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Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/20/2014 5:49:54 PM   
Alex8897


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/16/2014
Status: offline 		I am curious is it normal for Mistresses to have more then one sub like between 2-4 subs. Also if any mistresses do have multiple subs I was wondering how many you have, for what reasons you have more then one. Such as is it because of how far away they are, what they can do, or is it other reasons? Thanks for taking the time to read this and replying.
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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/20/2014 6:05:29 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I can be happy, depending on the situation, with one or more subs, but not more than two. I won't have any more than I feel I have sufficient time & attention for. Right now, another Domme & I are sharing one submissive who is over 1000 miles away and in her state of AK most of the year and he's in my state of WA for all of a few weeks a year at the most and, at that, for only a few days at a time. I consider him a long-distance submissive and I already knew him before because he was mine at one time. Now she's sharing him with me. But I'm also looking for a submissive gentleman that's closer to home, someone I can call my own, someone I can spend more time with, go to more events with, etc. and have more of a relationship with than only a few days a year. So my reason for looking for another would be the distance involved with the one.

NBMG

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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/20/2014 7:45:57 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alex8897

I am curious is it normal for Mistresses to have more then one sub like between 2-4 subs. Also if any mistresses do have multiple subs I was wondering how many you have, for what reasons you have more then one. Such as is it because of how far away they are, what they can do, or is it other reasons? Thanks for taking the time to read this and replying.

It all depends on which type of Domme you're dealing with. Customarily expect Dommes to be more "poly" than "mono" or to fluctuate if they are "between" subs or actively seeking another sub. If a Domme is bisexual or hetero-flexible, then she will want a female sub to play with or to include in the mix along with her male sub(s).

Labels can be misleading because there are not rigidly defined types. A pro-Domme may also be a fin-Domme. A lifestyle Domme may accept a fin-slave and technically become his fin-Domme.
For obvious reasons, a pro-Domme will have more than one paying client who could be on any side of the kneel, not necessarily a sub.
A fin-Domme can reasonably take on more than one fin-sub. He'd have to be loaded and exceedingly generous to acquire exclusive rights to her, if she were so inclined, that is.
Anything goes with a lifestyle Domme. She may be part of a Dom/me couple, where both partners have a sub of their own on the side. If they're poly and/or one partner is bi, they could conceivably share a sub. There are Domme/switch, Domme/sub couples looking for a third who might have just one sub or could possibly keep a stable of slaves or "pets" for non-sexual and sexual purposes.
There are Dommes with a primary partner who play with others, or who will Top/bottom with others during public play.

A good deal depends on what sort of sub is desired. Some Dommes only want a service sub, more like a household servant. This sub may barter services for bondage or impact play and not be interested in having sexual intimacy, or even if he does, that may not ever be part of the deal. She selected the service sub to begin with for reasons other than suitability as a sexual partner for herself.
There are foot fetishists, for example, who are unidimensional. Who would want to keep just a foot-slave around and nothing else? (It's possible, but unlikely as a permanent arrangement.)
Some subs are limited in their skillset, fetishes or kinks. This makes them only partially compatible with their Mistress. This means she will have to get her other needs fulfilled elsewhere with (an)other sub(s).
It isn't uncommon, in other words, for a Mistress to have a primary with whom to have sex and have essentially non-sexual relationships or arrangements with others.

If you want to have an exclusive relationship with your Mistress-to-be, then you will need to be husbandly material, a step up from steady-boyfriend material. Not being able to offer a (non-poly) lifestyle Domme a full-fledged partnership commitment works the same way it does in the vanilla world. It gives you no right to expect exclusivity unless you are delusional. In fact, there are open marriages with no expectation of exclusivity either.

Myself, my Domme cousin, and a lifestyle Domme friend are mono. (One man can be enough of a pain in the neck!) Speaking strictly for myself, I'm more into D/s than BDSM kinks/fetishes, and I have no use for service subs, fetishists or slaves. The rest of the Dommes I know are poly, potentially poly, or else have a primary sub and anywhere from 1-3 more s-types. One lifestyle Domme I met has a CD sissy sub for her primary and they've had an LTR for many years, which is fairly rare from what I've seen.

[Edited for typo]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 1/20/2014 7:54:53 PM >

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Alex8897)
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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/20/2014 9:36:32 PM   
FriendlyMuppet


Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline 		I've known a couple of dominant women over the years who need certain needs met by certain types of submissives, who quite often aren't capable of fulfilling each need she has had, so it wasn't unusual for her to have a small stable of submissives she tapped for achieving each need. Other times, I've known dominants who only have one submissive. I remember my very first owner telling me once that she was capable of loving all sorts of people, and as I discovered, she very much was (and I don't think a single person suffered as a result...well, not in a way that he or she wasn't seeking, at least).

I tend to see each dominant as a specific individual who has all sorts of differences between her and every other one out there, meaning that I think a lot of people on these boards try to paint every dominant into specific corners, not realizing that the myriad of differences is so vast that quite often you're not going to find commonality in practically any two situations.

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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/21/2014 4:48:11 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		It's not abnormal. Some are poly, some aren't.

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I give good thread.

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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/21/2014 5:19:11 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

It's not abnormal. Some are poly, some aren't.

Expressed much more succinctly than I did!

Alex, just mentally average it out 2:1 sub-to-Domme ratio, given there are many more male subs than Dominant females, then jockey yourself into becoming her primary sub.
(If you, like your gender in general, need a quantifiable concrete concept to grasp onto. )

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/21/2014 10:08:05 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alex8897

I am curious is it normal for Mistresses to have more then one sub like between 2-4 subs. Also if any mistresses do have multiple subs I was wondering how many you have, for what reasons you have more then one. Such as is it because of how far away they are, what they can do, or is it other reasons? Thanks for taking the time to read this and replying.


For many years, I had three at once. Each had legitimate and acceptable reasons for not being available as often as I desired (distance, obligations to children/elderly parents, needing lots of time alone). None expressed a need for my exclusivity to them. I should add there was no secretiveness or hiding; my partners were always welcome to honest discussion if there were concerns. Also important to note: none of these were casual kink-only relationships. They each began with significant friendship; the friendship remains though in one case, the time for service has passed.

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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/22/2014 7:35:55 AM   
MissessMia


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline 		For me it is because I like family... big families and my subs are my family.

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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/22/2014 8:15:49 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia
For me it is because I like family... big families and my subs are my family.

Did you get more? I thought you only had one named buckets?


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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/22/2014 8:49:43 AM   
MissessMia


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline 		Why did you think so? Do I know you? buckets is my live in slave. The other visiting on Saturday, does not. Irregardless, my reasons for my preference: Family.

< Message edited by MissessMia -- 1/22/2014 9:04:03 AM >

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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/22/2014 8:50:59 AM   
MissessMia


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline 		I am wondering why the antagonism, Mr. Sadist?

< Message edited by MissessMia -- 1/22/2014 8:51:06 AM >

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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/22/2014 9:26:53 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		...It didn't seem particularly antagonistic, to me? He was clarifying based on what he'd read in another thread.

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RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/22/2014 9:29:53 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia
Why did you think so?

Answering a question with a question isn't fair or polite. But if you insist, I will answer in kind. Mind you, this is the impression I got from your profile.

You cared enough to post that stuff about DeeDeeDee, which old dogs don't care about. Seriously, in time you learn that the examples of how not to do something add up into the billions. Only newcomers seem to care about that shit. When you are inspired by how to do a thing right, that shows experience and maturity.

You say "I have one slave" in your profile and your CollarMe membership is rather new.

The things you felt inspired to write about in your journal and you interests are the things that would inspire someone still fresh to the lifestyle. You are still attracted by the "shiny" things. Experience and maturity teaches us the shiny things tarnish and our interests shift to the meat and potatoes which are what make it last.

Nowhere in your profile or journal do you mention that you are experienced, which is usually a selling point not over looked by someone who actually is experienced. You don't mention ever having more than one slave and you spoke with childlike verve when you said " I have one slave already and will have more" . . . instead of saying that you are poly or using other vernacular someone experienced in poly would have used.

In short, you smell like fresh paint. It seems a reasonable assumption you haven't had time enough in the lifestyle to grow a poly family of subs yet. So . . . corrected me if I am wrong but is your profile statement "I have one slave" correct or not? Did you get more?

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/22/2014 9:32:29 AM   
MissessMia


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline 		I suppose compared to your experience eight years of 24/7 is fresh comparatively.

And your profile said you were charming, I guess it is all relative.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/22/2014 9:48:40 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia
I am wondering why the antagonism, Mr. Sadist?


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia

Why did you think so? Do I know you? buckets is my live in slave. The other visiting on Saturday, does not. Irregardless, my reasons for my preference: Family.

Many of us are conscientious posters and get to know each other. If someone is new to poly, I and others will answer differently than if you are experienced. Your presumption of antagonism from a neutral statement is unfounded. If you had originally replied, before the edits, that you got new slaves or your profile was incorrect and out of date, I would have made a mental note of it or congratulated you for fulfilling your goals.

I thought you had one slave because you say you have one slave. Now you say you have more. And you say it after the fact to back up a family comment which is what we call back peddling. If you been polite and answered questions with answers, which is how polite conversations works, I wouldn't now have doubts about what you say because of the back peddling.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to MissessMia)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Mistresses with more then one sub - 1/22/2014 12:00:47 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Along with AthenaSurrenders, I didn't find ResidentSadist's question antagonistic in the least. It sounded more like an innocent/innocuous inquiry.

Since I'm also new here on this site and not familiar with the regular posters, with about the same amount of D/s-BDSM experience as you, I figure if I'm asked a question it's for clarification purposes.

For example in my earlier Post#3, I am no authority on financial domination or pro-domming (or being poly either) and had to consult a friend. I could have easily misconstrued anything she told me. My intent was to give new male subs some tangible info to work with instead of remaining in the dark with an ambiguous sampling of responses which might have confused him all the more. (I don't know, just conjecturing on that possibility.)

A belated welcome on board, and good luck finding yourself a new slave who is suitable for your purposes.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MissessMia)
Profile   Post #: 16
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