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RE: Deception - 7/5/2006 3:43:01 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: headroom
Let me be clear. I did not say that I was angry when I disciplined her. She perceived that because I had taken strong hand to her that I was angry.

Distinction noted. Still, I would be shooting for correction more than for punishment.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

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RE: Deception - 7/5/2006 3:57:48 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: headroom
Let me be clear. I did not say that I was angry when I disciplined her. She perceived that because I had taken strong hand to her that I was angry.

head,
Ideally punishment should be an expression of love. Love for the relationship that should be the most important thing in both your lives. Punishment is also failure. Not just hers but yours. If it's handled in anger, or avoids disclosure and subsequent discussion of the cause it serves no purpose and will not achieve the desired result.

A person's mind must be in the correct place for punishment to be effective. That goes for both the person applying as well as the person receiving the punishment. How will you know a person's mind is "right"? When you feel as bad giving the punishment as the person does receiving it and it could be inflicted with an implement as soft as a feather and achieve the same purging of emotions during it's infliction as if a 2x4 board was used.

Beyond the symptoms displayed by your slave there is a cause that you need to find and address. You have a great opportunity to go deeper and learn more about each other. Use it!

Good luck!

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RE: Deception - 7/7/2006 12:19:40 PM

LL1aintbehavin

Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
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headroom.

its kind of funny that a sub started a thread today stating that her Master was not allowing her to talk to other Doms/Masters. (totally unrelated to you)

If she is talking to other Dominants and making out that she is not collared or taken, then to me that is playing games with others feelings and emotions and is not a good thing. i feel that behind every nic and keyboard here there is a human being with feelings and a heart and a soul that can be hurt.
i agree that the lying part is very serious. No one is perfect and no relationship is either, but lying about anything and doing things behind the other ones back is a receipe for disaster.
i have the trust of my Dominant to speak to any other male, but they are always made aware that i am collared and available only for friendships. It seems that she has taken and misused this trust in talking to others as if You do not play any part in her life.
i have no idea why she would do this, unless she didn't consider the relationship to be stable enough and is looking for others in case she is released.
i believe that trust and honesty in any relationship is the cornerstone, and its hard to continue to build anything without that necessary stability.
i wish you both luck in being able to somehow work through this.
aintbehavin

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RE: Deception - 7/7/2006 2:22:13 PM

SirDarkside357

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
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Sounds like you have your work cut out for you..... hope it works out....if you think she's worth it then she is, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Darkside

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RE: Deception - 7/8/2006 7:33:56 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

This is an extremely toucy subject for me, one i won't bore y'all with, but i would like to add a note of caution:

ALL relationships, imho, must be built on trust, honor, loyalty and communication (love was left out for a reason). Again, my opinion only, when you lose one of those keystones in the building of your relationship the rest of they keystones will, eventually, tumble down around your ears. My opinion...if you are giving each other what you need in your relationship then her chat shouldn't be be a "threat" to you, anymore than it should be come her sounding board for things that are best discussed only with You. The problem seems to come with the lies and avoidance of other issues. There was a time i would chat on line for hours, like a fiend, but..i didn't (and don't) have anyone who cared what i did or didn't do and it wasn't hurting anyone so why the hell not. i read once, somewhere, that in a relationship for an activitiy to take place or to be cancelled out (and i believe the internet falls into that corner), it takes 2 yeses, but only one no for it to continue on.

The tricky part comes, i believe, is when she;'s able to comprehend this idea, and does as you wish, how will you respond to her changed activities? Will you "reward" her, if only by words, a smile, a few words? Or will You jump on line now that the computer has free time -- for work, i'm sure, oh..maybe just to say hi to the gang..etc.

Good luck and best wishes...

jiminie

PS (i have the t-shirt if ya ever want to borrow it..lol)

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"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

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