quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

hello there!

i've recently started a relationship w/ Master. we've been talking for 2 months nearly...met here on CM and we live only 20 minutes from eachother. we have not met in person yet, as he has a process that he follows for all potential slaves...things have been going excellently. he's finishing up a 3 wk stint in south africa and returning home tomorrow. while he has been gone we have had good communication/contact, as much as possible while he has been away and in remote locations and busy with friends, etc. he has provided me with a daily task list, as well, and i've been emailing him my experiences.

on new years day, he emailed me very sweet emails.... i have not heard from him since. i'm very concerned and have never had this experience before...does anyone have experience with 1. a master/dom saying deep/emotional things and then quickly changing their mind, or 2. a master/dom ignoring them not for purposes of punishment (i think he'd tell me if i was being punished) but for purposes of seeing the degree of your submission and obedience even when things are difficult?

please, any advice would be appreciated. it has been a very long 3 days since hearing from him and i'm so upset--when i got his sweet/emotional emails on new years day i was on such a high...now, as you can imagine, i'm in such a low emotionally...part of me is pissy and wants to retaliate by not finishing my daily tasks...but the good girl in me says to push thru and if his feelings ahve changed, he'll tell me directly... maybe this is a test of my obedience!??

thank you. so much.

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ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

FR

My cousin sent me a text while camping in a tent on the Serengeti. Just in case any of you folks were thinking of using the 'no cell phone reception in Africa' excuse in the future.

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ORIGINAL: KinkyNCuddly

So, everyone is right that this guy is insincere (married and/or a scammer or recreational emotional sadist).

I am guessing from your post that you are, like many subs (I include myself) emotionally needy and more than ready to meet a decent Dom for once. This emotional need can make us do stupid things.

After some shitty experiences of my own years ago, I feel that the best way to tackle this is to set up some iron-clad rules for yourself. Do it while you are in a logical frame of mind, and then consider them absolute inviolate Laws of Nature that you may not break at ANY time. This will prevent you from doing stupid things when you get to feeling too hopeful about someone/attached to someone/emotionally needy. Also, consider it training for being submissive, as you are submitting to rules and expectations of yourself. You don't get to bend let alone break these rules. You don't get to re-think them. You trust that the rules that you made when thinking clearly and not swayed by wishful desire are the correct ones to guide you towards something fulfilling.

First rule should be one about length of time between initial contact and meeting in person. NO excuses. If the person doesn't meet you within x weeks, you stop all contact. There is absolutely no reason someone shouldn't be able to meet you within 2 months. If they are really so busy/far away that they can't meet within that timeframe, then they should be postponing their search, not stringing someone along. And more likely the reasons they can't meet are excuses. When people are genuinely available and genuinely interested in someone, they are motivated to meet, even if it causes some inconvenience.

Second rule should be NEVER ever do sexual play online or over the phone before meeting someone. You really really do not know who you are dealing with at that point. Please listen to people who have more experience than you. Don't continue learning the hard way. How will you feel when that person disappears? Or turns out to be married? Or you meet them in person and they smell bad or have some habits you can't stand? The time will vary from person to person, but if you feel emotionally vulnerable and attached to someone after sex and/or play (which I am guessing you do), then also do not play with someone soon after meeting in person. Again, consider this an inviolate rule, it's there for your protection, and any decent Dom (actually any decent human being) will understand the need for such.

Other rules can include: only spending x amount of time interacting with someone before meeting, keeping your profile up unless you get a specific offer of exclusivity; verifying identity before meeting; walking if someone does not respect your hard limits (wanting to push limits just to push them and before understanding you well enough to know what the effect will be).

If you don't trust yourself to stick by these rules, you might want to find an assertive and confident (REAL LIFE) friend, tell them about these rules, and have them kick your ass a bit if you don't follow them, or are thinking of bending them.

The reason you should have these rules for yourself is because, frankly, you are emotionally weak (own it!) and also because so many people are absolute jerk creep assholes who care not one whit for your well-being, and they often have a honed set of rationalizations for steam-rolling over a subbie's reasonable requests. You need protection, and since you're not getting that now from a caring Dom, you need it from rules and friends.

Good luck!

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ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16
he has a process that he follows for all potential slaves

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ORIGINAL: sheisreeds
Whatever you do at this point don't meet the guy, and absolutely do not have sex with him, which he will want immediately if he ever shows up in person, and just cut off contact and get out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pgashlie

Everybody is very quick to heap coals of fire on the dom... Has it occurred to anyone to consider there might be a reason for the unexpected silence? Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Maybe his phone died or was stolen.. Been there, done that, in Johannesburg, and it took a lot of effort to get a replacement... And, depending on your carrier, there are a *lot* of dead spots in ZA.
There's really not enough information...

quote:

Everybody is very quick to heap coals of fire on the dom... Has it occurred to anyone to consider there might be a reason for the unexpected silence? Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Maybe his phone died or was stolen.. Been there, done that, in Johannesburg, and it took a lot of effort to get a replacement... And, depending on your carrier, there are a *lot* of dead spots in ZA.
There's really not enough information...

quote:

ORIGINAL: pgashlie

Everybody is very quick to heap coals of fire on the dom... Has it occurred to anyone to consider there might be a reason for the unexpected silence? Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Maybe his phone died or was stolen.. Been there, done that, in Johannesburg, and it took a lot of effort to get a replacement... And, depending on your carrier, there are a *lot* of dead spots in ZA.
There's really not enough information...

quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

I want to thank you all kindly for your replies. A dose of excellent and painful reality. Lesson learned. And I am 33 yrs old, for the record. Still no contact and I am picking up the pieces slowly. I will not let this define me in any way other than to have learned a very valuable lesson and to approach things differently next time, with the tips you all have so kindly shared. Today is a new day....day 5 of "without sir"....it has to get easier and better from here. ♡

quote:

ORIGINAL: pgashlie

Everybody is very quick to heap coals of fire on the dom... Has it occurred to anyone to consider there might be a reason for the unexpected silence? Maybe he's in hospital or jail? Maybe his phone died or was stolen.. Been there, done that, in Johannesburg, and it took a lot of effort to get a replacement... And, depending on your carrier, there are a *lot* of dead spots in ZA.
There's really not enough information...

quote:

ORIGINAL: pgashlie
Maybe he's in hospital or jail?

quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

I want to thank you all kindly for your replies. A dose of excellent and painful reality. Lesson learned. And I am 33 yrs old, for the record. Still no contact and I am picking up the pieces slowly. I will not let this define me in any way other than to have learned a very valuable lesson and to approach things differently next time, with the tips you all have so kindly shared. Today is a new day....day 5 of "without sir"....it has to get easier and better from here. ♡