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LadyHugs -> RE: Deception (7/5/2006 10:11:34 AM)
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Dear headroom, Ladies and Gentlemen;
First rule of a Master/Mistress is never iscolate a slave from friends, family, information and or support.
Dominants and submissives a like need support, help and sometimes a safe place to vent, to which doesn't harm the communications conflicts between the dominant and submissive. The sad part is having to lie to be feed with the need to communicate. There are always two sides of the story however, I can honestly tell you as a Dominant--you need to make time for a slave/submissive just as much as you would do for any relationship. Consider it an investment.
I must use what you have proffered. So, the areas to which I pose for consideration might be a focus point for you both, this is what I see in my mind's eye.
Those who have been abused have times where there are triggers, to which need dedicated time and guided over the rough times. Sometimes words fail to express the pain, anguish, the frustrations and the inner war of what was and what is, as a dominant's behavior triggers such 'tug a war' of things past and present. Most of all, this is when they need hugs and not the pain of discipline. But, perhaps there is no 'code' word you both can agree to, to which when these episodes crop up to make it a total focus on each other period. Much like a 'scene's safe word 'red''... but, do make a different code color or word, as to know she needs you as her hero.
I also would express what you feel about when she lies to you. How much it hurts you and hurts the D/s relationship. Knowing the consequences of the lies.
It is also easy to 'feel' anger transmitted through the hand or tool when punishing. This can be demonstrated on yourself, by having two strong emotions- love and hate. Doing a mental picture of these two extremes mere placement of your hand on your face's cheek, with a total love and hate focus, you can actually feel the change in energy.
Justice is without emotion. So, perhaps pick a time when at your calm point. Administer the just punishment after explaining what will be happening, why it will happen, do it and then end it. So, make sure a slave knows the beginning of the punishment and ending. Then move on and don't use it as a constant reminder of the error. Start fresh and begin over from that point. So, when you are thinking of the thing that angered you in the first place, during the punishment--it does transmit as 'anger.' So, you'll have to focus on something less transmitting--like the discipline itself.
You both know each other better than I. However, communication is so very important as well as knowing boundaries, being constant and knowing that given a code word--focus on each other is immediate.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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