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RE: When should I start being strict? - 1/15/2014 7:25:38 PM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		I believe communication is an important part to any relationship. You and your sub would need to discuss what both of you want out of the relationship. I don't think anyone...would like to be with someone who suddenly changes up the relationship and starts punching them in the face. Probably not what you want to do but sounds like it. Just be honest and real. The sub will let you know if they want or like something or not. And if they don't they need to be taught how to do speak up.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When should I start being strict? - 1/16/2014 12:46:22 PM   
Themaster1191


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/14/2014
Status: offline 		I read all the responses. And I want to thank everyone for their valuable advice :)

(in reply to SweetAnise)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When should I start being strict? - 1/21/2014 5:58:17 AM   
samdarella


Posts: 222
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		I think your expectations should be discussed at the beginning of the relationship. Some are going to be gotta haves and some should be i would likes. When you start being strict depends on how fast the relationship develops. There should also be shades of strict in my opinion. In the beginning you can't expect perfection. But as time goes on she should do better. And any punishment should fit the transgression.

On my side of the kneel i have one strict rule.."mean what you say and say what you mean". Don't give me permission to do something and then get mad when i do because you really didn't want me to do it but wanted me not to do it because i didn't want to not because you didn't want me to. That sounds confusing so i will give an example. I was dating a "dom" and he knew i was bi and hadn't been with a woman in a long time. My roommate had a girl and asked me if i wanted a taste. Well yes i did. But i called and asked permission. He said yes. So within a minute i was face deep in her. Then the text messages started. I am not going to get up from between some creamy thighs to answer a text. Then my cell rang. And rang. When i finally answered the phone he was mad because he thought i should have said no until he could be there. I could understand him wanting that but he should have told me no to begin with. That was just the first example of his doing something like that even though i had explained how i don't play those kind of games. No guess what the dom is thinking. No stump the chump. Anyway, as recompense i cooked dinner for my guy, my roommate and his girl. I asked him if i could have dessert. I blew him then had sex with her while him and my roomie watched. Actually they sat there talking about everything but what was happening on the bed. I finally paused in my play and told them to either "join in, shut up and watch or get the fuck out". Obviously that relationship didn't last long. He wound up breaking up with me by text a couple weeks later.

I just got a chuckle out of imagining me saying something like that to Master. Not that i would ever need to. But i can tell you i wouldn't be chuckling if i did.

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RE: When should I start being strict? - 1/21/2014 7:01:47 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Themaster1191

I'm very strict by nature, but obviously can't stop off being a cunt and prick straight away. How long into the relationship does a slave starts feeling comfortable after which I can start being strict?

I'm always firm but reserve strictness for when the situation demands it.

Self-restraint is an asset in a dominant.
So is self discipline

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(in reply to Themaster1191)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When should I start being strict? - 1/26/2014 10:42:45 AM   
Bruzzer


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/21/2014
Status: offline 		Yep, A lot of good advise but no one has answered your question. To become a prick is never acceptable. Dominance and Discipline, which are two separate animals, each capable of standing without support of the other, have nothing to do with rudeness or vulgarity. Rudeness indicates an innate selfishness, with long term ramifications, and is a big red flag for the duration of a relationship,
Being vulgar is simply a demonstration of ones inability to rationally express themselves. Try addressing them as Doll or Sweetness, ALL women wish to be admired and this simple act triggers a subconscious attraction, where as insulting someone you don't know will have the opposite result, Including those with Humiliation listed in their likes and dislikes. Save the Dumb slut comments till shes naked and crying, It has a more profound effect then

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When should I start being strict? - 1/26/2014 10:46:26 AM   
Ollieboomboom


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/2/2013
Status: offline

THIS!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Welcome to the discussion side. I most strongly suggest you learn a *lot* more about what you're doing before you embark on a real time relationship.

This is a great place to learn. The top of the general BDSM forum has a sticky with a book list, you could start there, there's also tons of threads to read.




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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/5/2014 4:48:39 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella
. . . I just got a chuckle out of imagining me saying something like that to Master. Not that i would ever need to. But i can tell you i wouldn't be chuckling if i did.

Very cute.

To the OP. Being strict and being a prick are two different things in my book. And they don't mix well. The more strict I am, the nicer I try to be about it. I am strict from the get go. I teach her as we go along and I don't let things slide just because she is new . . . that is bad training. It would be as if someone does something 10 times, it becomes a habit. Then you go and tell them you want them to act differently. If you were lenient and trained them wrong because you didn't express your wishes, that's your bad. So ya', I am pretty strict right from the get go.






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RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/5/2014 10:23:12 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Themaster1191

I'm very strict by nature, but obviously can't stop off being a cunt and prick straight away. How long into the relationship does a slave starts feeling comfortable after which I can start being strict?



Be you from the start! If that means being a prick then so be it. But at least it's authentic.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Themaster1191)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/17/2014 4:45:54 PM   
KaoruK


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/16/2014
Status: offline 		While nobody really likes a prick, I think everybody is being harsh on OP. All people have flaws and nobody can be a perfect Dom/me. So yeah, maybe a Dom shouldn't be a prick or selfish or something else, but I don't think it's possible to achieve a perfect personality. It would be easier to just fake it, but that's bound to come to light at some point. What OP maybe lacks is respect towards the person they're talking to. Maybe trying to put yourself in their place for a second would work? Well no, you might say, cause I'm Dom, but before entering a relationship most people won't act submissive and won't want to be treated with contempt, even if they enjoy humiliation or things alike. So before saying something ask yourself if you'd find that very offensive if somebody else said it to you. If it makes you burn with anger, then don't say it. Luckily, in D/s you can use that negative energy that makes you be rude towards more entertaining purposes~

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/18/2014 9:14:39 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Themaster1191
I'm very strict by nature, but obviously can't stop off being a cunt and prick straight away. How long into the relationship does a slave starts feeling comfortable after which I can start being strict?

YOu're talking about fulfilling sexual fantasies so I'd say it's somewhere near the time which sex starts to be "on the table".

For me, I don't "start to be strict". I just meet people and sometimes they do things which I think they shouldn't and then I try to correct that behavior... either successfully or not. I do it on need not due to some timer.


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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/25/2014 4:02:04 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel.

Less analogy, more realism: On a first date one girl I met from here insisted she was a sub when I told her she was a slave. I said, "Do the hokey-pokey for me while I think about it."

She started dancing the hokey-pokey and only then asked why she was doing it.

"Because you are a slave."



Dude, that is so much bullshit. I love the story, but it's still a load of bullshit.

edited for clarity.


< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 2/25/2014 4:03:37 AM >

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RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/25/2014 6:10:21 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		WEll, hmmm. My dom was strict from day one and that is exactly what attracted me, he never changed. We aren't together but that is what attracted me and I respected that. He was the same at the beginning as he was at the end.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/25/2014 6:12:16 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		As an experiment, perhaps you could mull over the possibility of being strict without being a cunt or a prick.

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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/25/2014 8:34:41 AM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Themaster1191

I'm very strict by nature, but obviously can't stop off being a cunt and prick straight away. How long into the relationship does a slave starts feeling comfortable after which I can start being strict?


Hm...makes me wonder why equate being a prick with being strict. I guess it is a form of sadism.

Compatibility and communication will help you find the answer. Some, like myself, strict would not work. Some thrive on it.

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I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/25/2014 8:36:20 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Hear me now, when you see her cunt, you can be a prick.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/25/2014 1:16:46 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		Omg. Hilarious. As usual.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/25/2014 6:53:17 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaoruK

While nobody really likes a prick snip


You're kidding, right? My partner is bloody hot when he's a prick to me. Sadistic, dominating, controlling, ignorant prick who likes a fight.

But he only gets like that when I'm going to end up in cuffs, pummelled and used. Pricks in everyday life can get tiresome quick.

[Edited for spelling]

< Message edited by pg4g -- 2/25/2014 6:56:04 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: When should I start being strict? - 2/26/2014 9:39:13 AM   
bachus


Posts: 31
Joined: 1/27/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Themaster1191

I'm very strict by nature, but obviously can't stop off being a cunt and prick straight away. How long into the relationship does a slave starts feeling comfortable after which I can start being strict?



Disclaimer: these are the words of a raving lunatic, disregard and if you don't I will not be blamed for it.

Let me command you for asking a question, I think it is often forgotten how difficult it can be for Dominant to admit he needs help and advice. You will quickly find out that when you ask a question like this you will get a lot of different answers, and some of the answers will contradict each other. People are free to disagree with each other, in fact there are many different truths and answers. In other words, there are no correct or wrong answers, because it really depends on your partner and on yourself.

When I was a young eager man (only two or three days ago), I used to see the world as many man of my age do, in black and white. When I started in BDSM I looked for this magical book that would give me all the wisdom needed, I am still looking. That could be because I am a moron and I will not deny that there are smarter people than me or maybe because it has not been written yet.

The only good advice anyone can give you is to be yourself, if you need to be strict then be strict. Look for a partner that is looking for those qualities. Communication is very important, it is not weak to ask your partner what she needs and neither is it to tell your partner what you need.

In my case I like to be clear to my partner, I think she deserves to know what I want and how. I also make it clear that there are going to be consequences for not following my instructions. Do I do this from day one, well yes the moment she agrees to be mine and I make her mine, that is part of the deal. So again this is what I want and need in a partner, there are many who want something else in their Dominant like there are many Dom’s who want a partnership with more freedom.

< Message edited by bachus -- 2/26/2014 10:03:48 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: When should I start being strict? - 3/2/2014 8:14:52 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
As an experiment, perhaps you could mull over the possibility of being strict without being a cunt or a prick.

Preposterous!

OP:
I'm not "strict" in the way you're talking about. I choose to get my way when I think it's important to do so... a risk/reward calculation which doesn't really require any particular point in time other than an appropriate risk and reward. Then again, I obviously don't care about the entire notion of strictness. I readily admit I'm more interested in things like happiness. Getting my way is simply one means to an end for me.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 39
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