When you were a teenager.... (Full Version)

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jlf1961 -> When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 6:28:46 AM)

Remember what punishments your parents used when you were a teenager? How did you defy these "ultimatums?"

For example, I paid for both my first car, a 69 hemi charger, and my first truck, a chevy 3/4 ton stepside, out of money I made by working or selling project steers.

I should explain that mom was mechanically inclined.

Therefore, my mom did not feel it was fair to take the keys away. However, mom would not hesitate, if she decided I was grounded, to pull spark plug wires and distributor cap on both the car and truck.

This was easily dealt with after she did it the first time, I just had spares hidden in the tack room at the barn and bingo, I was gone.

Mom, being the resourceful woman that she was, next removed a tire and the spare. This she justified by the fact that she had bought me wheels for both vehicles.

Alright, got spares for these, no problem.

The next time I was grounded for a weekend, I discovered that mom had gotten really crafty. She had bought two chains and chained both vehicles to a tree and used four padlocks on each vehicle. The tree in question is what we refer to as a "bull" mesquite, at the base, the trunk was two feet thick.

I had to admit defeat.



windchymes -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 6:49:25 AM)

When my younger son was a senior in H.S., he went through a defiant spell where I finally told him, since he didn't like my rules, to just pack up all his stuff and go live with someone else who had better rules. No no, you take ALL the stuff, I want the room empty. When he realized he couldn't get all that stuff into his car, and didn't really have anyplace to go anyway, he came in and said, "All right, let's talk." and handed over the car keys. That was hard, but he did settle down a lot after that.

I never really had "punishments" per se. I got slapped a lot by my mom for what she decided was sassing her, which was usually when I was trying to defend myself for something I was accused of doing, or just voicing my opinion. I really wasn't a behavior problem at all and was pretty easily intimidated. Or she'd fly into a rage about something and get really physical. She'd explode and then go on like nothing ever happened, there were no thought-out punishments that fit the crime sort of thing or taking away favorite things or privileges.

My dad, however, man could he give a three-hour lecture if you did something careless like leave the gate open so the horses got out, or could have gotten out, or were late coming home and didn't call. We used to joke about couldn't he just hit me and get it over with? lol




shiftyw -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 6:51:03 AM)

I was too sneaky to get caught.



sunshinemiss -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 6:56:31 AM)

I never got punished when I was a teenager. (Seriously - never... not even once).

best,
Miss Goody Two Shoes



HipPoindexter -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 7:25:01 AM)

I wasn't punished, and I can't imagine punishing my own children.

When there was an issue, my father and I would talk it over. We were both busy people, and it was understood that anything worth spending time on was worth taking seriously. These discussions would often get heated--frequently I'd threaten to run off to New York and he'd retort with "Not if I ship your ass off to boarding school first!"--but by the end we were able to reach a civilized arrangement. I made all the normal youthful mistakes, often more than once. But we respected each other and loved each other and we were able to talk through things instead of falling into the sad pattern of transgression/punishment/new and more sophisticated transgression/new and more desperate punishment that I watched turn some of my peers into the sorts of bitter and frightened opportunistic sinners who grow up into bitter, frightened lawgivers trying and failing to govern their own unruly children.

Honestly whenever I hear anyone start a sentence with "I'll tell you the problem with kids today..." I just cringe. Respect between parents and children is the most important determinant of how successfully one will raise a child and a dynamic of reward/punishment is detrimental to forging a real relationship of mutual respect and understanding.



MsMJAY -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 7:27:54 AM)

I never got in trouble as a teenager. I was a bookworm and a band student. I focused on getting passing grades and keeping my chair in the clarinet section. I didn't date, I didn't party, I didn't drink, I didn't do drugs. I graduated at 17 then immediately joined the army (after my parents signed.)



thishereboi -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 7:39:35 AM)

I was not as industrious as you and had my first car given to me. It was a light blue 63 rambler and I thought it was the best car around. Punishment was easy. You want to drive that car you do what I say.



mnottertail -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 7:41:15 AM)

Goddammit, I loved old ramblers, they made good demolition derby cars, of course the Rambler American with the double body construction was best, and those were followed by 1950s era GM torpedo backs.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 7:47:50 AM)

It was a completely different world.

Want some examples?

I attend Lakewood High, which had the 'L' room for a student break room. It was the only place on campus we were allowed to smoke. Yep, kids 15 and up had a smoking room at high school.

Girls who got pregnant were expelled from school.

All kids 18 and under had a city mandated curfew of 11 pm that was police enforced.

It was easy to buy cigarettes or to get a drink in a bar. ID was rarely checked. It was a *bit* harder to buy alcohol at the liquor store, unless you looked older. It was typical to have the high school boy who looked the oldest go into the liquor store for you.

Gas was 29 cents a gallon, and cars did not require insurance. Many teens bought their own car since if you were 16 you could find a service-related job fairly easily. Parents giving their kids a car was rare.

It was an age of sex and drugs and rock n roll. Free love was endemic, and no one used a condom. Most of my high school class used maryjane as well as other drugs, and most parents didn't know a thing about it.

Schools were allowed to physically discipline the students (usually the vice-principal's job). Often paddles were used. Infractions held a posted number of swats of the paddle.

I could go on, but you get the point.










needlesandpins -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 8:34:11 AM)

as a youngster my mum beat the living day lights out of me for anything she thought i'd done wrong, or for anything someone would tell her i'd done wrong. one girl decided that she would tell my mum that I had called her a bitch. in fairness I had, but she failed to tell my mum that she had been racist towards me first, and that I had retaliated. she also embellished what I said by adding that i'd said 'fucking' when I hadn't. we were in our low teens at the time, and as I walked with said girl to my house for her to tell my mum the storey I truly thought it was one time my mum would take my side. that was right until I heard the words falling out of her lying mouth. my heart just fell to the floor, and as I looked at my mum she punched me in the mouth and asked the girl if she now felt better. said girl just stood there with her mouth wide open, but she did apologise to me later, and many times afterwards.

so in my later teen I just did as she said until I was 18. then I left home. on that day she did come to have a go at me, and for the first time ever I stood up for myself. I warned her to not come near me ever again. 'or what?' was the question, so I threw a stiletto shoe at her. these days we have an ok relationship because she knows she plays by my rules, or she can sod off.

my son will soon be 20. we've always had rules, and if you don't stick to the rules you lose the stuff that means something to you. if there was a threat of a spanked backside, and he still carried on then he got his backside spanked. he was never beaten, never had food used as a punishment except for no sweets, and was always given a chance to earn back his privileges before the allotted time. he was always allowed a voice, but was told 'it's not what you say to me, it's how you say it, so watch your attitude. give me bad attitude and I won't listen to you' so mostly we talked stuff through. these days though I don't do anything. it just gets to a point where he sees how upset I am about something, and he puts it right. i'm lucky in that I generally have a very good boy.

needles



MasterCaneman -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 8:56:20 AM)

I just never got caught. Seriously, I managed to get away with tons of stuff without my parents getting wind of it. Whenever my idiot friends prepared for another round of 'stupid teenager tricks', I was the analyst as to our chances of success vs. calling them from the cop shop. My views tended to be the ones that allowed us to get away with it. It was a bit easier after my dad passed when I was sixteen and my mom went into a prolonged grief period, but I just had this knack for avoiding trouble. Still had more fun that should be allowed by law, but I always knew when to say when. My crew learned to listen when I said "This ain't a good idea, guys" or "We have to leave NOW!!!".



Phoenixpower -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 9:09:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

as a youngster my mum beat the living day lights out of me for anything she thought i'd done wrong, or for anything someone would tell her i'd done wrong.


This....she was pretty good at this....[8|]

Though interestingly it stopped when I started karate aged 14....then, when she was again about to slap my face into dizziness my arm was there and she missed my face....that somehow stopped her doing it....might be that somehow she feared that some reaction might come from my side, with now having been able to "defend" myself...

I still remember how we both were surprised that the reflexes worked that well after quite a few months only and gosh...did I miss my reflexes at my last job, where I worked with a violent autism client [:D]

Now...my dad is proud like a box of beetles that he never raised his hands at us (he got beaten the shit out from his mum) but what he fails to realise, is, that his mental abuse wasnt any better....and reflecting back, these days, it makes me wonder if mum only beat me when she knew that he is out of sight and doesnt realise it...

Either way....I will never know that one as I wont bother asking...

Beside that I was grounded countless times...

And in general I certainly wasnt a bad kid....

However I also do know that if I would ever raise kids, I would never leave them alone with my parents during the first 13 years of their lifes....cause with the pretty bad relationship I am having with my parents I would not trust them not to ever go against my lil ones then as the extention from their daughter...

Also once the police called her (somehow they figured out that I might be in trouble with a pedophile in our street) she did a damn good job in telling me off....as she had the weird imagination, that I might have stolen something in town....something I never did!!! Well....after that orchestra from her I wasnt much interested in talking to that police officer either [8|]

But after all, what do you expect from parents who dont bother believing you when you tell them aged 10 how a friend of them kicked me in my butt with her ski, to try forcing me, to slide better whilst skiing....of course...I was the one who dared to lie...yep...that really builded up a lot of trust to them...[8|][8|][8|]

Well...these days they are wondering why their kids are keeping a lot their distance [:D][:D][:D]



shiftyw -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 9:10:48 AM)

Thats how I was too.

We did some seriously just stupid shit, but I would generally weigh the consequences and possibilities to make sure we never got in trouble.



Milesnmiles -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 9:19:03 AM)

As a child Mom would thump us. She would stick out the knuckle of her middle finger and would hit us once on the top of the head. She could use it anywhere anytime and it would sting like blazes. She used it more as an instantaneous course correction than an actual punishment. There was no, wait till I get you home and there was an immediate connection between the sting and what you were doing.

I had three much old brothers and an older sister close to my age and so Mom had been through it all. As I got closer to teenage, Mom told me that there would come a time that I would think she was the stupidest person in the world and that would be okay because I would grow out of it. Well that didn’t happen, although I did look for it.

What actually happened was, for a time, if she recommended a course of action I would do the exact opposite, so I could say I had made "my own decision" on the matter. After a few personal disasters, I realized that good advice is good advice and that if I made the decision to follow that advice then it became “my own decision” no matter where that advice had come from.

I don’t know if Mom ever noticed my “failures” but if she did she had the good sense to let me make my mistakes and let me live through them without harping on them. ;-)



SlipSlidingAway -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 9:30:29 AM)

Being 'punished' never really did anything to me. When I was a kid, I actually 'broiled' a pair of shoes that my mother insisted on buying after I told her I would never wear them. And, when she tried to wash my mouth out with soap? I took a big old bite and smile as I chewed and swallowed it.

However, effective punishment then (and now lol) was the "look" and the "I'm ~disappointed~ in you" scenario. Especially from my dad, as he seldom criticized and had no arbitrary rules. When I upset him, I pretty much knew that I had crossed a reasonable line.

In short, getting mad at me sparked rebellion. Holding me to a higher standard and expecting me to the tow line worked wonders.




jlf1961 -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 9:56:29 AM)

Now I kinda feel like I was the lucky one.

Boi, when I was growing up, Mom and Dad had 250 acres. "Project" livestock were animals I raised for FFA, and I worked at a local horse farm all through high school. It wasnt me being industrious, but more of the "If I wanted something, I was gonna have to pay for it" type thing.

Although I was the oldest and only son, dad could care less about me after my little sister was born. He bought her a theater style organ when she was 10 years old, because she played organ and wanted one. I played guitar and his idea of a step up from the child's guitar was a Kmart special.

I bought a Castille guitar for $300 barely a month after he bought the one at Kmart for me after selling a calf at auction.

So it was necessity for me to earn the money for things I wanted.



DesFIP -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 10:11:42 AM)

I think the worst thing I did was I had a one o'clock curfew. I came in exactly on the stroke of two and when my father started in, I said "time to turn back the clocks, it's now one o'clock again". He conceded defeat.

I and a friend hung out at the all night diner drinking chocolate milkshakes till we could pull that off. She lived down the block.

I have always been a smart ass.

Now my son tried to get me to hit him. I have no idea why but he went out of his way pushing my buttons. I told him that he was not going to turn me into someone I dislike. He could go to therapy, he could go to prep school or he could live with his father. He picked therapy for the anger issues.



Milesnmiles -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 10:32:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
...
Although I was the oldest and only son, dad could care less about me after my little sister was born. He bought her a theater style organ when she was 10 years old, because she played organ and wanted one. I played guitar and his idea of a step up from the child's guitar was a Kmart special.
...
When I told my parents I wanted a guitar, they bought me a solid plastic guitar and all the strings where the same size, unplayable. The next year they they bought me a Sears guitar and the action, the strings were at least a half a inch off the keyboard but they were nylon and I learn to play on it. It wasn't till later I learned how bad the action was.



windchymes -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 11:54:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think the worst thing I did was I had a one o'clock curfew. I came in exactly on the stroke of two and when my father started in, I said "time to turn back the clocks, it's now one o'clock again". He conceded defeat.



OMG, that is so something my son would have pulled!LOL He could find a loophole for everything. If he had been a high-achiever academically, I would have pushed him to go to law school. But he's now a paramedic, made the Dean's List while in school for that, and is an awesome father of two.



calamitysandra -> RE: When you were a teenager.... (1/9/2014 12:46:33 PM)

I come from an rather abusive home. There were no punishments as such, instead there was sudden rage and beatings. Afterwards everything back to normal, as though nothing had happened.
There was the year she did hear some things she disliked (nothing really major, actually) at the parent teacher conference the day before my 13 birthday. The punishment was the cancellation of my birthday. No "Happy Birthday", no cake, no nothing all day.

I left at 16.




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