Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

no confidence


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> no confidence Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
no confidence - 1/12/2014 9:07:49 PM   
megthirty


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/1/2014
Status: offline 		is that fine for a sub
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: no confidence - 1/12/2014 10:20:35 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Dunno about "fine" but it's understandable if you're talking about a lack of experience as a newbie in this lifestyle.

And something to savor as a dom giving instruction to a first timer, btw....

But kudos for a new member having the courage to ask on a public forum - 99% wouldn't.

Focus.



_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to megthirty)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: no confidence - 1/12/2014 10:26:58 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It's good for everyone....dom, sub, vanilla, twisted, white, black, green.....


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: no confidence - 1/12/2014 10:36:42 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I prefer subs with confidence, but that's just me. There are others who prefer subs that have none.

That said, welcome to the site, and I suggest you make your profile visible.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: No Confidence in a Sub - 1/12/2014 11:02:01 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		A male sub who lacks confidence in himself overall is not an attractive trait. I don't look for female subs, but if I did, I would still look for a certain self-assurance because neediness and clinginess often accompany this condition. If he weren't confident about his abilities in a few areas, that might be workable as long as it didn't involve fundamental trust issues.

A touch of shyness and modesty, on the other hand, can be quite attractive. Even a turn-on, so it really depends how one interprets these signs.

Your emphasis is on NO confidence, which implies immaturity and low self-esteem issues. To this, I would have to say not only is that NOT "fine," it's a big red flag. I'm not into Mommy Domming.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to megthirty)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: No Confidence in a Sub - 1/12/2014 11:22:34 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

As the others have pointed out, the context in which you view your lack of confidence matters.

As an example, both my guy and I are confident by nature. However we were not initially confident in our submission to each other when we first began. For perspective, we both logged significant years as dominants. But this was the first foray into the submissive side of things.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: No Confidence in a Sub - 1/12/2014 11:44:59 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

I think a sub who has no confidence is in danger of ending up with an abusive dom who will exploit that weakness. Most good doms are drawn to subs with confidence I think. So, I'd just say, choose wisely, be careful, and the most common advice in this forum is, choosing a dom should be no difference to choosing a man in a vanilla relationship.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 1/12/2014 11:45:33 PM >

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: no confidence - 1/12/2014 11:49:21 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		It depends what you mean by "confidence".

If you're referring to self-confidence then, I'm with DS - some Doms will actively seek out subs who lack self confidence. Some of these Doms do it because they want to help their sub grow and find confidence, a small number do it because it makes it easier for them to control the sub in question.

For my part, I have a very strong preference for subs who was confident, independent and generally sorted.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to megthirty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: no confidence - 1/13/2014 12:28:53 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: megthirty

is that fine for a sub


Perhaps you should ask if no confidence is fine for anyone.

The answer is no.

Everyone should have a healthy degree of confidence, it helps with all life issues.


(in reply to megthirty)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: no confidence - 1/13/2014 3:26:03 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Confidence comes from experience, from growth, from success, from learning from failure. Some people have been beaten down (metaphorically or physically) and have to build back up to neutral before they can even begin to scale that mountain. People with no confidence generally have an awful lot of baggage to manage or get over. They often haven't figured out who they are. They are at an amazing apex of possibility.

I follow a blog by a gal who writes about doing a martial art. She started doing it and truly sucked. She was overweight, slow, uncoordinated. She decided that *somebody* in her class had to be the bottom rung of talent, and she was choosing to be fine being that person. Regularly showing up and practicing meant that she started to succeed in small things. She could finally do a simple forward roll. She could have someone choking her without panicking, she could get through an entire practice without resting. With each small success, her confidence grew. Is she great? No. But she is happy. She has learned the success of sticking with something as well as actual benchmarks. She is a person with great confidence. By accepting her suckyness, she gave herself permission to learn and room to grow into a higher level belt.

Personally, I don't want people in my life with no confidence. I want people who believe in themselves and who can match my own confidence and can lend me some of theirs when I have my moments of doubt... and who can borrow some of mine when they have moments of weakness - because they are strong enough to allow themselves to be human.

The only people who want a partner with no confidence is either an abuser or a bully or a person with a savior complex. Thanks, but I like people healthier than that in my world.

I could be wrong, but I don't think so.

best,
sunshine

edited - grrrrrammar

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 1/13/2014 4:07:32 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: no confidence - 1/13/2014 1:13:54 PM   
VideoAdminChi


Posts: 3086
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		megthirty - I imagine you got an email from Support telling you what you need to fix in your profile. Make the fix and write Support back. Once your profile is visible, I suggest you start a thread asking for profile advice.

(in reply to megthirty)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: no confidence - 1/13/2014 1:16:14 PM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I'd tend more to develop some confidence in a sub so that I would be proud to all her mine.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: no confidence - 1/13/2014 3:41:38 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

I'd tend more to develop some confidence in a sub so that I would be proud to all her mine.


So... you wouldn't be proud of having a sub who already has confidence? Well, me and all my friends are certainly not right for you. Have fun.
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: no confidence - 1/13/2014 4:52:26 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: megthirty

is that fine for a sub


No confidence due to inexperience or do you not posses the ability to feel confident about anything?

Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to megthirty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: no confidence - 1/13/2014 6:48:57 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		If you lack confidence it is because you suppose you aren't good enough. That is either real or imaginary. If it is real, then something can be done about it. And something should be. That is not a value judgement. It is merely a fact.

Far tougher to deal with than real shortcomings are faults we create in our minds. Because we have first to get out of our own way. That starts with noticing we are in it.

The question was, "Is a lack of confidence fine for a sub?"

The answer isn't even "No." The answer is, "You are in your own way. Get out of it."

< Message edited by FrostedFlake -- 1/13/2014 6:51:59 PM >

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: no confidence - 1/14/2014 3:12:59 PM   
Blueswordsman


Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: megthirty

is that fine for a sub


In my opinion, your partner should fulfill you and make you feel wonderful about yourself. Unless no confidence is your thing, he/she should be encouraging and praising you as well as correcting you.
Blue

(in reply to megthirty)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: no confidence - 1/15/2014 8:53:48 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah, but even with you sassy chicks, there's a buzz to be had from that glint in your eye as you say "Thank you daddy" when we praise you.



_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: no confidence - 1/15/2014 9:44:02 AM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		I had a lack of confidence because of my childhood with a sadistic alcoholic father. Needless to say it has affected everything in my life. But I tell myself I have to consider the source, my father was just an asshole and loser.

I feel to boost your self confidence is to interact with as many people as possible and do things that you want to do but fear, like skydiving, bungee jumping, etc. Do some volunteer work, go to most all invitations to events that you recieve, change up your wardrobe, maybe a job change. Do things that you feel you are not good enough to do. Do more things that take you out of your comfort zone.

As far as is it is fine for a sub? I believe not. A lack of confidence is not good for any areas of your life, including your relationships.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 18
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> no confidence Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109