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RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 1:13:52 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I was drunk, I had a hard-on, I was outta my mind, I didn't mean it......let's not let this deteriorate into an unmasking of the wizard of OZ, for fucks sake.........


Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Fawne)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 1:56:41 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I was drunk, I had a hard-on, I was outta my mind, I didn't mean it......let's not let this deteriorate into an unmasking of the wizard of OZ, for fucks sake.........


Ron


We have all seen your sensitive side now.. you can't fool us anymore...
 
                         Respectfully, andrea
 
                          

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 1:59:06 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		Master to slave:

"are you revolting?"

"i'm not sure, Sir. do You find me revolting?"

LOL (sorry folks, had to get that out of my system...laughs and runs away)


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to Fawne)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 2:09:25 PM   
gentlethistle


Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline 		Celeste

I've actually done the letter-writing thing.  But in some ways it's even worse to put a letter in the post and not even know when/if it's arrived because he doesn't directly acknowledge receipt.  It's almost better to get a non-response face to face than to send words into the void.  

Not saying I don't think it's a good idea in theory though...maybe it would work for some.  Many people journal etc as a means of communication.

Laura

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 3:01:48 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		Perhaps it's just me, but I always end up questioning the very basis of a relationship if my partner cuts off communication - or worse yet simply refuses to communicate at all once the relationship starts.
 
From a purely clinical standpoint (neutral observer who acknowledges they don't have all the facts or both sides of the story)... it sounds to me like you BOTH need to do some serious working on your communications skills, both individually and as a couple.
 
I do, however, agree with Caretakr's statement " the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference."  Sometimes indifference can show itself through a lack of communication - or willingness to even Attempt communication.  If one displays consistant indifference to another, you have to ask yourself whether they even care if the relationship survives.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to gentlethistle)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 3:16:56 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gentlethistle

Celeste

I've actually done the letter-writing thing.  But in some ways it's even worse to put a letter in the post and not even know when/if it's arrived because he doesn't directly acknowledge receipt.  It's almost better to get a non-response face to face than to send words into the void.  

Not saying I don't think it's a good idea in theory though...maybe it would work for some.  Many people journal etc as a means of communication.

Laura




Oh geeze.. I wrote the post from my own perspective and just 'ass'umed that she lived with her dominant as I live with Himself. (cripes! Why do I keep doing that!!) I would 'know' if Himself received the letter because I'm the one who checks the mail!

::sighs:: My bad.. you are absolutely right. I would not recommend that course of action for someone who has an unresponsive partner if I couldn't ensure they actually received the missive.

Thank you for pointing out that doinker!

::wanders off in search of a spanking for the bad::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to gentlethistle)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 3:18:25 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		I've seen a few people in this thread slap the OP around a little bit for her misbehaving.  However, this comment:  "And then, He just ignores that like He does everything else," is extremely telling of where her mind is.  I've been in that situation, and to say it's frustrating would be the understatement of the century.
 
No one can serve in a vacuum, and the bad behavior is merely a symptom of the disease that clearly has hold of their relationship.  If he's unwilling to discuss her concerns, and equally unwilling to actively participate in the relationship in order to meet her needs as well as his own, then the relationship is bound to die a very painful death.  The only question is how long will it take before she leaves.
 
To the OP, I will say this... if you believe you can happily serve someone who ignores your efforts, then stay and work on your behavior on your own, reminding yourself that you are serving him, and take your pleasure from that service.  However, if you need someone who is going to acknowledge your efforts from time to time, then you need to take a serious look at your current relationship and ask yourself if he's ever going to be that person.  I'd say he's probably not.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to Fawne)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 3:33:45 PM   
lanwolf


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

No one can serve in a vacuum, and the bad behavior is merely a symptom of the disease that clearly has hold of their relationship.  If he's unwilling to discuss her concerns, and equally unwilling to actively participate in the relationship in order to meet her needs as well as his own, then the relationship is bound to die a very painful death.  The only question is how long will it take before she leaves.
 

     Ok one day I will get posting here right… I have to say I not only agree to your comment but also have been there. The way I view the lifestyle is it’s a circle. The power exchange between a Dom and myself comes for us both. My submission feeds them and They in turn exert more power and dominance over me which in turn feeds my desire to submit. If that circle is broken by say the Dominate then the submissive will try to do things to get them to react. In this case it seems the lack of communication and that is a key to any relationship D/s S/m or vanilla.
    Having a Dominate that will acknowledge your actions good or bad is important to me at least. Its hard to submit to Someone that dose not seem to realize your there.

< Message edited by lanwolf -- 7/6/2006 3:41:56 PM >

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 3:38:11 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
I was outta my mind, I didn't mean it......
Ron


Awww. No don't worry, only common sense to spend simple time taking it easy. Communicating. Just being real....
 
" Roles" are where I can fall into reactance. Taking them too seriously. We all are people first. Even in a M/s dynamic.
Respectfully

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 3:40:29 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Ev with the vacuum, Thistle (I used to call my slave that...another story) with in the void (I use that term all the time)..........

If he is a perfect vacuum, nature abhors it.......
Think Oral Roberts on the old black and white motorola with the blond cabinet (I know OP you are too young) and then think about whether or not it is time to 'Come to Jesus'.

I will let the girls handle it from here.......(don't want to appear as tho I am not extending a professional courtesy)



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to lanwolf)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 5:55:20 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alovingslavegirl

Does anyone ever...umm...revolt against their Master? i mean, come up with some defiant streak, willfully disobey, don't do any of the stuff you're supposed to, and talk back. i don't intend to, honestly, i just get...upset and act out. And then, He just ignores that like He does everything else, so i don't really have any reason to curb this...habit, except that i feel guilty. So...i guess what i'm getting at is, how do you keep yourself in subspace, and how do you get your Master to be...more Dominant?


My answer to your opening post, I have not had a reason to revolt. If I felt ignored by him I would not revolt to gain attention, I would try to talk to him. If that didnt work I would try it again, if that didnt work I would question him about whether he really valued my submission, if he didn't i would discuss my release from him as an option even if I felt like I was dying inside.

In my dynamic bad behavior is punished by ignoring it, good behavior gets rewarded. He is very generous in rewarding good behavior, although I am submissive by nature and tend to want to please him for the reward of pleasing him alone.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to alovingslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 6:06:42 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Ja, with age comes wisdom; mostly......well spoken.

Sincerely,
Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 6:14:02 PM   
txpet


Posts: 200
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm ...
i never acted out intentionally.
Early in Our relationship, i had been frantic and insecure but never did i intentionally break a rule or fail to obey.
i have made the mistake of not thinking. i have made the mistake of forgetting.
i do have a smart-mouth and Master generally is amused by that ... i have approached the line between  being amusing and being a pain in the ass. i generally recognize the warning signs from Master and cease and desist and apologize as necessary. Though, i have been much better at not even approaching the line as We have been together longer.
The only thing unforgiveable to Master is that i would intentionally break a rule or disobey an order ... as He has said ... that is the only tie that binds.
Everything is consensual, voluntary and the door is always open ... if i disobey INTENTIONALLY, i've taken the first step out the door and Master will not pull me back in as i would have shown my true desire was not to be His but perhaps for Him to be mine ... and it just does not work that way.


_____________________________

Ken's dirty girl,
txpet jennie

(in reply to alovingslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 6:34:20 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

 ::wanders off in search of a spanking for the bad:: 


hee hee, 'punishment'? 
but hey, there is such a thing as sending a registered letter where the recipient has to sign for it..............

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 7:08:57 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:



hee hee, 'punishment'? 
but hey, there is such a thing as sending a registered letter where the recipient has to sign for it..............


Now see. Here's a perfect example of why forums are useful. Flashes of brillance make up for someone else's moment of doh!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 9:17:23 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alovingslavegirl

Does anyone ever...umm...revolt against their Master? i mean, come up with some defiant streak, willfully disobey, don't do any of the stuff you're supposed to, and talk back. i don't intend to, honestly, i just get...upset and act out. And then, He just ignores that like He does everything else, so i don't really have any reason to curb this...habit, except that i feel guilty. So...i guess what i'm getting at is, how do you keep yourself in subspace, and how do you get your Master to be...more Dominant?


Hello A/all,

I generally follow two basic principles in raising children, submissives, dogs, etc.

1)  Ignore any behavior I dont want to see repeated and reward behaviors I do want to see repeated.  It worked well with raising children.  Reasonably well training dogs.  I have had relatively poor luck using it with the few submissives who have graced me with their time.  But I have faith, and hope, and excessive patience, and Im generally a kind person.

2)  Punishment should be unpleasant.  The whole beating and hurting somebody as punishment who derives satisfaction from being beaten and hurt doesnt make any sense to me.  So doing things like super-gluing their nose to the wall at a play party seems to be much more effective to curb acting out behaviors.

This is just me, and my approach, and in re-reading your question it seems the question is less involved in how Dominants deal with it, and more your own issues with your acting out.

To address that question, I am from the school of thought that a person or a dog or whatever acts out for a reason.  I generally avoid assuming things, and before I do anything I want to know why something is happening.

The approach I use to determine this information is crude and low-tech.  It involves asking the person what is going on with them.  If I have nurtured the sort of relationship I want with her, then she has no qualms in sharing how she feels with me.  For me, how she feels about what I do to her is where I find my Domspace.  This is not just beatings and orgasms...

Just me, could be wrong, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to alovingslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 9:34:36 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: txpet

Everything is consensual, voluntary and the door is always open ... if i disobey INTENTIONALLY, i've taken the first step out the door and Master will not pull me back in as i would have shown my true desire was not to be His but perhaps for Him to be mine ... and it just does not work that way.


Well said!

But back to the OPs question... by "subspace" do you mean the head-space of being His sub?  Well then, you keep that by behaving in alignment with what You know He wants.  If you suffer "dominance withdrawls"  it's because you're not having that feeling of successfully fulfilling your role.   That doesn't mean He is successfully fulfilling His role, but the less you do yours, the less He will do His.

Was He always tough to get attention from, or is this something that came up someplace along the way?  If it's new,  discussing the contrast can help.  But be careful what you ask for, you might get the laundry list of what YOU have changed in how you behave with Him too.. 

The thing is now though, you're doing something that you admit you know isn't working. At this point, He may be seeing even your attempts to discuss your feelings as a way of pushing Him to act and thereby control Him.

While i really do think you need to discuss it, it might be better -- for now-- to change your pattern of what (might) appear to Him as topping from below, drop even trying to discuss it, and wait Him out.  The changed behavior might put Him back in His mode of atttending to His subs needs in a more substantial way... Then deal with the rest on His timeing.

(Others would have better advice bout how long to let this situation go un-addressed..  i think it would be different for each of us based on the length of time together, and the investment in the relationship, etc.)

(in reply to txpet)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 10:06:20 PM   
HollyS


Posts: 230
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alovingslavegirl

Does anyone ever...umm...revolt against their Master? i mean, come up with some defiant streak, willfully disobey, don't do any of the stuff you're supposed to, and talk back. i don't intend to, honestly, i just get...upset and act out. And then, He just ignores that like He does everything else, so i don't really have any reason to curb this...habit, except that i feel guilty. So...i guess what i'm getting at is, how do you keep yourself in subspace, and how do you get your Master to be...more Dominant?


Someone once told me "A D/s relationship may survive if the dominant stops dominating, but if the servant stops serving, it's all over."  There are a million reasons why D/s fails and it seems that you're in the biggest one of all: Communication Issues. You can't get anyone to be more dominant or more submissive - it has to come from inside the person or it's all just an act.  And really, I think the issues here are far beyond D/s but are more in the realm of basic relationship management. 

Fear, anger and frustration should never be your motivators for acting.  If they are, then perhaps it's time to rethink the relationship.

~Holly


_____________________________

I wish my lawn were emo, so it would cut itself.

(in reply to alovingslavegirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/6/2006 10:16:20 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Well...hmm...do I misbehave without REALLY meaning to?

yes.  sometimes.

Am I trying to get a reaction?

yes.  sometimes. (but not always)

Does He love me anyway?

yes.  always.

Do I have to be concerned or worried about Him rejecting me because I ...(had a bad day, was testing Him, over-reacted, misunderstood...etc)

no.  never.

then again, His nickname for me (the first one, anyway), is Princess Angel-Brat...so...idk...

I think it's natural to rebel at times, no matter how much you want to serve.

Good luck!!



(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: A *slight* problem - 7/7/2006 12:16:42 AM   
Passion357


Posts: 481
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:



"If a woman has to tell you she's a lady, chances are that she's not." My Grandma



That made me smile sooo big *and* gave me chills! Wow.
I love Grandma's
                                                           ~Mate'~

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 40
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