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hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 12:59:06 PM

alon101

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2014
From: lives in florida
Status: offline

hello this is alon i will like to know if my profile is to short or thoes it say what is needed to be said i am asking this because my birthday is in feb and i hope to find what i am looking for by then i have been looking for my Submissive/Slave for a few months now please tell me thank you

_____________________________

Dom/Sub Couple seeking female sub/slave for ltr

Post #: 1

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 1:05:45 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

It's a bit short. It doesn't say who you are as people - what you are into, what you do for fun other than kink etc. It doesn't say much about who this person will be to you both - are you hoping everyone loves each other? Is your girlfriend going to be your main priority and this other woman come second? Who is she going to be submissive to? There are tons of couples looking for a third, and very few people who want to be a third. They need to know what you are offering.

To be honest, getting this within a month is highly unrealistic. Think about what you are asking for - submissive woman, likes you both, both like her, willing to relocate, open to poly, compatible, kinky, right age (and presumably someone you find attractive, sane etc). How many of those people do you think exist in the world?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to alon101)

Post #: 2

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 1:10:59 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Well, your profile is like your posts here...nearly unintelligible.

You're advertising in a medium that relies on the written word and yours can't be read. It comes across as uneducated, sloppy and lazy.

Next, you're looking for a unicorn (go search the poly forum for that term). The Unicorn is an extremely small segment of the BDSM D/s community with a large number of people looking to find one. In order to stand out against your competition, you need to bring your A game....and you're not.

Lastly, even if you were the absolute ideal candidate to catch the attention of a Unicorn....chances are it won't happen by next month. Chances are it won't happen within a year and there's a possibility it may never happen. So, patience is the word of the day.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to alon101)

Post #: 3

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 1:11:13 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

The likelihood of finding a sub before your birthday is rather slim (to say the least) especially in such a detached format. Luckily I found my sub (on a vanilla site) but still open to meeting possible other subs until the relationship is cohesive. The male subs are eager beavers, the female subs of course, not so much probably because they get a litmus of bad mail which puts them off.
My best advice is to be persistent and patient if you plan on using the site, otherwise you should try to get to a "munch" or one of the other social bdsm events for like minded people so at least your prospective subs are meeting you face to face.
If I were you and had little worry of "being visible", I'd definitely choose the munch.
You seem like a nice enough couple that you shouldn't have a problem finding a third.
There are also other fetish "social networking sites" as opposed to this one which is primarily for actively seeking mostly ONLINE.
You do have options on the bright side if you really are trying to reach some sort of short term deadline.
Best of luck! :)

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to alon101)

Post #: 4

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 1:18:29 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Your profile does not say if you are seeking male or female or whether you have no preference.

I have a feeling you are looking for a bi female who is willing to join an established couple. Around here we often refer to this type of person as a unicorn. In this case a unicorn is nor impossible to find, however this type of unicorn is extremely rare. To find one you will have to up your A game together. You will need to look online, at events, at munches, at swing parties, etc. You can use the search feature at the top right of this page to find threads from the poly forum that might help you find your unicorn.

You have some decisions to make before adding another. Will she be live in? Will she have a job? How will you present her to friends and family? Will she be equal to the original female or will she take orders from her?

People search for years to find the right unicorn. It is unrealistic to expect to find a person who is compatible with the male, is compatible with the female, and wants to be with a couple in just a few months of searching. It's not that it can't happen, but it's unlikely. How long did it take you two to find each other? Finding a unicorn can theoretically take much longer.

In the meantime enjoy the relationship that you have. Make it strong as only a strong relationship can handle adding another.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to alon101)

Post #: 5

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 1:35:42 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

The profile length is the least issue.

My sub and I have interested several unicorns, mostly for play. They respond to each of us individually, but especially to the interplay between us.

Your profile says: "We want a sub". That's it. No indication if she'll be a semipermananent part of your family, how she'll relate to your femsub, no idea if she'll just be a fucktoy or have domestic duties, no indication what she can expect out of the deal...

My advice is to get out into the community, where writing skills count for less. And forget about your one month deadline and try for a more realistic one of several years if you want more than a one night playtoy.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 6

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 1:52:23 PM

alon101

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2014
From: lives in florida
Status: offline

Thank you all I appreciate it a whole lot

_____________________________

Dom/Sub Couple seeking female sub/slave for ltr

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 1:56:19 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alon101

hello this is alon i will like to know if my profile is to short or thoes it say what is needed to be said i am asking this because my birthday is in feb and i hope to find what i am looking for by then i have been looking for my Submissive/Slave for a few months now please tell me thank you

By February??? Good luck with that. There are people who have been looking for years!!!!

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to alon101)

Post #: 8

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 9:06:36 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Actually, I'm going to recommend you hire an escort.

If you folks haven't had a threesome before then you don't know how either of you will react. How will she react if you don't play with her, just with the new girl? If it doesn't work, if either of you can't handle it and needs to end it, an escort won't be upset by being rejected. She'll just take her money and leave.

If you do this to someone who expects more, you could make her feel pretty bad and she won't have anyone to give her aftercare once you've kicked her out.

Beyond that, what happens when you go to your parents anniversary party? How are you going to explain her? Or is she just a dirty little secret? What if you have family visiting? Then she suddenly doesn't get to be with you. Or when you're doing couple things, you going to be okay with her finding a primary of her own?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 9

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 9:36:18 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

she's the maid

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 9:53:04 PM

Dvr22999874

Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline

"a friend from interstate who is staying with us while she finds work and a place to stay"....................that works

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 11

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 9:59:15 PM

alon101

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2014
From: lives in florida
Status: offline

No she will not be our made were u got that from. Lol. The reason why I'm looking for subs because my wife loves to please me this is something that I ask for and she is okay with it as long as my intentions are not to get up and leave her she's okay with it I never said that no one was going to be my maid or nothing like that I just wanted them to know that day will be accepted as a member of my family as long as they are willing to become a member of my family

_____________________________

Dom/Sub Couple seeking female sub/slave for ltr

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 12

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 10:00:28 PM

alon101

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/26/2014
From: lives in florida
Status: offline

Now I am feeling like I asked the wrong question not nice at all

_____________________________

Dom/Sub Couple seeking female sub/slave for ltr

(in reply to alon101)

Post #: 13

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 10:16:11 PM

Dvr22999874

Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline

There is no such thing as a wrong question...........only wrong answers

(in reply to alon101)

Post #: 14

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/26/2014 10:20:24 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-called-you-a-unicorn-hunter/

read this before you go ruin some perfectly nice woman's year.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Dvr22999874)

Post #: 15

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/27/2014 3:31:55 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alon101

No she will not be our made were u got that from. Lol. The reason why I'm looking for subs because my wife loves to please me this is something that I ask for and she is okay with it as long as my intentions are not to get up and leave her she's okay with it I never said that no one was going to be my maid or nothing like that I just wanted them to know that day will be accepted as a member of my family as long as they are willing to become a member of my family

You didn't ask the wrong question...but those who have been around a while or who have experience in what you want see the potential potholes ahead and are trying to warn you. The line about "your wife is ok with it since you want it" is a HUGE red flag

Think of it like this: you decide you want to be a father right now, she has never really been "into" kids but is willing to do it for you, as long as you do all the work and it does not change your relationship. Sounds, to you, like a green light. You go out and find a kid to adopt and bring him/her into your lives. The reality is that the child WILL change your lives, will change your relationship because the child is a person & comes with his/her own needs, desires, problems. Once you have "tried" everyone's life has been impacted. There is no going back and the person who is most likely hurt the most is the child because he is the "3rd", the one resented for "changing things"

Honestly READ the poly forum. See what has happened, how others have had it go wrong and how some have made it go right. Don't get me wrong there are some who have excellent setups, are stronger for it...but there are even more who lost both the primary and secondary relationships. I am not discouraging you or saying it is wrong, I AM saying to do it right requires a lot if groundwork and you seem too focused on the end result.

(in reply to alon101)

Post #: 16

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/27/2014 2:07:29 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

"a friend from interstate who is staying with us while she finds work and a place to stay"....................that works

Not if she's not okay being marginalized and having you suddenly repudiate all those things you've told her about being important to you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Dvr22999874)

Post #: 17

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/27/2014 2:23:20 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

that was my point of being called 'the maid'.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: hello this question is to the Submissive/Slave - 1/27/2014 4:28:40 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Good read; a little depressing. Glad we're happily monogamous, lol. My fav section below.

http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-called-you-a-unicorn-hunter/

1. No Rules. State desires and needs. Make requests. Don’t dictate, discuss.

2. Security through Investment. You don’t remain secure or “Protect the Preexisting Relationship” by limiting what happens with others, you do it by continually investing in your preexisting relationship.

3. Minimize “The Box”. Don’t put restrictions on people who don’t exist, much less ones who do. Allow each relationship to grow into it’s own, natural expression.

4. Specificity. Use specific criteria to search for what you want, but remain open to what you might find.

5. Share “Deal-Breakers” early. When something truly is non-negotiable, it needs to be first date material. Don’t over-dramatize this, a simple, clear statement should suffice.

6. Communicate expectations repeatedly. When you find expectations cropping up, say them out loud. Often people assume that everyone is on the same page and are shocked when later they find that it is not the case. Allow expectations to shift as situations change.

7. Be out! Do this as much as possible. Your entire life will reap benefits as you are able to be more and more open, honest, and congruent. The biggest benefits you will experience will be internal. It is truly transformative.

8. Fairness does not mean Equality. Treat people with kindness and understanding. Try to avoid quid pro quo negotiation, these situations are frequently indicative of underlying problems.

9. Every person involved is equally important as a human being, even if they don’t have equal significance in your life. Don’t act as if you are entitled to a privileged position, or one relationship is entitled to privilege over another.

10. Complete disclosure. With every interaction bring your entire person. Be congruent, open, and honest with each person you are in relationship with. If you ever feel you can’t do this, you have gone of the tracks badly. The relationship is broken and needs to be repaired or discarded.

11. Don’t start out by dating together. Yes, I’m saying, “Don’t be Unicorn Hunters”. Each of you will have an astronomically higher chance of finding what you are looking for if you stop trying to have 1 magical person fulfill 2 distinct and ofttimes contradictory roles. You just might find someone who likes your partner and you will have found your natural fit while effectively sidestepping many of the pitfalls and traps listed herein.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

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