RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (Full Version)

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Kana -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 5:46:05 AM)

The people that think domination=Being a rude,callous twatwad



windchymes -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 6:54:20 AM)

Boasting and sweet-talking about all the knowledge and finesse and equipment that he has, what he's done, what he likes to do, how good he does it, but when you get together in person, none of that's anywhere to be found. But since we're there, service him, that's what us cunts are for. You know, part of our training.

Thinking ignoring the sub/slave is a great punishment and will teach her great lessons, when in reality, he's just lazy and lacks communication skills.

Refusing to acknowledge his weaknesses and mistakes and apologize for mistakes he's made. Real men do that when it's warranted.



kiwisub12 -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 8:10:55 AM)

I dislike the mentality that insists that when in public (lifestyle) venues all submissives treat all dominants with respect, deference and awe filled gazes - regardless of age, sex, orientation, and status.

Oddly enough, I've seen this insistence as much from submissives as from dominants, as if they've been brainwashed. And equally odd is when challenged on this assumption, they tend to drag out that they were taught high protocol and leather stuff as if this is the be all and end all , and apex of existence of all bdsm experience.
For some reason, general politeness isn't enough - we have to use ubersubliness methods when interacting with random individuals who have proclaimed their domliness to the world. [8|]


otherwise, there really isn't a general dominant trait that I find annoying. There are personal habits that I'm less than impressed with but these don't translate into the dom population in general. [:D]



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 8:14:54 AM)

All of these:

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

In no particular order...

Insta-Doms
Lack of finesse
Too much porn fueled ideals
Being condescending
Calling subs subbie, girl, little one, pet in first contacts
Assuming all subs are the same
Calling any type of questioning or discussion "topping from the bottom"
Saying you are not really a sub if you don't do XYZ
Anger management issues
Thinking subs are desperate creatures
Lack of intelligence


I have to include a lack of a sense of humor. If you can't laugh at yourself, then to me you take yourself far too seriously and need to be avoided. You sure as hell have no business trying to run my life.



sunshinemiss -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 8:35:38 AM)

I have a number of dominant people in my life as friends. I am happy to say that generally speaking, I adore them. I also respect them. Rarely do I run into dominants who are not darned close to family for me... but... when I do.

There are only one or two things that irritate me. First is the presumption they know more or better than I do about my own life. This presumption leads them to tell me what to do. The "shoulds" and "should haves" so to speak. I don't mind folks who are a little arrogant - kind of like that in fact - but don't be arrogant about something you know nothing about. I've found that people who are my hue of dominance don't need to tell me what to do. I naturally start asking, offering, following. It just happens organically.

The other thing that has happened is when a dominant asks me what I am. Submissive? Dominant? Switch? Usually, I answer with, "I'm a woman." If it is a person who blows my skirt up, they'll know by the way I respond and won't need to ask. Any man who had to ask... wellllll... I've realized it was a clear signal to me that we didn't have the kind of chemistry that I want in a romantic relationship. Again, it happens organically or not at all.

best,
sunshine




SweetAnise -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 8:57:10 AM)

To the OP, for me the problem I have with some dominants are those who are insecure, abusive, control freaks. They have no training, never read a book, or have been mentored, never been to a munch or play party, and believe that being dominant means you instantly say, "Yes Sir" or "Master/Mistress." Many who post on their profiles the kind of submissive they want do so with such aggression that I believe many of them forget this is fantasy. Not realizing if such person(s) exist that it would be a criminal or illegal. I am concerned about the dominant who puts down others- including their own submissive; who have no sense of integrity or fidelity when it comes to the type of partnership they want or have. They don't know their own limits nor respect their sub/slave limits. And most importantly do not self reflect very often on their own behavior, attitudes, or thoughts. Many dominants not all could fall under the word(s) sexual predator, rapist, abuser, and sociopath, or men/women who were rejected and therefore out to get back at others through BDSM. These individuals are dangerous and harmful yet hide behind the word dominant.

I know there are good ones out there, but those are my concerns because of the horror stories you hear about them.




TieMeInKnottss -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 9:26:08 AM)

BAIT and SWITCH doms- those that claim to be what you want, claim you will never do anything you don't want to..They come across as desperate (kind of like the "no limits whatsoever sub"). They have no standards or they are lying about their level of knowledge and are trying to find ANY sub.

Edited to add:

We make fun of "true" doms but there are MANY who think they are doms because they have anger issues, are insensitive or petulant. You are not a Dom just because you always want your way or because you believe in using physical violence to get your way or to "discipline", you are not a Dom because you are a misogynist.

Vanillas are often the worst-especially those from male centered cultures like the Middle East. They believe they are doms and will often zone in on you in vanilla dating sites if you mention being submissive. They all know what a sub should be and do but they have no idea about what a Dominant (capitalized to differentiate) should be like.



littlewonder -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 2:03:51 PM)

those who take up the entire bed and try to make me fly out of it. [:D] [;)]



Kana -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 2:54:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

those who take up the entire bed and try to make me fly out of it. [:D] [;)]

Hey, it's not my fault that you "roll out of bed"



Blonderfluff -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 6:28:18 PM)

Dominants that really don't like women. Men like this use the term to excuse a deep-seated disrespect for women in general. I've come across a few of these in the past months. Infuriating.



Kana -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 6:29:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

Dominants that really don't like women. Men like this use the term to excuse a deep-seated disrespect for women in general. I've come across a few of these in the past months. Infuriating.

Hey-I'm a mouse-ogynist, not a misogynist! [8D]



littlewonder -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 7:47:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

Dominants that really don't like women. Men like this use the term to excuse a deep-seated disrespect for women in general. I've come across a few of these in the past months. Infuriating.

Hey-I'm a mouse-ogynist, not a misogynist! [8D]


See? I knew he didn't like me. [:(]



DeineSKlavin -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 8:06:07 PM)

Those that procrastinate, leaving us up in the air or in limbo. That one drives me bonkers.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 11:07:22 PM)

When they aren't Doms, they're switches, and they want the freedom to play the field with Dommes, while you stay faithful at home. (n.b. this is not all switches, natch, it's merely an annoying trait in some switchy partners I've had).

When they're very limited in what they will try and enjoy and I don't get half of my desires met.

When they're overly focussed on me doing one particular thing that happens to be a hard limit, and they get pushy and demanding that I do it, and want to know all the ins and outs of 'why not' as though I need to explain myself to them.

When they haven't learned to spank properly and they hit too high and around the hips.

When they don't understand the difference between a sub and a slave and think that subs should all be no limits TPE 24/7.

When they have stupidly insane ideas for play that are patently illegal / dangerous / ridiculous or violate my limits.

Lying and cheating.

When they get too 'sergeant major' about planning and days out turn into a strictly regimented and timed activities rather than just enjoying ourselves and having fun.

Bullshitters.

One twoo way Doms who think that all subs should be into service.

One twoo way Doms who think that subs shouldn't have kink and sex fantasies and desires of their own.



directiveerror -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/26/2014 11:18:56 PM)

the ones that wont admit when their gig is up "what you finally caught me in all those lies... oh i just admitted it... wait that was just your trickery you are crazy this is your fault"

and the ones that will over and over swear to protect you then throw you under the bus the first chance they get

these ones- "at least you were worth the lie"

share something personal=use it as fodder against you

and the ones that blame you for what they do to you

have a real emotional response... their response is "thats hot"

expect you to want to talk to them whenever they want to talk to you....

ah man so many things i will stop



FieryOpal -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/27/2014 3:09:52 AM)

So-called Dominants who couldn't dominate their way out of a paperbag, esp. those on line.



Greta75 -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/27/2014 5:01:04 AM)

This is a pretty weird question to me.

For me the key of being a good dominant is being a good leader. Someone who inspires, leads, motivates, considers the best interest of all involved, take control, persuade intelligently and patiently.

So, I think what is annoying is when a dominant shows poor leadership quality and wants to dom. Do they not understand that to dom means that they actually have to lead another human being?

I met a dom recently, and strangely, while I was all confident and calm, he was all panicky and anyway. I pretty much said to him, that this is ridiculous, I am the woman, you are the man. You should be making me feel comfortable and not the other way round. But I think it really hurt his ego, because it's true. He said he was embarrass by his behaviour.



shiftyw -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/27/2014 6:55:26 AM)

I can agree with all the boarder annoyances spoken of here.

With those I've personally experienced?

Lack of interest in trying new things.



littlewonder -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/27/2014 2:28:45 PM)

when you first meet them for coffee and they are shaking, stuttering and you reach out to shake their hand only to find out it's cold and clammy and is about as wimpy as a wet leaf. Not exactly my idea of what I would call dominant material. Then through the conversation you come to find out their idea of dominant means getting kinky in the bedroom.
So basically doms who like to use the term but don't have a single clue what it means or use it just because it sounds 'hot' to the girls.



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: What traits do you think are annoying in dominants? (1/27/2014 4:58:38 PM)

I was at a Fet night event years ago with my 1st dom & a Domme friend. Some douchecanoe dom who used to hit on all subs (if they were alone), not even caring if they were owned or not, came up to me and squeezed a boob really hard. I'd met him before, he knew who owned me, he knew who I was with that night, and he still did it.

By the time they both came back, he was gone. Took him less than 30 seconds to disappear. I was livid, already stalking the venue for him, literally looking to twist his nuts into pretzels. Took the 2 of them to hold me back. Club rule, subs had to show respect to all Doms. We had to leave, they knew I'd go after him. although I wanted to wait for him in the parking lot, it was off site.

So poaching is a huge nono for me, as is grabbing who's not yours and being a coward. Being a rat bastage is not a good thing in my book either.



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