RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink

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FieryOpal -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/3/2014 10:10:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 AshleyMadison is well-known for creating fake female profiles. This includes the lawsuit in which the former employee alleges that her job was to create fake female profiles for the site. I doubt it's a good way to hook up. Hell, I enjoy hooking up, and I have no interest in putting a profile there. Pss-s-t, wasn't intending to give any usable advice here. I heard the same about fake profiles, stolen Internet pics, users posting photos that are 5-10 years old (which could happen anywhere). Besides, a cheater who has no game doesn't stand a chance. Married women want somebody who'll treat them better than their husband does; it's not all about getting some strange. They want to be romanced.

domincalifornia -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/3/2014 10:23:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium My Observation: There are extremely few (damn near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink for the purpose of PLAY and not for the goal of a relationship! Obviously there is nothing wrong with either ilk, but, the fact is that I am more into the play aspect of BDSM than the relationship aspect - so it is with a wistful sigh that I publicly recognize, here and now, that it appears MOST (if not all) submissive women I've either written to or whose profiles I've read, are strategically seeking a RELATIONSHIP, first and foremost, and not a tactical hookup. I can surmise why that is, as it seems to mirror society (not surprisingly), but I make that observation, here and now, and wonder why it is so different than what I seek? I don't understand why women aren't lining up for your amazing offer. After all, you're a 50-year-old married guy who wants women to meet you during the day, satisfy your kinks, and then hit the road as soon as you've had enough. You are a catch, my friend, a catch!

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/3/2014 11:38:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium My Observation: There are extremely few (damn near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink for the purpose of PLAY and not for the goal of a relationship! Obviously there is nothing wrong with either ilk, but, the fact is that I am more into the play aspect of BDSM than the relationship aspect - so it is with a wistful sigh that I publicly recognize, here and now, that it appears MOST (if not all) submissive women I've either written to or whose profiles I've read, are strategically seeking a RELATIONSHIP, first and foremost, and not a tactical hookup. I can surmise why that is, as it seems to mirror society (not surprisingly), but I make that observation, here and now, and wonder why it is so different than what I seek? Cue the piranhas! Zero is a number you should get comfortable with, OP. The reason 'it is so different than what you seek' is because of simple supply and demand. If you haven't figured this out yet, woman in the lifestyle on either side of the kneel are highly sought after. Cheating husbands who view them as fetish-delivery systems: not so much. In fact, not at all. Newsflash: women in the lifestyle have their pick of the litter. Why would we choose a lying, cheating, 'I need discretion', 'I need a body for my plaything' dolt when we have so many good men vying for our attention that will be a good partner who cares about us as human beings, a friend, a help-mate, can be relied on in times of trouble and be someone we can proudly present to the world as our respected, adored, cherished partner? Where do you get your mistaken belief that being your dirty little secret would be acceptable to a woman? You need to understand something. There is nothing compelling about your case; you sound just like every other married dude that thinks he should be the exception because HE made an incompatible marriage choice. Why are you looking here? Just because a woman has kinky proclivities does not mean she automatically lacks moral fortitude. If miraculously you actually located someone here to assist you with your 'needs' (and I quote that word very loosely) you...and she...deserve each other and the hell that will surely ensue when someone comes up pregnant, positive for STIs, and the spouse(s) find out and take you for all you're worth. Stop complaining like a whinging wimp about your wife's perceived shortcomings on a public website that anyone on the entire planet with an internet connection can see. Instead, just man up. Admit YOU made a mistake by marrying someone who wasn't sexually compatible, apologize to your wife for your shortsightedness and dishonesty, and take your damn lumps as a lesson to choose more carefully next time. My best wishes to your wife. Her next husband may actually have what it takes to bring out the goddess in her.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 1:05:26 AM)
fr Why would I go for just play, when I could have play AND all the benefits of a relationship - someone to split the bills, to spend Christmas with, to hold my hair back when I'm throwing up? There are submissive women seeking play only relationships, but there are way, way more men seeking the same. That means that small number of women are overwhelmed with options and can be extremely picky. Unfortunately, what you offer is not competitive. You're married, and I strongly suspect your wife doesn't know. No matter how compelling your reasons may be, most women are going to think 'dishonest'. They will assume that if the woman you vowed to spend your life with can't trust you, then perhaps they can't trust you either. And if I don't trust you, I'm sure as hell not letting you restrain or hurt me - that would be foolish of me. So you are competing against people who are not married or have consenting spouses, with much less potential for drama. You can't host, so the work and the risk is all on her. You're only available weekdays - so that rules out anyone with conventional working hours. - You're competing against people who can provide a place to go and who have a more sociable schedule. You don't have any pictures, so you're not advertising yourself as exceptionally gorgeous. Not that beauty is everything, but I'm willing to bet Brad Pitt would have more options that Danny DeVito. You're already thinking about bringing in yet another submissive. Which means even less time for me, even more potential for drama. Your profile is almost entirely about kink, apart from the bit about how it's totally not your fault that you're cheating. Even if you are only meeting for play, it's off putting to be met with a big list of sex acts you would like to perform. The fact that you are looking for pregnant women would also scare me off because it suggests you're looking at much younger women, and being pregnant suggests a hell of a lot more potential risk and drama for the woman. Might there be someone out there who sees that as an attractive package? Yes, most likely. But you can see how this might not be a case of 'women don't want play only relationships' as 'women don't want what I'm offering'. Other than having sex the way you like best, what do I get out of it?

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 2:31:48 AM)
FR I think you can find someone who will cheat with you, keep trawling the chat rooms. The thing is, you will find a married woman with as little personal integrity as you possess, and the two of you will manage to turn your lives into a huge trainwreck. If you're staying in your marriage to protect your children, they will be devastated by your betrayal. I strongly suggest you read DaddySatyr's post (#15) and attempt to digest what he's telling you; he gave some great advice. Then spend some time thinking about it and see if you can man up and do the honorable thing.

sexyred1 -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 2:40:00 AM)
My observation is that the OP is part of a vast segment of frustrated married men who just have not thought this out thoroughly. As someone said above, your problem is your fault, you chose an incompatible sexual partner. Right away that would turn me off. I hear these sob stories and ask why they stayed married for so long. It's never an answer like I love her, it's always about money or kids. Both of which can be dealt with maturely. Whenever someone mentions discretion, I am not interested. Who wants to be just a side piece? The irony of all this is that what he describes n his profile about an ideal day, dressing up, kinky sex, etc. is what I do when I am in a relationship with someone focused on me and him. Why would I waste myself on a married guy who projects entitlement, lack of patience and who has no idea how to market himself? Think about what you have to offer any woman and do be honest with your wife. Unless she became super religious or ill, the reason a woman gives up sex is if she is not being satisfied in any way, including emotionally.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 4:00:10 AM)
From the OP's profile (First paragraph, even emphasis mine): quote: I choose the former. If that bothers you, hit your back button right now. If not, and you can respect my need for discretion and no-strings-attached, we'll get along great. (No-strings does not equate to one-night-stand nor to the lack of a meaningful relationship.) If I were a lady, would I believe him? Probably not but, maybe he's not just looking for a roll in the hay?

DarkSteven -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 6:25:41 AM)
Actually, I play regularly with women that are married or otherwise taken. It takes place at parties, with others present, including the woman's husband/Dom/SO. Sex is always off the table, although if I wanted that, there are swinger parties locally as well. In addition to everything everyone else has mentioned... how would a woman know you're safe? If you were to rape her, she couldn't report it if she was married and cheating unless she wanted to risk her marriage. Everyone has been taking your word that you're a married cheater. But if you were an abuser/rapist, the perfect cover would be a married cheater looking for cheating women.

Arturas -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 6:51:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas quote: If you wouldn't do it in the "vanilla" world, don't do it in the "bdsm" world! Most do. You need to be posting on POF. and you need to be posting on CastleRealm Hardly. The trouble with lifestyle forum posters is they lack any sense of reality outside the forum. Case in point, suggesting Doms and submissives never do things in the BDSM world that they would not do in the vanilla is completely false. Suggesting I make up anything I post here is also false including meeting a married woman here who played no strings attached. I suspect I am not the only man who has had this type of encounter. What's interesting is I even met the husband a year later at the Mark after she learned a bit from me and then "taught" her husband how to be the Dom she wanted. So my real life observation is this happens many times here and my encounter is not something unique to me and if the OP can be a Dom then he will achieve his goal if he honestly pursues dishonest submissives. It's all pink as they say and making moral judgments of others kink has no place here unless you are attempting to build yourself up by bringing others down. Actually, posting on POF does require meeting folks at some time and one can find wives playing there also. You should get out sometime.

Arturas -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 6:55:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Actually, I play regularly with women that are married or otherwise taken. It takes place at parties, with others present, including the woman's husband/Dom/SO. Sex is always off the table, although if I wanted that, there are swinger parties locally as well. In addition to everything everyone else has mentioned... how would a woman know you're safe? If you were to rape her, she couldn't report it if she was married and cheating unless she wanted to risk her marriage. Everyone has been taking your word that you're a married cheater. But if you were an abuser/rapist, the perfect cover would be a married cheater looking for cheating women. Many players in the clubs are indeed married. Wives playing by themselves is not unusual and they likely don't tell you they are married at the time, she did not me, and spring that on you later, in my experience.

DarkSteven -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 7:02:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Actually, I play regularly with women that are married or otherwise taken. It takes place at parties, with others present, including the woman's husband/Dom/SO. Sex is always off the table, although if I wanted that, there are swinger parties locally as well. In addition to everything everyone else has mentioned... how would a woman know you're safe? If you were to rape her, she couldn't report it if she was married and cheating unless she wanted to risk her marriage. Everyone has been taking your word that you're a married cheater. But if you were an abuser/rapist, the perfect cover would be a married cheater looking for cheating women. Many players in the clubs are indeed married. Wives playing by themselves is not unusual and they likely don't tell you they are married at the time, she did not me, and spring that on you later, in my experience. Arturas, I'm not saying that women are not available to play alone. I'm saying that he wants to meet discreetly, has no references, and is only interested in one on one. The perfect storm for abuse/rape. It's important to me that all of my play partners feel safe with me, and he cannot provide that.

Arturas -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 7:02:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas quote: If you wouldn't do it in the "vanilla" world, don't do it in the "bdsm" world! Most do. You need to be posting on POF. and you need to be posting on CastleRealm Makes me laugh too. Forum posters who beat up on the OP and make holier than thou proclamations make me laugh. Then angry. Then I remember how sad it is to be them. But, what is CastleRealm? Made me laugh.

Arturas -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 7:09:43 AM)
quote: Arturas, I'm not saying that women are not available to play alone. I'm saying that he wants to meet discreetly, has no references, and is only interested in one on one. The perfect storm for abuse/rape. It's important to me that all of my play partners feel safe with me, and he cannot provide that. And I never said you did. I respect what you say but that is his kink and many others here. Don't join the sharks here. Leave his kink alone. He never asked your opinion on his kink and I don't have one on yours either.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 8:35:16 AM)
Now all you guys went and made me read his profile. LMAO . . . he wants a hooker to work for free and if she is lucky, it can become a regular part time job instead of a one night stand. Some people crack me up. Dude, the married and cheating cruise the grocery stores in your local neighborhood so they can inspect and examine the goods in person before deciding to buy . . . you know, like produce. I know 90% are vanilla but hey, play the odds and by the time you go through 10 of them, you should be golden and sitting in the tall grass with your local secret sub sally salaciously submitting to sucking something stiff. Seriously, I could pick up at least 3 women a week at the grocery and that's only in two visits. Even the baker is a bi/sub and she wanted to come home with me and my girl. The grocery store is a hotbed of horny cheating housewives. If that's your thing, you should go over to where the cows are giving milk. But BDSM is not safe, sane and when someone is in bondage, consent is no longer required. Your typical leather female isn't gonna' risk all that for a lil' hanky spanky. Not unless she's a 'super freak', thrill seeking, leather addicted hedonistic slut. Then she might go for dangerous random fucks from off the internet after she gets bored because she fucked everyone from the grocery store. I could go hang out in the local grocery store for an hour and get some chic to come back here and be with me and my girl. I could probably do the same on the internet but the chic would live in Norway, or Spain or somewhere else. Seriosuly, grocery stores are a golden land of opportunity, 1,000 times better than the internet. ...and the chic's are local.

RumpusParable -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 9:46:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium My Observation: There are extremely few (damn near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink for the purpose of PLAY and not for the goal of a relationship! Obviously there is nothing wrong with either ilk, but, the fact is that I am more into the play aspect of BDSM than the relationship aspect - so it is with a wistful sigh that I publicly recognize, here and now, that it appears MOST (if not all) submissive women I've either written to or whose profiles I've read, are strategically seeking a RELATIONSHIP, first and foremost, and not a tactical hookup. I can surmise why that is, as it seems to mirror society (not surprisingly), but I make that observation, here and now, and wonder why it is so different than what I seek? Didn't read the rest of the responses, so maybe this has been said... likely has, really: Being out at actual play parties and discussion groups where your face is known and you're at a place with a bunch of people open to or looking to play is going to raise your bottom-female-for-play-only possibilities GREATLY. A "hey, let's play" environment and groupings related to that sort of thing is going to do you much better than not-ones, online or other.

VideoAdminRho -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 10:42:20 AM)
Please stay on topic. If you wish to discuss how members of the forums feel about cheating, please start a new thread in Off Topic.

VideoAdminChi -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 10:51:03 AM)
Additionally, please knock off the back and forth between posters as it is hijacking the thread. If you have any questions, you may email me, but do not reply in this thread.

Maradium -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 2:39:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Stop lying to your wife and concentrate on your marriage. I'm reading all these responses with interest but I only take strong objection to this one statement. You ASSUME I am lying? Do you know that my wife knows EVERYTHING! Why do you think we've not slept together in more than a decade? She abhors kink. She thinks it's disgusting. Everything you and I stand for is evil to her. Now, having said that, she KNOWS everything that I desire. She just isn't the one to provide it. Why do you assume I'm lying? That's the only statement here that I object to. I don't think I can be less ambiguous in my profile as to what I want. ..... Having said all that. I DO VERY MUCH APPRECIATE all the advice and suggestions! I am LEARNING a lot simply by reading these responses and appreciate all of you taking the time out of your day to advise me, and anyone in the same shoes! THANK YOU ALL!

DesFIP -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 2:48:11 PM)
If you're serious about wanting just play partners and not sex, then why haven't you joined your local community. Become friends with people at play parties and top them there.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 3:06:20 PM)
I went to a dungeon that was far from my home, and met a woman there. She was married, and her husband was vanilla, so she decided to explore kink. We talked for a while. It was her first time in a kink venue anywhere, and she was wide-eyed, and just wanted to observe. Months later, I visited that dungeon again. The same woman was there. We remembered each other. She told me she had been coming every week, and no one had ever played with her, so she was thinking she was wasting her time. She was very shy, and she was heavy, but I was still surprised. At any rate, I know for a fact that there was a woman in more or less the same marriage situation as you describe, OP, who would have loved it if you had played with her. She didn't look like a runway model, but she would have been extremely grateful for the attention. Another comment to the OP: if you're in an open relationship, or any other reason to be ethical and still looking while married, then make sure that's clear. Both women and men will be more likely to treat you with respect.

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