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RE: reality check - 2/2/2014 7:45:42 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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If the no show on first meet, I always presume they're as phony as a three dollar bill

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RE: reality check - 2/2/2014 7:49:13 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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depends on how seriously you two are talking online. If you really like the guy and you feel some kind of connection online, whatever that means, then yeah, 6 months is too long. But if you're just talking to the guy and there's nothing serious there and it's just platonic talk then you do whatever you want. It took me two years to meet Master but we didn't have anything serious going on. We just were two people who couldn't sleep at night and we were the only two online. heh.

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RE: reality check - 2/2/2014 8:53:06 PM

Arturas

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http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4631383

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RE: reality check - 2/2/2014 9:54:21 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Libertyfor1

What would you do in my place? I like his style and the things we have in common. It may be naive but I don't think I will find a more compatible person since I'm not that easy to manage.

How can you be managed if you never met?

2 hours is kind of far for me.

I would never communicate for this long without meeting, unless it's just a friend thing.

If someone doesn't ask to meet me within a week or two, I lose interest.

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RE: reality check - 2/3/2014 12:35:03 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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fast reply

I would say, 'I'm looking for a relationship, not a pen pal. Since you haven't had time to meet me once in six months, I think your life is too busy for me to get what I need. Good luck in your search.'

And then I would stop speaking to him, so there's no more opportunities for empty promises. 2 hours isn't that far away, and most people have work and family commitments to some extent. Even if he isn't married, and he meets you tomorrow, will you be happy only getting his attention once in a blue moon.

If you are 'not that easy to manage' even more reason you need someone who can be consistent presence in your life. Though I'm dubious of that phrase - it sounds like something he has told you to put you off looking elsewhere.

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RE: reality check - 2/3/2014 12:44:02 AM

asanaambitions

Posts: 62
Joined: 8/26/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Completely off topic:

asanaambitions, your new avatar is super hot.

Thank you! It's gotten some...intersting responses

(apologies for the thread jack)

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RE: reality check - 2/3/2014 8:06:10 AM

NuevaVida

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Fast Reply:

He lived 2 hours away when we first met online, had 2 jobs, a daughter, and was planning a move. About a month and a half into talking (phone and online), we agreed we both were interested in pursuing a relationship together. Because of his schedule, he proposed a meeting the following month. When I said I really preferred to meet sooner, that I needed to look into his eyes to know him more before investing myself, he set up dinner a week later.

Six months would not have worked for me. A lack of effort on his part to make it happen would communicate disinterest to me and I'd have moved on.

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RE: reality check - 2/3/2014 9:53:13 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I would say, 'I'm looking for a relationship, not a pen pal. Since you haven't had time to meet me once in six months, I think your life is too busy for me to get what I need. Good luck in your search.'

And then I would stop speaking to him, so there's no more opportunities for empty promises. 2 hours isn't that far away, and most people have work and family commitments to some extent. Even if he isn't married, and he meets you tomorrow, will you be happy only getting his attention once in a blue moon.

If you are 'not that easy to manage' even more reason you need someone who can be consistent presence in your life. Though I'm dubious of that phrase - it sounds like something he has told you to put you off looking elsewhere.

OP - when you dump him, it's quit likely he will then make an effort due to Fear of Loss. Leave him dumped.

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RE: reality check - 2/3/2014 10:09:16 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Libertyfor1
What would you do in my place? ..............

Obviously you are very "attached" to this guy and have trouble letting go. Perhaps you came here more for peer group support, not the question you already know the answer to. I would take my affirmations from replies in this thread, strengthen my resolve and do what has to be done. I'd dump him.

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RE: reality check - 2/3/2014 12:21:34 PM

Blueswordsman

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Joined: 10/3/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Libertyfor1

If you haven't met a prospective Dom for close to six months after beginning initial correspondence, what is the realistic chance of the meeting concurring?

Looks like he found someone better to do and so should you.

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RE: reality check - 2/3/2014 11:33:32 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Libertyfor1

He keeps saying we will meet soon enough but doesn't go into to any details. He lives two hours away, has kids and a company to run. Still...not even one intro meeting in half a year seems odd even to a newbie like me. The one time we arranged to meet, he cancelled due to a commitment to his kids.

I still haven't chosen a Dom while I try to figure out the reasonable and smart thing to do with this guy.

The reasonable and smart thing to do is to not expect him to meet you. Assuming he's being truthful with you, he's probably working constantly and doesn't have time/energy to commit to anything with you right now. He may like talking to you, may want to meet you someday - but family and business are going to come first, and clearly he doesn't have a lot of time left over.

You're not a priority to him, so don't make him a priority to you.

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RE: reality check - 2/5/2014 7:11:09 AM

FieryOpal

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Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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The others have already told you what's really going on and that you are not a priority in this man's life. You are his convenient de-stressifying side entertainment, much like turning on music or the TV to watch a program, or going on line when bored, the equivalent of turning cartwheels for his amusement. Know and believe down in your heart of hearts that you can do much better than this, and that you deserve to have a genuinely fulfilling real-time, real-life relationship with someone else.

And kalikshama knows what she's talking about when she says as soon as you give him his walking papers, he'll suddenly show interest in you or attempt to win you over. Don't fall for his maneuvers because as soon as he thinks he has you back on the hook, he'll pull his delay tactics on you again. Cut your losses and move on to meeting Mr. Right, not waste more time with emotionally absent Mr. Right-Now.

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RE: reality check - 2/5/2014 7:46:36 AM

MisterP61

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Libertyfor1

Thanks, that makes sense. I suppose it's back to the drawing board for me. Should I mention anything to the guy I was interest in...or should I just not make a big deal of beginning a new search?

IMO you don't owe him anything. He is obviously not as committed as you are. Just move on. Chances are (not saying is because I don't know) is he is married AND is probably doing the same with other women online. LadyPact and I regularly drive 2 hours to meet people and go to munches and dungeons (can't wait to be back in a real state with a local community wooot). No matter how busy We find the time.

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