RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism

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RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 1:07:36 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
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Kana, I love that philosophy for life.

Thanks everyone. It's good to see I'm not the only one who feels like this. I just don't think play parties are ever going to be for us. I don't want to watch, I don't really want to BE watched, and I can meet people at munches and not have to see them getting their jollies. The only temptation I could see would be playing with someone else but the boss isn't into sharing so...
Ah well, lots of other experiences to be had.

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Post #: 21

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 8:53:31 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Same here. I am the furthest thing from a prude.

I am not uncomfortable with watching, it just does nothing for me. I have seen live play and I feel it is missing the intimacy that is essential for me.

This is all sexual for me and I am a one on one woman, and private.

Also, I would rather be the center of attention AND nothing I have ever witnessed was as hot as what I have done in my own play/sex life.

So, nope, not missing out on anything.

As far as I'm concerned, if you or one of you is naked, half-naked, or touching parts of another's body in an intimate manner that only your lover should be doing, it's sex. I don't want to see other people having sex either. Whenever I have seen any porn in the past, I see body parts, and usually the kind that I don't find particularly attractive, attached to a person I don't find particularly attractive or downright unattractive to me. *Blech*

There was a CBT demonstration I couldn't stand to watch once, other than a few glimpses out of the corner of my eye (it was unavoidable), that was at a play party. I was indifferent to most of what was going on. Some of it was interesting to see but nothing that would have turned me on. If I attend a social event, I want a drink or two, and public play parties don't allow alcoholic beverages unless you sneak one in, and I've outgrown those sorts of shenanigans.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 22

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 9:02:44 AM

MROutlaw

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/7/2013
Status: offline

Playing in public is still a Barrier for a lot of Folk
I just keep telling Myself "Everyone had to start somewhere, it'll get easier"

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 23

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 10:35:36 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

Well, damn, ain't I all alone here

No, you just didn't read every post!

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Post #: 24

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 10:59:06 AM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
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I think I am somewhere in the middle here. I liked going to LARGE play parties and/or dungeons. If there are a ton of people,around, it's easier to be invisible in plain sight, if there is stuff I just don't want to watch. And yet, if I am there with a partner, and we have the urge to play, having a larger crowd makes makes me much less self- conscious.

Small parties it just feels like there is a spotlight on those who actually play. I'm much more likely to play, than I am to watch.

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Post #: 25

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 11:44:40 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
public play parties don't allow alcoholic beverages unless you sneak one in

I've never been to a play party that didn't have alcohol - either because it was a licensed premises that sold alcohol, or it was bring your own bottle. Drinking is a routine part of play parties in the UK.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 26

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 11:46:41 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
If I attend a social event, I want a drink or two, and public play parties don't allow alcoholic beverages unless you sneak one in, and I've outgrown those sorts of shenanigans.

We have venues that are BYOB, here.

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(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 27

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 11:50:35 AM

FelineRanger

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Blonderfluff

Have you been to ours in south Philly? It's a good size space and usually has a pretty good crowd, too.

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Post #: 28

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 12:00:07 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

Blonderfluff

Have you been to ours in south Philly? It's a good size space and usually has a pretty good crowd, too.

Nope! Not yet. I've never gone to a play party un partnered. I have a great munch here that I found. I just moved back north from DC, so I'm still finding my way around!!
I'm not even sure how far Philly is??

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Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

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Post #: 29

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 12:23:26 PM

FelineRanger

Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

Blonderfluff

Have you been to ours in south Philly? It's a good size space and usually has a pretty good crowd, too.

Nope! Not yet. I've never gone to a play party un partnered. I have a great munch here that I found. I just moved back north from DC, so I'm still finding my way around!!
I'm not even sure how far Philly is??

Leave it to me to make the offer before checking to see where you are. Unfortunately, you're an hour and a half south. You would probably do better to look around in Atlantic City. If you can't find anything close to you, feel free to message me and I'll send you the details. BTW, our next party is scheduled for January 18.

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Post #: 30

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 12:37:42 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MROutlaw

Playing in public is still a Barrier for a lot of Folk
I just keep telling Myself "Everyone had to start somewhere, it'll get easier"

You're assuming that we have a problem with it. We don't. It just doesn't appeal in the same way that I am the only person in this house who likes pineapple ice cream. The rest of them don't have a 'barrier' with it. Nor do they have to get over it. There is no problem with him getting a cup of mint cookie crumble while I get pineapple.

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Post #: 31

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/2/2014 12:44:57 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

We have venues that are BYOB, here.

I don't know where you are, if that makes any difference across the country, but around here it not only has to do with licensing re serving alcohol, but also for potential liability is what I've been told. (In case there is an issue of consent that arises in the Dungeon)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 32

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/3/2014 5:14:12 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

for me it really would depend on what was going on, the mood i'm in, and whom i'm with. for instance; my ex wanted to watch a woman on a spider web getting whipped. that's great, but I just wasn't into it. the thing is is that I use bullwhip type things around horses. not to hit them with, but to do calming rhythm work. it bores me watching other people use them, especially when their technique isn't up to scratch. I stood with my playmate though and watched a Domme stick needles into a guy. she also sowed his lips up if I remember rightly. the demo as such didn't turn me on, but I was mesmerised by what she was doing, and the way the guy was reacting, or not as the case was. I was turned on by knowing we were at a kinky event that was an after party for a thing we had already been too. it was my first, and he was stood right behind me. his presence was the turn on throughout it all for me.

I can watch porn, but in a very abstract way. I am not watching what is on the screen, and it's that turning me on. it's the imagery and me putting Him, and I in that same image that turns me on. I've never been able to watch something and imagine that the person on the screen is doing it to me. my brain just doesn't work that way. watching people having sex in real life? i'm really not sure how that would work for me. if alone it wouldn't work if I wasn't involved. if with someone, well it's just live porn I guess.

a lot of things I watch, or want to see purely from a clinical POV in 'how does that work then?' curiosity.

needles

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Post #: 33

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/3/2014 5:26:16 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

FR:

I like to watch, and to be watched, although it does to a certain extent depend on my mood. The older I've gotten the less of an exhibitionist I am, that's partly to do with my aging body and partly to just losing interest I suspect.

I'd far prefer to watch people have sex than flog someone's back. Although I've learned a lot at play parties, much of it is routine. It's just not my thing anymore.

Porn can turn me on if it's good (Remember insex?) but it needs to have some D/s or S&M, vanilla porn is very ho hum to me.

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Post #: 34

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/3/2014 4:03:03 PM

EventideFortuna

Posts: 31
Joined: 10/8/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

Going to a play party is really a question of seeing and being seen. Even though I volunteer as part of the dungeon crew at a play party, I am a bit of a voyeur and enjoy watching scenes. But that doesn't mean I'm standing right there with my eyes bugged out and my dick in my hand. I do my best to find an unobtrusive observation spot if I see something I want to watch. OTOH, I can think of a good number of regulars who show up dressed to be seen. One of my coworkers frequently wears chain mail and little else (and looks damn good, too!) Another regular wears a top hat has part of his outfit.

The other thing to remember about a play party is that it's a party

quote:

noun - a social gathering of invited guests, typically involving eating, drinking, and entertainment.

So even if you have no desire to see the prurient activities, there are still people to actually talk to, catch up with, or introduce yourself to. I do that, too. Lately, I've caught up with a couple of people I hadn't seen in a while. Hell, I spent one party just catching up with one of the first people I met at one of my first munches and that was glorious.

You forgot to mention the puffy pirate shirt.

OP You arent strange, for me a spanking is just that, I enjoy pain theres nothing sexual about it for me. So going to a play party to play and or watch others isnt something that bothers me.

However when it starts to get sexual, i kinda do this magical disappearing act. I prefer the public play parties because they restrict this sort of play then the private parties where its allowed. I really dont want to see my friends penis...

(in reply to FelineRanger)

Post #: 35

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/3/2014 7:56:34 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Kana, I love that philosophy for life.

I don't really want to BE watched,

Yeah, I'm not crazy about being watched either when we do go to clubs so I'm glad that Master usually blindfolds me. It helps me to zone out and I get to forget about what's happening around me. I think Master likes to show off his work of arts afterwards.

But using the equipment that is available is always fun.

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Post #: 36

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/3/2014 8:02:14 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

Blonderfluff

Have you been to ours in south Philly? It's a good size space and usually has a pretty good crowd, too.

Nope! Not yet. I've never gone to a play party un partnered. I have a great munch here that I found. I just moved back north from DC, so I'm still finding my way around!!
I'm not even sure how far Philly is??

There used to be a ton of play parties and dungeons in Jersey but about 10 years ago they started getting busted (zoning restrictions, prostitution, whatever the police could find to bust them with) and so most are no longer around. When I lived back that way, the closest I can remember from you was unfortunately, Philly. I don't know if any new ones have opened since the police intervened. Maybe check on FetLife to see if any are up and running again.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 37

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/11/2014 12:20:25 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

How could you NOT be the center of attention, red?

you are one of the hottest ladies I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and yet, have never seen. But your intelligence shines through in the words you write and in the conversations we have had, as does your caring nature, your sense of self, your humor and other qualities that go into making you "red". Tis the reason I would LOVE watching you being played with but would rather be the One who was playing with you.

As for going to the BDSM clubs...I have and I have enjoyed it but I have to admit that it has been the "demos" I enjoyed more than anything else. It is always interesting to watch a snippet here and a snippet there of others' play but rarely have I come across a scene that grabbed my attention to the point where I just had to stay and watch the ending.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 38

RE: The Opposite of Voyeurism - 1/11/2014 9:43:32 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

As far as kinky folks go, I'm a total prude. I can discuss sex in quite frank terms, and I certainly enjoy it, but I really don't like to watch.

I'm not talking porn, which I can take or leave (mostly leave, but I'm not against it in theory). I don't like seeing real-life sexual contact. For me, BDSM is sexual. If I let you tie me up and spank me, I feel like we've had a sexual encounter in some sense. Even though I know rationally that BDSM is not sexual for some folks, I do think that a large chunk of kinksters do it because it makes them horny.

As a result, I don't like watching other people engage in BDSM. I saw a demo a few months ago which had some interesting techniques but I felt nothing but awkwardness and embarrassment watching him flog and grope her pussy, even though she was wearing underwear. I'm aware this is pretty mild and that some dungeons are likely to have far more overtly sexual things going on.

I've never been to a play party and wonder if I'm missing out. But I'm not sure I'd get anything out of it, and it sounds pretty uncomfortable.

So my questions are: does anyone else feel this way, or am I unusually conservative for a kinkster? And am I missing out on something great by avoiding play parties so that I don't have to be a voyeur?

What an awesome question!

I think it's amazing that we can all see such very different things.

First time I ever went to a play party....I bawled my eyes out...I'd never experienced, before or since, anything more emotionally penetrating or draining.

I could go on for days but...it was the singularly most impactful event that's ever occurred in my entire life.

The people I was with that night are seared into my brain.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 39

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