What is female dominance? (Full Version)

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Subonico -> What is female dominance? (2/10/2014 8:58:59 PM)

How realistically accurate would you say this Wikipedia article is?

It's the first google hit when you search for "What is female dominance?"
Female dominance:
quote:


Generally, activities consist of anything from role reversal to more extreme acts of BDSM such as torture.
Frontspiece from A Full and True Account of the Wonderful Mission of Earl Lavender, illustration by Aubrey Beardsley, 1895

As with other BDSM orientations, there is no predefined set of activities that necessarily fall exclusively within the sphere of female dominance. Typically, the female dominant determines the activity within the context of a consensual encounter.

Activities can include strap-on dildo penetration (pegging) in which the dominant partner performs anal sex on the submissive partner, if male, or if the partner is female, either vaginal sex or anal sex, facesitting or smothering, which both tend to focus on the submissive partner performing cunnilingus on the dominant partner, or in some instances "forced" feminization of a male partner. The dominant female may have a submissive partner perform acts of fellatio on her strap-on dildo or engage in intercourse with other individuals and force the submissive partner to watch.

Practices of domination common to many BDSM and other various sexual relationships are also prevalent, such as various forms of orgasm denial, cock and ball torture, tease and denial and tie and tease, as well as ageplay, erotic spanking, cunnilingus, felching, body worship, verbal humiliation, foot worship, ass worship, face slapping, hair pulling, caning, dripping hot wax on the genitals, heavy whipping, spitting, golden showers, forced chastity and forced bisexuality.

A 1985 study suggests that about 30% of participants in BDSM activities are females.[1][2] A 1995 study indicates that 89% of heterosexual females who are active in BDSM expressed a preference for a submissive-recipient role in sexual bondage, suggesting also a preference for a dominant male, and 71% of heterosexual males preferred a dominant-initiator role.

[image]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Beardsley2.jpg[/image]



Rawni -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/10/2014 9:14:12 PM)

I would say its incomplete as it mostly covers bdsm rather than a dominant woman. It sounds like a man wrote it. lol

I used to call what I did early on in life, a role reversal because people understood that a bit more than anything else I had to offer them to explain my relationships. However... I am thinking that is an error. It almost indicates that I am playing a role and am trying to be like a man. Therefore that would be very inaccurate.

I am a dominant WOMAN... not trying to act or be like a man. I am independent, wish to be in charge, call the shots in my relationships and be ruler of my little world. When I was a child, competing with boys, I didn't wish to be a boy. I loved being a girl and able to beat them at anything we did, except spitting.. I suck at spitting.

I would love to see a bit more on independent and strong women that wish to be dominant within a relationship and less of the kinky stuff that most focus on. People tend to see the kink rather than the strong woman.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/10/2014 9:25:22 PM)

Sounds like whoever wrote that has watched too much porn. This focuses exclusively on sexual acts which are maybe 20% of the relationship. And that's a generous estimate. At best, that article is describing a female top/male bottom dynamic.

A better description would be: a relationship dynamic in which the woman takes a leadership role and takes responsibility for deciding in what direction and at what speed the relationship develops. While she might request and appreciate her partner's input, she makes the final decision unless she chooses to delegate that responsibility.



DarkSteven -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/10/2014 9:26:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Subonico

As with other BDSM orientations, there is no predefined set of activities that necessarily fall exclusively within the sphere of female dominance. Typically, the female dominant determines the activity within the context of a consensual encounter.



Translation - femdom is defined by the interaction between the Domme and sub, not by the activities themselves.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 12:41:56 AM)

The sentence that Steven quoted is pretty accurate. The rest is just a description of popular sex acts which form a fairly clichéd picture of dom/sub interactions. I wouldn't say it's incorrect, so much as it's a limited view.



FieryOpal -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 2:59:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

I would say its incomplete as it mostly covers bdsm rather than a dominant woman. It sounds like a man wrote it. lol

I used to call what I did early on in life, a role reversal because people understood that a bit more than anything else I had to offer them to explain my relationships. However... I am thinking that is an error. It almost indicates that I am playing a role and am trying to be like a man. Therefore that would be very inaccurate.

I am a dominant WOMAN... not trying to act or be like a man. I am independent, wish to be in charge, call the shots in my relationships and be ruler of my little world. When I was a child, competing with boys, I didn't wish to be a boy. I loved being a girl and able to beat them at anything we did, except spitting.. I suck at spitting.

I would love to see a bit more on independent and strong women that wish to be dominant within a relationship and less of the kinky stuff that most focus on. People tend to see the kink rather than the strong woman.

At best this definition presents a distorted picture, and it is generally based on the fallacy that in order for a female to be Dominant, a role reversal must take place. There are BDSM practices which mimic a m/f role reversal, but not all Dominant women partake of them. Pegging, "forced" bi, cuckolding to name a few. BDSM does not a Dominance/submission dynamic make, nor vice versa. [sm=2cents.gif]

Like Rawni I don't try to act mannish and have always been happy to be a female and to embrace my femininity. There was never a time I wished to be a boy. In fact, my parents very much wished for a girl and were progressive thinkers who did not try to enforce "girlish" behaviors on me in my formative years but, instead, gave me free rein. For this, I am truly grateful for their unconditional love and acceptance.

The common thread which seems to run together with Dominant females I have known throughout my life, I'll condense as follows:

- Not wanting to be told what to do, very selective in whose authority they choose to defer to.
- Quietly commanding respect. (The loudest ones are often not the most dominant.)
- Independence of action. Independent thinkers. Not joiners.
- Might practice manipulation early in life to get their way, hopefully outgrowing this tendency with maturity by acquiring the power of persuasion instead.

(I might add to this topic later. It's too early in the morn to think straight.)



GoddessManko -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 9:06:33 AM)

I agree totally with Rawni and FieryOpal here. I honestly tried to read the article but ended up shaking my head as I skimmed through it and finally muttering, "this is so stupid."
This is probably what I would write to the author/editor and I don't mince words:
I will also add that female dominance manifests in everyday activities like female entrepreneurship, single moms (some voluntarily choosing to be without a mate for the sake of taking on both roles), women in high positions in government, business etc.
I think we can all agree this is a form of "female dominance" which emerged from the idea of a woman's STRENGTH. THIS IS FAR MORE COMMON than it is in the realm of BDSM.
I so do apologize that we are not waify women who faint, bend, move or comply for the sake of "fitting in" with the societal ideal of the stepford wife motif. I'm sorry that we emasculate you at the job or are often smarter than you and work harder for less respect than men often receive in the workplace. Yes, I agree, it's torture, you poor thing! Can't handle the competition, I get it. Which of course they had to label as "torture" because what worse torture is there than a smart, strong female, right? LOL...amazing.

[sm=ballchain.gif][sm=crop.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=bowdown.gif][sm=domme.gif]
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

I would say its incomplete as it mostly covers bdsm rather than a dominant woman. It sounds like a man wrote it. lol

I used to call what I did early on in life, a role reversal because people understood that a bit more than anything else I had to offer them to explain my relationships. However... I am thinking that is an error. It almost indicates that I am playing a role and am trying to be like a man. Therefore that would be very inaccurate.

I am a dominant WOMAN... not trying to act or be like a man. I am independent, wish to be in charge, call the shots in my relationships and be ruler of my little world. When I was a child, competing with boys, I didn't wish to be a boy. I loved being a girl and able to beat them at anything we did, except spitting.. I suck at spitting.

I would love to see a bit more on independent and strong women that wish to be dominant within a relationship and less of the kinky stuff that most focus on. People tend to see the kink rather than the strong woman.

At best this definition presents a distorted picture, and it is generally based on the fallacy that in order for a female to be Dominant, a role reversal must take place. There are BDSM practices which mimic a m/f role reversal, but not all Dominant women partake of them. Pegging, "forced" bi, cuckolding to name a few. BDSM does not a Dominance/submission dynamic make, nor vice versa. [sm=2cents.gif]

Like Rawni I don't try to act mannish and have always been happy to be a female and to embrace my femininity. There was never a time I wished to be a boy. In fact, my parents very much wished for a girl and were progressive thinkers who did not try to enforce "girlish" behaviors on me in my formative years but, instead, gave me free rein. For this, I am truly grateful for their unconditional love and acceptance.

The common thread which seems to run together with Dominant females I have known throughout my life, I'll condense as follows:

- Not wanting to be told what to do, very selective in whose authority they choose to defer to.
- Quietly commanding respect. (The loudest ones are often not the most dominant.)
- Independence of action. Independent thinkers. Not joiners.
- Might practice manipulation early in life to get their way, hopefully outgrowing this tendency with maturity by acquiring the power of persuasion instead.

(I might add to this topic later. It's too early in the morn to think straight.)




MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 9:40:59 AM)

Dominant females have existed throughout history for thousands of years. Female dominance has NOTHING to do with a woman being into BDSM...however, BDSM rather "celebrates" it.

In the past there were social PUNISHMENTS for a woman being "uppity". Throughout history there have been many attempts to "retrain" or eliminate these type of women (and many elimination attempts were successful, I might add). Until recently society (societies in general) frowned on women being free-thinking and having any power, even in their own households.

Thankfully in modern times strong-willed women are more accepted (We still have miles to go and still run into social pressure to be more submissive to gain acceptance--fucking BS, I don't put up with). We have education, careers, real estate, and our own businesses. We still have a ways to go in the equal pay for equal work issue, but in many fields it's beginning to even out.
We women didn't always have it so good and some still don't take advantage of the chances they could have, yet they still are "dominant" in their relationships. Typical examples of dominant females would be the strong-willed wife who manages her husband and "keeps him on a short leash". "Hen-pecked", "pussy whipped", among other terms have been used to describe submissive husbands. To a typical outsider witnessing it, this type of relationship may seem distasteful, however many of these marriages are long-lasting and HAPPY. We all know older couples who are like this. The wife manages the decision making, the husband says "yes, Dear," and does what she tells him. He may even say to friends, "Let me ask 'the boss' about that."

Some husbands will say something that offends the wife, the result is a long-lasting tirade from her...But remember...always look for the twinkle in his eye, sometimes a secretive *wink* and you will know he did it on PURPOSE. A lot of (vanilla) men enjoy when a woman is angry...some brave men even believe women are most beautiful when angry.

"You do love her when her fire is well and truly stoked." --quote from The Messenger.



MisterP61 -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 9:49:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
I would say its incomplete as it mostly covers bdsm rather than a dominant woman. It sounds like a man wrote it. lol

Say it ain't so.



LadyAzelle -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 10:05:05 AM)

Agreed. Female Dominance doesn't consist of activities. In fact, it doesn't need to include BDSM whatsoever (but why wouldn't you? It's so much FUN!).

Female Dominance is simply any relationship where a Woman is in control and the primary decision maker. Her partner (male, female or tg) submits to Her, allowing Her to take control of the relationship and to a varying extent, themselves.

It is not about a screaming woman clad in leather beating a slave into submission. I enjoy beating My slaves (evil grin) but I need them to submit of their own free will.



Subonico -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 11:22:20 AM)

I was trying to understand the female dominant, and what motivates her, so, that's why I was looking up the description.
It's interesting but if you google, as I did, NONE of the descriptions even come close to those that are written above in this thread!

That's sad because it shouldn't be so difficult that a confused person can't even find an article on the internet which explains correctly the term "female dominant."

What's especially vexing is for me to figure out where I fit into the equation.

I was hoping for better resources on the net, so that I could figure that out myself, without having to resort to asking questions about every little thing.



RedMagic1 -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 11:28:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subonico
I was hoping for better resources on the net,

Meeting real people in real life and talking to them about their relationships and sexuality is worth far more than anything on the internet. Consider this thread. Maybe everyone who has responded to you is a man who is yanking your chain. You have no way to know for sure.

As a broad-brush comment, the Wiki article is discussing a sexplay type of female dominance, while posts in this thread have been describing a more relationship-based form of female dominance. This separation comes up when talking about male dominance as well. There are plenty of hard-as-nails men who enjoy being submissive in bed, and plenty of real-world wussies who enjoy consensual torture of women. So a single phrase can have many different meanings.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 12:33:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subonico

What's especially vexing is for me to figure out where I fit into the equation.

I was hoping for better resources on the net, so that I could figure that out myself, without having to resort to asking questions about every little thing.



Oh, for fuck's sake...

I took a peek at your profile, just to see what's there and maybe offer you some helpful suggestions. What I found is a married man who is looking for a female top to help him cheat on his wife. Dude, just go find a pro dominatrix. Better yet, hire an escort who is willing to tie you up and spank you with your belt. You're not that far from San Francisco, so it shouldn't be difficult. You are the sort of man they were made for because you aren't looking for a relationship. You're looking for someone who is content to be your dirty little secret. No dominant woman in her right mind is going to be interested in being your kinky piece on the side. You don't need CollarMe, you need AshleyMadison.

You want to know "where you fit" in the kinky equation? You fit in the space made for cheaters and liars and that is where you will stay until you not only have your wife's permission to seek playmates outside your marriage, but also until she gives her blessing, in person, to any woman who might be willing to engage in an open relationship with you. Until both of those conditions are met, you'll need to get comfortable with opening your wallet and paying for a woman's time and attention to fulfill your kinks on the down-low.



Rawni -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 12:38:34 PM)

RedMagic! Now, you know better, we have spoken on the phone long ago and though I do have some throat issues, I am pretty sure you knew I was a woman! [:D] You didn't hang up, so I am pretty sure.

Now, when I was a lil girl, yes I can remember that far back... today anyway... in kindergarten I was running those boys around the school yard, dictating what they could and could not do. That was not a relationship. That was a bossy lil girl who liked running the boys around the yard... but mostly I liked making them stand against the fence and staying there. That was my goal. They couldn't out run me, so they always got caught.

When I moved to MO I had men working outside and a biker rode up. He starts talking and I'm standing there putting two and two together. The man is a cheater and these guys were talking stories of how they left their wives for a week to go to a concert etc. I turned to the one on the bike and said... you're a dog. He laughed and admitted he was. I did give him credit for knowing he was and being so Ron White about it. The others, I turned to and said... that would NEVER happen at my house. Their bags would be sitting outside the door when they got home. They looked shocked! So I explained I was a dominant.

The biker kept coming back trying to talk to me. Didn't work. Then outside again one day, he came back. We are standing by my bedroom window and he keeps looking over at it. He then gets brave and says... 'How much do you charge for this dominatrix stuff?' When I got done laughing I said 'I do this to my boyfriends and I don't charge.' He said 'Very interesting woman.' The other guy looks up from on the ground where he was planting a tree for me and says 'That's cool, I have no problem with a woman that takes charge of the relationship.'

The information out there really is lacking and some of us do try to do away with some of the worst of it. Try emailing me and treating my like a little princess or acting like some Don Juan submissive playing online. I am either laughing, rolling my eyes and suggesting a few things with an explanation.

In CA, long ago, I knew a lot of bikers and once in a while I would go to hang out with them. They said... Rawni, we love you, you know we do, but we can't have you here around our women. I laughed and asked why. He said 'Because you will take them all away from us.' I said 'You're right about that.

I am not dominant only in relationships, though I am geared toward that within relationships. I live dominantly, without being dominant to people. In other words, I am strong and independent, live the way I see fit and it doesn't matter who I have to go against to continue to live as I please, which has included most people around me, employers, employees, in social activities etc. When I gave a speech, people listened. When I taught how to get through personal crisis and social change, people listened. They didn't just listen, but actually acted on it. I had to tone things down as they also did what I asked in these speeches and I was overwhelmed with donations, people coming to view what I was doing and the programs I started. There is more to this than relationships or playtime. I need to find a better way to say what I think here. It is my morning and I am not all here yet. Maybe someone else can say what I am trying to say and failing at.

I find that for ease in communications, I have often used some phrases that are leaving a funny taste in my mouth. Maybe it is the feminist in me that just can't accept that women are still defined by relationships and sexual things, even when dominant.

So, OP, thank you for your question. I will be thinking about this and who knows... I may really decide that a few books ought to be written, though the majority seeking will want the dominatrix erotica... some may really be interested in more. Doesn't have to be a best seller... just better information and when my brain warms up... maybe some of us ladies ought to think about this.. I know I will.



GoddessManko -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 12:46:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


Meeting real people in real life and talking to them about their relationships and sexuality is worth far more than anything on the internet. Consider this thread. Maybe everyone who has responded to you is a man who is yanking your chain. You have no way to know for sure.


Disagreed. There are numerous resources online also. Google: "feminism" or "strong women" or "A personality in females". :)
I spoke about this further on a forum post about online domming. Not as a cam model but literally online domming. His best bet would be a pro/fin domme as a married man though his candor about his relationship status is refreshing, lets the Domme know at the very least what his circumstances are and that essentially nothing can come of it beyond play time unless there's a bit of home wrecking involved.


(edited to fix quotes ~ Chi)



RedMagic1 -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 1:11:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
RedMagic! Now, you know better, we have spoken on the phone long ago and though I do have some throat issues, I am pretty sure you knew I was a woman! [:D] You didn't hang up, so I am pretty sure.

Yes, but unless you're also willing to call the OP......

As an aside, why are there so many middle-aged married men posting on the message boards looking for a submissive dominant in an effort to find themselves? Valentine's Day Fever, perhaps? Watch, I can do it too: Oh GoddessManko, since you disagree with me, maybe you could be a dear and spank me through my midlife crisis.[8D]

And Rawni, I'll buy your book the minute it comes out.



FieryOpal -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 2:19:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

[1.] Now, when I was a lil girl, yes I can remember that far back... today anyway... in kindergarten I was running those boys around the school yard, dictating what they could and could not do. That was not a relationship. That was a bossy lil girl who liked running the boys around the yard... but mostly I liked making them stand against the fence and staying there. That was my goal. They couldn't out run me, so they always got caught.
<snip>
[2.] I am not dominant only in relationships, though I am geared toward that within relationships. I live dominantly, without being dominant to people. In other words, I am strong and independent, live the way I see fit and it doesn't matter who I have to go against to continue to live as I please, which has included most people around me, employers, employees, in social activities etc. When I gave a speech, people listened. When I taught how to get through personal crisis and social change, people listened. They didn't just listen, but actually acted on it. I had to tone things down as they also did what I asked in these speeches and I was overwhelmed with donations, people coming to view what I was doing and the programs I started. There is more to this than relationships or playtime....
<snip>
[Brackets mine]
1. Those schoolyard memories, outrunning the boys ... Mine are more extra-curricular, being somewhat tomboyish at home, leading 1-2 boys at a time in childhood play, or a mixed group. I did like ordering these boys around, but more often that not my playmates and I were on equal footing. I can distinctly recall a few times having a boy follow me around like a puppy dog, which I enjoyed immensely but didn't let on how much. The one in jr. high I befriended, I would fondly refer to as my mascot--not to belittle him, but because he liked for me to kid with him. He would have probably done almost anything for me.

2. In a soft way, I find I tend to dominate my relationships also. I don't set out to do this with my friendships or at work, but that's how it turns out eventually (unlike my intimate relationships where I'm deliberate). Much of it has to do with two elements, my decisiveness and protectiveness. When I bond with others, I become protective of them and "Dear Abby" them to no end.

Not wanting to conjure up stereotypes, I didn't go into characteristics such as having a take-charge personality. This can be misleading. So can saying we like to be in control, which we do, since there are control freaks who are not Dominant. The same could apply to having OCD-ish tendencies.



Rawni -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 2:30:47 PM)

I agree FiereyOpal! As I have said before, you have a way of saying things that I just don't have when I am actually on the forum, which is early in my day or when I am taking a break from writing and such and I am a bit fried. I'm ordering my Green Magma, because I am lost without it. lol

I couldn't explain it... but now, I can't let it go. I need to process this when my brain is in tact, because as we can see, there are few voices other than the erotic type focused dominant women that are portrayed by men and women for the most part.

We are or can be erotic, but it isn't the forefront of all things. It may be time to stop tolerating it, bitching about it or even being victim to it and do something about it. After all... we are dominant women. [:D]



FieryOpal -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/11/2014 2:43:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

We are or can be erotic, but it isn't the forefront of all things.


But that's the fun part. [;)] What men don't always understand is that it's not about the sex. Well, it is to a lesser extent.

Believe me, you do just fine at self-expression. (We're both writers at heart, but more than that, we delight in reaching or connecting with others. So do artists & musicians, and those in the helping professions.)



Subonico -> RE: What is female dominance? (2/12/2014 6:44:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
What men don't always understand is that it's not about the sex. Well, it is to a lesser extent.


What's bothering me isn't so much that I was all wrong about what female dominance really meant, to the woman - nor that almost everything I read about it is wrong - but that I really don't understand it - nor the conflict in my mind about it (since my objectives may be clearly different than that of the female dominant). Sigh.

Before asking this question, all I had at my disposal were my pre-conceieved ideas, the internet, and porn videos.

I knew enough to know that all those porn videos of women jacking off bound men wasn't what it was all about, but, usually there is "some" truth in movies, although, I fear, for female dominance videos, there may be almost none. I do know enough to realize that porn videos, while prevalent and certainly easy to find and enjoyable to watch, are made for the audience, which, almost certainly isn't my target audience of female dominants. So, scratch that avenue of possible research! :)

I am surprised that my googling to see what the net had to say about female dominance came up with all the wrong answers also. For example, I won't even begin to go into what seems so very odd about a Mystress World style dominance, as I am cognizant of the eccentricities in her approach. But, I certainly had thought that there would be some female-sponsored sites which did give insight.

I tried a site which purported to be for men wanting to reach female dominants, but all it did was send me mail that I couldn't even respond to - without paying a fee - which made me think scam from the start.

I will continue to try to learn what female dominance means, and, of course, if I find someone who will show me, that would be best (but it's a long shot, and that quest is best left for the personals anyway). So what I'll do is advertise on craigslist for a woman to show me the ropes, and, I'll head off to a local munch and ask there (but I'm sure it will be an odd request), and, I'll continue to try to find a good resource on the net.

Here are some I'm hoping are somewhat closer to reality.
1. Elise Sutton's site dedicated to Female Domination and male submission within loving and caring relationships
2. Mistress Scarlett's real life blog of female domination
3. And, maybe Collars N Cuffs forum site

I doubt I'm actually going about this the right way, so, please let me know of better resources for figuring this all out, given that I the conundrum is not so much to figure out what it is, but to figure out what it is and where I fit into the picture (if anywhere).



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