RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink

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MistressDarkArt -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 4:14:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium Do you know that my wife knows EVERYTHING! If your wife doesn't know you have a profile here seeking side pieces and that you are posting on the boards about her shortcomings, she doesn't know everything. So...have you discussed what you're doing (attempting to do) here with her? Do you have her blessing? You do realize that anyone with an internet connection can sniff you out, including your wife?

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 4:22:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium My Observation: There are extremely few (damn near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink for the purpose of PLAY and not for the goal of a relationship! Obviously there is nothing wrong with either ilk, but, the fact is that I am more into the play aspect of BDSM than the relationship aspect - so it is with a wistful sigh that I publicly recognize, here and now, that it appears MOST (if not all) submissive women I've either written to or whose profiles I've read, are strategically seeking a RELATIONSHIP, first and foremost, and not a tactical hookup. I can surmise why that is, as it seems to mirror society (not surprisingly), but I make that observation, here and now, and wonder why it is so different than what I seek? You're married, and you're pissed that other married women don't want to fuck you. Get a life Buubla. www.ashleymadison.com

littlewonder -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 4:46:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Stop lying to your wife and concentrate on your marriage. I'm reading all these responses with interest but I only take strong objection to this one statement. You ASSUME I am lying? Do you know that my wife knows EVERYTHING! Why do you think we've not slept together in more than a decade? She abhors kink. She thinks it's disgusting. Everything you and I stand for is evil to her. Now, having said that, she KNOWS everything that I desire. She just isn't the one to provide it. Why do you assume I'm lying? That's the only statement here that I object to. I don't think I can be less ambiguous in my profile as to what I want. ..... Having said all that. I DO VERY MUCH APPRECIATE all the advice and suggestions! I am LEARNING a lot simply by reading these responses and appreciate all of you taking the time out of your day to advise me, and anyone in the same shoes! THANK YOU ALL! If she knows, why the need for discretion? something's not adding up.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 5:36:27 PM)
Cheating on a spouse isn't a kink. Also the OP is pretty clear in his profile that he wants the "play" to include sex. I admit I don't attend public functions, but the impression I have been given by those of you who do is that sex is off the table at these events and public play excludes it. I'm with lw and MDA here. I'm sure his wife isn't interested in kink, but doubtful she is aware of his search for a sex buddy to fill his afternoons.

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 6:09:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Stop lying to your wife and concentrate on your marriage. I'm reading all these responses with interest but I only take strong objection to this one statement. You ASSUME I am lying? Do you know that my wife knows EVERYTHING! Why do you think we've not slept together in more than a decade? She abhors kink. She thinks it's disgusting. Everything you and I stand for is evil to her. Now, having said that, she KNOWS everything that I desire. She just isn't the one to provide it. Why do you assume I'm lying? That's the only statement here that I object to. I don't think I can be less ambiguous in my profile as to what I want. ..... Having said all that. I DO VERY MUCH APPRECIATE all the advice and suggestions! I am LEARNING a lot simply by reading these responses and appreciate all of you taking the time out of your day to advise me, and anyone in the same shoes! THANK YOU ALL! If she knows, why the need for discretion? something's not adding up. So many responses...have to break this down: First, I must be one of the damn few women who plays...women, like men, have needs, desires, just want the stress release... That being said...MOST women (vanilla, kinky, chocolate, strawberry, gay, straight) are not as into "anonymous" or "strange". Heck, there are times I want a guy that shows up, does the fun stuff and then leaves until the next time I feel the urge (&, you know what? It is easier for men because there are many more escort services, pros, sugar babies... Try being a female...you don't really have that option. Look at the number of ads for pro-Dommes..compare to the # of pro-doms) BUT I want a guy whose name I already know, preferably a friend I trust, somebody I know for sure this is not a "hit and quit".... Women usually prefer to have a FWB or NSA with one or two specific people...somebody they can rely on.. 2. Married people cheat. Some are good, some are bad, some are women and some are men...Various reasons and not for me to say if it is a "good" or "bad" reason. For whatever reason or situation you have...don't care but I will say that most single women, when looking for a FWB don't want the garbage that comes with a married guy. One, schedule-most single people have the same schedule. I am available evenings and weekends...I expect my FWB to have the same availability. I am not using vacation or sick days to meet your schedule...I am not sneaking out early and jeopardizing my job because you can't meet after hours... A guy who is not available when I am available? Forget it. Two-I am divorced and have enough "drama"...why would I want to risk you screwing up and saying something and then ME having to be confronted by some crazed wife? Husbands who get cheated on blame their spouse...wives who get cheated on blame "the other woman" and women are VINDICTIVE-they don't care whether the husband swore on a stack of bibles that he was single...they blame the woman for not "figuring it out", asking questions... I don't have a bunny...but I don't want to have any pet of mine boiled! OP--there ARE women looking for a Dom and not looking for a relationship BUT, if they are married and willing to cheat...they have men in their social circle willing to accommodate them.. If they are single...they don't want the hassle of dealing with a married guy. Also, there is a law of supply and demand. You are a 51 yr old. Women in their 40s & 50s get hit on by the 20-30 yr old guys. You either need to offer "incentive" (pay her bills, rent her an apt, give her an allowance...) or you need to be a hot hard body "I could never get his attention any other way" guy who a woman just wants to "do" 3. Briefly-I get tired of the "holier than thou" Dom/sub view. Everyone is quick to say "just like a vanilla relationship" or "act the same as you would in a vanilla relationship" or "if you can't get a vanilla date you won't get a kinky date".... Studies vary but most put infidelity in marriages at 25%-41% (the low end are people who just flat out admit it). Over 55% of both men and women admit to having cheated in a romantic relationship... If kinky people are no different then vanilla people...and all relationships the same.... Yes, the DECENT people that most want to be involved with are going to be in the 60-75% who never cheat but water seeks its own level so the cheaters will always find another cheater,,,,

Arturas -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 8:40:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Stop lying to your wife and concentrate on your marriage. I'm reading all these responses with interest but I only take strong objection to this one statement. You ASSUME I am lying? Do you know that my wife knows EVERYTHING! Why do you think we've not slept together in more than a decade? She abhors kink. She thinks it's disgusting. Everything you and I stand for is evil to her. Now, having said that, she KNOWS everything that I desire. She just isn't the one to provide it. Why do you assume I'm lying? That's the only statement here that I object to. I don't think I can be less ambiguous in my profile as to what I want. ..... Having said all that. I DO VERY MUCH APPRECIATE all the advice and suggestions! I am LEARNING a lot simply by reading these responses and appreciate all of you taking the time out of your day to advise me, and anyone in the same shoes! THANK YOU ALL! If she knows, why the need for discretion? something's not adding up. So many responses...have to break this down: First, I must be one of the damn few women who plays...women, like men, have needs, desires, just want the stress release... That being said...MOST women (vanilla, kinky, chocolate, strawberry, gay, straight) are not as into "anonymous" or "strange". Heck, there are times I want a guy that shows up, does the fun stuff and then leaves until the next time I feel the urge (&, you know what? It is easier for men because there are many more escort services, pros, sugar babies... Try being a female...you don't really have that option. Look at the number of ads for pro-Dommes..compare to the # of pro-doms) BUT I want a guy whose name I already know, preferably a friend I trust, somebody I know for sure this is not a "hit and quit".... Women usually prefer to have a FWB or NSA with one or two specific people...somebody they can rely on.. 2. Married people cheat. Some are good, some are bad, some are women and some are men...Various reasons and not for me to say if it is a "good" or "bad" reason. For whatever reason or situation you have...don't care but I will say that most single women, when looking for a FWB don't want the garbage that comes with a married guy. One, schedule-most single people have the same schedule. I am available evenings and weekends...I expect my FWB to have the same availability. I am not using vacation or sick days to meet your schedule...I am not sneaking out early and jeopardizing my job because you can't meet after hours... A guy who is not available when I am available? Forget it. Two-I am divorced and have enough "drama"...why would I want to risk you screwing up and saying something and then ME having to be confronted by some crazed wife? Husbands who get cheated on blame their spouse...wives who get cheated on blame "the other woman" and women are VINDICTIVE-they don't care whether the husband swore on a stack of bibles that he was single...they blame the woman for not "figuring it out", asking questions... I don't have a bunny...but I don't want to have any pet of mine boiled! OP--there ARE women looking for a Dom and not looking for a relationship BUT, if they are married and willing to cheat...they have men in their social circle willing to accommodate them.. If they are single...they don't want the hassle of dealing with a married guy. Also, there is a law of supply and demand. You are a 51 yr old. Women in their 40s & 50s get hit on by the 20-30 yr old guys. You either need to offer "incentive" (pay her bills, rent her an apt, give her an allowance...) or you need to be a hot hard body "I could never get his attention any other way" guy who a woman just wants to "do" 3. Briefly-I get tired of the "holier than thou" Dom/sub view. Everyone is quick to say "just like a vanilla relationship" or "act the same as you would in a vanilla relationship" or "if you can't get a vanilla date you won't get a kinky date".... Studies vary but most put infidelity in marriages at 25%-41% (the low end are people who just flat out admit it). Over 55% of both men and women admit to having cheated in a romantic relationship... If kinky people are no different then vanilla people...and all relationships the same.... Yes, the DECENT people that most want to be involved with are going to be in the 60-75% who never cheat but water seeks its own level so the cheaters will always find another cheater,,,, THIS.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 8:43:35 PM)
Just because someone defines something as their kink, doesn't legitimately make it a kink. As for the public events, I'm talking reputable dungeons, not swingers parties or private parties. Regardless, I don't attend any and have no need or desire to, so it makes no difference to me. The bottom line is that the OP started backtracking about his wife being aware ONLY when people said something There are MANY people here in open marriages searching, and most have the sense to say the spouse knows. When you consider how many won't play with someone married without meeting or at least talking to the spouse.. The reality is that if someone isn't hhonest with their spouse, they are trustworthy. Period.

FieryOpal -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/4/2014 9:26:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Just because someone defines something as their kink, doesn't legitimately make it a kink. As for the public events, I'm talking reputable dungeons, not swingers parties or private parties. Regardless, I don't attend any and have no need or desire to, so it makes no difference to me. The bottom line is that the OP started backtracking about his wife being aware ONLY when people said something There are MANY people here in open marriages searching, and most have the sense to say the spouse knows. When you consider how many won't play with someone married without meeting or at least talking to the spouse.. The reality is that if someone isn't hhonest with their spouse, they are trustworthy. Period. EXACTLY, I'm with LafayetteLady, littlewonder, AthenaSurrenders, and MistressDarkArt here, among others. Now all adulterers & would-be adulterers get a free pass because they can call their contemplated and committed adulteries a KINK? [sm=wtf.gif] Someone needs to inform the BDSM Committee B.S. Task Force, cuz I just checked my driver's license and it shows that I wasn't born yesterday. I know this isn't directly directed to a certain Gorean Dom, but how would you like it if YOUR wife had/did espouse the same philosophy you are eschewing? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. <Obviously not depicting poultry below> Btw, I've never been to an organized play party, which requires an entrance fee, or any of the BDSM clubs downtown (not my cup of tea) where there was public sex. Private scene rooms behind closed doors, yes, but not out in the open Dungeon areas. [image]local://upfiles/1774587/736680A13C484BCDA1B48C9B8934FE21.jpg[/image]

smileforme50 -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/5/2014 2:44:32 AM)
First of all....I'm single. Second.....I'm a little bit on the fence about this issue. I agree with what most people here have said.....Maybe it's just the way he words things, but the OP does sound a lot like a LOT of other men around here....married or not. The impression I get is that basically they want a whore that they don't have to pay for. They want something NSA that is just about sex and play....but they figure if they look on a kink site, not only will they get someone who will give them more than good ol' missionary position, but they will also get a "submissive" woman who...as we all know.....would NEVER tell him "No". [sm=biggrin.gif] On the other hand.....When I first started exploring the play side of D/s a few years ago, I wasn't necessarily looking for a 24/7 Master or even a totally committed relationship with kink on the side. I was still on the rebound from a vanilla relationship that just ended badly, and I also didn't know if bdsm and D/s was really what I wanted. I just wanted to explore and learn. About 6 months into it, I started talking to a guy on FL who told me out front that he was married and not looking to leave his wife. He assured me that his wife knew all about but did not share his desire for kink. At that point, I took that with a very large grain of salt, but at the same time, I thought that maybe he was exactly what I needed at that time....someone to explore things with....but wouldn't be devastated and angry if I had changed my mind and decided this wasn't for me. What I was really worried about most was that I would fall in love with him. I knew that would be a recipe for total disaster. Fast forward almost 3 years....We're still seeing each other and have become great friends. I have to say that I am still not 100% if his wife knows about me, but I do believe him when he tells me that they have an open relationship. They live in Virginia but she works primarily out of New York, and he travels a lot, so I know they don't see each other very often. What surprises me is that I managed to not fall in love with him. What also surprises me is that while earlier I said "The impression I get is that basically they want a whore that they don't have to pay for"....I have never felt like a whore with him. He has never treated me like some anonymous sex act. As a matter of fact, with the exception of a few extenuating circumstances, we have been in at least e-mail contact with each other every day for the past 3 years....usually twice a day....even if only for a "good morning" and a "good night". He totally shocked me when he sent me a "good night" message on his 30th anniversay. I'm not sure how I felt abou that.... Yet at the same time, he does show devotion to his wife. She has been ill several times and he has been total nurse maid to her. There was a time when she lost a close family member (I think her grandfather....I forget), and when he tells me about these things, I can tell that he still loves her very much....he's not staying simply for financial or other reasons. So...on one hand, I got VERY lucky in meeting this man. It has been a good experience for me. On the other hand....would I ever do it again? Not on your f-ing life....never again.

lovethyself -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/5/2014 6:26:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady As for the public events, I'm talking reputable dungeons, not swingers parties or private parties. Regardless, I don't attend any and have no need or desire to, so it makes no difference to me. Up here, any dungeon that is sex positive (ie. sex is allowed) must be run as a private function. Otherwise the door fee combined with sex acts being performed has it falling under prostitution laws. My first play party had a couple ending their scene with sex. That dungeon is a very reputable space, that gets used by a large contingent of the comunity on a regular basis. There are night clubs that do fetish nights, but there is no nudity or penetration allowed since they are a public venue. OP, yes there are people that are willing to play only, whether they are single or married. There aren't many that will advertize that, especially if they are in their own marriage. However, there are more that will want to be sure of who they are going to be with. That may mean meeting the partner/wife to make sure it's okay, it may mean going to events and seeing them play with others to get an idea of their play style, or restricting the first few play scenes to public events so she knows there is help near by if she misjudged you. As the sub/bottom, and as a female, she has more physical risk involved in her decision. if she's married, she also has a marriage to potentially lose. You are going to have to work hard at making her feel safe with you before anything happens. As a side note, even in previous open relationships, if I was with someone outside of my primary, they were almost always people I already knew. I needed them to know that I was in a relationship that I was committed to, and I needed to know that they weren't going to bring drama into my life.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/5/2014 7:07:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Stop lying to your wife and concentrate on your marriage. I'm reading all these responses with interest but I only take strong objection to this one statement. You ASSUME I am lying? Do you know that my wife knows EVERYTHING! Why do you think we've not slept together in more than a decade? She abhors kink. She thinks it's disgusting. Everything you and I stand for is evil to her. Now, having said that, she KNOWS everything that I desire. She just isn't the one to provide it. Why do you assume I'm lying? That's the only statement here that I object to. I don't think I can be less ambiguous in my profile as to what I want. ..... Having said all that. I DO VERY MUCH APPRECIATE all the advice and suggestions! I am LEARNING a lot simply by reading these responses and appreciate all of you taking the time out of your day to advise me, and anyone in the same shoes! THANK YOU ALL! Poster, it does not add up that your wife knows, and you say she finds these acts evil. A woman like this does not seem like a woman who really would be OKAY with your appetite and condone it. Speaking of others in the same shoes, I think it would be a good exercise to step into your wives shoes mentally. ( you could even consider it kinky) Speaking from experience, having your cake and eating it too, never works. It may work for a bit, or maybe a long while, but if you have deceitful things going, you will attract the same. It will turn into a train wreck. Most people who are married, use excuses, to do as they do, saying they cant get divorced etc. Actually they can, they just want to keep their comfort zone, and want to say yes but excuse, excuse......for disgracing their wedding vows. I rode that train, thankfully I jumped off. You may very well find what you seek in a such a person, but remember a person as you seek, generally is lacking in many important moral characteristics. You may not be looking for a relationship of emotion, but lacking of certain character, can attack in other ways.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/5/2014 11:18:23 AM)
^^^I was hoping you'd stop by this thread, chatterbox. Your former situation sounds very similar to what the OP thinks he seeks now. I recall it wasn't very rewarding, but WAS extremely difficult for you and possibly your family. Thanks for sharing your front-lines perspective.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/5/2014 12:13:01 PM)
Rewarding? No It wasn't, it turned out very destructive. My moral compass was broken. Yes it did hurt my family. It effected everyone. The poster, also stated. "Everything you and I stand for she is against" What is everything describing? I am not trying to bash the poster, but one thing I have learned is there are many people who post here with very good moral advice. So if your wife saw this thread, I don't think she would be against the moral advice being given. What do you think this community stands for? Your welcome MistressDarkArt, and thanks to the community who helped me realize the errors of my ways. May the poster also come to some realizations.

Rawni -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/5/2014 12:18:20 PM)
There is a novel that is about a woman that got fed up with men and started meeting men online that were married. She did awful things to those men. lol Then there are some that like to invite you... kind of like the pizza man coming to a dark house to be robbed. Gee... she's in this bedroom, who is in the next? Of course, then there are just those of us that just might use you in a storyline or in writing a book about bad boys online. You just never know who you might be meeting! lol If it's me... count on the information being of use. I like wives. I love a good take down. Some of my best friends have turned out to be the wife of a cheating man. [:D]

adistantbeacon -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/6/2014 10:09:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maradium There are extremely few (damn near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink for the purpose of PLAY and not for the goal of a relationship! Women can get any man they want any time of the day or night at the drop of a hat. So, they want more. Much much more than play. They want security. They want stability. They want nurturing. They want travel. They want dinners. To be sure, they want all this stuff. They say they want relationships but all that stuff comes with the relationship.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/7/2014 12:46:13 AM)
^^^Well done, beacon! Welcome to the boards.

Domnotlooking -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/7/2014 9:44:55 AM)
I urge this poor guy to google I live in a sexless marriage and take a peek in at the board addressing that. His issues are deep and beyond whether or not he has an affair. Successful, long running affairs are obviously a rare occurrence. There's just too much pressure and too little opportunity. That said, I do know of a married woman who was advertising for kinky sex on Ashely Madison. She was 350 pounds and had over 1000 responses the first month her ad ran. No diss on large women implied, obv. Good luck!

DaddySatyr -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/10/2014 12:56:49 PM)
I'm enjoying this latest definition of consensual in light of a thread a few weeks ago about not telling someone that you're "meeting for coffee" that you're meeting others for coffee. That seemed to be a bridge too far. However, under this definition of "consensual", it would appear there's some duality between that thread and this one. Either we owe people the right of informed consent or we don't. Personally, I think we do but I'm enjoying the back-peddling and foot shuffling I'm seeing.

littlewonder -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/10/2014 1:11:24 PM)
still not getting the difference huh? [8\|]

VideoAdminChi -> RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink (2/10/2014 1:31:32 PM)
FR, This thread is locked for review.

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