RE: Confused newb - is this lifestyle something you can learn?

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RE: Confused newb - is this lifestyle something you can... - 2/22/2014 1:53:04 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

For me, being a feminist incorporates supporting people's right to chose what role they wish to have in society and in private.

I agree.

I think a key part of feminism is that it rejects the way our society held (still holds, to an extent) that "men are X and women are Y and this is how they relate to each other and what their roles are", which creates a sort of default non-consensual power dynamic both in the private and public sphere. Feminism says that instead, men and women are fundamentally equal, deserve the same rights and respect, and should construct for themselves what dynamic/role they wish to have with a partner.

(in reply to kalikshama)

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RE: Confused newb - is this lifestyle something you can... - 2/22/2014 3:35:28 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I think all dominant males go through this sort of internal struggle, to some degree or another. After all, you've been socialized your entire life to be gentle, to ask permission, to not take sexual things for granted.

Being sexually dominant means forgetting all that, and letting your natural urges take control. And sure, that's scary and confusing until you get a handle on it.

I can see how your gf being a feminist is making this more difficult for you, but that's b/c you're seeing being sexual submissive as being *less* as opposed to more.

I am a staunch feminist *and* a submissive. This means I get to choose how I deal with my own sexuality and how I interact with the important men in my life. For me, being sexually submissive means I get to have sex the way I really want it, and still consider myself equal to my dominant. It's a yin/yang thing that is primal in many of us.

I suggest you do a lot more reading (at the top of the general BDSM sub-section there is a sticky with a book list, most of those books are easily available on Amazon) as well as a lot more thinking. You need to get beyond the point of intellectual understanding and to the point of internalizing what I've just said. And that takes time.

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RE: Confused newb - is this lifestyle something you can... - 2/22/2014 6:41:45 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Allihaveisabelt
For starters, my partner falling into the sub category seems so opposite of everything she is in reality vs. sex life, which makes this hard to comprehend or know where to go with it. She is a super feminist, and being a sub seems to go against those values

The woman I've known who is most into degrading race play is an equal rights activist.

Kink exploration isn't logical. It's more like a real-life lucid dream, where the mind explores what-if's and insecurities, and returns with buried treasure, in the form blinding orgasms.

Maybe she wants to go places she's never been, and she feels safe with you, as her human bungee cord, because she knows you won't let her fall.

One simple thing you could do is to use insult-words. Don't ever call her "ugly" or "fat" -- that's still off limits. But, "Suck my balls, you pretty bitch," or, "Be a good little slut and lick my ass," might trip her trigger, in the good way. Or maybe in the bad way! There's only one way to find out.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Allihaveisabelt)

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