RE: deal breakers

RE: deal breakers (Full Version)

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Blueswordsman -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 11:00:55 AM)
I agree If you find the prefect mate there is nothing about them that should be a deal breaker. Including cancer or dementia. Till death do us part.

pg4g -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 11:08:39 AM)
Yeah, my partner doesn't fit 4 of my 8 "deal breakers" - I suppose that they'd be deal breakers starting out a relationship, but I didn't know myself when I was getting into this relationship 5 years back. Priorities change over time. Now? It would take some serious, serious, serious thing to break us up, and none of the 8 he breaks overrides the fact I love the guy - a LOT. I can't imagine breaking up even if every "deal breaker" was broken.

DesFIP -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 3:08:32 PM)
Sorry, someone with dementia is never going to be perfect for me to form a new relationship with. Plus you couldn't get into a relationship with them since they wouldn't remember you on a day to day basis. And staying in a relationship with someone who is spending the next five years fighting for their life is very different than getting into a relationship with someone in the condition. Because they aren't going to have the time nor energy to build a strong relationship while going through multiple surgeries, chemo etc. There are all kinds of other things that make a person not perfect for me. Guys who don't pay child support, who aren't involved with their children. And indeed, now that I'm nearly 60, a guy half my age, one with a small child, not someone I'm compatible with. The drug use/addiction issues to me are like abusing those who are vulnerable. It goes without saying they don't deserve my respect or liking and therefore I'm not interested in discovering that they have one or two good qualities. Some things are bad enough that there's no way past that.

FelineRanger -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 4:06:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss Oh this can be fun or it can get ugly... In my profile, I state that the following are "no go" - ever been in prison or jail I'm probably taking this one personally because I have done time. But why is this a deal breaker? People who commit felonies need that second chance both in jobs and in relationships. In the Scandinavian countries, where the laws are written is such a way as to allow a legitimate second chance and the culture doesn't continue that absurd "Once a felon, always a felon" idea, people do far better than they do here.

pg4g -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 4:25:08 PM)
Yeah, I certainly don't understand that one, FelineRanger. A second chance is the least people deserve. But it would weigh in to the decision making, e.g. what it was for, and the circumstances that surrounded the crime. I'm not going to get into a relationship with a confessed murderer, for example. The risks you're putting into their hands during BDSM especially make this an important consideration.

directiveerror -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 4:29:04 PM)
plus the scary ones arent the ones that get caught, its the ones that have gotten away with it.

FelineRanger -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 5:01:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: directiveerror plus the scary ones arent the ones that get caught, its the ones that have gotten away with it. This goes right back to that "once a felon, always a felon" idea that is, sadly, endemic to U.S. culture. At the heart of every felony is a complete loss of hope. The thought goes through your head that says "My life is so out of control that it's unrecoverable and it doesn't matter any more if I stay on the right side of the law." It doesn't matter whether you commit murder, drug offenses, or anything else. That thought went through Michael Vick's head, too. The vast majority of the time, it's nowhere near rational. That's where prison here fails badly. Nobody learns anything except how to survive in prison. There is zero rehabilitative value in the prison system.

directiveerror -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 5:38:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelineRanger quote: ORIGINAL: directiveerror plus the scary ones arent the ones that get caught, its the ones that have gotten away with it. This goes right back to that "once a felon, always a felon" idea that is, sadly, endemic to U.S. culture. At the heart of every felony is a complete loss of hope. The thought goes through your head that says "My life is so out of control that it's unrecoverable and it doesn't matter any more if I stay on the right side of the law." It doesn't matter whether you commit murder, drug offenses, or anything else. That thought went through Michael Vick's head, too. The vast majority of the time, it's nowhere near rational. That's where prison here fails badly. Nobody learns anything except how to survive in prison. There is zero rehabilitative value in the prison system. institutionalization is learned helplessness, its not the title its the idea. if you think into the mindset of "im a felon my life is ruined" you are buying into it... if you are a felon you are a felon, you made that choice own up to it. there are plenty of people in the world that hear those lines every day "once a criminal always a criminal" "once a whore always a whore" "once a slave always a slave" "once a soldier always a soldier" "once a parent always a parent"... your choices shape you... saying "its not my fault" "why is everyone blaming me" is buying into the idea that you are helpless to make your own choices. you can choose that path and continue letting everyone make your choices for you, and the worlds will keep hurting... or you can rise above them and shove it in their face... "yes i'm a felon, but i am happy and successful and love my life, do you?" "yes i am a slave but i'm happy and free and love my life, do you?" .... you choose how the words go, you make decisions for your own life and nothing else matters.

MisterP61 -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 7:08:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss I also freely admit to discriminating against anyone who identifies as a lover of peas!! Dam... guess this leaves Me out. Deal breaker number 1 in My book: Lies

DeineSKlavin -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 11:30:24 PM)
- not monogamous - lack of interaction in their family's life (parents, siblings, kids) - not self supportive (ie: jobless, homeless) - drug use - sub, switch (I too need to be dominated/owned completely) - lack of hygiene - arrogant, braggart, boastful, pretentious - lacking common sense or any semblance of intelligence - lack of honesty with themselves and others - overly friendly with the exes (there's a reason they are the ex)

DeineSKlavin -> RE: deal breakers (1/30/2014 11:32:18 PM)
Addition: someone who is a total slob

kallisto -> RE: deal breakers (1/31/2014 5:02:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MisterP61 Deal breaker number 1 in My book: Lies[/color] Mine too

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: deal breakers (1/31/2014 5:22:58 AM)
Well, I have to disagree with that one. I specialize in doing makeovers of slob types (both vanillas and kinks), and I rather ENJOY it. quote: ORIGINAL: DeineSKlavin Addition: someone who is a total slob

breagha -> RE: deal breakers (1/31/2014 7:17:29 AM)
i would have to say a huge deal breaker for me is breaking of trust. Most other things are negotiable... the breaking of honesty and trust are really huge deal breakers

NuevaVida -> RE: deal breakers (1/31/2014 7:41:08 AM)
Fast reply: It really boils down to character for me. I'd only be with someone whose character I respect and admire. A lot of what is posted here falls into that category for me. If his character is appealing to me, he wouldn't have many of those listed traits. I'll add A closed mind to the list.

AlphaFemsRule -> RE: deal breakers (1/31/2014 8:07:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Never been married by age 40, esp. by middle age (therefore, not properly domesticated) What if he's lived with another woman for an extensive period of time? quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Avoids manning up and wants a woman to fight his battles for him. Has delusional concept of what Alphaness is all about and thinks Dommes have to throw their weight around and/or behave like Bitches. Wants to ride on the coattails of an Alpha female because he hasn't grown a set for himself yet. Bad personal hygiene is a given deal breaker, so I'll add: Wants a Mistress with poor personal hygiene practices (his fetish).[/color] Why do I feel this these were about me? [:D]

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: deal breakers (1/31/2014 1:16:03 PM)
Deal breakers for me, in no particular order: Monogamy, at least on my end. They can be mono to me if they want, but they need to accept I will never reciprocate. Lies in any form, including omission Transphobia/homophobia/other forms of bigotry Conservative/Libertarian politics Bad hygiene - I have "dog nose" so scent is extremely important Addiction of any kind including tobacco Chronic STDs / Fails to follow safer sex practices Lack of intelligence Highly dogmatic - particularly with any of the Abrahamic religions, but also includes atheist zealotry Doesn't like kids or pets; I have both Neat freak - I am the Queen of Clutter but it's organized chaos; I know where everything is so don't mess with my system I'm sure there are more but those are what come immediately to mind

ResidentSadist -> RE: deal breakers (1/31/2014 2:36:16 PM)
1. morals 2. monogamy 3. heterosexuality 4. a gag reflex

Runningkc -> RE: deal breakers (1/31/2014 3:15:08 PM)
Poor attitude/outlook. I can look past many, many faults. But I am such a positive, upbeat person, I refuse to surround myself with people that might pull me down.

FieryOpal -> RE: deal breakers (1/31/2014 3:34:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlphaFemsRule [1] What if he's lived with another woman for an extensive period of time? --- [2] Why do I feel this these were about me? [:D] 1. Anyone else can hold to whatever opinion they like, and there may be rare exceptions, but living together will never be on par with the same level of commitment that being married is. In other words, marriage as "taking the next step" will never become obsolete, certainly not in our lifetimes. I don't have enough fingers & toes to count how many times I've heard a man say he's only living with his partner (of 5-8-10-15-20) years as his justification for looking elsewhere for some excitement/strange - and/or to act out his fetish/kink - or to pretend he is a potentially available partner for relationship purposes. As for my reference to being properly domesticated, not many husbands reach that state of progression either. This applies to women as well, in that there is no comparison between raising a family within an old-fashioned marital construct because it's as much a mindset of OWNERSHIP and covenantial obligations as anything else. Spouses BELONG to one another. In fact, this is why having a D/s relationship dynamic outside of one's marriage is disingenuous, unless you happen to subscribe to the concept of SHARED OWNERSHIP. A married man seeking to become OWNED by a Mistress without his wife's informed consent, aside from breaching BDSM Consent protocols, is already owned by another. Therefore, any D/s-M/s arrangement they mutually agree to conduct between themselves is based upon a big, fat LIE which invalidates such an illusory condition. 2. If the shoe fits, wear it.... [8D] Actually, seeing your post earlier, along w/your user name, did remind me of these factors. Had I wanted to address you directly, I would have done so on your own thread if I thought it would do any good. You are entitled to your preferences, and I can choose to avoid subs who are fixated on this Alpha female ideal. I'm not part of a wolf pack and don't operate on animalistic/sub-human precepts (no pun intended, I think). Just my personal preference, and thanks for indirectly contributing to my chain of thoughts. [:)]

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