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RE: Looking - 1/19/2014 8:32:37 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Hi there. Welcome to the forums!

First off, I would not recommend that someone look online. I have had a few relationships start that way myself, but IMO it takes way too long. Meeting folks at munches and play parties is easier.

Now, one of my sayings is that there are two places where a woman could take control - in the bedroom, in play sessions, and outside the bedroom. Your posts indicate that you've got a demanding job and you don't intend to change that. So I will assume that you do not want a woman to impose a structure on you outside the bedroom, and just want kinky play.

You have a problem here in that any relationship, vanilla or kinky will take time. Women are notorious for wanting to have time spent on them and with them. The good news is that Dominant women don't need more time than vanillas from you. The bad news is that they don't need less.

Have you had vanilla relationships fail because of insufficient availability on your part?

Finally, I hate to bring this up, but when a man says that he has very limited time and posts no pics or any real info about himself, a woman's natural inclination is to suspect he's cheating. How could you allay a woman's fears?

If you really don't have time, especially if you are cheating, forget about finding a lifestyle Domme and just pay a pro Domme to top you.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

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Post #: 21

RE: Looking - 1/19/2014 9:05:58 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

I actually will do pet and toy play, but find that men that describe themselves as a toy amount to only that and they are seeking someone to play toy... to his great satisfaction as if that is all we would want.

It kind of goes along with that fantasy of a group of women, objectifying them and focusing all on one male... delighting him with their attention and sexual advances.

Not that I haven't taken part in something like this, but the average guy seeking it... it is all about him. The times when I like it is when he has no clue what's coming.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 22

RE: Looking - 1/19/2014 11:26:51 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

It kind of goes along with that fantasy of a group of women, objectifying them and focusing all on one male... delighting him with their attention and sexual advances. Not that I haven't taken part in something like this, but the average guy seeking it... it is all about him. The times when I like it is when he has no clue what's coming.

In fairness, I'm submissive and all my fantasies are supremely selfish. They might be dressed up in D/s clothes but the things I think about when I'm alone are very much all focused on me, one way or the other. I wouldn't hold it against the guy for having that fantasy, as long as he was realistic about where the fantasy ends.

OP - I know you are finding it frustrating that people keep picking at your wording, but the women responding here are your target audience. It is worth listening to what they say. If something puts them off, it might put off the mistress of your dreams too.

There are a million guys online willing to do whatever they are told by a true mistress. What will make you stand out is what you offer beyond that. We know you work long hours, but can you promise her she'll be your biggest priority outside of work? Are you interesting? Are you into hiking or sailing or amateur stand-up comedy? Can you make her gourmet meals or help her tend the horses?

The reason they object to 'try anything' is because it's a phrase used by people who spend a lot of time fantasizing. These ladies could probably list 20 things each that you wouldn't try. And that's ok. Believe it or not 'will do anything' is not a bonus for these women, it's perhaps a sign you haven't fully thought things through.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Rawni)

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Post #: 23

RE: Looking - 1/20/2014 3:27:46 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tryanything69
I am looking for a mistriss. I have a very busy schedule with work. Can anyone help me with this or help tell me where I can find someone. I will make someone a great slave. Thank you

I'm going to try to help with some of this. Please take it in the spirit it was intended. (Btw, I'm not going to use your profile as a reference. If it is/was as bad as the other folks have mentioned, please fix it.)

OK. My first problem with this whole thread is the self proclamation about how you're going to make somebody a great slave. How do you know? I mean, really, what are you banking that on? You say you don't really have any experience in this area. Are you fabulous in vanilla relationships? Are you the friend that people call when they are in trouble? Are you the person in the extended family that people rely on?

quote:

I have tried various things but would say internet the most which is my only option sometimes with as much as I work and the crazy hours. I just need to meet some mistress to talk to first to see if we are compatible and looking for the same things even if it over the phone text email or whatever. I just really want to serve a true mistress.

You just became every dude on the internet. You want to create a profile, exchange some electronic communication, and BOOM! It's going to magically happen. Guess what? Probably not.

That's not honestly effort. It's not doing a whole lot. You aren't showing anybody that you really can make the time for the relationship that you say you want to have.

quote:

I do work a lot and travel for my work can not really help that one would change it if I was able to.

Quick background so you'll understand where I'm coming from. I'm a poly person. That means I have two relationships. One with my husband and one with my sub. My submissive lives a hundred miles away and works his tail off for a living. Do you know why we're engaging in D/s now? It's because a) he's shown that, even with that demanding job that he'll find a way to make time for Me and b) he proved before we were ever really 'involved' that he'd make that dang drive. That's dedication. It wasn't pretty words on the screen.

quote:

I do not know everything about this life style at all. I am wanting to learn and need someone to help teach me and train me the right way.

Again, personal opinion. This, to Me, would be a bad sign. While you may not have the relationship type that you want, you're not exactly coming across as you are making the effort (there's that word again) to get some education for yourself. Are you going to groups that will teach you things about these kinds of dynamics? How many non-fiction BDSM books do you own? What are you doing except waiting for that Mistress of your dreams to come along and teach you?

quote:

I have never tried a pro. Maybe I need to start there I really don't know.

I've never been big on the 'try a pro' approach as a one size fits all solution to the "I have no Mistress" situation. I get why people are telling you this due to what has transpired on this thread. (Job, lack of effort, etc.) In this case, it might be the right answer because, so far, you're not coming across as you really want to invest the time.

Here's the bad part that comes from this answer. Some clients of professionals acquire really bad habits. They become accustomed to the mindset of 'scheduling sessions' rather than how it really works in a relationship. Another potential pitfall is, if the pro is doing a good job, you will think it really is a relationship, when the reality is that you are a client. In other words, you could get way more hung up on her than she will about you.

If you have so little time to invest, you might want to think about what you really want.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Tryanything69)

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Post #: 24