Question about profiles on non bdsm sites

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Question about profiles on non bdsm sites

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Question about profiles on non bdsm sites

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/17/2014 8:34:16 PM

playfulsub213

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/17/2014
Status: offline

Hi there A/all. I have a weird question that may stimulate some sort of discussion. My question is, if you were on another site other than a bdsm site and you were looking for a LTR with a Domme/sub, would you tailor the profile to attract the right type of person? By that I mean, I am a big believer in the Law of Attraction principle. Is there a way to tailor the profile on a vanilla dating site that you would try to attract what you are looking for without really mentioning BDSM activities but at the same time hint that in my case that I am submissive?

I know strange question but thought I would find out your opinion on it anyways. Thank you all for your positive comments on me introducing myself and on my profile.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/17/2014 8:41:08 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Im on several other sites, and all mention my lifestyle.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to playfulsub213)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/17/2014 10:07:15 PM

FriendlyMuppet

Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline

I've posted on other sites and tend to mention that I'm a submissive, or at least that I'm mostly submissive in relationships, without going into detail. I've had a few women contact me, inquiring further, and for the most part the responses have been mostly positive. I figure it probably also keeps other women from contacting me who aren't interested in such things, and I've always felt that is probably for the best, as my submissive nature is very much a part of my natural disposition.

_____________________________

My Novels:
The Cell's Door: http://amzn.to/19I6VA1
Forced to Serve: http://amzn.to/108DByv

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/17/2014 10:24:02 PM

playfulsub213

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/17/2014
Status: offline

Thanks for your replies!

(in reply to FriendlyMuppet)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/17/2014 11:25:16 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

My OKC profile says simply that I like to take charge in bed.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to playfulsub213)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/18/2014 3:57:25 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

On Match my header originally read: Seeking More Than a Vanilla LTR

Then within my profile text I did specify that I am "feminine-assertive" and want a masculine-acting, romantic gentleman who knows how to be submissive and how to treat a lady with the proper degree of respect.

After getting repeatedly messaged by clueless, horny dudes and out-of-state 50 Shades wannabe Doms saying they were coming to my area soon to visit and that we should hook up (to which I replied, "WTF?"), I changed my header to: Dominant Woman Seeks Submissive Man for LTR. Problem solved.

Somewhere in your profile, you should spell out "submissive" or "sub" for those doing a search for those key words.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/18/2014 4:35:42 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

DEFINITELY use as many lifestyle familiar keywords as possible, do not beat around the bush, you're better off being explicitly clear with NO pictures (if worried about discretion), than vague with an arsenal of attractive photos. Most guys who are submissive at heart will care more about you being a Domme

than the photos, there are lifestyle guys on vanilla sites (probably due to frustration seeking on lifestyle sites), and they will keyword search and reach out if they can find you. :)

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/18/2014 4:41:18 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

fast reply

Not that I'm looking, but I would just come right out and say it. Better chance of getting what you want if you're up front about it.

In my case I'd probably just let people know that I'm kinky and looking for someone adventurous and take-charge in the sack (perhaps a joke about spanking?) since I don't require power exchange out of the bedroom to be satisfied.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/18/2014 6:08:15 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

if you were on another site other than a bdsm site and you were looking for a LTR with a Domme/sub, would you tailor the profile to attract the right type of person?

Absolutely - I met the Dom of my Dreams on OKCupid. I was completely out as kinky but I would advise a sub male to be more circumspect in his profile.

(in reply to playfulsub213)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/19/2014 12:01:16 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Most advice you have been given says to just come out and say you are kinky but, unless I am reading it wrong, you asked how you can tell people you are kinky without actually using kink terms. Yes, there are ways to tell a lady you are sub without saying sub/submissive/bottom/ etc. You could call yourself a people pleaser. Say that you are an old fashioned romantic. Say that you get your greatest joy from making the woman in your life happy. Say that you were raised to believe that women should be "in charge" Or that you have always found yourself to be a passive person and are very attracted to women that are a little more aggressive. Good luck.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to playfulsub213)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/19/2014 12:53:23 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Most advice you have been given says to just come out and say you are kinky but, unless I am reading it wrong, you asked how you can tell people you are kinky without actually using kink terms. Yes, there are ways to tell a lady you are sub without saying sub/submissive/bottom/ etc. You could call yourself a people pleaser. Say that you are an old fashioned romantic. Say that you get your greatest joy from making the woman in your life happy. Say that you were raised to believe that women should be "in charge" Or that you have always found yourself to be a passive person and are very attracted to women that are a little more aggressive. Good luck.

Other buzz-word phrases:

Any variation of wanting to "treat you like a queen"

"I believe in chivalry and have a romantic heart, mind and soul to give."

"That special woman in my life is/becomes my world and my everything."

Anything having to do with "wanting to belong" completely to another

Actual quotes from vanilla dating sites (to give some idea, not for using verbatim):

"I love giving pleasure and seeing the response of my lover. That is where I get the majority of sexual satisfaction from. I'm not out to make love to myself or for myself, to me it's all about my lover."

"I love giving oral. I can't help it, I love to see the response of my lover as I'm giving her pleasure."

"I'm willing to explore almost anything that [she] wants that will strengthen our bonds."

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/19/2014 11:35:37 AM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

I have met a wonderful submissive woman on OK Cupid, who I am dating

OKC has the advantage of letting people answers questions that reveal:
1) Your kinkiness level
2) Your Dominance level.

You do NOT have to tailor your profile, particularly if you honestly answer OKC's questions and it correctly displays your kinkiness and dominance/submission on their handy meters. I do suggest at least hinting at your proclivities. (see Fiery Opal's buzzwords for examples).

That said, it depends a lot on how into the lifestyle you are. If you are full on active, have a gimp suit proudly displayed in you living room, have BDSM pictures proudly displayed all over the place, work/own a sex shop, and spend all your time at clubs/conventions, then you should talk a lot more about it then if you are on the down-low, so to speak.

< Message edited by StrongSpirit -- 1/19/2014 11:37:12 AM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/19/2014 11:40:11 AM

AlphaFemsRule

Posts: 52
Joined: 1/7/2014
Status: offline

Here's what's worked for me: be honest without being explicit. The profile I have here is pretty similar to the one I've used elsewhere, except on other sites I've removed the frank references to sexuality, fantasies, etc.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Question about profiles on non bdsm sites - 1/19/2014 11:59:34 AM

playfulsub213

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/17/2014
Status: offline

Thanks everyone for your wonderful answers! It has generated some really good discussion thank you.

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)

Profile

Post #: 14