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If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 8:13:17 AM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
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I didn't want to pigeonhole this into "Ask a Master" or "Ask a Submissive"....so I'm going to ask it here....

I was just talking to a Dom who lives in Key West and we were comparing notes....I was telling him we just got another 2 inches of snow last night, and he was gloating about how wonderful the weather is down there.....*growl*

Anyway....we got on the topic of shoveling snow, and I was telling him that what I find most frustrating isn't having to shovel snow...it's having to walk through unshoveled areas when it is clearly someone else's responsibility to clear snow from those areas. When I lived with a vanilla bf, we BOTH shoveled the snow. I didn't mind doing it because what I wanted most was to have a clean, safe place to walk. I HATE trying to walk over hardened snow that is bumpy and uneven from everyone else walking on it before me.

I was telling this Dom how frustrating it is now that I live in an apartment and it is my landlord's responsibility to shovel the snow from the walks....and they do a REALLY crappy job of it....WHEN they get around to it. It's allmost to the point where I have really been fighting the urge to just go buy my own freaking snow shovel and do it myself!

So this brought us around to the subject of that old saying "If you want something done right, do it yourself". And he told me that he thought that was an attitude more common in "Dominant" types than it is in "submissive" types. Well...I didn't agree because I think I have a lot of that attitude in me.....but I certainly wouldn't call myself dominant.

What do you think.....is the attitude of "If you want something done right....do it yourself" more a part of either the dominant or submissive personality type?

( I would think that the way it manifests itself in the Dominant would be "If you want something done right....make sure you give the job to someone who can do it!"

)

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

Post #: 1

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 8:19:41 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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I think this touches on the "What makes a dominant a dominant" debate.

I think this is just an old human expression that I would accept as an axiom.

I don't think that being submissive is an excuse to abdicate personal responsibility. Even though shoveling your own walks isn't your responsibility, per se; isn't your safety your responsibility? Isn't your comfort your responsibility (to a greater degree than not)?

I think it boils down to a simple case of: You want something done and the person responsible either can't or won't do it. Do you curse the darkness or light a candle?

Peace,

Michael

_____________________________

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(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 2

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 8:24:53 AM

MisterP61

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Joined: 10/9/2007
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Truthfully, I do not see it as being either. It is about being human. You see something that isn't being done. This something bothers you, even though you know it is not your responsibility. You know you can do it, and you know you can do it better then the so called "responsible" party. Therefore, you would rather do it yourself, because you know that you will do it better (which is safer for everyone).

This is a little off topic. I might add though, if the apartment complex is not living up to their end, legally if someone got hurt, they would be held responsible and accountable. Unfortunately, even though your intentions would be in the right place, those who look for that easy $$ might be able to put it on you because they saw you shoveling and you didn't do it "right". I hate even thinking this way, but sometimes CYA is a good policy.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 3

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 8:50:37 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Like MrP here I think that is not dominant or submissive, it is human. I am submissive, that does not mean I must get someone dominant to do the work of making demands, or getting things done. I am intelligent, resourceful, and have raised 4 kids while also working. I did not do a half assed job in raising my kids and I go out of my way to do my job well. If issues arise I am just as capable of doing the job or contacting someone who will. Note in this case that I said contact.
Submissive does not equal unable. If I had a complaint I would have called the landlord. Why would I do it myself if it should be part of the package of paying my rent.
If it would have been my property I would have shoveled it. Or hired someone to do it well.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to MisterP61)

Post #: 4

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 8:51:30 AM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
Status: offline

One of my favorite sayings.
I generally have little trust that someone will do a job the way I feel it should be done. Not because my way is right or better, but it is right and better for me.
I'm also a control freak.
But, I couldn't be less dominant if I tried.

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 5

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 9:01:03 AM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

This is a little off topic. I might add though, if the apartment complex is not living up to their end, legally if someone got hurt, they would be held responsible and accountable. Unfortunately, even though your intentions would be in the right place, those who look for that easy $$ might be able to put it on you because they saw you shoveling and you didn't do it "right". I hate even thinking this way, but sometimes CYA is a good policy.

Yeah.....I've thought about that too....that's one of the reason's haven't gone out and bought my own damned shovel. Plus....this is also a big complex of probably 15-20 buildings with a LOT of sidewalks......where do I start and where do I end.....Because I sure wouldn't be doing it all! All I need to have done is the stairs and sidewalk between my building and the bus stop. LOL

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to MisterP61)

Post #: 6

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 9:07:03 AM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Like MrP here I think that is not dominant or submissive, it is human. I am submissive, that does not mean I must get someone dominant to do the work of making demands, or getting things done. I am intelligent, resourceful, and have raised 4 kids while also working. I did not do a half assed job in raising my kids and I go out of my way to do my job well. If issues arise I am just as capable of doing the job or contacting someone who will. Note in this case that I said contact.
Submissive does not equal unable. If I had a complaint I would have called the landlord. Why would I do it myself if it should be part of the package of paying my rent.
If it would have been my property I would have shoveled it. Or hired someone to do it well.

But the question is about...."if you want something done RIGHT, do it yourself". This isn't about whether or not you are "able" to do something. What I'm asking is.....do you have that little twist of arrogance in you that makes you think that the only time something DOES get done "right" is when you do it yourself? Do you have a problem trusting other people to do these things? Or are you rarely satisfied with the way other people do things?

And is that little twist of arrogance of "if you want something done right, do it yourself" more common in dominants than it is in submissives....or is it equally distributed between the two?

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 7

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 9:11:12 AM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

One of my favorite sayings.
I generally have little trust that someone will do a job the way I feel it should be done. Not because my way is right or better, but it is right and better for me.
I'm also a control freak.
But, I couldn't be less dominant if I tried.

EXACTLY!!! LOL

This is why, even when I DO have someone "under" me, it's very hard for me to give them work to do that I am used to doing myslf. It's just easier to do it myself than to show someone how it should be done (well....how I think it should be done)

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to theshytype)

Post #: 8

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 9:33:21 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

What do you think.....is the attitude of "If you want something done right....do it yourself" more a part of either the dominant or submissive personality type?

( I would think that the way it manifests itself in the Dominant would be "If you want something done right....make sure you give the job to someone who can do it!" )

Yes, I think Dominants are better at delegating than submissives.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 2/10/2014 9:37:49 AM >

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 9

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 9:38:07 AM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

I HATE trying to walk over hardened snow that is bumpy and uneven from everyone else walking on it before me.

Me too. I'd shovel it myself. It's hard to get enough outdoor exercise in the winter, and the opportunity to shovel helps.

In your case, it sounds like a LOT of shoveling, so if it's too much, maybe just do the stairs, which are the most dangerous when not done properly, and get on your landlord about doing the rest in a timely manner? You could ask your neighbors to complain as well.

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 10

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 9:45:45 AM

vincentML

Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I HATE trying to walk over hardened snow that is bumpy and uneven from everyone else walking on it before me.

Me too. I'd shovel it myself. It's hard to get enough outdoor exercise in the winter, and the opportunity to shovel helps.

In your case, it sounds like a LOT of shoveling, so if it's too much, maybe just do the stairs, which are the most dangerous when not done properly, and get on your landlord about doing the rest in a timely manner? You could ask your neighbors to complain as well.

I should think a Dominant would say: Do it right or I will stand you in the corner for the night.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 11

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 11:57:48 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I don't know if it's something that goes to one orientation, rather than the other. I think individual personalities play more into it than that.

Although MP didn't mention it, he and I just had this discussion in our house. So far, out of all of the submissive males who have crossed My path, only chosen and tk have accomplished household tasks to the same level of thorough as I do. (Keep in mind, chosen had a military mother, so he was raised with a certain mentality about housework.) To use your example, OP, no, you don't shovel a path down the sidewalk. You clear the whole thing. That's the difference between doing it right and doing it half-assed.

I'm very much tend to be a lead, follow, or get out of the way type person. If I'm dealing with a grown adult and I have to tell them how to do a proper job of cleaning something, I'd honestly just rather they got out of the way and let Me do it, Myself.

Edited for a typo.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 2/10/2014 12:17:01 PM >

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Post #: 12

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 2:21:16 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I have no idea if it's submissive or dominant trait.

I can only give you my view. I used to be stuck on the "if you want it done right, do it yourself" but these days I don't because I just don't have the energy to do everything myself and these days I really could give a flying fuck if it's done perfectly or a certain way. As long as it gets done that's all I really care. I'm just not that controlling anymore in things like I was when I was younger.

Master, however, says that quite often, except when it comes to me it seems because he feels I do a pretty good job with things. I really only do that for him though. Others are not all that important to me though. But Master hates to wait for others to get things done. He's a bit impatient at times.

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RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 2:38:53 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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heh...
Oh, I KNOW I can do it better most times. I find many other subs I know have an anal retentive streak. In my case I need to do things well because I feel as if I am not good enough. I have become a jack of all trades in my constant need to show anyone my value. However as a result of my childhood I am also prone to dampening down my talents because I have found people will seek out to destroy what I have done or gotten because they view me as not worthy.

As a funny aside I had a contractor come to my house last Saturday to give me an estimate on repairing a crack I have in my ceiling. I asked in detail what process he intended, step by step. And I showed him my own work in dry wall when I had to fill in a hole in my bathroom wall where the medicine cabinet had been. He said he would hire me. lol. I KNOW I can do it but I would so rather hire someone to work on my ceiling because I know my limitations, in this case, the height, 12 foot up is too much for me.

That snow would have been too much for my back.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 14

RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 3:35:24 PM

littlewonder

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oh as for the shovel incident, I rent an apartment and most of the time my landlord has someone that shovels, cleans up stuff, fixes stuff, etc..but he is away at his summer home for the winter and for some reason he didn't have his maintenance man do anything nor has he been around lately. So when it snowed there was no snow shoveled but the city never came out to plow our roads either like they normally do. So I had no choice but to shovel and de-ice in front of my door. But I didn't shovel anymore than that. Wasn't my job and I didn't need the rest shoveled.

When I owned my own home I never, ever shoveled. I always paid some kid to do it. I didn't care how they shoveled it as long as I could get in and out of my house which was a long driveway.

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Everything has changed

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RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 3:49:26 PM

ShaharThorne

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From: Somewhere in TX
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When I was with Sir, I automatically took over taking care of the household, showing that my way was a bit perfectionist (I admit I subscribe to Flylady.net). I fed all the cats outside, sometimes catching one to bring inside (most were feral) and treat it for fleas and ticks. The floors were mopped and vacuumed everyday. Dinner was at a certain time. After dishes were done, I would either crochet or read. Sir was not able to function sexually due to diabetes (I have dealt with several men who were that way). I was allowed to sleep in the master bedroom. Sir was surprised that he did not have to tell me what to do...I knew what had to be done.

Now that I am back home with Mom, I still kinda dominate the household. Mom sweeps and mops the floors, I do dishes if I am not hurting and I am usually on the computer, chatting with Lizard or playing games. I answer the phone, screening for scammers (since Mom retired, they have been coming out of the woodwork). I still read or crochet, depending on what I feel like doing. I completely ran the household when Mom broke her leg back in May.

As for snow...we are in the country. We don't have a sidewalk. If it snows, we just wait for it to melt and make mud.

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RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 5:25:32 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
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quote:

What do you think.....is the attitude of "If you want something done right....do it yourself" more a part of either the dominant or submissive personality type?

( I would think that the way it manifests itself in the Dominant would be "If you want something done right....make sure you give the job to someone who can do it!" )

Heh, well I don't really know. I'm assuming most of us think things should be a certain way... To boil it down, I'd say actually making it so is a good trait. It shows healthy motivation and a sense of self determining.

Personally I think I'd find them admirable qualities in anyone, though I don't really think those qualities are bound to submission as firmly as they are to dominance.

With the bracketed part I quoted, I think you are focusing too much on delegation... A quality of leadership sure but I find the saying more about the onus being on ones self. Something I find tied to dominance, but also maturity.

quote:

I think it boils down to a simple case of: You want something done and the person responsible either can't or won't do it. Do you curse the darkness or light a candle?

Nice way of putting it Michael.

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 2/10/2014 5:35:56 PM >

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RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 7:10:08 PM

DarkSteven

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Pffft. I do tasks when I see they need to be done and I can do them. It's not a Dom or a sub thing.

"If you want something done right, do it yourself" is absolutely not a Dom thing. You could make a case that a Dom delegates.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 7:38:00 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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If your landlord isn't shoveling properly, I'd put a call in to the town Building Inspector. Because one fine and suddenly they would start doing it.

Now if there are only two apartments, you can write into the lease that shoveling is the tenants responsibility.

There are things that matter to me and I do them. The things that don't matter to me tend to get ignored to a degree.

My kids tend to cook, eat and clean up after themselves a couple of hours later. But I can't deal with a sink full of dirty dishes so I'll do it anyway.
Shoveling, I'm not that strong so if I don't get out there every four inches, then later I'm going to just shovel a path. And do a little more the next day and so on.

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RE: If you want something done right....do it yourself - 2/10/2014 7:57:48 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Trying to recall the last time I used a snow shovel...

Trying to recall the last time I saw a snow shovel...

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Post #: 20

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