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How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing things fo... - 1/13/2014 3:06:50 PM   
ThoughtBubble


Posts: 3
Status: offline 		Right now, I'm in the most fulfilling relationship of my life - it's the first time I'm actually able to explore my submissiveness with someone who values it vs telling me to be more assertive, aggressive, etc. The thing is, I'm finding that I'm quite a bit more submissive than I'd originally thought. I can take a great deal of pleasure in having dinner ready, or doing his laundry, or cleaning around the house... I think he enjoys it too - like it's a continued manifestation of our d/s - but he often asks if I'm truly enjoying it. Part of me is embarrassed by how much I do - I mean, hello cliched gender roles! - but I feel a sense of contentment doing things to make him happy/make his day run smoother/etc. ie, it's never a hardship. But, I guess I'm just having trouble conveying this to him...

Has anyone been in a situation like this? Or any advice on how I can convince him that none of what I do for him is a chore? Instead, it really makes me happy?

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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/13/2014 4:21:48 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		A Dom may never understand why you enjoy this, nor does he need to, just that it does. There are lots of things about Doms I don't understand, but I'm glad we have them!

Yay for his yang to my yin!

(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/13/2014 4:33:19 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThoughtBubble

Right now, I'm in the most fulfilling relationship of my life - it's the first time I'm actually able to explore my submissiveness with someone who values it vs telling me to be more assertive, aggressive, etc. The thing is, I'm finding that I'm quite a bit more submissive than I'd originally thought. I can take a great deal of pleasure in having dinner ready, or doing his laundry, or cleaning around the house... I think he enjoys it too - like it's a continued manifestation of our d/s - but he often asks if I'm truly enjoying it. Part of me is embarrassed by how much I do - I mean, hello cliched gender roles! - but I feel a sense of contentment doing things to make him happy/make his day run smoother/etc. ie, it's never a hardship. But, I guess I'm just having trouble conveying this to him...

Has anyone been in a situation like this? Or any advice on how I can convince him that none of what I do for him is a chore? Instead, it really makes me happy?




Have him read the stuff in this quote box.

Exiled

_____________________________

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

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(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/13/2014 5:46:59 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		You can't. He either accepts it or he doesn't. Maybe ask him why he thinks you might not be enjoying it. Are you giving off vibes possibly? Don't look happy?


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Everything has changed

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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/13/2014 7:19:54 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Maybe over time, he'll begin to accept it.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/13/2014 8:00:43 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Just as this is the first relationship you've had where your partner values your submission, this is probably the first relationship he's had where someone truly is devoted to pleasing him. It's natural that you're both a little insecure and learning about yourself and each other.

Just keep reassuring him. But don't do it in general terms. Be specific. If it's having him come in and say "wow, how awesome the place looks. Thank you" that sends you, then tell him so he knows that what is feeding you is him responding either verbally and/or physically. I imagine you wouldn't enjoy it as much if he didn't even notice.

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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/14/2014 10:54:39 AM   
Themaster1191


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/14/2014
Status: offline 		Just look him in the eyes and tell him the truth, with love and respect.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/14/2014 12:19:31 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Smile more while you're doing it?

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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/14/2014 12:38:28 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Smile more while you're doing it?

That was my answer. Let him see your joy.

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I give good thread.

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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/14/2014 4:22:02 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		~fr~

Maybe one way is to not wait for him to tell you to do something, but to ask. "Master, can I please do the laundry? Master, can I please do the dishes?"

And if he asks about this odd desire say, "I'll do whatever you want me to, but this would make me happy."

That's just off the cuff.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/20/2014 10:39:53 AM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		You can also try ASKING him permission to do things for him. Can I please do you your laundry? May I make you dinner?


(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/20/2014 11:50:18 AM   
RC21


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/5/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThoughtBubble

Right now, I'm in the most fulfilling relationship of my life - it's the first time I'm actually able to explore my submissiveness with someone who values it vs telling me to be more assertive, aggressive, etc. The thing is, I'm finding that I'm quite a bit more submissive than I'd originally thought. I can take a great deal of pleasure in having dinner ready, or doing his laundry, or cleaning around the house... I think he enjoys it too - like it's a continued manifestation of our d/s - but he often asks if I'm truly enjoying it. Part of me is embarrassed by how much I do - I mean, hello cliched gender roles! - but I feel a sense of contentment doing things to make him happy/make his day run smoother/etc. ie, it's never a hardship. But, I guess I'm just having trouble conveying this to him...

Has anyone been in a situation like this? Or any advice on how I can convince him that none of what I do for him is a chore? Instead, it really makes me happy?





I have been on the other side of this. The receiving end. Unfortunately I didn't understand it either. And it was not explained to me, while I really wanted, no needed to understand what she got out of it.
I would say try to explain to him how it makes you feel, what you feel and think when yo do these things (a great sense of pleasure, I don't really consider a feeling).

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/20/2014 3:29:44 PM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Has your dominant ever had to deal with someone that plays the passive aggressive card?

Have you ever run across someone that will over-do for another person? A person who does things neither wanted nor needed over and over and over?

Then, throw out "Why won't you do "X" when I have done "Y", "Z", and "Q" for you?"

Some submissive personalities will use this technique to manipulate a dominant they get into their life. And, if they don't get what they want, the techniques for manufacturing a crisis are infinite.

It may not be you but a past experience that has your dominant reluctant to accept a lot of personal service.

(in reply to RC21)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/20/2014 3:57:10 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Sounds like he's just checking to make sure your still happy... Nothing wrong with that, in moderation.
If it becomes excessive it may start to be a turn off...

So I'm thinking you want a way of reassuring him that all is well with your situation. Hmmm...
If you are genuinely happy doing something, like getting dinner ready etc... Next time he prods you to see how your holding up, give those examples.

I guess try to put his mind at ease... He could be thinking it's too good to be true, in which case congratulations to both of you!
However, I think it's possible for feelings like that to fester and become full blown insecurities, if they aren't addressed.

Someone up there said something along the lines of "try smiling more"... I don't really like that advice as I hear it quite a lot myself.. I can't smile for no reason and that's just the way it is... And honestly that's the way it should be!
My face isn't a mask, and nor should yours be!

Personally, if it was me... I'd want your face to perfectly reflect your feelings, that to me is a very attractive quality.

Someone also said, it might be worth asking him what gives him the idea your not happy.
That may be another good idea...

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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/20/2014 5:43:24 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThoughtBubble

Right now, I'm in the most fulfilling relationship of my life - it's the first time I'm actually able to explore my submissiveness with someone who values it vs telling me to be more assertive, aggressive, etc. The thing is, I'm finding that I'm quite a bit more submissive than I'd originally thought. I can take a great deal of pleasure in having dinner ready, or doing his laundry, or cleaning around the house... I think he enjoys it too - like it's a continued manifestation of our d/s - but he often asks if I'm truly enjoying it. Part of me is embarrassed by how much I do - I mean, hello cliched gender roles! - but I feel a sense of contentment doing things to make him happy/make his day run smoother/etc. ie, it's never a hardship. But, I guess I'm just having trouble conveying this to him...

Has anyone been in a situation like this? Or any advice on how I can convince him that none of what I do for him is a chore? Instead, it really makes me happy?



Is he fairly new?
This sounds like one of those issues. Give it time. Let things roll...though you may want to mention from time to time how much doing the little things satisfies you, see how he adjusts.
It's my bet he sees it and worries less about things...

_____________________________

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HST

(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
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RE: How to convince my partner that I enjoy doing thing... - 1/23/2014 10:25:27 PM   
DebTheBrunette


Posts: 12
Joined: 6/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83


Someone up there said something along the lines of "try smiling more"... I don't really like that advice as I hear it quite a lot myself.. I can't smile for no reason and that's just the way it is... And honestly that's the way it should be!
My face isn't a mask, and nor should yours be!



Yeah bit Stepford like ...innit




x

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The greatest gift a father can give a child...is to love its mother
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Looking for someone with forever in their eyes !

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 16
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