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Former Master - 1/15/2014 6:50:23 PM   
Pballer123


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/10/2012
Status: offline 		My slave's former master released her after basically ignoring her for several months. When I took ownership of her she had a lot of separation problems because of the way she was released.
She had a lot of anger there. I had her write a letter to him expressing all the things she wanted to say, but never did. The letter was never sent, just used to let her get it out of her system.
My slave lives a couple thousand miles from me and wee only get to meet every other month. 2 months ago former master contacts my slave and apologizes for his behavior and what he had done to her and asked
if she would like to play a game of online scrabble occasionally. (in the past it was a game or 2 every couple of weeks. I allowed the occasional game. She said "trust me," you own me now. The games are now daily
and they are texting on a regular basis. She asked If she could meet him for lunch so that she could clear her anger over him. She now wants to be friends with him again, where 2 months ago she said that
he was never to be trusted again. She keeps assuring me that I have nothing to fear from her going back to him. She admits that he still has the power to hurt her.

We are in a 3-day cooling period. I have told her that I want her to cut off contact with him in the future, I was told that I am paranoid. Am I wrong?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Former Master - 1/15/2014 7:01:39 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		Nope. I don't think you are paranoid. I am also not sure how long you have been together. If you are in a pattern of seeing each other bi-monthly , I'm assuming you've been together a while now.

Usually our instincts on these things are correct. I think only you can ascertain whether you are insecure and jealous, or if she is really is still in love with the previous guy.

Speaking for myself, if I were truly into my man, no ex would stand a chance at any kind of regular contact. The fact that she is still seeking that out, tells me she probably still does have feelings for him.

You are thousands of miles apart. You obviously can't micro- manage her time or the majority of her comings and goings.

Honest opinion? If you are coming on here with doubts, you already know the answer. Even if it's hard to admit.

I wish you well.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Former Master - 1/15/2014 7:02:01 PM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		Hi Welcome to the Forums, I think you're being mindfucked (excuse the language). She is still into him and the fact that she says you are paranoid also says she doesn't respect your level of relationship. So you're not paranoid but you probably need to either release her so she can go on her merry way back to her former master. Or continue this relationship until she dumps you. You need to look at this with your eyes wide open just like any relationship...and since you don't like it...I think she is cheating now. Right?

_____________________________

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."-Marianne Williamson




(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Former Master - 1/15/2014 7:32:53 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Honestly, it doesn't matter what she says or feels about him. He damaged her and has the ability to do it again, and nothing has shown that he's changed.

Whether or not she has feelings for him, any relationship with him will damage the relationship she has with you.

Unfortunately, I see your only option as forbidding all contact with him. There's a very good chance that she will try to circumvent that, in which case your relationship with her is in danger.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SweetAnise)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Former Master - 1/15/2014 7:33:16 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		A key factor for me, from what you have said is where she says, she wants to meet with him for lunch to clear her anger with him.

Honey, if you haven't done that with all the game playing and text... lunch isn't going to do it.

I believe you are being lied to, that she may be lying to herself and that kind of drama, no one needs. When someone deflects things back to you... the being paranoid stuff... they are passive aggressive and must make something your fault so that they are not to blame.

How old is this child?

I wouldn't deal with her. She would get the speech of... Be free... do as you wish... go find yourself, deal with your anger and when you grow and mature, you will be ready for the likes of what I offered you, but now deny you.

She will be eating out of your hands or his within a matter of hours. Games... walk, run... don't waste any time.

(in reply to SweetAnise)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Former Master - 1/15/2014 7:36:47 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Why order her not to see him? She's WWAAAYYY beyond that point. She's already mentally back with him but not being honest with herself.

You have already lost her. It's time to move on.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Former Master - 1/15/2014 7:58:45 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		Have you talked to him yourself?

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Former Master - 1/15/2014 8:42:02 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		It's hard to keep a connection alive when you live far apart, and that is made even harder when her ex is there in the flesh and you are not. Some people seem to manage long distance relationships, but I suspect the success rate is poor. I sympathize with your situation; I remember that you live somewhere remote and unpopulated (Alaska?) so it is tougher to find compatible women. But I agree with many others here; I think you are wasting your energy on her now.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Former Master - 1/15/2014 10:18:11 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123

2 months ago former master contacts my slave and apologizes for his behavior and what he had done to her and asked if she would like to play a game of online scrabble occasionally. (in the past it was a game or 2 every couple of weeks. I allowed the occasional game. She said "trust me," you own me now. The games are now daily and they are texting on a regular basis. She asked If she could meet him for lunch so that she could clear her anger over him. She now wants to be friends with him again, where 2 months ago she said that he was never to be trusted again. She keeps assuring me that I have nothing to fear from her going back to him. She admits that he still has the power to hurt her.

We are in a 3-day cooling period. I have told her that I want her to cut off contact with him in the future, I was told that I am paranoid. Am I wrong?

BOLDED=That was your first mistake. You should have never allowed any contact whatsoever between the two, after the apology. Why was this man allowed access to your slave once she became your slave? I'm not going to pull any punches.

You seem like a decent man. Your kindness and leniency have gotten mistaken for weakness. I can relate to this because it happens to me.
Other than for mental stimulation, I've found that people who play boardgames have a competitive streak. Too many are poor losers.
Now that your slave is owned by another man, namely you, her ex-Master finds her desirable again. By taking her away from you, he can count coup.
You don't know the whole picture, only her side of the story. She may have contributed to their disconnect by exhibiting erratic behavior. Or by keeping in touch with a previous ex before this ex-Master, even if he is the bastard she's made him out to be. Apparently that's what she wants in a Master.

It's (long past-due) Ultimatum Time. Be prepared to let her go for good. It wouldn't come as a surprise if she comes looking for your shoulder to cry on in a couple months, begging you to take her back. Then you'll have to decide whether she's worth giving a second chance. Personally I wouldn't, and you can do much better than this untrustworthy drama queen, I'm sure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Why order her not to see him? She's WWAAAYYY beyond that point. She's already mentally back with him but not being honest with herself.

You have already lost her. It's time to move on.


_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Former Master - 1/15/2014 10:56:55 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		So, he dumped her and then regretted it [when he got lonely].


Don't rescue women on the rebound next time.


I am sorry for your pain and you deserve better.




_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Former Master - 1/16/2014 9:05:23 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Oh, there's so much going on here:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123

My slave's former master released her after basically ignoring her for several months.
So, she sat there waiting for him rather than taking responsibility for her own happiness.

quote:

When I took ownership of her she had a lot of separation problems because of the way she was released.
I'd be willing to be it has more to do with her than him. She's behaved like a martyr (Don't mind me, I'll just sit here in the dark!) and it didn't pay off.


quote:

She had a lot of anger there. I had her write a letter to him expressing all the things she wanted to say, but never did. The letter was never sent, just used to let her get it out of her system.
You probably should have had her write one to herself too, since she was a participant and needs to take a good look at herself to figure out why she would wait several months for someone to pay some attention to her.

quote:

My slave lives a couple thousand miles from me and wee only get to meet every other month. 2 months ago former master contacts my slave and apologizes for his behavior and what he had done to her and asked
if she would like to play a game of online scrabble occasionally. (in the past it was a game or 2 every couple of weeks. I allowed the occasional game. She said "trust me," you own me now. The games are now daily
and they are texting on a regular basis. She asked If she could meet him for lunch so that she could clear her anger over him. She now wants to be friends with him again, where 2 months ago she said that
he was never to be trusted again.
Personally, I'm not friends with people that have broken my trust on that level. So, you should be asking yourself....why is she allowing him back into her life? So, again, another bad decision and doesn't stick to her own boundaries.

quote:

She keeps assuring me that I have nothing to fear from her going back to him.
We're back to the boundaries thing again. She has problems maintaining boundaries that she set up. So, I would say that while I don't know for sure, I will say that because of those poor boundaries it's a possibility she will go back to him.

quote:

She admits that he still has the power to hurt her.
Which means she hasn't dealt with her issues and moved on.

quote:

We are in a 3-day cooling period.
So, you think ignoring her is the right choice here?

quote:

I have told her that I want her to cut off contact with him in the future, I was told that I am paranoid. Am I wrong?
Yup, you're wrong. Although I don't think you're paranoid. Here's the thing, you making demands about her behavior won't stop her or him. You can't stop someone from cheating or leaving you. And making demands will just make her more furtive.

Bottom line, you're involved with someone that has some pretty hefty relationship issues, you're also not face to face very often....and you're the rebound.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Former Master - 1/16/2014 9:29:43 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I promise you that I am trying to be nice.

No. You are not paranoid. At the same time, I don't think you own her, either. I think he does, whether she's admitting it to you or not.

Seriously? If former dude still has the power to hurt her, I'm betting that he owns her more than you do. I'm also willing to bet he's got more power than just that.

I had a great discussion with a submissive man who is pretty well known on the forums about this recently. He was trying to clue Me in on this because I don't quite have the s-type perspective. He told Me that there really are people that he was formerly involved with that *do* still have power over him. I think it's probably the same boat.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't want anything to do with that.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Former Master - 1/16/2014 9:43:59 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Ask yourself this very important question: Why does your 'sub' have the motivation to spend time with a dom male other than you on a daily basis?

If she wanted to play online scrabble, were you not available to her? Did she express needs you were not fulfilling?

Do you see what I'm getting at?

_____________________________



(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Former Master - 1/16/2014 10:23:45 AM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		FR

While I don't think that the other posters are wrong in their assessment of your situation OP, I wanted to give a different perspective.

I've stayed friends, or at least aquaintances, with most if not all of my exes. My best friend is an ex, and we text multiple times a week, get together once a week (if we're lucky) to work out at the gym, and do other things together like shooting, gaming, etc. There is absolutely nothing romantic going on there, nor will there ever be. I felt that the friendship we developed during our relationship was worth the effort to salvage after the breakup.

Talking to an ex, even to clear up any resentment or anger, isn't always a bad thing. If there are intersecting aspects of their lives, where they will be forced to interact with each other in the future, having it out and working through things could be very productive and mature (or, never date within your own industry. It's really not that big).

So, if someone I was seeing insisted that I cease contact with my exes, I'd show him the door. I wouldn't berate him though, or call him paranoid. I'd first try to get him to understand the situation I'm facing. I'd also not ignore one for the other. My current partner would know that they still come first to me.

I don't think that's the case here though. It sounds like, as Oside said, she doesn't have clear firm boundaries in her own mind, and she will likely cave into the wooing of her ex. Doubly so if he's physically there, and you're so far away. Not everyone is good at ignoring the tingly bits. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Perhaps there is a lesson to learn from it all?

ETA: finished a sentence.


< Message edited by lovethyself -- 1/16/2014 10:25:18 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Former Master - 1/16/2014 10:39:25 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

OP, I'm so sorry to be blunt here...but you sadly seem to be a rebound that ultimately has zero hold over her. I'm willing to bet that if the other guy told her he wanted her back, she'd drop you in a heartbeat and run back to him. You seem like a decent guy (from what little I know of you), so take my advise and end this on your terms because this is just too much headache for anyone to deal with.

(in reply to lovethyself)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Former Master - 1/16/2014 1:31:59 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		The thing is, that you're dumping her right at the point that she's going for lunch with him. You're basically guaranteeing she falls back into his arms. If you love her, if you want her, why not fight for it? Don't give her away. If she splits up with you to go back to him then at least you know you did all you could. But if you basically push her away, you're the one who ended it, not her.

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Former Master - 1/16/2014 2:42:21 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		I think when someone lies and manipulates... and she has, even if only to herself and then others after that, she has broken something and anything after that is a response to her first actions.

Talking with an ex to work things out and heal things is different than what has happened here. To do that, one does not need to belittle someone else or a current relationship and saying your partner is paranoid and deflecting in this manner, shows that there is something more going on here, than a natural attempt in healing.

(Give me what I want, I will call it healing and promise it is no threat to you, but when you try to stop me, question me or hinder me, I will beat you up with untruths and blame you, because... I want what I want even to the point of hurting you to get it.)

If she were on the up and up... no disrespect or threat to the current relationship would be allowed by her.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Former Master - 1/16/2014 11:43:16 PM   
Pballer123


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/10/2012
Status: offline 		I appreciate all the comments and advice. Change is in the air.

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Former Master - 1/18/2014 8:47:49 AM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		In your whole life and observing other people's lives has anything this complicated and conflicted ever worked out? Partic. this early in?

Nope, me neither.

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Former Master - 1/18/2014 9:47:55 AM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		Pballer123, ordering her to stop seeing him is not controlling or dominating her mind, only her actions. She is emotionally strapped to this guy for better or for worse until she is ready to cut off all ties on her own. She's not willing to do that. I'm willing to bet, that if you step away, you'll soon know how that would have likely turned out for you anyway.

Good luck... Sincerely.

(in reply to Domnotlooking)
Profile   Post #: 20
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