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RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 8:04:51 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Mine comes in two parts. All of the vanilla exes I've lost touch with. We're talking over fifteen years past, after having moved several times, and I'm not on any type of social media that isn't kink related. There just isn't a reason to specifically keep in contact.

On the kink side, I've remained friendly with the former s-types (or s-type at the time when we had the dynamic) with all except for two. One is deceased, so that's self explanatory. The other has done such horrible things that I don't have any desire to have anything to do with them. Much like MasterCaneman, it's complete apathy on My part in regard to that person. Though I would go a bit further as to say if somebody called to tell Me that person was dead, I'd probably tell the caller it wasn't any of My concern and hang up. I hate the things the person did but as a human being, I couldn't care less about them.

All of the others, I've remained friendly with. We drift in and out of touch but our conversations are friendly. I've had email exchanges with two of them during the last week.

MP doesn't care. With the one exception that I have no desire to speak to, he knows the formers and I generally tell him when one of them drops Me an email. Since we're poly and I have a submissive, I think it would be weird of him if he had a problem with an ex. (Though I have a sneaking suspicion that My current s-type is MP's favorite by far.)


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RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 1:15:08 PM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline 		Actually this all started because....the woman my brother has been dating for about a year had an old boyfriend ("old" as in "first love in high school") ....and apparently they have kept in touch over facebook for several years....send her a picture over Facebook. This picture was of a spot on the wall of his parents' basement where (when she was 17) she wrote "Anne loves Mike". She thought that was funny because he forgot all about it, and it was just a funny memory for her.

Well....when my brother asked her what she was laughing at....she told him....and he didn't think it was quite that funny.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 2:50:48 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		When answering the OP I assumed X's were X wives and husbands but to most it seems it is all relationships.

Besides my wife there have been many relationships some more serious than others... But... Just me... I could never be indifferent to someone I loved. That would make just three with me.

With my first love I will never forget the joy and pain of the experience. Even though we are not close friends, because she moved across the country, we meet for lunch when she is in town and I still have that warm feeling when I'm near her.

The second love was the saddest of all because the love slowly died to comfortable friendship...But I still cherish that feeling of mad  crazy jealous love that is often a part of youth...we had it ...and lost it.

The last was my wife...money damnit...money and work ate at our relationship until the love turned to hate...but now we are older and wiser and understand our mistakes. So we choose to remain friends and will have a special attachment the rest of our lives I think.

I hope that you have had some true love in your life... I'll bet when you do you will never forget it or be indifferent to it.

Butch

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RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 4:28:44 PM   
HipPoindexter


Posts: 188
Joined: 12/20/2013
Status: offline 		Yeah, about half of them. A person's good qualities don't disappear just because you break up. On the other hand, sometimes a person's genuinely loathsome qualities don't emerge until you've been in a relationship with them and the barriers have broken down, so sometimes staying friends is simply impossible.

On yet another hand, sometimes things that seem like horrifying character flaws and moral shortcomings are really just the result of hurt feelings because a relationship is disintegrating. This is how I came to be friends, ten years after my worst college breakup, with a woman who I would have sworn was one of the most vile human beings on the planet for two or three years after our very acrimonious split. Sometimes a little distance and time is what it takes to recover your emotional hit points enough to go back into the breach. If a person is worth swimming through a river of shit for to try to salvage a relationship then just maybe, when you've both healed, they're worth being friends with again.

I've never cheated on anybody, I've been cheated on twice and am friends with one of the women who cheated on me. It turned out she was an okay person who couldn't handle monogamy.

One of my exes is legitimately, dangerously crazy (despite being hot and brilliant) and I'd freak out if I ever found out she was trying to get back in touch with me. Another is a tragic kind of crazy and I still regret not being able to be good for her and I'd still go through hell to help her out if she asked but honestly I hope she doesn't because I don't *want* to go through hell for anybody.

The woman I'm with now, and the love of my life, is somebody I dated a few times in the past but with whom things never quite worked out until this time around. I always loved her, was always upfront with people I was involved with after her that she was always going to be the One in my heart, and now we're together for good. So it goes.

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RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 4:54:59 PM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

Why or why not?

If you are.....does your current partner have a problem with it? Would you have a problem if your current partner was still friends with any of his or her exes?



I was at a party tonight and a few couples got into a very lively discussion about this topic.


I have one who seems to think we are. Although I would call us acquaintances. If she didn't call me I wouldn't talk to her at all. I'm really not concerned one way or the other. But that's due to stuff she did in the past. She's manipulative and untruthful. Especially when she needs help. So I long ago walled her off with brick and mortar. I look at her like one of the these reality shows. Nothing but drama and interesting to watch. But really it means little to you after you shut off the TV.

The others are cool but just lost contact with over the years.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to smileforme50)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 5:01:13 PM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

Yeah, about half of them. A person's good qualities don't disappear just because you break up. On the other hand, sometimes a person's genuinely loathsome qualities don't emerge until you've been in a relationship with them and the barriers have broken down, so sometimes staying friends is simply impossible.

On yet another hand, sometimes things that seem like horrifying character flaws and moral shortcomings are really just the result of hurt feelings because a relationship is disintegrating. This is how I came to be friends, ten years after my worst college breakup, with a woman who I would have sworn was one of the most vile human beings on the planet for two or three years after our very acrimonious split. Sometimes a little distance and time is what it takes to recover your emotional hit points enough to go back into the breach. If a person is worth swimming through a river of shit for to try to salvage a relationship then just maybe, when you've both healed, they're worth being friends with again.

I've never cheated on anybody, I've been cheated on twice and am friends with one of the women who cheated on me. It turned out she was an okay person who couldn't handle monogamy.

One of my exes is legitimately, dangerously crazy (despite being hot and brilliant) and I'd freak out if I ever found out she was trying to get back in touch with me. Another is a tragic kind of crazy and I still regret not being able to be good for her and I'd still go through hell to help her out if she asked but honestly I hope she doesn't because I don't *want* to go through hell for anybody.

The woman I'm with now, and the love of my life, is somebody I dated a few times in the past but with whom things never quite worked out until this time around. I always loved her, was always upfront with people I was involved with after her that she was always going to be the One in my heart, and now we're together for good. So it goes.


Some people are like that. They break up time and time again. Then on the 10th time they have grown enough to get it right. Most would have said to give it up after trying to make it work 3 times.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to HipPoindexter)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 5:55:49 PM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HipPoindexter

On yet another hand, sometimes things that seem like horrifying character flaws and moral shortcomings are really just the result of hurt feelings because a relationship is disintegrating. This is how I came to be friends, ten years after my worst college breakup, with a woman who I would have sworn was one of the most vile human beings on the planet for two or three years after our very acrimonious split. Sometimes a little distance and time is what it takes to recover your emotional hit points enough to go back into the breach. If a person is worth swimming through a river of shit for to try to salvage a relationship then just maybe, when you've both healed, they're worth being friends with again.


I can relate to this. I know that after I ended a 10-year relationship, he was very angry with me. I heard from mutual friends that when they tried to talk to him about it, he wouldn't talk about it and he just seemed very angry. Yet about a year and a half later, when one of "our" dogs became gravely ill, he contacted me and asked me if I wanted to come see the dog one more time before he had him put to sleep. I was very surprised by this....and touched. The change in his attitude didn't go unnoticed. He also contacted me when he was going to lose "our" second dog about 8 months later. I think my being there actually helped him when he lost the dogs, and he recognized that. Although we still aren't close friends and I haven't seen or spoken to him in about 6 months, I think most of the deeper wounds have heeled. He even offered to help me go car shopping when I was finally ready....which really surprised me.


_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to HipPoindexter)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 6:03:33 PM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline 		Something a lot of people haven't addressed with this topic that I asked ....

"If you are.....does your current partner have a problem with it?
Would you have a problem if your current partner was still friends with any of his or her exes? "

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to smileforme50)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 6:28:25 PM   
GoddessBlueKura


Posts: 29
Joined: 2/13/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I don't have many x's but I was friends with them until we eventually lost touch.  The most recent x still attempts to do me, so while I still like to think we are close, I think it is more "opportunity" than friendship


This^

I try to leave things in a good note but if it's a bad ending I usually wait cut someone off immediately allowing a peaceful platonic friendship after a few years have passed.

There was one bf I had that when I started dating him seemed to have constant contact with all of his exs. It seemed to be the most odd thing to me since he always invited me to a function an ex was sure to attend. Personally I feel he got off on the awkward environment and also a wish that the two women would end up fighting over him or something. He was one of those needy constant validation types that if I were in deep thought too long he would assume I was planning to leave him.

I often met the guy that always wanted to do the "lets sit and look at these photos" and they typically were of woman they dated in a "look who I screwed". It's like umm I thought I was already dating you but now I need a powerpoint presentation on why I should or shouldn't?

Someone that you were married to or share a child with I can see always being in someone's life. It's practically unavoidable.

Every now and again someone I dated will contact me and try the "hey lets get together" and I'd tell them " ooh really for what?". lol The stuttering that follows was always priceless.


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/16/2014 6:30:09 PM   
HipPoindexter


Posts: 188
Joined: 12/20/2013
Status: offline 		My girlfriend is friends with several of her exes. I'm actually friends with two of them--they're both pretty fab people. Similarly, one of my exes (the one with whom I had a bitter college breakup) is married and the way things worked out I get along even better with her husband than I do with her.

That said, I have a HUGE problem with one of my girlfriend's ex-girlfriends because I think she's a predatory sleazebag and I do have a huge issue with them still being friends. It's a thing where I totally get that it's my hangup, and that she has the right to be friends with whomever she wants and that it's my issue to deal with and I try not to let my acrimony toward this woman cause strife in our relationship but every now and again it totally does.
quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

Something a lot of people haven't addressed with this topic that I asked ....

"If you are.....does your current partner have a problem with it?
Would you have a problem if your current partner was still friends with any of his or her exes? "



< Message edited by HipPoindexter -- 2/16/2014 6:33:35 PM >

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RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 7:26:49 AM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		Nope, not a one. I did a massive clean slate housecleaning of who I want to know 5 years ago, and while it was a little discombobulating, the sanity rewards were overwhelming.

And no Facebook for me either.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 8:02:46 AM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

Nope, not a one. I did a massive clean slate housecleaning of who I want to know 5 years ago, and while it was a little discombobulating, the sanity rewards were overwhelming.

And no Facebook for me either.


The no Facebook thing probably saved you 800 Grey hairs. It's the equivalent of taking your phone and throwing against a wall and taking out a big eraser and erasing all the roads that lead to your house.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 10:39:50 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

If you are.....does your current partner have a problem with it? Would you have a problem if your current partner was still friends with any of his or her exes?

I'm the type who would stay friendly with all my exes. They often chose not to. I am friendly with one ex, and my current would prefer that I not be.

On the rare occasion when my ex texts when I'm with my current, I don't respond until I'm alone.

I would not have a problem if he was friendly with his ex.


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RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 10:39:57 AM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		Yeah, I don't mind (very, very occasionally) looking in on THEM, but I am really happy that I am for all internet purposes dead and buried. People who I went to high school with or suffered with in some miserable cubicle job should likewise go whistle too.

An ex-wife wrote a long blog (hoping for a book deal) about how terrible it was to be married to me. I trolled her bit in the comments section and then left it at that. I have my wife's ex's Match.com password and enjoy reading his hamfisted attempts at romance too. People need grasp how nutty it is to leave these internet front doors open to any passerby.

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RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 12:03:00 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking


An ex-wife wrote a long blog (hoping for a book deal) about how terrible it was to be married to me. I trolled her bit in the comments section and then left it at that. I have my wife's ex's Match.com password and enjoy reading his hamfisted attempts at romance too. People need grasp how nutty it is to leave these internet front doors open to any passerby.


Is might be just me, but I would find it a bit creepy to read some stranger's emails, especially the wife's ex attempts at romance, a bit like having your eyes glued to the keyhole of somebody's bedroom. Would breach that "consensual" rule with me.

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There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 2:05:17 PM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		Nah, the ex wife has put up her account (and a very dishonest one at that) for the entire world to read and comment on, seeking fame and fortune from it, so fair play all around.

The ex-husband of my wife is a likewise lying toad who would wreak havoc in our lives if he could. He can't, nor could he get laid in a Mexican woman's prison with a handful of pardons. He pretends to be a cop to impress women! Oh how we laugh!! Like I said, leaving an internet front door open may attract, well, whatever.

Laughing at him from afar is a victimless crime. We thought about sending him a fake response and having a friend troll him on the phone, but it was just too much trouble and we knew what he'd say anyway. Man, that parrot is dead, dead, dead.

So yeah, it might well be "just you" who might find my actions "non-consensual", assuming you even do and this is not simply more gratuitous church lady tut-tuting of the high horse variety so popular here.


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 2:13:14 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I guess it depends on your own set of morals, I grew up that snooping in anybody's mail is extremely bad manners and essentially the action of somebody who's not trustworthy.

Hubby could check my mail anytime but I know he won't, I think I know his password (he told me once when I needed to look something up for him) but I would feel like shit if I would snoop. I mean where would the point of being together when I don't have that trust?

See, setting him up and winding him up with a fake contact request, if he's really such an ass, that is something I would find funny, reading somebody's mails in secret is sleazy, not to mention illegal.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 2:29:37 PM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		I'm ready to do jail time for this at the same level that I would for removing a "do not remove" tag from a pillow.

And he used to send the kid over to the house to spy on us without relent. A real sick puppy. Did the kid's head in a bit too. Now she tries to tell us all HIS business, but we take the church lady-approved high road and make her desist. Besides, we know more. Everyone hates him and tells us about the whack shit he does.

Just looked in. He's pretending he knew Phil Collins to some other shut in. Phil Collins? Who would that even impress?

Helpful hint to all: Do not make your dating site password the name of your ex.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 2:41:47 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Accessing anybody's mail without their permission is not just a "Tsk, shouldn't do that!" In case he finds out and decides to press charges, it possibly won't be much of a laughing matter, just saying.

He was spying on you, you are spying on him, birds of a feather type behaviour. Seriously, you're reading the romantic emails of a guy you say you despise, that would be far too much contact for me...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Domnotlooking)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Are you still friends with any of your exes? - 2/17/2014 2:50:40 PM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		He couldn't "press" his way out of a paper bag. And how would he know exactly?

We're more laughing at him then spying on him to get dirt on him and hurt him as he was with us. Our motivation is good natured hilarity mixed in with harmless voyeurism. And at least two other people are reading his Match account too. Maybe he could file a class action suit and bring an entire car load of people to justice for this….this….outrage.

As far as it goes, we hope his Phil Collins faux association get him laid. It would do that sad bastard a world of good.The lucky woman? Well, we'd regard her as on her own.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 40
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