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trusting - 7/5/2006 6:47:05 PM

submissiveclassy

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/5/2006
Status: offline

i am finding it very hard to trust.. And it seems to get worse rather than better. i realize its best to meet face to face to start the bridge of trust, and to talk to one for at least a couple of weeks before meeting even. Any other ideas/ thoughts as to building trust face to face and on line??? Thank Y/you A/all in advance.

submissiveclassy

Post #: 1

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 7:13:21 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveclassy

i am finding it very hard to trust.. And it seems to get worse rather than better. i realize its best to meet face to face to start the bridge of trust, and to talk to one for at least a couple of weeks before meeting even. Any other ideas/ thoughts as to building trust face to face and on line??? Thank Y/you A/all in advance.

submissiveclassy

Clever liars give details, but the cleverest don't.

—Anonymous

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 2

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 7:22:07 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

HI!...ok..I am a novice as well..so this is just my opinion right?..I read your profile and of course nebit to newbit..I applaud your caution..it takes time to feel brave enough to actually meet face to face your first Dominant.I mean face it you dont know what really to expect.So when you are ready to jump..you will..but meeting a Dominant for a first time is exactly like vanilla,,there is just more of an awareness there then you would experience in nilla life..As for trust..same principle ,you are of an age as I am...you know how to read people, you know about gut instinct, no different. As for on line ...well that is another bag of chips all together,Just remember always you are submissive to no one but the one who's collar you may wear someday. Do not be coerced or bullied into anything that gives you that big ol red flag.As many have stated to me and I will state to you..Research and read and learn any and everything you can to be able to come from a place of some knowledge. And nothing takes the place of possibly going to events and munches to give you a more R/L and realistic viewpoint...be well...hope I helped a wee bit..Tempting

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 3

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 7:22:42 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveclassy

i am finding it very hard to trust.. And it seems to get worse rather than better. i realize its best to meet face to face to start the bridge of trust, and to talk to one for at least a couple of weeks before meeting even. Any other ideas/ thoughts as to building trust face to face and on line??? Thank Y/you A/all in advance.

submissiveclassy

Just go with your gut feelings. And dont expect total trust to be there over night. It takes time. Anyone who demands it right away, is most likely not worthy of it.

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 4

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 7:24:00 PM

Smythe

Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveclassy

i am finding it very hard to trust.. And it seems to get worse rather than better. i realize its best to meet face to face to start the bridge of trust, and to talk to one for at least a couple of weeks before meeting even. Any other ideas/ thoughts as to building trust face to face and on line??? Thank Y/you A/all in advance.

submissiveclassy

"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust"
---Samuel Johnson

(In other words, sometimes you just have to take a chance. Be safe, but be brave.)

Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 5

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 7:31:02 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

My personal feeling is that trust comes when it's right. It is something that takes time. Ask a lot of questions.. take your time getting to know the person. If they aren't patient with you they are not worth your time anyway.

good luck,
sub tara

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 6

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 7:36:50 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveclassy

i am finding it very hard to trust.. And it seems to get worse rather than better. i realize its best to meet face to face to start the bridge of trust, and to talk to one for at least a couple of weeks before meeting even. Any other ideas/ thoughts as to building trust face to face and on line??? Thank Y/you A/all in advance.

submissiveclassy

Trust is something i think too many people tend to believe comes more quickly than it does - at least for me. It takes time to get to know someone - to see them in action, observe how they react to situations that aren't always pleasing to them. i've heard it repeatedly that a submissive will only submit once the trust is built. But how long does that take? Unfortunately too many seem to think a week, 2 weeks, a month is enough time. Move slowly and steadily and always, always have your safecall in place.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 7

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 8:08:43 PM

Carameldomme

Posts: 65
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline

I agree, take your time and listen to yourself.

I have two other thoughts.
1- Is there something wrong with you that makes you unable/willing to trust? I'm sure you've thought of this, and I'd encourage you to really think about it before you put this on yourself, but DO think about it. Has someone/thing made you extra wary?

2- Some people- you meet and instantly feel that you can trust them. Great, but not all people are like that. That doesn't make them any less trustworthy, nor does it mean you should hightail it. Don't be disappointed and think you will never trust a person b/c it doesn't happen quickly. Give people the time (rope) they need to prove their trustworthiness, or dishonesty.

(in reply to Submotive)

Post #: 8

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 8:16:38 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

Trust is like an old pair of jeans. It may feel right and look good when you first wear them...but only with time and lots of wear do they become really comfortable.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 9

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 9:08:59 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

I have trusted slowly all my life it seems but in reality that came only after i was hurt badly many years ago. Now i am much more cautious with the inner me. I believe tho that if i do not trust and take the small steps to greater trust i might as well be dead now. Life without movement is not really life but stagnation. Take baby steps in building a relationship, trust your instinct and when it tells you to run do so at once. Get to know the Dom the best you can before meeting, meet in a nice public place then talk some more and meet again publically if you need to. I have been finding out more about the Doms i meet by their interactions with others while we are in public. If they are not what i need then it is time to say good bye before it gets good and started and if they have earned your respect then let them earn your trust as well. Don't let fear of being hurt stop you from finding your hearts desire. In short hold your nose and jump in the pool feet first (just try the shallower end first).

(in reply to champagnewishes)

Post #: 10

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 9:20:33 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissiveclassy

i am finding it very hard to trust.. And it seems to get worse rather than better. i realize its best to meet face to face to start the bridge of trust, and to talk to one for at least a couple of weeks before meeting even. Any other ideas/ thoughts as to building trust face to face and on line??? Thank Y/you A/all in advance.

submissiveclassy

Trust yourself first and foremost. Trust your own judgment. Trust your intuition. Trust that if you make a mistake you can still fix it... trust yourself and then you can trust in others. Also, be a trustworthy person in your own right. It is hard to trust when you cannot be trusted (and I say that in a general sort of way, not talking about you personally).

I think that we spend too much time projecting our fears on to others, whomever this person is he will show himself to be as he truly is.. It is no loss to you to allow the time to find out who he is, and you have a lot to gain... good luck!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 11

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 9:28:02 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

If you keep making bad choices, the common denominator is YOU. What is it about yourself that you make bad choices? Time to play the old pattern game...look for the patterns that happen over and over and ask yourself why.

The men may be complete assholes but YOU are choosing them, so the issue you need to deal with is YOU.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 9:39:10 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I might not be one to have a valid opinion here, as I almost always seem to have the opposite problem (and it can be a problem). You can always come out and say something like (and this may be waay too blunt ot be considered graceful or full of savoir faire or whatever) :

I agree with julia about the intuition (I can't pinpoint why, but then that's why it is intuition)...I'd trust it (unless yours has a very poor track record).

Anyway, you could always say somethig like:
"Please don't be offended by me saying this - it's not about you. But I am really starting to like you and I hope you are being honest with me. Because with all of the other 10 billion or so people in the world, maybe half of whose heads someone might be able to screw with, I'd hope you wouldn't with mine. Please be honest with me. Also -consider this: If you are screwing with my head, I will eventually find out. If not, then maybe something better will happen here".

Or something like that.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/5/2006 10:11:25 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 13

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 10:06:29 PM

eruditegirl1

Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline

Trust is something not only to be patient with but also to give. I find that when I trust another they in turn trust me.....not to say it is always returned...in some cases I have been well ...point blank ...screwed...and in those cases I was bound and determined not to allow those few to stop me from trusting in others....
It's easy to to stop trusting...to become angry and hurt by liars...the hardest part but yet the most rewarding is to continue to trust...to be open to knowing that there are good people out there whom you can and should trust....

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 14

RE: trusting - 7/5/2006 11:32:10 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

First trust yourself and your feelings. Once you can do that, it will be easier to trust others.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 15

RE: trusting - 7/6/2006 12:06:22 AM

shivvy

Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline

one of my faults is i tend to trust too easilly, and although i been hurt in the past, and manipulated and woteva, i can't help it. i just don't see how when you get to know somebody, and become their friend, how you CAN'T trust them... i know you got too, but like i just said, i can't... that's another reason why i luv being collared, coz i know in my heart i can trust my Master, and until He gives me a reason not to trust Him (which i don't think He eva will), then i don't have to worry about it... but then i know i'm very lucky

_____________________________

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.εΐз¸¸.·*´¯`v´¯`*·.¸¸ـ εΐз ~*luv shivvy*~ ـ εΐз

xxx
Owned and collared by SavageFaerie and Master P

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 16

RE: trusting - 7/6/2006 12:10:23 AM

fyrekittyn

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

Trust isn't the world's easiest thing. Some people you may trust instantly, others, it may take time. You have to allow yourself to be open to what can happen.

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to shivvy)

Post #: 17

RE: trusting - 7/6/2006 2:13:22 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

Don't trust anyone online! When they have had their fun they can simply turn off the computer and walk away. It's always better to learn the easy way than the hard way.

As for r/l, it's easier to assess someone when you can look them in the eye and you have plenty of information about them.

Be warey of those people who insist they are honest and trustworthy, they probably aren't. Never trust someone who wants to push you into doing something you are hesitant about.

The most untrustworthy people however, are chameleons and really, you need to keep your wits about you.

(in reply to submissiveclassy)

Post #: 18

RE: trusting - 7/6/2006 3:08:07 AM

diaphane

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

Where in the world did this come from? It's got me completely confused. I thought, maybe, there might be something in the OP's profile that would explain this response, but I see nothing. Not trying to bash you, CrappyDom, because I've admired many of Your posts. I just am confused as to what this one is in reference to. =(

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 19

RE: trusting - 7/6/2006 3:34:14 AM

srllile7

Posts: 75
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

you have to go with your feelings. Trust your trust if you will. I work with a lot of women who second guess their decision making abilities when it comes to trusting. What we tell them is make sure you have all the facts possible. Knowledge is your best friend. Once you have all the facts you possibly can go with your feeling. IF you feel uneasy its always best to take this as a red flag and slow down, because there probably is something off kilter. Besides that, if the person really is who they say they are and needs to be in your life they typically have the Patience and understanding to give you the time to get comfortable and build the trust.

(in reply to diaphane)

Post #: 20

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