attention (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master



Message

highhopes4us -> attention (1/11/2014 5:49:10 PM)

I have a question to ask the Masters out there.. I am a collared slave to my Master for 4 plus years and I am wondering when is a slave too needy OR when is a slave craving too much attention.......Thank you



youthinkso121 -> RE: attention (1/11/2014 5:53:12 PM)

Translation Master is now looking for another and you don't like it!!!

I wouldn't either, time to rethink and save money to leave.



highhopes4us -> RE: attention (1/11/2014 5:55:02 PM)

what r u talking about



DesFIP -> RE: attention (1/11/2014 6:05:36 PM)

If after four years you haven't figured out a compromise for contact needs, I really can't suggest anything.

The Man and I spend most of our time together. When apart, we text, call and email frequently. For him, there's no such thing as too needy.

Now when I first met him, there was another sub who spoke to her dominant once a week to set up whether or not they would meet that weekend. No random emails, no calling to tell him something funny. To her dominant, I would be too needy.

To The Man, she would have been a cold fish.

Except that there's no need to resort to pejorative terms. What is necessary is to know how much contact you need and make sure your partner is compatible with that.

My question is why is he suddenly telling you that you're needy when he hasn't done that for the first four years of your relationship? And the response you got that you do not understand attempts to answer that question. He's suddenly not interested in you because he's become interested in someone else. Unfortunately, this is the most likely scenario.



highhopes4us -> RE: attention (1/11/2014 6:10:17 PM)

My Master hasn't said that I was to needy to me.. I was feeling like I was is all....



angelikaJ -> RE: attention (1/11/2014 6:34:03 PM)

Are you feeling needier than usual?

If so, why?
What in your life has changed to make you feel less secure?

Can you communicate that with him:
Master, I am feeling needier (or less secure) lately because of x, y and z?



highhopes4us -> RE: attention (1/11/2014 6:44:36 PM)

Thank you for the reply. I have had a major life change just 1 year ago......I guess I didn't realize that it was making me feel insecure.. I have spoken to my Master about my feeling needy and insecure lately and he understood and told me I am his slave and I should never forget that..............



angelikaJ -> RE: attention (1/11/2014 6:47:07 PM)

Maybe talking with a counselor about the major life change, if it is something you are still struggling with 1 year later... ?



highhopes4us -> RE: attention (1/11/2014 6:51:54 PM)

Thanks but time heals all wounds.......Ty for ur advice......It truly was helpful...



LeatherBentOne51 -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 9:25:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us

Thanks but time heals all wounds.......Ty for ur advice......It truly was helpful...







Time doesn't always heal all wounds. Why not get to the root of your feelings by exposing the culprit and dealing with your real life issues? Are you afraid? Fear alone can paralyze you for the rest of your life. Wake up! Take responsibility for your life instead of waiting for something or someone to do it for you. As a result, there will be other issues that come up in your life that will need to be addressed, as this one has. What would this world be if everyone counted on time to correct all ills? Don't stagnate, life is too valuable and short to not care. You are worth it.

Best Wishes



LadyPact -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 11:30:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us
I have a question to ask the Masters out there.. I am a collared slave to my Master for 4 plus years and I am wondering when is a slave too needy OR when is a slave craving too much attention.......Thank you

There's really no good way to answer this because it isn't quantifiable. The best I can tell you is when it starts annoying Me. Crap answer, but it really boils down to the other person wanting more than I'm willing to give. For example, I'm not the type of person who is going to match well with someone who doesn't have their own interests and past times. Somebody who just sits around waiting for Me to pay attention to them. To Me, that's smothering and it's going to actually make Me want to get away from them more.

Of course, not everybody is like Me. Some people want more interaction than I do and some will want less. The important part is to match with the person you are in the dynamic with.






lizi -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 11:57:56 AM)

It's really up to what the 2 people involved think and where their comfort zones are for that. From trial and error I have found over the years that daily contact makes me happy and peaceful and also periods of time a few times a week where i am alone.

I can get along with less than daily contact, but then it starts to make me worry and/or occupy mental space as I wonder what is going on in my partner's life. When I get to 3 days with no contact I am definitely worried, I don't feel as though my day is going smoothly, and I don't feel level…I feel stressed. I'm going to start thinking of calling mutual friends/family to make sure everything is ok. On the flip side of that, I need frequent time alone too. I'm happiest when I have time to myself on a continuing basis.

Whether or not a man would find my comfort level of contacting me daily up to within 3 days as being something that was doable for him is really up to him and what his tolerance level is. I wouldn't fit well with someone who wanted to spend all of our free time together either.

I also think that depending on what is happening in one''s life, contact needs might change and should be expected to...



KnightofMists -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 12:01:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us

Thanks but time heals all wounds.......Ty for ur advice......It truly was helpful...


No it doesn't. If you pick at it and don't take care of it properly it will fester and get worse. Many wounds leave scars some will fade and some will not.

Time is not what heals wounds. It is the effort and work one does to over come that which has hurt us. That however takes time.



Focus50 -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 12:43:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us

I have a question to ask the Masters out there.. I am a collared slave to my Master for 4 plus years and I am wondering when is a slave too needy OR when is a slave craving too much attention.......Thank you


Leaving the "slave" out of this, my experience of the submissive mindset is that they are absolutely attention junkies - posted that many times. If you're craving attention, I'd call that normal. And desirable; gives my sadistic side scope and opportunity to mess with her head. ;)

Too much attention? I think any M/s relationship has a healthy level of co-dependency to it. Afterall, one adult is making choices and decisions for two. Again, I find that necessary and desirable for M/s to work.

But where to draw the "excessive" line? I think that's an individual thing....

I don't like "clingy" in the everyday. If we're sharing a moment, that's fine but otherwise, if the girl's not under instruction or protocol then I expect her to function as any normal vanilla adult would and make sensible/mature choices for herself etc. I don't micro-manage so if she can't do that, we're not gonna last.

Focus.



sexyred1 -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 1:54:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne51


quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us

Thanks but time heals all wounds.......Ty for ur advice......It truly was helpful...







Time doesn't always heal all wounds. Why not get to the root of your feelings by exposing the culprit and dealing with your real life issues? Are you afraid? Fear alone can paralyze you for the rest of your life. Wake up! Take responsibility for your life instead of waiting for something or someone to do it for you. As a result, there will be other issues that come up in your life that will need to be addressed, as this one has. What would this world be if everyone counted on time to correct all ills? Don't stagnate, life is too valuable and short to not care. You are worth it.

Best Wishes


Good advice and very, very true. I actually hate that platitude.



highhopes4us -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 2:10:00 PM)

Thanks for all the advice....Focus 50 ty for the advice from a Masters prospective that made me feel better...



sexyred1 -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 2:15:52 PM)

You got good advice from lots of people, anyone can post on any thread.

Wisdom comes from life experience, not your D/s designation.



Focus50 -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 5:57:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You got good advice from lots of people, anyone can post on any thread.

Wisdom comes from life experience, not your D/s designation.


You're implying that males view life situations from the same perspective and priorities as females? [:-] Errrm, even though it's been documented that we're apparently from 2 very different planets, altogether?

And then there's the D &/or s perspective, too, nothing unique about their respective hard-wiring, either?

You're a fem/sub, you don't even appreciate that the fem/sub OP might just wanna hear more from the perspective she relates best to but isn't wired into? Surely there's at least a clue in the forum the OP's chosen to ask in.... <shrugs>

Focus.



littlewonder -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 7:37:22 PM)

quote:

my experience of the submissive mindset is that they are absolutely attention junkies


I really must not be of a submissive mindset then. I definitely am not an attention junkie. I absolutely hate when the spotlight is on me.



sexyred1 -> RE: attention (1/12/2014 8:51:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You got good advice from lots of people, anyone can post on any thread.

Wisdom comes from life experience, not your D/s designation.


You're implying that males view life situations from the same perspective and priorities as females? [:-] Errrm, even though it's been documented that we're apparently from 2 very different planets, altogether?

And then there's the D &/or s perspective, too, nothing unique about their respective hard-wiring, either?

You're a fem/sub, you don't even appreciate that the fem/sub OP might just wanna hear more from the perspective she relates best to but isn't wired into? Surely there's at least a clue in the forum the OP's chosen to ask in.... <shrugs>

Focus.


1. I was not replying to you.
2. I can fucking post wherever the hell I want according to forum rules.
3. I neither stated or implied anything about men or women, thus your interpretation comes from your own issues.
4. Not all advice on a kink site has to fit into a narrow view. The smartest people utilize basic human experience to give advice, which can then apply whether the OP is sub, Dom, blue or green.

Keep shrugging, that is easier than expanding your perspective I imagine.



Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
4.785156E-02