got sexual ( as in BJ's and going down on women) I stopped attending. I do enjoy watching something new. I remember being fascinated at my first look at fire play. However, after seeing it a few times I realized it wasn't so exciting after all.

I do attend play parties again. I'll be the person sitting outside on the patio chatting with those who have gotten done with their own play scenes. After reading what so many have said here I won't feel different when I'm doing that from now on. For that I am really grateful.

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/1/2014 9:44:06 AM

humptiedumptie

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It`s a private affair for me as i feel uncomfortable with others looking on, but i can understand how some can get a buz from having people looking on.

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/1/2014 10:36:51 AM

FelineRanger

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Well, damn, ain't I all alone here

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/1/2014 1:26:18 PM

Kana

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quote:

So my questions are: does anyone else feel this way, or am I unusually conservative for a kinkster? And am I missing out on something great by avoiding play parties so that I don't have to be a voyeur?

I've always been of the opinion that it's foolish to e in the stands watching when one could be on the field playing.

But hey,that's just how I'm wired,in everything from sports to kink.
Fuck,if I could sing, I'd be in a band

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