RE: The whyness of it all

RE: The whyness of it all (Full Version)

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LanceHughes -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 8:41:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MisterP61 Trying to hit everyone who replied. It may end up being a losing battle. @ Missokyst My prayers go out to you. It is not an easy thing watching a parent die. @shiftyw I cannot say I could blame you on that. Those shyster lawyers are real dicks when they want to be. Wait who am I kidding, they are dicks because they want to be. ETA those should be the "at" sign. Not sure why they come out as asterisks. The system auto-magically assumes that an asterick is an e-mail addie and replaces them all, regardless of content.

LanceHughes -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 8:54:20 AM)
Lance here..... Many a year ago, I had a slave (Everet) here in Denver that was an LPN. Now, just about everyone knows most nurse and doctors can name their own ticket / place to live. There was a chance for me to take over the family business (in Chicago) from my Uncle. He (my Uncle) backed out at the very last minute. (I'm sure he was afraid of being "shown up" by his way smarter Nephew.) A long time after Everet died (in my arms of AIDS - ending a 7-1/2 year relationship) I found out that he had already made many of the steps to move his nursing license to Illinois w/o my knowledge. That is, he was going to follow me - just as I wanted him to, but I didn't know how much he had to do. I just thought you show up in Chicago and get a nursing job using your license. Moral: Tell your slave to follow, and they will if they have any chance. (P.S. The planned apartment had perfect room for a dungeon. LOL!)

Blonderfluff -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 9:02:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: MisterP61 This brings Me to My final thoughts on this topic. I AM going to retire and no longer have to rip up roots after three to four years to move, yet again. This means that I will be actively looking for a submissive eventually. I always thought, for one it would be unfair to own a sub, knowing after three years it would be over, or two to ask them to rip up their roots and move with LP and I, oh yeah, and by the way, you will have to pay for it because you are not My dependent. As people get to know Me better either through the forums and posting or meeting IRL, I will be free to do this without any worries. So for better or worse, I think I am here to stay for a while. Has anyone else had to put their search for, or participating in a dynamic because of career and/or life circumstances on hold? If so, how did you deal with or cope with it? Thank you for reading this and/or replying if you do. I've moved a lot as an adult, and it's had an effect on my dating life. But, honestly, it's hella fun to be single. Maybe if I were a woman my age in this society I'd feel differently, but I'm under no pressure to settle down. I can date when I want, and be bachelory when I want. It's pretty nice. I don't feel as though I have to cope with anything. That said, three years is a loooong time for a D/s relationship with a third person outside a marriage. If you're waiting to follow your internal moral code, that's cool. But if you're waiting because you think women wouldn't be interested in such a "short" time window, you might want to re-think. I'm pretty sure quite a few ladies would be attracted to the chance to serve under you, or under the two of you, even knowing it was "only" going to last for a couple years at most. You're both capable, sensible people, and that's less common (and sexier to female subs) than you might realize. Hmmm. 2 intelligent D-types, looking , but not looking...... [sm=modxiiswatching.gif]

kalikshama -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 10:09:01 AM)
quote: Has anyone else had to put their search for, or participating in a dynamic because of career and/or life circumstances on hold? If so, how did you deal with or cope with it? Yes, when I was in Florida I decided to move back to MA so stopped looking in FL. I gave notice at work four months before I moved but the decision had been coming for about six months earlier. I could have coped with play partners, but after I gave notice, I kind of lost interest in them and focused on my move.

Kana -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 10:14:45 AM)
quote: Has anyone else had to put their search for, or participating in a dynamic because of career and/or life circumstances on hold? If so, how did you deal with or cope with it? Thank you for reading this and/or replying if you do. Well there was that time spent in prison...[8D] Nah. Just kidding To be serious though-Actually, about a year or so after I got out I took a long hard look at my life, some of my habits (Especially those involving tasty white powders and Everclear chased with 151), the direction I was heading and took a few years to straighten myself out. The process turned out to be more encompassing than originally expected, severe uprooting on an emotional,physical,mental and spiritual level. For a long time,I didn't pursue a relationship in any way shape or form (I had this crazy notion that perhaps I should get healthy before I embarked on another one)and when I did, I tried to do the Nilla deal. As you can tell, it didn't work too well. Ooooh,the cleaning up the life thing went wonderfully,but the non BDSM thing? Yeah, that blew. I always felt as if I was living a lie.Never fully in,yet never fully out of the relationship.Couldn't share all of who and what I am. As a result,I did myself and the women involved a massive disservice.They deserved better and so did I. Meanwhile, I was surfing porn sites, going OCD re bondage fiction,basically living a double life. Always conflicted.Not happy with me,how I was acting,where I was, and who I was with. Worst of all,my needs weren't being met. It fucking sucked.

LeatherBentOne51 -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 11:26:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Yes, I have had to put my search for a partner on hold because I am about about to embark on the cancer train. And how unfair would it be to offer someone new damaged goods? Some people say to latch onto someone and I say, hell no. Unless I was already in a relationship where I would I wouldn't get kicked to the curb for getting sick. Otherwise the search is over I guess. Sorry to hear of your failing health concerns. I am permanently disabled and regularly visit 6 specialists for medical treatment. However, I am still active in ALL areas of my life. Although single at the moment, I dont hesitate to describe my health concerns when looking for a submissive; earlier on in the conversation rather than later. Some fall by the wayside sooner than others. I believe in full disclosure to be consentual, and I would feel that I would be very dishonest if I failed to mention the truth about my health. Best to you in the future. Health issues are not easy or fun for the most part.

LadyPact -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 12:26:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 I've moved a lot as an adult, and it's had an effect on my dating life. But, honestly, it's hella fun to be single. Maybe if I were a woman my age in this society I'd feel differently, but I'm under no pressure to settle down. I can date when I want, and be bachelory when I want. It's pretty nice. I don't feel as though I have to cope with anything. That said, three years is a loooong time for a D/s relationship with a third person outside a marriage. If you're waiting to follow your internal moral code, that's cool. But if you're waiting because you think women wouldn't be interested in such a "short" time window, you might want to re-think. I'm pretty sure quite a few ladies would be attracted to the chance to serve under you, or under the two of you, even knowing it was "only" going to last for a couple years at most. You're both capable, sensible people, and that's less common (and sexier to female subs) than you might realize. Hmmm. 2 intelligent D-types, looking , but not looking...... [sm=modxiiswatching.gif] I was going to stay out of this, but keeping things on the level..... The other side of this is pretty much what Red is saying here. (Personally, I also think it's part of what inspired this thread.) Those who pay attention on the boards (or read sig lines) have noticed that I sort of fell into a new dynamic a couple of months ago. Wasn't something I was looking for or specifically set out to create. In fact, I was pretty cool with the idea of just doing the casual play partner thing until the next location and then, well, like they always say. When you're not looking is just when something really good comes along. Frankly, that's been going like gangbusters. Both from the dynamic side and from the play side. You folks have known Me long enough to know how these things go when I get into a S/m thing with somebody that I click with really well. It means hours of endorphin racing, body shaking play that result in people being happy all the dang time. This gives MP an up close and personal view of what it's like to have Me sincerely happy in a D/s dynamic. It also gives him extra time to talk to you fine folks because I'm also investing in that relationship. It's not all eight hour play sessions. There's the bonding time, too. Plus, it makes him ready to have a dynamic of his own with somebody else because he gets to see the result of the enhancement that it brings into life. Just goes to show how two Dominants in the same household do things differently. (One of the plethora of reasons why we won't be co-owning a submissive in any way.) Some people would rather wait. On the other hand, I'm not willing to pass up on something amazing.

sexyred1 -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 1:02:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne51 quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Yes, I have had to put my search for a partner on hold because I am about about to embark on the cancer train. And how unfair would it be to offer someone new damaged goods? Some people say to latch onto someone and I say, hell no. Unless I was already in a relationship where I would I wouldn't get kicked to the curb for getting sick. Otherwise the search is over I guess. Sorry to hear of your failing health concerns. I am permanently disabled and regularly visit 6 specialists for medical treatment. However, I am still active in ALL areas of my life. Although single at the moment, I dont hesitate to describe my health concerns when looking for a submissive; earlier on in the conversation rather than later. Some fall by the wayside sooner than others. I believe in full disclosure to be consentual, and I would feel that I would be very dishonest if I failed to mention the truth about my health. Best to you in the future. Health issues are not easy or fun for the most part. Yes, I agree that full disclosure is vital. Which is why I stopped looking. The point is, no one wants to be with someone going through cancer.

pg4g -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 1:15:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Yes, I agree that full disclosure is vital. Which is why I stopped looking. The point is, no one wants to be with someone going through cancer. That's certainly not true of everyone. I would certainly not discount the idea of a relationship with someone with cancer. I really hope you overcome it quickly, and get speedily back to good health, sexyred1!

sexyred1 -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 1:30:15 PM)
Thanks for being kind.

RedMagic1 -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 2:21:21 PM)
Cancer never really ends, unless it kills the host. It just gives up for a while, and waits for a better opportunity. Those photos of people holding up signs saying "I beat cancer!" are, in a very real sense, false advertising. Correctly translated, they are closer to, "I made cancer leave me alone, for now." If this situation is new to you, it might feel like the flu: you do what the doctor tells you, and you get better, except the odds of recovery aren't as good as the odds with the flu. But I don't think that's the right way to think about it. Cancer is a life commitment. The flu ends. Beating cancer is more like beating smoking, or beating heroin. There's always a piece of it with you, that you have to be cautious about. There's a small part of your body that is prone to betray you. It's hard to accept, but that doesn't mean it isn't true. So unless you're planning to take a vow of chastity, you might as well think about dating again. You're going to be doing the cancer, in some way or other, for the rest of your life. Maybe you don't want a man in your life right now, because you feel overwhelmed already. But that isn't the same as thinking you are untouchable because of your disease. People with health problems date and have kinky sex all the time.

kiwisub12 -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 2:39:15 PM)
Sexyred, once you've settled into your treatments, you might find that you have the time and energy to actually pursue a relationship, and find someone who would be open to it. I wouldn't discount the possibility. And good luck with your treatments....

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 2:49:03 PM)
MrP61, it's so nice to see you here! I hope to see more of you on the boards. [:)] quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Yes, I agree that full disclosure is vital. Which is why I stopped looking. Sexyred, I would most definitely get involved with someone who has cancer. Better to spend a possibly short time with the right person than none at all! NBMG

LorraineCA -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 5:36:13 PM)
quote: Has anyone else had to put their search for, or participating in a dynamic because of career and/or life circumstances on hold? If so, how did you deal with or cope with it? Thank you for reading this and/or replying if you do.[/color] I hear you. My last boyfriend got arrested for armed robbery and my life was put on hold to support him. It took every cent I owned to help him. It's hard to cope with these things but I'm a firm believer that everything turns out for the best.

Rawni -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 6:25:04 PM)
[sm=adminwatch.gif] I'm behaving, I swear to god. It's painful... really painful.

Rawni -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 6:37:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Yes, I have had to put my search for a partner on hold because I am about about to embark on the cancer train. And how unfair would it be to offer someone new damaged goods? Some people say to latch onto someone and I say, hell no. Unless I was already in a relationship where I would I wouldn't get kicked to the curb for getting sick. Otherwise the search is over I guess. Hugs... I am a lot like you in thinking with this type of thing, but after a few decades of it, when I lived when they said I wouldn't and have gone 14 years longer and still doing well, I thought I might say something. My first response to all the news I was getting for over a decade, was... I am not inviting anyone to this party. Do you know how many scolded me for that? lol I was making a choice for others. I was limiting others and myself. I was also protecting myself. It is hard to ask someone to love you and stick around when you have something like this going on... BUT YOU ARE NOT THE SUMMATION OF YOUR ILLNESS. YOU ARE FAR MORE. Never, ever forget that. Never rob someone of the blessing to love you and for you to love them. It only leads to regrets, pain and a lack of joy when you need joy to strengthen yourself through the hard times. If you can find someone, even a friend... a special friend or lover, to give you a joy that could make the difference in life and strength for the physical, mental and emotional battle... consider they see something of worth and you deserve it. Again... hugs. MrP... I have given up a lot in caring for my son and when I took time outs because of my 'situation'. I think of the other person and what I would mean to their lives and haven't always been kind to myself or others during those stages. I also now have to be more careful than I was because of some career goals. It blows... but think of the day when freedom reigns and you get to take that ride! Woot! So much fun!

littlewonder -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 6:43:03 PM)
I remember when I was going through major issues with my daughter when she was a teenager. I told myself there was no way I was getting involved with anyone because I didn't think it was fair to bring in someone whose kid was fucked up at the time and a mother who was losing her mind right along with her daughter. But then Master came along. I can't tell you how many times at the beginning that I told him I didn't want him suffering through this with me and that he should walk away while he could. But he stuck it out and we made it through it. Had it not been for him I'm not sure I would have or my daughter to be honest. He was my Godsend. So while you see your illness as being something no one would want to get involved with, just as you are about to give up, someone comes along and who loves and cares for you so very much that they are willing to go through it with you. They want to be the person you can lean on. Just be up front and let them know when they come along. The one that is meant to be will be there through thick and thin. But don't shut yourself off. Otherwise you may miss Him.

sexyred1 -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 8:24:29 PM)
Never mind.

ResidentSadist -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 8:53:51 PM)
I had put my life on hold, was focused on business and not actively seeking. Then she happened along. A year and a half later, she is collared and I have married her. Despite my unflinching Domly powers of self discipline and my magically omnipotent influence on the environment to have control over my own fate, sometimes a relationship finds you even when you aren't looking.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: The whyness of it all (1/8/2014 9:11:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni Hugs... I am a lot like you in thinking with this type of thing, but after a few decades of it, when I lived when they said I wouldn't and have gone 14 years longer and still doing well, I thought I might say something. My first response to all the news I was getting for over a decade, was... I am not inviting anyone to this party. Do you know how many scolded me for that? lol I was making a choice for others. I was limiting others and myself. I was also protecting myself. It is hard to ask someone to love you and stick around when you have something like this going on... BUT YOU ARE NOT THE SUMMATION OF YOUR ILLNESS. YOU ARE FAR MORE. Never, ever forget that. Never rob someone of the blessing to love you and for you to love them. It only leads to regrets, pain and a lack of joy when you need joy to strengthen yourself through the hard times. If you can find someone, even a friend... a special friend or lover, to give you a joy that could make the difference in life and strength for the physical, mental and emotional battle... consider they see something of worth and you deserve it. Rawni, every single word of this is gold. 24k for the MDA-adding bold parts.

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