RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM Community

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM Community

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM Community

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/12/2014 2:41:37 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

Wait, programmers and DBA's?

Those disciplines convey salaries of $60k+. Someone who can do both can demand $90k+.

You need to offer an awful lot to make them want to be a slave in their professional life too.

The OP needs to start a lot smaller. Umbrella steps, not giant leaps.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 21

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/12/2014 8:24:33 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

For 22 years I have sought to have a (male) slave. For 22 years I have always felt I have been real about it. It gets to hard to prove it when no-one wants to meet and find out about me by correspondence or face to face.

I keep coming up against that 'BDSM Glass Ceiling' that says ONLY non-disabled Masters can have slaves. ONLY Non-disabled Masters are real, ONLY non-disabled Masters will be taken seriously by the community. The attitude that being disabled makes the person a 'fake' is simply disrespectful and narrow minded.

Being told to "... take my fake crutch and stick up my fake ass ..." does not help either.

I have been disabled since birth. I cannot change my disability - and I won't hide it. That in itself would be a lie. So what does it take to be called real?

MstrPBK
St. Paul, NN USA

I looked at your profile, and honestly I am not surprised you can't get people to meet you. The fact is the vast majority of subs probably aren't interest in a dom with extensive disabilities; I don't think that's a matter of being "real." I think you just have to accept you are aiming at a small pond. Such is life.

But I don't think that's even the issue. The real problem, based on your profile, is that you have incredibly demanding criteria: You are looking for black slaves, who will agree to a 24-7 situation where they are one member of a harem; and on top of that you want people with high-level computer skills who will work for you. Frankly, even if you didn't have disabilities, you'd have trouble finding someone who fit that criteria. When you add in all the disabilities, you're aiming for a 1 in 10,000 shot.

On top of that, on the rare occasions when you chat online with someone who claims to be a slave, you seem to assume that means if you snap your finger they are automatically going to behalf as your slave and you don't have to think of them as a human being. Doesn't surprise me people bolt on your conversations quickly.

So bottom line: If you truly do want a slave, you need to start being real. Forget about harems. Forget about getting free computer programmers. Forget about how slaves are "supposed" to act. Just talk to people as if they are human beings, get to know them as people before you think of them as slaves, and see where it goes from there.

< Message edited by seekingreality -- 2/12/2014 8:35:01 PM >

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 22

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/12/2014 9:10:47 PM

MstrPBK

Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for your feedback. i will have my roommate of 16 years read through it, and see if he has any further thoughts on my position, and what is being said here. In any case I will think very and hard about your comments. An additional posting from me will follow.

I still think it is pretty uncaring to suggest to a disabled person to "stick their fake crutch up their fake ass ... " simply because they do not want to get to know then or want to understand who they are.. My crutches are an extension of who I am and wound never extend than to recreational or physical abuse.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 23

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/12/2014 9:36:16 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

Thank you for your feedback. i will have my roommate of 16 years read through it, and see if he has any further thoughts on my position, and what is being said here. In any case I will think very and hard about your comments. An additional posting from me will follow.

I still think it is pretty uncaring to suggest to a disabled person to "stick their fake crutch up their fake ass ... " simply because they do not want to get to know then or want to understand who they are.. My crutches are an extension of who I am and wound never extend than to recreational or physical abuse.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

That was rude and uncaring. I'd assume it was a comment from a stranger online and you have to take that with a huge grain of salt. There are plenty of people who come online and lash out because it's fun for them, and they don't even regard the people they are lashing out against as people -- they almost see them as animatronics who are here for their amusement. When I am reaching out to women online, I am always pleasant, polite, real, and play down the kink stuff; keeps things civilized and the people who are looking for a fight get bored fast and don't bother with me because I don't entertain them.

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 24

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/12/2014 10:14:03 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK
I still think it is pretty uncaring to suggest to a disabled person to "stick their fake crutch up their fake ass ... " simply because they do not want to get to know then or want to understand who they are.. My crutches are an extension of who I am and wound never extend than to recreational or physical abuse.

Would love to see a transcript of that conversation to see what brought on that insult? I think most people are nice to disabled people and would not stick their disability in their face.
Then again, I don't know. I know the people in my circle are nice to disabled people.

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 25

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/13/2014 3:46:16 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

Thank you for your feedback. i will have my roommate of 16 years read through it, and see if he has any further thoughts on my position, and what is being said here. In any case I will think very and hard about your comments. An additional posting from me will follow.

I still think it is pretty uncaring to suggest to a disabled person to "stick their fake crutch up their fake ass ... " simply because they do not want to get to know then or want to understand who they are.. My crutches are an extension of who I am and wound never extend than to recreational or physical abuse.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

Of course it is very uncaring.
I am sorry someone said that to you.

But this is the internet and it is full of people who choose to be purposely unpleasant to others.

What complete strangers say to you should be no more annoying than any random mosquito.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 26

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/13/2014 4:52:16 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK
Thank you for your feedback. i will have my roommate of 16 years read through it, and see if he has any further thoughts on my position, and what is being said here. In any case I will think very and hard about your comments. An additional posting from me will follow.

I still think it is pretty uncaring to suggest to a disabled person to "stick their fake crutch up their fake ass ... " simply because they do not want to get to know then or want to understand who they are.. My crutches are an extension of who I am and wound never extend than to recreational or physical abuse.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

I was interested in this blind girl. Being an irreverent and politically incorrect bastard, I was going to have a specially crafted white with red tip rattan cane made. So on her fist public appearance with me at the local dungeon, I would snatch her cane from her and beat her ass with it. Not quite the same as shoving a crutch up someone's ass, which is definitely rude no matter how you look at it.

Thank you for telling us about your roommate. Are they vanilla or do you have lifestyle protocols with them?

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 27

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/13/2014 6:34:17 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I still think it is pretty uncaring to suggest to a disabled person to "stick their fake crutch up their fake ass ... "

Sure it's uncaring, but our inboxes are full of this crap. See Funny Messages from the "Other Side"

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 28

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/13/2014 12:28:40 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

Thank you for your feedback. i will have my roommate of 16 years read through it, and see if he has any further thoughts on my position, and what is being said here. In any case I will think very and hard about your comments. An additional posting from me will follow.

I still think it is pretty uncaring to suggest to a disabled person to "stick their fake crutch up their fake ass ... " simply because they do not want to get to know then or want to understand who they are.. My crutches are an extension of who I am and wound never extend than to recreational or physical abuse.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

Do you have any contact with others that have some form of disability? Often times we isolate or don't feel that we need it, but there are times in life when we just might. When you get out there and see that you are not alone... that there are many others going through the same thing you are, you can see from a different view. Right now it seems you at times may feel like a victim to the disabilities. We all do at some point. This can come from simple things in life... where our parents give us special considerations that they didn't give our siblings, because we have limitations. With some, their personality or parents might teach them coping skills and there are some that cannot do so, not knowing how to handle the situation and having little access to it. Things happen in life even to the non disabled that create who we are. Sometimes we just don't have the tools or access to withstand some things because of these things.

You are special... as we all are in some area or many areas... but you have opportunity to learn ways to cope with the circumstances in your life. You can look at the glass half full or half empty. You can look at life like I describe it... I was a scrapper... I would fight my way through or you can look at life like a victim or follower, victim to how things go. When I see someone that is unkind or an idiot... I recognize what an idiot they are and do not take upon myself, the wounds they might try to inflict. A victim will take it on, carry the wound and react to it in a way that isn't as healthy.

You have a choice.

Now... you need to think about why you are as demanding as you are as a dominant. Sometimes victims will victimize. Your dominance cannot come from this place without being abusive. If you haven't been shown compassion within your life, you may make a choice of not showing compassion as well. It is all too complicated to get into a few paragraphs here and covers far more than I can go into now. I can just hope that if you recognize anything that I am saying as maybe fitting you... that you will examine it.

Your happiness does not depend on other people... other people can enhance your life, but they shouldn't be able to detract from it in most situations. Be all that you can be... fight to be that. Stop looking at yourself as a cripple and go kick ass in the sense that you are strong within yourself, knowing who you are and find the balances there. Then go out and seek others. Not before. After. If you identify as being a disablied person, limited and not able to fight to be all that you can be... you can count on having some issues.

What that person said wasn't nice. Know what my very own brother said to me? He said; 'You're nothing but a drain on society and you should take a gun and kill yourself.' He seemed to forget the many lives I helped when in crisis... the many things I did to help in society... the lives I helped to prevent from suicide and the counseling I did for so many. He didn't count the children I raised alone or the many things I did in life. Just that I had medicaid and was pissed because I was using it to go to a doctor to find out what was wrong, so I could get back to my life and career.

Did his words hurt me? NO! I recognize an idiot when I see one. I just kept doing what I do.

Now... how satisfying it was when I recently saw a video of him... pretty much a drain on society because he had been injured. He was using a time when he was a victim to draw attention to himself... knowing him... to get money on sympathy.

Who is the drain now? ROFLMAO. Now, I find he has been on Nancy Grace... and he presents as a hero. I am so loving it!

We never know how life is going to go... but our attitude makes however it goes... a live and be happy or a lay down and roll in pity and unhappiness. This is your choice.

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 29

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/15/2014 1:20:08 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

For 22 years I have sought to have a (male) slave. For 22 years I have always felt I have been real about it. It gets to hard to prove it when no-one wants to meet and find out about me by correspondence or face to face.

I keep coming up against that 'BDSM Glass Ceiling' that says ONLY non-disabled Masters can have slaves. ONLY Non-disabled Masters are real, ONLY non-disabled Masters will be taken seriously by the community.

First, you have to stop whining. It's a weakness. After that focus on using what strengths you have to overcome your other weaknesses and then you will have mastered yourself. Then, you will realize one weakness is you are searching for something that does not exist, a slave, and you will adjust your goal to something realistic, someone who is free and willing to submit to you as a partner in that role.

Well wishes,
Arturas and star.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 30

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/16/2014 9:26:28 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

For me, what it takes to be real in the BDSM community is real time appearances to real time events locally. For the past 8 years I have been in the community locally, and while most of the people I interact with don't interest me as potential partners, there are one or two that if I wasn't in a serious relationship, I would pursue . The pool certainly isn't as large as online but they are real people leading real lives, and available.

OP, I don't know where you are from, but chances are, there is a BDSM community that would welcome any reasonable individual with open (or at least tolerate) arms. And you don't have to be able bodied to turn up to munches and parties.

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 31

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/22/2014 6:44:54 PM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

if i was a slave people referring to me as an it before i ever consented would discount them automatically.

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 32

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/24/2014 3:04:10 PM

WheelzofSteel

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/19/2014
Status: offline

I myself have a disability and I just want to emphasize from my perspective that whinyness is a real turn off. Obviously if your move is to claim "able-ism" at the first opportunity to cover up rejection, you'll be lonely a long time (likely years, maybe decades). Not only that but when people like the OP wave the "able-ism" card (just like the race card with the non-existent construct of so-called "White Privilege") you only serve to perpetuate REAL able-ism because people of good will stop caring and ignore the problem, just like how when people whine about "White Privilege" they make people annoyed and thereby stop caring about racism.

Think about it OP.

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 33

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 2/27/2014 9:18:32 AM

Secretdamsel

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/23/2013
Status: offline

It's not "real" or "not real". In the it's all games.

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 34

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 3/1/2014 5:28:22 AM

bondman53

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/18/2014
Status: offline

There's actually no ''real'' in the D/s , BDSM community, and in truth most of the ''Community is in fact an industry. D/s and BDSM are nothing more than fantasy, games played between consenting adults or business transactions between Pro Dominants and submissive. I'm a sub but I'd never give up control of my life to another person, I've worked far to hard for the things I have. There are munches where you can meet people who share your fantasies, and there are events where you can pay to play, and if you happen to be a single sub male expect to pay through the nose.
Of course there are genuine people out there, but they are few and far between.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 35

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 3/1/2014 5:33:24 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bondman53

There's actually no ''real'' in the D/s , BDSM community, and in truth most of the ''Community is in fact an industry. D/s and BDSM are nothing more than fantasy, games played between consenting adults or business transactions between Pro Dominants and submissive. I'm a sub but I'd never give up control of my life to another person, I've worked far to hard for the things I have. There are munches where you can meet people who share your fantasies, and there are events where you can pay to play, and if you happen to be a single sub male expect to pay through the nose.
Of course there are genuine people out there, but they are few and far between.

Pages and pages of real encounters with genuine people... .

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to bondman53)

Post #: 36

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 3/1/2014 9:11:26 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bondman53

There's actually no ''real'' in the D/s , BDSM community, and in truth most of the ''Community is in fact an industry. D/s and BDSM are nothing more than fantasy, games played between consenting adults or business transactions between Pro Dominants and submissive. I'm a sub but I'd never give up control of my life to another person, I've worked far to hard for the things I have. There are munches where you can meet people who share your fantasies, and there are events where you can pay to play, and if you happen to be a single sub male expect to pay through the nose.
Of course there are genuine people out there, but they are few and far between.

Good heavens, you are a bit cynical. The people in the "community" where I live will be most surprised to find out that they are an industry, or that they are few and far between. I have a feeling that there is a broad spectrum between these two extremes and most of us live in this area. Maybe for male submissives it's way different, but can't say I've seen your perspective.

(in reply to bondman53)

Post #: 37

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 3/1/2014 9:21:09 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

quote:

ORIGINAL: bondman53

There's actually no ''real'' in the D/s , BDSM community, and in truth most of the ''Community is in fact an industry. D/s and BDSM are nothing more than fantasy, games played between consenting adults or business transactions between Pro Dominants and submissive. I'm a sub but I'd never give up control of my life to another person, I've worked far to hard for the things I have. There are munches where you can meet people who share your fantasies, and there are events where you can pay to play, and if you happen to be a single sub male expect to pay through the nose.
Of course there are genuine people out there, but they are few and far between.

Good heavens, you are a bit cynical. The people in the "community" where I live will be most surprised to find out that they are an industry, or that they are few and far between. I have a feeling that there is a broad spectrum between these two extremes and most of us live in this area. Maybe for male submissives it's way different, but can't say I've seen your perspective.

Or you could take the cynical approach and say "if you're a do me sub" and you are very specific about what you want to have done to you, and you're only interested in "submission" on your terms (aka when you want your hide tanned and which implements she can use), then yes, the industry is the best approach and you pay for a service, because why should a dominant woman scratch your kinks for free, what is she getting out of it? If you want it when you want it and how you want it, you best pay.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 38

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 3/7/2014 9:17:51 PM

MstrPBK

Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

My apologies for not replying sooner.

I think some of my concerns are just surfacing in the more recent posts on this thread. I think it is safe to say that being that we're in different parts of the world we might forget our different perspectives of social and cultural differences. At the same time we might also lose something in not being able to meet fact to face and find out further of each other. These are dynamics that sometimes establish 'real' vrs 'fake'.

Yes there are some out there that 'scream' is this really legitimate when you might look at a profile or even a composite of a conversation. But to declare someone a fake without knowing them, I think is concerning -- and that was the point of my initial post. Bomb messaging someone they are fake and then immediately blocking them is suggesting something about the sender (personal opinion).

To summarize where I am at: This thread has pulled out some points I will need to consider -- they were NOT the points of my original concern. I will address those points in my own way to assure my self they are done evenhandedly and consistently to everyone. I thank you all for your input and thoughts. I can not speak for anyone else here but as far as I am concerned CollarMe moderators may lock this thread since it has done its job.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

< Message edited by MstrPBK -- 3/7/2014 9:19:56 PM >

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 39

RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM... - 3/8/2014 5:50:11 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

But to declare someone a fake without knowing them, I think is concerning -- and that was the point of my initial post. Bomb messaging someone they are fake and then immediately blocking them is suggesting something about the sender (personal opinion).

This is something that is just the nature of the beast. Being declared a fake is part of being on these internet forums.

quote:

I can not speak for anyone else here but as far as I am concerned CollarMe moderators may lock this thread since it has done its job.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

The mods will not lock this thread unless it violates TOS. It was going down the page until you revived it. Just let it die and it will go away.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What does it take to be considered REAL in the BDSM Community

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.107