needlesandpins
Posts: 3901
Status: offline
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I didn't marry my ex, but we were as good as, what with a family and all that. I have never wanted to get married at all, but I wanted certain things from a relationship. I figured the only way to get what I wanted was to be in a full on, in your pocket relationship. i'll tell you what I've learnt; it hurts far more to be lonely when you are in a relationship than it does when you are on your own. I was happy a lot of the time in my relationship, but I was also depressed, and very unsatisfied, but making a lot of excuses up to justify the way things were. my ex wasn't a complete arsehole, and to start with made a lot of effort. later it all stopped, and there was always one excuse to justify all the ways in which he was failing to be a decent partner, and father. I got sick of it all, and it meant that what I was in the relationship for was greatly missing. it's a bit of a bugger when your playmate, who isn't (as my son put it) your real boyfriend, is more thoughtful, and inadvertently romantic than my ex ever was. I've been told that I'm 'settling' by having what I do with my playmate instead of a 'real' relationship with someone else. the fact is I've known since I was 17 that I never really wanted a full time relationship, so for me being with my ex was settling. I settled for a relationship I didn't really want, just to get the little but I did want. I shan't be doing that again. needles
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I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.
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