RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive married females into JUST kink

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RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 2:12:16 PM

VideoAdminRho

Posts: 2055
Joined: 3/24/2010
Status: offline

Now, that I've had to yank pages of posts because the back and forth continued after the warning....

If your post was removed and you did not receive a Gold Letter, it was because it replied to a post that needed to be pulled.

Stay on topic, please.

(in reply to VideoAdminChi)

Post #: 61

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 3:06:26 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

I urge this poor guy to google I live in a sexless marriage and take a peek in at the board addressing that. His issues are deep and beyond whether or not he has an affair.

Successful, long running affairs are obviously a rare occurrence. There's just too much pressure and too little opportunity. That said, I do know of a married woman who was advertising for kinky sex on Ashely Madison. She was 350 pounds and had over 1000 responses the first month her ad ran. No diss on large women implied, obv.

Good luck!

Maradium, I just saw you post on another thread, so I figured I'd highlight this. It's worth a serious look. You might want to find some kind of sexless marriage support group, whether online or real life. Address what you're missing emotionally, not just what you're missing sexually.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

Post #: 62

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 4:13:09 PM

Maradium

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/1/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
You might want to find some kind of sexless marriage support group, whether online or real life. Address what you're missing emotionally, not just what you're missing sexually.

That's an interesting thought.
Emotionally, I'm in a void.
Sexually, I'm in a drought.

However, I can do without emotional food far (far) longer than I can do without sexual water.

It may very well be that there are no women on this planet who simply want to play, in which case, my options become severely limited.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 63

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 4:27:55 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

There are lots of women who are just looking for experiences. The woman I'm seeing now likes me, and I like her, but what we're doing isn't likely to lead to a life relationship, except as friends who used to see each other naked. We're having fun, and enjoying what we can give each other.

She might still be willing to see me if I were married. I'm not sure. But I doubt she would have been interested if I were weighted down with baggage. I'm just guessing though. Still, it might be that dealing with some of the emotional stuff makes the sex stuff a lot easier to find.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 64

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 4:46:39 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

So you can live without love, but not without sex? Sounds like a teenage boy.

OP, the reality is that you need a therapist not a sex partner. Your penis won't fall off nor your balls really turn blue without sex, but being emotionally void IS hazardous to your health.

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 65

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 6:17:24 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Are you saying it's not possible for you to have a secondary relationship?

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 66

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 8:41:01 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

His post #63 indicates he thinks with his dick. I don't know of a single decent dominant who is led by his dick. It shows a complete lack of control.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 67

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 9:14:22 PM

Maradium

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/1/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
So you can live without love, but not without sex? Sounds like a teenage boy.

Try to go without sex for more than a decade, and then say what it is you need.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
Are you saying it's not possible for you to have a secondary relationship?

It's possible. I'm all for it, in fact. If it happens, I'd be ecstatic.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 68

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 9:27:20 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

No one is forcing anyone to go over a decade without sex. Though divorce can be costly in many ways, to be denied sex, would be an act against the marriage, partnership, etc. Many of us had to go the not so easy route and deal with all the issues that divorce could bring about. It may not be easy... but it can be done. You want sex... go have it... but you may have to face what you don't want to face, one way or another.

Personally, I went nearly eight years without sex by choice because I couldn't find what I wanted in a relationship. Priorities for me were love, respect and a feel good life with someone that fit me. I love sex... I love lots of sex, but the wrong kind of sex wasn't something I was interested in.

We all have choices. To bring peace of mind... sometimes you have to cut the bull shit and just do what you fear or think is impossible, cut your losses and take some chances. We each have to face ourselves at the end of the day and live with what we do.

Because one might be able to retain whatever it is in a dysfunctional relationship and then get some on the side... it may seem all good... but, it can also become a nightmare when things go upside down. You could end up in a sense compromising and losing everything you wish to retain, anyway.

I don't believe that as many people claim that the spouse won't give it up and is the bad guy. Many men that have claimed this... she grew cold... had no interest in sex etc, have been men I would deny sex to in a heartbeat because they didn't value a woman and expected to get 'his' no matter how it came about and typically it seemed by badgering, not being affectionate or loving or understanding the mind of his partner and therefore her needs as well. Then they came to sites such as this demanding in some manner... wanting to get his there.

Ironic... that one refuses to do it and then others refuse to do it. There might be something in that.

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 69

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 9:44:54 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maradium

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

So you can live without love, but not without sex? Sounds like a teenage boy.

Try to go without sex for more than a decade, and then say what it is you need.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Are you saying it's not possible for you to have a secondary relationship?

It's possible. I'm all for it, in fact. If it happens, I'd be ecstatic.

Have you gone without love and (non-sexual) affection for more than a decade as well? I agree that only a psychologically immature Dom leads with his dick.

You can hardly call yourself a Dominant if all you have to offer are a few crumbs as a desperately horny middle-aged Top. Yet you expect a submissive female to compromise herself to be used by you. This isn't meant as an insult. By selling others short, you sell yourself short.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 70

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/10/2014 10:44:45 PM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

I willingly went over 15 years without sex. I wasn't willing to settle for guys who weren't willing to give of themselves emotionally. And I'm a very sexual/sensual being, so it was no walk in the park. It's all in what you decide is best for you.

What was best for me was not one night stands, affairs, NSA or anything of the ilk. It took me awhile to figure out I was worth more than that. Now I've found the Man who is right for me in every regard, understands me and has the same values and core beliefs I do.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 71

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/11/2014 3:18:21 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

We all get it. You're a horny old guy in an allegedly sexless marriage. Yet, you put all the blame on your wife for the problems in your marriage. This is so rarely how problems work in a relationship, but you insist its true. Frankly, I think you are full of shit. Based on the things you have written here, if I were your wife I would have locked you out of the bedroom, too.

I've gone quite few years without sex. Does it sometimes get frustrating? Sure. But you know what? I'm a grown up, not a horny teenager led by hormones. As women, we can get laid whenever we want, that's a pretty well known fact. I had my share of playmates and one night stands. More than my share. When I was single.

You entered into a contract with your wife when you got married. Made a promise to love, respect and honor your wife. Throughout this thread you have disrespected her and dishonored her. All while whining like a little boy going through puberty, "waaa, my wife thinks kinky sex is evil. Waaa, my wife doesn't want to have sex at all. Waa, I can't live without sex. Waaa, why don't any young attractive women want to fuck me when I offer nothing in return?" And on and on and on

Why would any woman with an ounce of self esteem want to have sex (with no relationship) with a guy who can't show respect to the woman who should be the most important woman in your life? If you treat her so poorly, how much worse are you going to treat someone who is nothing more than a piece of ass to you?

People who claim they "can't" get divorced are full of shit. I worked in family law for 20 years. Rich peopl, middle class, poor people all got divorced. You "can't, because you want to have your cake and eat it too. You don't want to give up having a wife who likely cleans, cooks and does your laundry. Of course, by remaining married, it is also a ready excuse to remain emotionally void as well. After all, should you find a piece of ass, you are as emotionally unavailable to her as you are your wife.

By the way, while I can't speak for everyone here, my involvement in BDSM has NOTHING to do with what I stand for. It isn't a political stance, it isn't a moral stance, not even a cultural one. Its something I'm involved in purely for my own enjoyment. So I really would like to know what it is about BDSM that is "everything you stand for." Because honestly! The impression you have given me here on this thread is that what you stand for is no strings, kinky sex.

I reiterate my earlier response. You don't need to find a woman to fuck you need a therapist.

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 72

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/11/2014 6:30:45 AM

Maradium

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/1/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
We all get it. You're a horny old guy in an allegedly sexless marriage. Yet, you put all the blame on your wife for the problems in your marriage.

We actually don't have any "problems" in the marriage, other than she never wanted sex, never liked it, and two other men divorced her over the same thing.

It turns out, she was a virgin until 27, an even then, didn't consummate until months after her first marriage. Never once has she ever done anything other than vanilla missionary, and a blowjob would be totally out of the question, as would cunnilingus.

The problem here is that everyone assumes the guy is always the one at fault. It's not always the case. In point of fact, the "affairs" don't even start until many years after the guy is wholly neglected. His morals forbade straying, but his biology forces the issue. Eventually she finds out, and then the sex stops altogether. At that point, one has to argue what a marriage is anyway.

Can a marriage exist without any sex whatsoever?
Can a kinkster exist in a marriage without even the slightest hint of kinky sex?

I ask those questions of myself, all the time.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 73

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/11/2014 6:46:57 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

If you knew your wife never wanted sex, liked sex and had two other marriages end over sex, then you chose your situation.

This makes it your fault. No one twisted your arm to marry her, did they?

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 74

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/11/2014 7:21:53 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maradium

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
So you can live without love, but not without sex? Sounds like a teenage boy.

Try to go without sex for more than a decade, and then say what it is you need.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
Are you saying it's not possible for you to have a secondary relationship?

It's possible. I'm all for it, in fact. If it happens, I'd be ecstatic.

Been there, done that. Was celibate from 1997-2011.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 75

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/11/2014 7:26:36 AM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maradium

We actually don't have any "problems" in the marriage, other than she never wanted sex, never liked it, and two other men divorced her over the same thing.

It turns out, she was a virgin until 27, an even then, didn't consummate until months after her first marriage. Never once has she ever done anything other than vanilla missionary, and a blowjob would be totally out of the question, as would cunnilingus.

Why in the hell would you marry someone like this unless you were on board with her lack of desire and view of what sex should be? You knew what she was like going into it, why would you expect things with you to be different? She had TWO other marriages where there were the same issues you are having. The fact that she was married twice before and had the same problem doesn't absolve you at this point for committing adultery, it illustrates that you ignored a huge red flag that the two of you were incompatible.

Oh, and she's entitled to the fact that she views sex as being a certain way and falling within certain parameters just as you are. The disparaging tone you have about her being vanilla isn't fair. She is who she is, you knew it, you went ahead with her anyway, was that fair to her? You showed her you accepted her by being with her and marrying her, now you're trying to change up the game and get her to do things outside her comfort zone and then penalizing her for not want to do it. You apparently knew where she was with sex before you married her, you married her and then expected her to change. We all know how often that works out...

quote:

The problem here is that everyone assumes the guy is always the one at fault. It's not always the case. In point of fact, the "affairs" don't even start until many years after the guy is wholly neglected. His morals forbade straying, but his biology forces the issue. Eventually she finds out, and then the sex stops altogether. At that point, one has to argue what a marriage is anyway.

No one's biology forces them to cheat, people make choices to do that. Our sexual parts don't compel us to go out into the community, grab the nearest man/woman, and fuck them. It is not an inescapable and continual bodily function like breathing or eliminating waste- people manage being celibate and not dying. You cheated, she found out, she kicked you out of the bedroom. You knew what she was when you married her, she didn't change, you cheated on her, she has more ammunition for not wanting to be physical with you... you are now looking to cheat again rather than address the issues of your marriage and basic incompatibility.

quote:

Can a marriage exist without any sex whatsoever?
Can a kinkster exist in a marriage without even the slightest hint of kinky sex?

I ask those questions of myself, all the time.

A marriage can exist without any sex, yours is since the two of you are still together, others do. If you find that an unlivable situation then dissolve the marriage. You can accept it or walk away from it. Compounding the issues that are present by cheating on her again isn't going to change the premise that the two of you are incompatible.

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 76

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/11/2014 7:40:16 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maradium

We actually don't have any "problems" in the marriage, other than she never wanted sex, never liked it, and two other men divorced her over the same thing.

Did you know this prior to marriage? If so, then you agreed to a sexless marriage and it's your own damn fault.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 77

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/11/2014 7:58:16 AM

FetishGirl4same

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/12/2013
Status: offline

Well, if they were seeking play, they might prefer to identify as bottoms, masochist or kinksters instead of submissives. But a lot of male dominants will say the exact opposite, that many female submissives are really kinksters with a service fetish and no real interest in being submissive.

This is really a grass is green on the other side type of issue. Lot's of people who can't find what they are looking for, think other people have it off much better.

(in reply to Maradium)

Post #: 78

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/11/2014 8:42:19 AM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline

Sir, I suggest that you have reached the end of useful discussion on your sexless marriage here.

Search by my name back to my first posts on this board and you will find the same discussion with the same angry women to the same lack of avail. Even their name calling is unchanged.

You need to be on that other board talking to people who have some first hand empathy for the hall of mirrors madness that is the long term madness.

Be with people who comprehend that being sexless by choice is not the same as being locked in a sexless prison (of your own making to, be sure). No one there will call you names, no survivor of a long term sexless marriage ever would.

We live in a time great sex/gender evolution. 5 years ago, I was opposed to gay marriage. 3 years ago, I was still making prison rape jokes about 'dropping the soap. These days, I am ahead of the bell curve and call out sexless marriage for what it is: sexual abuse.

It is a moral wrong to watch a partner twist in the wind, wither and die. It is as wrong to shame the refused partner in a sexless marriage as it is to condemn a physical abuse victim "for going along with it'.

It is the hight of hubris to suggest that your sex drive needs are reasonable but that other guy has a problem. If any group should champion the right to be yourself sexually and free of guilt about it, it should be this one.

Telling my story to other sufferers, healing from their feedback, and committing to aid the suffering of other sexless people changed my life.

Today, I am married, well-loved, and have some kind of kink every day of my precious life. I know of no one that left a dead, toxic marriage who didn't flourish. I know of no one who stayed who did.

The key that lets you out of that prison of lies you told and tolerated is simply telling -and insisting on- the plain truth.

It truly will set you free. You won't necessarily be happy, but to live in truth is the greatest thing you can feel while alive.

Don't postpone joy, start telling the truth today (but maybe not here for a while).

*****Great respect and thanks to the Mods for letting me reference another board.

(in reply to VideoAdminRho)

Post #: 79

RE: Observation: Extremely few (near zero) submissive m... - 2/11/2014 8:44:19 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

Sir, I suggest that you have reached the end of useful discussion on your sexless marriage here.

Search by my name back to my first posts on this board and you will find the same discussion with the same angry women to the same lack of avail. Even their name calling is unchanged.

You need to be on that other board talking to people who have some first hand empathy for the hall of mirrors madness that is the long term madness.

Be with people who comprehend that being sexless by choice is not the same as being locked in a sexless prison (of your own making to, be sure). No one there will call you names, no survivor of a long term sexless marriage ever would.

We live in a time great sex/gender evolution. 5 years ago, I was opposed to gay marriage. 3 years ago, I was still making prison rape jokes about 'dropping the soap. These days, I am ahead of the bell curve and call out sexless marriage for what it is: sexual abuse.

It is a moral wrong to watch a partner twist in the wind, wither and die. It is as wrong to shame the refused partner in a sexless marriage as it is to condemn a physical abuse victim "for going along with it'.

It is the hight of hubris to suggest that your sex drive needs are reasonable but that other guy has a problem. If any group should champion the right to be yourself sexually and free of guilt about it, it should be this one.

Telling my story to other sufferers, healing from their feedback, and committing to aid the suffering of other sexless people changed my life.

Today, I am married, well-loved, and have some kind of kink every day of my precious life. I know of no one that left a dead, toxic marriage who didn't flourish. I know of no one who stayed who did.

The key that lets you out of that prison of lies you told and tolerated is simply telling -and insisting on- the plain truth.

It truly will set you free. You won't necessarily be happy, but to live in truth is the greatest thing you can feel while alive.

Don't postpone joy, start telling the truth today (but maybe not here for a while).

*****Great respect and thanks to the Mods for letting me reference another board.

no one is telling him to stay in a sexless marriage. therein lies the key. We would (and have) told abuse victims to get out as well.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 2/11/2014 8:46:17 AM >

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to Domnotlooking)

Post #: 80

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