Rawni
Posts: 1175
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quote:
ORIGINAL: wannapleez
OP, with a couple notable exceptions, I imagine that most of the responses here have been less than helpful. So let me offer my take that is devoid of universality (I won't apply my opinion to the rest of the world), bullshit omniscience (I won't tell you what you really meant), and gross over-generalizations (I won't base my view of your attitude on past history with others, seeing as how -- wait for it -- you aren't others).
First of all, don't lead with your enjoyment of cunnilingus. When first approaching a Domme, the things that you enjoy are of no relevance, even if they are activities that will bring her a great deal of pleasure. Be sure to thoroughly fill out your "interests" on your profile -- then a potential Domme can determine if there is a good enough commonality of interests. But she should initiate conversations about specific sexual activities -- at least early on.
Secondly, yes, cunnilingus is very often considered a vanilla activity anymore. However, that does not preclude it from being a key component of a Domme/sub relationship. No one in their right mind would claim that the benefit is solely the woman's (and only a major cynic would imply that this was your take). No one enters a BDSM relationship not expecting some pleasure on both ends; it's just that the Domme's pleasure is first and last -- but not only.
But among those for whom The Big 'O' is very important, that the man is giving several to the woman without reciprocation is not insignificant. There are many women -- and even Dommes -- for whom this can be puzzling. "Sure, he can serve me and submit to me for 6 hours," they think, "but after that, I'm at least going to let him jack off." Contrary to what the BDSM police tell you, this does not make he any less of a Domme.
Point being, if you are doing things for a Domme with no expectation of reciprocation of any kind (even getting to jack off), that is service. It may not be the kind of service that some Dommes appreciate, but it is service. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, just because it isn't their cup o' Earl Grey.
You seem to be upset that the bdsm police here have painted with a wide brush and yet, you have done the same.
People conclude various things without all the information needed by some, to conclude something similar. You don't have to experience all things to know they might not be something you would like. You don't need to know every detail of a matter to understand all of it. Could someone be wrong in some way? Yes, but they could also be correct. When someone's profile reads like the OP's and then we have a post here to go on as well and a person is focused on one thing and one thing only, projecting how that will come about by his own wants and needs and expecting others to want them too, to the point of wanting to know why women are not jumping at the offer, it isn't hard to see what's going on. Now, lets add the fact that whatever he said, enough women hit the report spam button or he said it to so many, so quickly, that he hit the spam filter.
You may see things as black and white, fair in all your ways... but until you carry a pussy that men often focus on forgetting that the pussy belongs to a living, breathing person with feelings and the need for dignity and fair treatment and they often are not given fair treatment... then you cannot truly see what might be fair to them and say the things you have said. I don't blame every man for what many men do, but when they are nearly my age and still don't yet know that treating a woman as if she would respond like some men would and want someone to come service one part of their body, by a stranger with no other connection, then god help ya... you might need to be shown where the light bulb aisle is.
Your wide brush paints a scene about some dominant women that are unfair and don't believe in giving back to a submissive. That may be so in many cases, but for the most part, most the women on this thread have made posts throughout the years that prove that they don't function this way. As a matter of fact, I remember some threads on blow jobs and how many of us said we included them in our lives, found them a way to play enticingly with our men and go figure... we have had or do have satisfied men sticking around or coming back for more. So unless these men are total saps, lacking, they know the good stuff we give and appreciate it. Many have actual relationships with our submissives and we don't see it as a bartering system, though we could in play bring some of that in, but really... I doubt most of us think of it as some do. Tit for tat... all fair... an exchange. We are too busy being in a relationship to count exchanges for or against the other.
< Message edited by Rawni -- 2/10/2014 2:35:16 PM >
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RE: I suspect my particular predilection isn't all that... - 
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Sage advice from the person who leads with the doughy outline of someone's junk in our faces. 
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