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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 9:24:02 AM

highhopes4us

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NO We/we are not....

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 10:09:21 AM

DesFIP

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So when he calls and says he'll be at your place for play on Wednesday, why not tell him you're not up for that but you are available to meet him for dinner.

Have you ever been to his home?

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 10:10:25 AM

tiggerspoohbear

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Then may I suggest you take a very, very close look at your profile? It may indicate a couples profile, but it is under *your* user name. Do you even have access to it? By the looks of it, and this is strictly my opinion, there's a big disconnect there. What you tolerate, he says to basically ignore since he loves those activities.

I understand that you may do things you don't much like because they please him. It's worth it to you. But are you willing to do the same with a 3rd or another couple? If you're going to do poly to please him, think long and hard. I did that and was driven into a deep depression from the head games played against me by 2 people who didn't have my best interests at heart. YMMV

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 10:39:08 AM

highhopes4us

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lets me just say YES I have full access to our profile acct.....SO I am not understanding why you think different... I will say MY Master has never made me do something I didn't want to do. And in the 4 1/2 years we have been together we have never ever had anyone else or couple join us in our M/s partnership...SO maybe I need to just stop posting on these message boards .. I appreciate all the advice and input ..Thank you to all.... BUT believe me MY Master will never or has never strayed from me at all.......I am not sure how some people even came to that conclusion........

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 10:49:46 AM

peppermint

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I don't think anyone has suggested that he is cheating on you. I did read that you were 'looking' for another couple for play as it says in your profile. It seems awfully strange that he is able to get to see you 3 times a week but never has the extra hour to go to dinner. I can not imagine being in a relationship where he comes over for sex and play only. If that is fine with you then why did you ask if this was normal behavior?

Since YOU brought this whole situation up you must be wondering if it is normal in a M/s relationship. I have a feeling that being told it was not normal has you on the defensive now. Please do not feel that you need to defend your relationship. If you are happy with the way things are then all is well.

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 10:51:01 AM

kalikshama

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Hopefully you will trust me that I'm going somewhere with this and answer my questions:

1. Have you ever been to his house?
2. What did you two do over Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years?

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:02:54 AM

highhopes4us

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yes it has me defensive so I am sorry if I sound bitchy... I agree with you if he could come over for play time why not dinner too.....So I have a lot to think about.

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:03:56 AM

RedMagic1

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As one point of reference, I spent Thanksgiving a couple years ago at my then-girlfriend's house, only a few weeks after I spanked her for the first time. We weren't sure how her kids would take it -- it was the first time I had met them -- but once I made her four-year-old daughter laugh, the teenage son told his mom, "He's a good guy. You should keep him." (I moved away, so she didn't, but that's another story.)

The daughter, by the way, hadn't yet gotten over Halloween, so she was acting like a zombie and eating my brains again, and again, and again. So I collapsed, brain-deprived, in multiple rooms. She thought this was awesome.

BDSM in real life.

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:07:27 AM

highhopes4us

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I have small kids so I was with them for the holidays.....So no we weren't with each other per say we did speak through out the day. Going to his home is not an option for me, We do not live near each other

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:08:32 AM

tiggerspoohbear

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Believe me, I'm not trying to get you to stop posting here, not coming down on you either. I saw a disconnect and asked about that, nowhere did I state that he was stepping out on you.

You're asking strangers on the Internet to answer a question only your master can answer. We're doing the best we can with the information you give us. Yes, some of the answers are blunt, but take another, closer look. We are trying to help you. You may not be getting the answers you want. You are getting the answers you need to look at within yourself. There's an awful lot of experience speaking here, up to you whether to take it or not.

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:09:16 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us
Going to his home is not an option for me, We do not live near each other

In other words, you've never been to his home........

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:11:00 AM

highhopes4us

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That's great that you did that. I am going to think about things. I get the point and appreciate it I really do. It makes me open up my eyes and realize that things need to change......Thank you

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:13:47 AM

highhopes4us

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Your right... I am getting the answers I need, I may not like what I read but, they are their for a reason

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:20:17 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I have small kids so I was with them for the holidays.....So no we weren't with each other per say we did speak through out the day. Going to his home is not an option for me, We do not live near each other

This doesn't make any sense. How are you two seeing each other a few times a week as you said earlier if you do not live near each other?

Our typical week is seeing each other few times a week. Sometimes if time allows we go to lunch dinner or the movies... I do enjoy that... BUT it always ends with playtime!!!!

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:23:09 AM

SeekingTrinity

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Life is just too damned short to be unhappy. People just sometimes have their needs change. And your having needs is perfectly normal and natural. Don't let anyone, including your master, tell you any different! So what worked for the past 4 years just might not be enough now. Only you are going to know if you can remain in this place that clearly is making you increasingly unhappy (based on what you wrote). If this is okay, by all means carry on with your situation. But if it's just not enough anymore, you owe it to yourself to do what will make you happy.

Your original question has been answered by many people that it is entirely possible to have the best of both worlds. It just might not be possible for your guy to give you that. Doesn't make either one of you bad people at all. You both just might be wanting to walk different paths. As I originally said in the beginning, life is just too damned short to remain unhappy if you are unhappy. Only you will know for sure.

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:24:54 AM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us
Going to his home is not an option for me, We do not live near each other

In other words, you've never been to his home........

How is it he's close enough for a booty call several times a week, yet he's not close enough for you to visit there?

I'm glad you are reassessing your situation. Female submissives are in high demand; you deserve and can have much, much better. Best of luck to you in the future.

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 11:41:17 AM

kalikshama

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For my third date with my ex boyfriend, he cooked me lunch at his house.

My man now lives with his elderly parents, so it was about two months before I went to his house. We started dating a year ago in three days

and split the holidays between his family and mine.

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 1:10:01 PM

peppermint

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Just rambling...

I was just thinking back to when Gary and I met. We met at an event. He lived 600 miles away from me. After 3 months of phone calls and internet chat he came to visit me so that he could meet my family. Then we drove 300 miles south to a city where 2 of his kids lived with their families. Then he had me go to 2 doctor visits with him so that I would better understand his condition.

In other words, when he decided that he wanted to be my Dom he wanted our lives to be joined together.

I wonder if this might be a factor in your life. As women get older they feel they are not as sexy as they once were. So many feel inferior because their bodies are not as lean and trim as they once were. They don't have time to take that relaxing bubble bath because the kids need attention. They don't think to use creams that may (or may not) make their skin look younger. Yet many men will tell you that mature women can be much sexier than those 20somethings. Heck, I have a girl friend who was in her mid 60s before she discovered the world of D/s. She's had one long term relationship and now that she's on her own has had men express interest in her. So if age is a factor, do not allow it to be a factor.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 1:33:15 PM

Rawni

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quote:

ORIGINAL: highhopes4us

lets me just say YES I have full access to our profile acct.....SO I am not understanding why you think different... I will say MY Master has never made me do something I didn't want to do. And in the 4 1/2 years we have been together we have never ever had anyone else or couple join us in our M/s partnership...SO maybe I need to just stop posting on these message boards .. I appreciate all the advice and input ..Thank you to all.... BUT believe me MY Master will never or has never strayed from me at all.......I am not sure how some people even came to that conclusion........

Except maybe the part where he tells you he doesn't want to talk about it and in essence, telling you to shut up when you wish to speak, because he doesn't like the topic or you getting too close to the truths of some things.

A dominant that cannot address a very real issue for a submissive or even one that cannot fucking see the issue that is so blatant in your lives... that he is cheating you of what makes a woman tick besides a strongly man... is bordering on use and abuse in my opinion. Who could be so ignorant that they don't realize you need more than booty time?

What type of woman falls for that treatment for long periods of time without standing up and saying, this doesn't work? I am not thriving and I should within a relationship?

You both need some work and if you think your non communicative dom is suddenly going to change because you have a talk with him... then you work on it... but I have rarely ever seen that work. Four and a half years. I would assume that your children are older than four and a half years. You can't be with your man of a lengthy time and your children at the same time? Daddy got too much control? Or... we have a disconnect in this amazing lengthy relationship and it isn't much more than a booty call. Again... a cycle going round and round.

You need to do more than pay attention. You need to grow strong within yourself so that you expect better treatment faster than you have. That you own and the only connection to your 'dominant' in that is that you have allowed him to treat you as if you don't matter and you have made it easy for him to give you less than you deserve.

You give him credit... he works a lot of hours... he volunteers. I have volunteered most my life and worked round the clock, but if I valued someone, they were a part of my life and I did all I could to give them what they deserved. If I couldn't, I didn't volunteer.

Who and what are you to him and don't go by his words... go by his actions.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 1/24/2014 1:44:37 PM >

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RE: can you have date nights - 1/24/2014 2:29:33 PM

ResidentSadist

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If my slave said, "Master has never made me do something I didn't want to do" and she says, "I have full access to our profile acct" and that profile said "Actively Seeking" women and couples, "We are looking for a couple to explore our Bdsm with" . . . I would think we were seeking a woman or couple to play with.

If my slave went on the forums and said "NO We/we are not" seeking, I would think there is a BIG communication problem. And I would think the communication problem is my slave's fault for telling the forum how she feels but not telling me how she feels.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 1/24/2014 2:30:32 PM >

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