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Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's affect... - 7/5/2006 4:59:06 AM   
GhostDance


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/22/2006
Status: offline 		I woke this morning and I had an ephiphany. I am starting the think that for the most part this website is turning into an astronomically huge waste of time, and coming from a full time college student who's experienced wastes of time in every degree and manner, thats saying alot!

I went into this lifestyle with a few select goals in mind, and aside from actually communicating with a few people that have been very helpful and awesome to talk too, I have found that for the most part the majority of the people on this board seem to have very skewed perceptions of what they want, what they desire, and where they are going and in turn this is screwing me up.

The reason it is screwing me up is because I recently had an exchange of email with a Domme on this board who wouldn't even give me a chance to so much as communicate with her because of my reletively young age even though she was only 4 years older then I was, citing a pre-concieved notion of immaturity and drunk dialing escapades at the wee morning early hours.

It seems that for the most part, their are a ungodly huge influx of guys on the CollarMe board who view the BDSM lifestyle as just a sexual mecha where new age, sexually deprived closet swingers use whips and chains as an excuse for the end goal of getting into peoples pants faster.

In turn this is making the site astronomically hard for me to use. Like I said, Im relitively new to this lifestyle, and I really had no idea what to expect other then just really going in with some set goals and being open and upfront with everybody that I converse with. For the most part, this has worked, but for the majority of the time I have had an astronomically hard time encountering the "barrier" that most dommes have set up against a huge influx of guys, despite my best efforts to adhere to the guidelines. Photos? Check. Well Written profile? (despite some typos, as I have been told) Check. Goals and an open mind? Check. Too bad nobody told me that I am immidietly going up against a huge influx of pre-concieved notions and stereotypes that is already established for my age group.

Needless to say, I am starting to have an inkling of an idea that I have a bit better things to do with my time rather then pusue rainbows and water-falls, and this experience is starting for the most part to remind me of why you don't date ex-girlfirends... because you get reminded of why you left the first time.

Either that, or I can just try again when I'm 45 years old and I have my own pair of saggy balls, because apparently thats the benchmark for maturity that most people seem to care to use, and not the actual product of the person itself. Youth, it seems, serves nothing in this lifestyle other then to pin you in with the rest of the liquor sqigging, cell phone wielding drunk dialers.

Regards,

Me
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 5:03:44 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		So you are complaining that your needs aren't getting met fast enough because there are people here who are impatient about getting their needs met?

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 5:05:06 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		GhostDance, welcome to the club.........

The good news is with careful weeding it is still a good site, i met my owners here.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 5:20:23 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		GhostDance, if you aren't finding what you want here, have you tried clubs and munches? You live in Houston, and there is a huge community there.

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 5:21:53 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		GhostDance,

You've been a member for a month and half.  No one promised you instant gratification here when you signed up and no one said that it wouldn't be work to find someone.  Guess what, you *may* not find your dream domme here.  Seeing as you're in Houston, I happen to know there are several groups there where you can get yourself involved.  I suggest you try attending a few munches.

If the domme you were emailing thought you were too young for her, then take her at her word and move on.  What's the point of arguing?  Even if she didn't feel that way, she wouldn't be too receptive to someone looking to submit that wanted to argue with her, would she?

Yes, there are lots of folks with ideas that don't match your own.  You just don't spend time on those folks.

Learn to delete or block and delete and get on with your day. 

Good luck.


_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 5:24:19 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

It seems that for the most part, their are a ungodly huge influx of guys on the CollarMe board who view the BDSM lifestyle as just a sexual mecha where new age, sexually deprived closet swingers use whips and chains as an excuse for the end goal of getting into peoples pants faster.


Looks like you nailed this one on the head Ghost. But such is life. On the other hand... you need to look at it from the other side... When dominants my age try to solicite the company of someone your age we are often accused of looking for a "trophy", eye candy or we are trying to deny the fact that we are getting older. Yes, a lot of the time younger people are said to lack the "maturity" in the lifestyle... I've met a lot... ok, not met, they seem to be to chickenshit to show up for a meet... but I've talked to a LOT of people closer to my own age that don't have a clue what this is all about... even after explaining in detail what it means to me and mine... yeah, it's an attempt to get laid.. plain and simple... or worse... it's all about the kink.

quote:

Too bad nobody told me that I am immidietly going up against a huge influx of pre-concieved notions and stereotypes that is already established for my age group. 


It isn't just guys in your age group. Someplace in the Bible it says something about the children suffering the sins of the fathers? Well, unfortunately here you'll also suffer the sins of the brothers... and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins...
 
It just takes time Ghost, time and patience. I've been searching for way to long now and have finally decided that I'll just know when the right one finds me. If that never happens... so be it. I love my life and am happy with where I am, that's what matters, isn't it? Don't let it get you down, after reading your profile and your posts I have to say that the Domina's that blew you off are probably missing a wonderful thing.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 5:24:40 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
People who come here are from everyday life and they have everyday hangups and everyday problems.
BDSM isn't more perfect.
 
Your profile is only a couple of months old, so unless you had a previous account, your fairly new to CM and it takes time to meet anyone.  It just helps to have patience.  Maybe participate, like you are here, on the message board.  Better still, find your local group or munch - one on one contact is wonderful.
 
Show maturity and patience, and prove those who think age is that much of an issue, wrong.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 5:46:02 AM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhostDance

Either that, or I can just try again when I'm 45 years old and I have my own pair of saggy balls, because apparently thats the benchmark for maturity that most people seem to care to use...



Was this post meant to illicit sympathy?  I was thinking it only serves to reinforce some of the attitude you're encountering.  Dude, you've been on here for how long?  Stop whining or go to a pro.  (Sorry, I'm in a mood this morning)

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 7/5/2006 5:48:12 AM >

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 5:54:38 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		GhostDance.......this is only your second post, and you have only been here since May.  I understand wanting to have something and wanting that something now!   It rarely happens.
From what i understand, there are quite a few groups down in Texas that you could become involved in and get to meet even more people.  I would not solely rely on the web for anything.  It does take quite awhile to get to know that someone, it takes quite awhile before people meet also.  As far as your age goes, ehhh, i think once a person gets to know another, age does not always factor into it.  It took me years to find Thorns, and when we met, He was in His late 20's and i was in my early 40's.....age is only an attitude.
I highly suggest seeking out those r/l groups down in Texas...it get's you out there, so to speak and allows for the potential of more experience.

Good Luck...

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 6:23:23 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Well, now you've just gone and proven your age...being all whiney and stuff  (Sorry couldnt help it)

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 6:35:59 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If you have the purpose and wherewithall to follow your nick name, you should attain the balance, patience and knowledge to be able to deal with all this.... 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 7:06:21 AM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Just have patience!  Take your time and whatever will happen will happen. Yep i do believe in fate.   It doesn't happen that quickly in the vanilla world (as i distantly recall) so why should it here?  Have chatted with some i liked, discovered they were less than real, found some real i like but were not for me, been stood up (that is my personal favorite) and am still looking but i have also made a few friends that are priceless.  As a friend would tell me "just suck it up, that's the way it is". 

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 7:06:37 AM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		G'morning all:


To the OP, I'll address your post point by point.

  1. Your relative newness here to CM. Your profile was created 5/22/06. Did you think your search would be successful that soon? I'd say your expectations are unreasonable. Some people (myself included), spent years looking for their partner(s).
  2. Don't imprint your perceptions upon others. What works for some, may not work for you. This lifestyle is highly interpretational. It's what you make of it.
  3. Your profile displays that you view this as a "hobby". Boy, have you got a lot to learn. Only time will show you that. Many ladies will see that and instantly dismiss you out of hand, no matter how nice the rest of your profile is.
  4. You want to impress the dommes a bit? Use the spell checker. Nothing says slacker faster than a sloppy profile or forum posts. Laziness turns off people faster than anything.
  5. The male submissive wall of insurmountability. Many dommes get swamped by the h.n.g.'s. In real life as well as here. You're fighting an uphill battle. It's up to you to stand out from the crowd instead of just bitching about how hard it is.

Ok, take from this what you will. These are merely suggestions. My opinions, which are worth exactly as much as anyone else's. Relax, calm down, pace yourself, and take it slow. Get to know the boards and the people that post here. Learn, educate yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day you know! Welcome to the forums and CM.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 7:08:22 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhostDance

Either that, or I can just try again when I'm 45 years old and I have my own pair of saggy balls,
quote:



Given the maturity you've shown in this post, that might not be long enough.

Do you really think this diatribe is going to make some woman want to talk with you let alone play with you?

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 7:18:23 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So you are complaining that your needs aren't getting met fast enough because there are people here who are impatient about getting their needs met?
yes Crappy, it seems *it*is.

My advice to you as a Female Dominant.
learn patience, you have none.
learn tolerance, you have none.
lean to judge each individual on their own merit and not the group as a whole off of one.
learn that this is not all about you and your wants.
learn that it sometimes takes a lifetime to find the right fit.
learn that the Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes have a right here to.
learn to be more secure in yourself.
I Own a slave 20 years My junior as well as 30 years My Senior, neither neophytes. (Alltho My elder slave would like to think himself such with a smile........his sex crazed dick slinging times are long over.  LOL.)

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 7:37:15 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		It's really a shame when the cue at MacDommes is so long that you can't get a burger. Those people should all go to the grocery store for vanilla instead!

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 7:37:41 AM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhostDance

I woke this morning and I had an ephiphany. I am starting the think that for the most part this website is turning into an astronomically huge waste of time, and coming from a full time college student who's experienced wastes of time in every degree and manner, thats saying alot!



Hey, ghost... and all...

It's hardly an epiphany
that if your current habits and consciousness
have a lot of time-wasting about them...
.... that a new experience, like collarme
is much like your previous ones.

It's our own mind-set that puts the "meaning" on experiences,
because reality is.... I suspect.....  pretty much neutral.
It's us humans who put the labels on the experience...
good/bad/perverted/moral/weird/kinky/dirty/disgusting/necessary....

It's not for me to suggest
that if somebody wants less time-wasting in their life
it's their own responsibility to simply stop wasting time,
instead of whining about it. 

My personal experience is the exact opposite.
I've written about 15-20 emails to likely "prospects"
and been politely told to contiue, or cease in my contacts.
Only 1 email has been un-answered.

And.... I've also got a nice buncha emails
from people who are responsive to the heart-felt shit I write here...
... and who are opening up lines for connection

Now it's true that all the best cum-ons to me so far have
been trannies trolling me .... but those dears
deserve love .... and can appreciate a good whuppin' too..... don't they?

Besides, I like the sweet shy letters I get best of all,

But I tell ya....
my experience is...
if we learn something,
AND meet a few yangs to our yin...
how could that be a waste of time?

DD

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 7:39:08 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		get offline and find real life bdsm. There'll still be obsticals and stuff but its far superior to trying to find people online behind a screen.

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 7:44:57 AM   
scraginagco


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		We've only been here a few months, and know what you mean...it's hard to have patience, and there is a tendency to want to throw the baby out with the bathwater...but you know, we are meeting some ABSOLUTELY AMAZING people...incredible people...some are much more than they seem, and some much less...but this is the most fun I've had in...in...well, in a long long time. (I'm 53, my slave is 42). (Thanks to all for just being YOU).
I have found the same feeling here as looking for a job...you get a LOT of rejections, and a lot you reject too, and sometimes it gets really discouraging and you feel overwhelmingly like quitting, but it's just a matter of probability...if you keep rolling the dice, it's impossible NOT to roll a "One" eventually...keep rolling, keep rolling...it's ok 

< Message edited by scraginagco -- 7/5/2006 7:51:00 AM >

(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sex crazed, dick swinging neophytes and how it's af... - 7/5/2006 7:45:03 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I am a sex crazed, dick swinging ancient.....it seems to work out ok.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to GhostDance)
Profile   Post #: 20
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