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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/8/2014 10:55:17 AM   
nyx84


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To consider any kind of serious commitment with somone with metal health issuse you need to seriously understand the illness and what your commiting to.

My best friend is currently in the presses of divorcing her husband of 10 years because of his schizophrenia. He was undiagnosed for most of there marriage. When they had kids his condition became much worse. He went from having a high level of nurture and care to comung 4th after there 3 boys in 18 months and not only that but was expected to take on part of the responsibility for caring for the children. He just couldn't cope with the stress. When he got diagnosed my frined discovered that he had been having hallucinations all through there marriage and had been hiding them. She was also told that he would never be "better" but might become stable with the right treatmemt and that high stress levels would nullify the effect of his medication.

On a more personal note u suffer from reactive attachment disorder (well probably attachment disordet now that I'm an adult) and I do view myself as broken and put back together. Most of the time I have no real issues (well if you discount the distrusting) but ever now and again something will strike a nearve and one of the fractures is me will tear open leaving me feeling one of two way. I'll need to hide somewhere very small or I'll want to destroy the percuved threat. Now I had a freek out a little while ago but before that it had been years.

But my point is this there is nothing wrong with being envolved with somone with mental health issues but you need to full understand there condition and hou it affects them.

There will almost certainly be triggers that will cause there cobdition to worsen or trigger an eppisode.

What medication if any do they need and what side effect do they have (some side effect can cause problems in and of themselves)

How functioning are they and what kind of impact does there condition have on there lives.

What do you want from your future and not only is that something you share but will they be able to cope with it.

(in reply to nyx84)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/8/2014 12:50:04 PM   
LafayetteLady


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Your lack of familiarity with disability claims is evident. So is your lack of familiarity with mental illness.

It isn't a matter of you are receiving treatment and its under control, so therefore you should be working. You are in the medical field, and frankly should be better informed.

For each mental illness, "under control" means. Something different. For depression it may mean they simply aren't trying to kill themselves everyday, or they could be fully functional with short bouts like lw (sorry sor using you as an example). Bi-polar, control could be less cycling, rare cycling. Anxiety can mean you simply don't go full blown in your trigger situations. I could go on, but I'm appaled that a medical professional is so uninformed about such things.

(in reply to Lynnxz)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/8/2014 2:25:08 PM   
CreativeDominant


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As a health care professional, I deal with people all the time who have depression...bi-polar disorder, PTSD. My field is not in these disorders but then, they aren't coming to see me for treatment of these, they are coming to me for treatment of musculoskeletal problems. I was also married to a woman who was diagnosed as being "clinically depressed". Like almost everyone, I have family members with various levels of mental illness.

What I have found is that some of these folks can be dealt with, either professionally or personally, and some cannot. For me, it comes down to something similar to what another poster stated: you cannot be an asshole and be with me. If you are inclined to call me names or do something that hurts my feelings or be inconsiderate or not have the energy/enjoyment for a sexual relationship as well as an emotional relationship...and this type of behavior occurs even while you are on your meds (or in some cases, BECAUSE of them) then we are not going to work. And if that is true, then you having those same issues because you won't take your meds, and your meds would help to control them, is going to lead to the same endpoint...we are not going to work.

Perhaps I have thinner skin than some people but I don't think so...I've just reached the point in my life where I do not want a lot of drama. If I would not put up with it as an ongoing thing from someone who is 'quote' normal...why should I put up with it in an ongoing manner from someone and factor in some "get away with it" factor because of the disease? Does that mean that I have a "hard limits" sign when it comes to dealing with these people? No...but it does mean I have limits.

That beautiful sexyred mentioned her cancer...she noted she would not expect a stranger to come into her life now and cope with the disease BUT if she was with someone, she would expect them to stay. I see a difference...that some may not see...in the two areas. Many times, people with mental issues will not do as asked in terms of seeking treatment, staying on a proper course of treatment, etc.. Most people I have met/treated with a major physical illness DO as asked in terms of treatment. Perhaps it is the knowledge that their problem is GOING to get worse without treatment...perhaps it is not having the "mind-skew" that prevents them from doing the proper reasoning regarding treatment.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/8/2014 2:52:07 PM   
RemoteUser


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My son has autism. I see it as him being different - not wrong, not broken, not a mistake.

He will always be my son. I will always love him. I will always help him and care for him when he needs it.

If my girl were also ill, should I give her less dignity?

That's what no one is addressing here. We're all talking about what we want. I realize that I'm a dominant type advocating equality and selflessness in various shades, but that's because I'm human before I'm even sexual, and that's how I'm made up. For that same reason, I won't judge how other people determine their relationships; however, a different viewpoint isn't inappropriate, either.


_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/8/2014 4:22:47 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: nyx84


quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

The money you get paid for disability is money you have earned working through the years. Everyone in the USA that has worked has money set aside by the government for disability.


Not the case in the UK you can get disability without ever having worked



Not necessarily true. Standard (over 65) social security is paid only to those that have paid into the system through FICA; however, disability is funded, in part, with the same tax but paid to anyone who applies (or has application made for them) that qualifies and approved. Children born with severe disabilities such as cerebral palsy, spina bifida, epilepsy...often qualify from birth.

(in reply to nyx84)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/8/2014 5:45:22 PM   
nyx84


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss


quote:

ORIGINAL: nyx84


quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

The money you get paid for disability is money you have earned working through the years. Everyone in the USA that has worked has money set aside by the government for disability.


Not the case in the UK you can get disability without ever having worked



Not necessarily true. Standard (over 65) social security is paid only to those that have paid into the system through FICA; however, disability is funded, in part, with the same tax but paid to anyone who applies (or has application made for them) that qualifies and approved. Children born with severe disabilities such as cerebral palsy, spina bifida, epilepsy...often qualify from birth.


In the UK benefits are paid first based on yor national insurance contributions if you have any. If not they can be paid based on your household income which has no requirements for naitonal insurance to have ever been paid.

ESA the benefit given to those in the UK is given to anyone deemed unable to work and reasons include ilness, alcoholism, parenthood, being a student

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/8/2014 5:47:33 PM   
LafayetteLady


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Very true TMINK. The difference comes in how much they receive.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/8/2014 7:29:01 PM   
crazyml


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This is a tough one.

If the person was actually off work because of their illness then my inclination would be to gently suggest that they get better before looking for a relationship.

Now, if the person is handling their illness, then yes it would be a game changer, but not necessarily a show stopper.

_____________________________

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(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/9/2014 9:06:47 AM   
kalikshama


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quote:

Then one or the other says "I am on disability for bipolar." or depression or anxiety, etc.

How would you feel about that? Would it be a game changer? These mental health issues have such a stigma it is hard to know how it can be accepted in any type of relationship.


Depression wouldn't rule him out. Being on disability for mental illness would.

When I think of people on disability for mental illness, I think of my brother, who is severely mentally ill.

I think of my downstairs neighbor, who is applying for disability. His anxiety prohibits him from going to the supermarket alone. He's told his children there are demons in the woods...and when he wanted to take the 6 yo on walks in the woods but she was scared of the demons, he said that the demons couldn't get her if she was wearing [the color she happened to be wearing.]

I think both my brother and my friend are entitled to disability, but people like them are not relationship material for me.

(BTW, I would also exclude any man who'd had his parental rights revoked (as what happened to my friend), or who had a bunch of baby mommas, or was generally irresponsible when it came to his progeny.)

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/9/2014 10:06:36 AM   
kalikshama


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My brother and friend are weak in all four areas below. My friend's application was denied, but it sounds like incorrect answers were given in two places, so hopefully, once that is corrected, he will be approved.

http://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/12.00-MentalDisorders-Adult.htm

...C. Assessment of severity: We measure severity according to the functional limitations imposed by your medically determinable mental impairment(s). We assess functional limitations using the four criteria in paragraph B of the listings: Activities of daily living; social functioning; concentration, persistence, or pace; and episodes of decompensation.

...1. Activities of daily living include adaptive activities such as cleaning, shopping, cooking, taking public transportation, paying bills, maintaining a residence, caring appropriately for your grooming and hygiene, using telephones and directories, and using a post office. In the context of your overall situation, we assess the quality of these activities by their independence, appropriateness, effectiveness, and sustainability. We will determine the extent to which you are capable of initiating and participating in activities independent of supervision or direction.

...2. Social functioning refers to your capacity to interact independently, appropriately, effectively, and on a sustained basis with other individuals. Social functioning includes the ability to get along with others, such as family members, friends, neighbors, grocery clerks, landlords, or bus drivers. You may demonstrate impaired social functioning by, for example, a history of altercations, evictions, firings, fear of strangers, avoidance of interpersonal relationships, or social isolation. You may exhibit strength in social functioning by such things as your ability to initiate social contacts with others, communicate clearly with others, or interact and actively participate in group activities. We also need to consider cooperative behaviors, consideration for others, awareness of others' feelings, and social maturity. Social functioning in work situations may involve interactions with the public, responding appropriately to persons in authority (e.g., supervisors), or cooperative behaviors involving coworkers.

...3. Concentration, persistence or pace refers to the ability to sustain focused attention and concentration sufficiently long to permit the timely and appropriate completion of tasks commonly found in work settings.

...In work evaluations, concentration, persistence, or pace is assessed by testing your ability to sustain work using appropriate production standards, in either real or simulated work tasks (e.g., filing index cards, locating telephone numbers, or disassembling and reassembling objects). Strengths and weaknesses in areas of concentration and attention can be discussed in terms of your ability to work at a consistent pace for acceptable periods of time and until a task is completed, and your ability to repeat sequences of action to achieve a goal or an objective.

...4. Episodes of decompensation are exacerbations or temporary increases in symptoms or signs accompanied by a loss of adaptive functioning, as manifested by difficulties in performing activities of daily living, maintaining social relationships, or maintaining concentration, persistence, or pace.

(in reply to kalikshama)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/9/2014 11:08:53 AM   
chatterbox24


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quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Another thing to ask....would you take yourself out of the arena for dating? This is kinda hard to say but I feel I'm not relationship material. In the next breath, i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

This shows how responsible you are and that you are looking out for others. My suggestion is not to get involved with anyone who can cause you unnecessary stress. Its not stigmatizing to look out for your own welfare and look for stability. Why chance it?


_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/9/2014 11:33:14 AM   
chickysSirTN


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I think there are some good points in each post I've read.

I do think that a lot rests upon how the person's psychologist and/or therapist feel about it too. In some cases, the structure of a D/s relation really helps as much as therapy/ medicine for some Bipolar or ADD folks.

Of course it all comes down to the dynamics of T/those involved. Would you take the person with the diagnosis as a partner even if you were not part of the lifestyle? If the reply is "yes" then you would probably not blink. If no, then not a good idea to take them on in the lifestyle, as you may not have the patience to work with T/them.

My pennies worth
S

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/9/2014 5:04:37 PM   
Lynnxz


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Your lack of familiarity with disability claims is evident. So is your lack of familiarity with mental illness.

It isn't a matter of you are receiving treatment and its under control, so therefore you should be working. You are in the medical field, and frankly should be better informed.

For each mental illness, "under control" means. Something different. For depression it may mean they simply aren't trying to kill themselves everyday, or they could be fully functional with short bouts like lw (sorry sor using you as an example). Bi-polar, control could be less cycling, rare cycling. Anxiety can mean you simply don't go full blown in your trigger situations. I could go on, but I'm appaled that a medical professional is so uninformed about such things.


Sorry for the confusion.

By "controlled" I meant well controlled in the medical sense. If someone comes in, and tells me that they don't try to kill themselves "every day" or are just barely hanging on with their anxiety disorder, I'm not going to see them as well controlled. Maybe a bit of improvement, but never well controlled.

Actually, now that I think about it, if someone tells me they don't want to kill themselves 'every day' in my facility, I would have to do a whole assessment to see if I needed to send them out to a behavioral health facility.

You and I are talking about two entirely different populations of people.


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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/9/2014 9:22:32 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


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I've never hidden here or on my profile, when I was looking that I suffer from severe depression, social anxiety, bipolar II and a myriad of other this & that. I'm also on provincial disability. I don't work because I don't do well with large groups. I'm on my meds religiously, I see my psychiatrist & counselor on a regular basis. I have an illness, I'm not a monster, I am me, the best me I can be.

I have a great family support group, as well as close friends and of course MM. We deal with it together. He suffers from PTSD, thanks to having served overseas in hell on more than one occasion. We go out together, and if it's a crowded place, we both know when to get out. He's learned to take his meds regularly also. That was a bit tougher go as he hates having to rely on them.

He now realizes how much better he does when taking them. I realize that my brain is wired differently and that meds will be a part of my life. It's not easy for me right now, he's hospitalized for full treatment since Nov 17th. He doesn't come home til Mar 7th. I'm by myself at home on weekdays, he only comes home on weekends.

I wouldn't not get involved with someone unless I knew the full situation, medically & disability wise. I just can no longer afford to be the considered "breadwinner" when I make less & they don't know how to manage their finances. Not that I expect to be looking!

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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/9/2014 10:56:18 PM   
orgasmdenial12


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Honestly - I wouldn't date someone with a chronic mental health disorder. We all have periods of depression or anxiety or sadness in our lives and that wouldn't put me off, but I would not wish to date someone with an ongoing mental health problem.

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Mental Health and D/s relationships - 2/10/2014 6:58:14 AM   
kiwisub12


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Just as I wouldn't date someone with an endpoint fatal condition - like most cancers - I wouldn't date someone with ongoing mental conditions. And for the same reason - I lived with a man who was my dom who died from cancer - and won't voluntarily go through that hell again.

I live with an adult daughter with depression, social anxiety and psychosis of undetermined type. She is medicated and can work at minimum wage jobs- until the stress gets to her and she has a rise in hallucinations and anxiety and has to quit. This is not a pattern of behavior that I want to have to endure for the rest of my life. And while I realize that there are those that manage their behaviours better/more efficiently, I'm not putting myself in the way of the potential trainwreck that might come down the rails. There are enough wrecks in my life that I don't have the energy or patience to deal with another persons issues.


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