RE: How would they know? (Full Version)

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smileforme50 -> RE: How would they know? (2/5/2014 5:01:56 PM)

First.... @ Milesnmiles.....interesting....I'll have to think about that....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Hmm..
I cannot say it makes me feel free. I feel like me everyday, just like most people I guess. I do stuff I need to to get by. I work, I play, I explore and I rest. Just like regular people do.. I think. Beats me because I am just me and can only assume the rest of the world just moves day to day. Sometimes I feel free and sometimes I feel oppressed, IN or OUT of a ds relationship.
I cannot say that when I am in a relationship I am somehow more free to be me than I right now. I still have the same responsibilities and worries, the same need to survive. There may be a slight difference in sexuality in that I am sated, but I am still perfectly ok in my masochistic submissive persona even if I don't have a partner. And that may be what they are talking about when people say they feel free. Because for many people sexuality is not as free as one would like. And having a partner that verify's your desires without judgement can relieve you of the guilt you may feel for wanting PLEASURE.


Well said....thank you. THIS is how I feel and I think why I don't understand the "submission will set you free" thing. When I'm in a relationship...whether D/s or vanilla, I don't feel any more or less "free" than I do when I'm not in a relationhip. My responsibilities, worries and needs to survive don't change. Maybe what I really don't understand is the "guilt you may feel for wanting PLEASURE"



littlewonder -> RE: How would they know? (2/5/2014 5:25:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

So....is that how you feel? Does your submission "set you free"? Free from what?


Free from what?

I'm a submissive personality. It's who I am, day in, day out, 24/7, with everyone. I'm just me.

Guys who say "it will set you free" are the ones who read too much porn. Ignore them.



ARIES83 -> RE: How would they know? (2/5/2014 5:49:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

I haven't heard a lot of "submissions sets your free"

What I have heard a lot of is variations of:
"I like the feeling of total power over my partner I get from submission."

The subs I talk to say it's a lot like stripping. Outsiders think the voyeurs are 'abusing' the strippers but the strippers say it empowering. The men slaver over the right to give them money, all in exchange for....?????

Of course, all of this only applies if it is consensual.


I'm having to do a lot of mental gymnastics to contort what you're saying into something I can accept.
And that bolded part... Would you mind explaining what your getting at there...



Missokyst -> RE: How would they know? (2/5/2014 6:30:09 PM)

heh... me either. 
From the very first accidental orgasm at a young age I have been enjoying sensuality on a frequent basis..
Catholic guilt never got me.


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50
Maybe what I really don't understand is the "guilt you may feel for wanting PLEASURE"




FieryOpal -> RE: How would they know? (2/5/2014 8:45:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

When I'm in a relationship...whether D/s or vanilla, I don't feel any more or less "free" than I do when I'm not in a relationhip. My responsibilities, worries and needs to survive don't change. Maybe what I really don't understand is the "guilt you may feel for wanting PLEASURE"


All right, I'll cut those Dominants some slack in that I was not privy to what transpired, and this submission "setting you free" verbiage may have been well-intentioned by a few. It struck me as cheesy. This isn't something I would ever say about submission in those words, but I can see where a D/s authority dynamic could feel liberating, and in the sense that the burden of choice and mundane decisions being lifted off one's shoulders can come as a relief, as anniezz338 put it. The submissive's focus centers upon one's Dominant instead of being scattered all over the place.

By virtue of entering into a D/s authority dynamic, the submissive is exchanging the bulk of one's freedom of choice. This in itself doesn't set one free in the traditional form of emancipation, but certainly has a very subjective liberating quality.

SexyRed1 touched upon sexual liberation, in that a submissive may feel compelled to be given permission to "release your inner slut." This isn't exclusive to females either, for there are a number of male subs who refer to themselves as sluts, or feel that it's wrong for a man to have submissive desires toward a woman to take control of them.

I daresay there is a certain amount of guilt felt on both sides of the kneel for wanting pleasure, as Missokyst expressed. I wasn't raised in an atmosphere which instilled feelings of guilt or shame when it comes to sexuality, but I have felt guilty for wanting to put myself first and had to give myself permission to acknowledge those personal desires and feelings. In effect, I had to set myself free from denying what I knew I wanted deep down inside, and for needing to have my partner submit to me without having to resort to any manipulation or employing feminine wiles, which I resisted doing. So that was my own inner conflict when I was younger.



NuevaVida -> RE: How would they know? (2/5/2014 9:05:02 PM)

Fast Reply:

I was in a non D/s relationship for many years. I compromised myself in too many ways. Finding my first D/s relationship, for the first time I felt free to be myself. It was very liberating.



DesFIP -> RE: How would they know? (2/5/2014 9:07:37 PM)

Putting on a professional persona takes energy.
If, like me, you're an extreme introvert, then just dealing with other people takes energy.

Being with him, doing what he says, relieves me of the requirement to spend that extra energy in order to interact appropriately with others.

Sometimes it's exhausting to be a parent. There were days when I would have far preferred to eat chocolate cake for dinner. But I made healthy meals because that's what you do if you're a good parent.

Dealing with an elderly father with alcoholic dementia is exhausting. I spend a lot of energy interacting with him.

With The Man, there's no need to interact 'appropriately'. Because being my true self is what he wants. So I don't need to spend energy I don't have with him unlike with the rest of the world. And yes, I find that freeing.

It's not about kinky sex, it's about giving authority over. I don't want to be the desk where "the buck stops here". I'm grateful that he does want that. Because prior to this relationship, it was all my responsibility.



littlewonder -> RE: How would they know? (2/5/2014 10:01:19 PM)

I was sitting here thinking about how I wish my life was easier just because I have a submissive personality. I still have to make choices because Master forces me to. I still have to decide what to make for dinner, what kind of food to buy, how to do his paperwork since I'm his secretary, make daily decisions that he feels as his slave that I should do since well...why should he be bothered with the work? That's why he has a slave. My job is to make his life easier.

I wanna upgrade! [:(]
[8D]



Blonderfluff -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 4:32:29 AM)

I never really understood the idea of my surrender as a "gift". For me, it is choosing a way to live my life that feels right. As for submission "setting me free". Meh. I AM already free. Finding the right Man will simply be the icing on an already pretty delicious cake.
My guess is that these D types are just regurgitating an oft overused phrase to make you believe that they "understand".



smileforme50 -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 4:43:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

When I'm in a relationship...whether D/s or vanilla, I don't feel any more or less "free" than I do when I'm not in a relationhip. My responsibilities, worries and needs to survive don't change. Maybe what I really don't understand is the "guilt you may feel for wanting PLEASURE"


All right, I'll cut those Dominants some slack in that I was not privy to what transpired, and this submission "setting you free" verbiage may have been well-intentioned by a few. It struck me as cheesy. This isn't something I would ever say about submission in those words, but I can see where a D/s authority dynamic could feel liberating, and in the sense that the burden of choice and mundane decisions being lifted off one's shoulders can come as a relief, as anniezz338 put it. The submissive's focus centers upon one's Dominant instead of being scattered all over the place.

By virtue of entering into a D/s authority dynamic, the submissive is exchanging the bulk of one's freedom of choice. This in itself doesn't set one free in the traditional form of emancipation, but certainly has a very subjective liberating quality.

SexyRed1 touched upon sexual liberation, in that a submissive may feel compelled to be given permission to "release your inner slut." This isn't exclusive to females either, for there are a number of male subs who refer to themselves as sluts, or feel that it's wrong for a man to have submissive desires toward a woman to take control of them.

I daresay there is a certain amount of guilt felt on both sides of the kneel for wanting pleasure, as Missokyst expressed. I wasn't raised in an atmosphere which instilled feelings of guilt or shame when it comes to sexuality, but I have felt guilty for wanting to put myself first and had to give myself permission to acknowledge those personal desires and feelings. In effect, I had to set myself free from denying what I knew I wanted deep down inside, and for needing to have my partner submit to me without having to resort to any manipulation or employing feminine wiles, which I resisted doing. So that was my own inner conflict when I was younger.




Now see.....I would feel more "guilt" being a Dominant, and especial a sadist, than I would EVER feel from wanting to be submissive. I can understand feeling guilty because I got pleasure from causing someone else pain....even if they insisted they enjoyed it and wanted it. But to feel guilty because I enjoy being spanked or tied up? Since I'm the one on the receiving end of it....why would I feel guilty?



GoddessManko -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 4:55:37 AM)

I was submissive once, and it was incredibly liberating.
I shouldn't reveal such but I'm pretty sure my time on CM is coming to at least a brief end relatively soon anyway.
In my daily life, business and family I have always had to be the matriach so letting go of all that and allowing myself to be vulnerable was a nice change and a relief.
It takes an incredible amount of trust though so a rare type of role reversal can be make or break situation.
I do know this to be a fact though, being a Domme takes an incredible lot more of planning, thinking, doing. As a sub, tasks become routine and second nature.
So there is a real difference in the amount of energy that goes into either role.
I hate when people act like domming is a cakewalk, LOL. Yes, if you and your partner know each other like the back of your hands maybe. Otherwise it can be time and energy consuming.
[sm=crop.gif][sm=ballchain.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=domme.gif]



smileforme50 -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 5:20:25 AM)

I would NEVER assume that Domming is a cakewalk.....why do you think I'm submissive? LOL



FieryOpal -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 6:43:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

Now see.....I would feel more "guilt" being a Dominant, and especial a sadist, than I would EVER feel from wanting to be submissive. I can understand feeling guilty because I got pleasure from causing someone else pain....even if they insisted they enjoyed it and wanted it. But to feel guilty because I enjoy being spanked or tied up? Since I'm the one on the receiving end of it....why would I feel guilty?


Just to clarify, I'm not into sado-masochism so no guilt stemming from those kinds of (non-existent) desires. Mine were entirely related to wanting to dominate and be the Dominant personality in my intimate relationships. There was a time when it felt that it wasn't right to feel like that even though it came naturally to me. Head vs. Heart. My mind was saying that I wasn't being fair and equitable to want my lover to submit to me. It wasn't until I discovered there were (desirable) males who wanted to submit as much as, or even more so than, I wanted them to that I knew there was nothing wrong with my "secret" desires.



Missokyst -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 8:57:19 AM)

LOL my keyboard thanks you for the bath.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff 
My guess is that these D types are just regurgitating an oft overused phrase to make you believe that they "understand".



Missokyst -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 9:05:39 AM)

For me the only time I had a man in my life where the buck stopped there was my husband.  Every other long term relationship where the many was boss over me, he still expected me to make decisions and take responsibility.  In fact, some when out of their way to give me tools to make that easier.  With my husband it was his way, whether or not it was the right way.  I did not feel free.  I felt trapped. The other men were perfectly ok knowing I was intelligent and could make proper choices.  So I guess I did feel free, but it was no more free to be myself than I had learned to be after my divorce.
I adore kinky sex and always have and I do agree d/s is not what it is all about.  I do believe it is about giving authority over to someone else but I would never go so far as to turn over my need to be valued for "my" choices. My ex-husband really made that freedom impossible.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's not about kinky sex, it's about giving authority over. I don't want to be the desk where "the buck stops here". I'm grateful that he does want that. Because prior to this relationship, it was all my responsibility.



Missokyst -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 9:09:23 AM)

I must be a twisted MF.  I never feel guilt from indulging in the pleasure of masochism, and I have never felt guilt from beating someone, whether for good or evil.
[sm=evil.gif]  Sometimes people need or deserve to be beaten, and I do love the moans or screams.


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

Now see.....I would feel more "guilt" being a Dominant, and especial a sadist, than I would EVER feel from wanting to be submissive. I can understand feeling guilty because I got pleasure from causing someone else pain....even if they insisted they enjoyed it and wanted it. But to feel guilty because I enjoy being spanked or tied up? Since I'm the one on the receiving end of it....why would I feel guilty?




nyx84 -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 10:58:20 AM)

In my work life I have to be dominant to the extent that the guys I work with accuse me of whipping my partner (a man they have never meet). Also the number of people in my life that I trust to be who I am inside around can be ciunted on one hand with spare fingers. So when I come home and submit I am free to be myself.

Also I can be a bit neurotic I over think things and the thoughts end up chaching themselves in circles in my mind untill I'm a mess. And while its not strictly submitting when he holds me the chaos in my mind calms and that makes me feel free.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: How would they know? (2/6/2014 3:13:54 PM)

No, submission doesn't - I find submission annoying and contradictory. But slavery does, yes - I feel very free. I don't have to worry about trying to control or manipulate things. I don't have to figure out what he wants, or whether I'm going to do it. It frees me from that whole mental battle.

If I can get out of something, I spend all the time wondering if I should, and whether it'd be okay. If I can't get out of it, that whole dilemma disappears and I simply experience the scene instead. I find it very freeing.

Not to mention, I can indulge in a whole load of kinky stuff that I love without having to worry about holding back or shocking them.



Kana -> RE: How would they know? (2/7/2014 2:11:58 PM)

Why wouldn't it set some folk free?
Some people operate best in chaos.
Others need structure. Some of those need accountability to.
They function best within constraints and supervision/goal-setting.


Kinda the same way some people find a freedom in subspace.
They experience absolute freedom of mind while their physical carapace is utterly shackled.

It doesn't have to be newbie talk smack. I've certainly known/met/owned girls who felt that way..
Hell, Mouse does.But don't believe me. Ask her



ARIES83 -> RE: How would they know? (2/7/2014 2:49:57 PM)

I don't think I've seen someone's body described as a carapace before.[:D]
Not the most appetising comparison and yet I'm hungry for lobster all of a sudden!




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