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Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 2:18:24 PM

JohnyWalker

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/30/2013
Status: offline

I've lost my past 2 girlfriends, to admitting I extreme submissive fantasies. They didn't break up right away but you could tell it pulled us apart. I feel like women see subs as less of a man and want someone to take charge. And most CM profiles seem like for hook ups or getting spoiled they like subs but would never let a sub be in a relationship...

Post #: 1

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 2:27:05 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I see them as people.

Flawed, messed up, FUBAR folks.
You know, just like the rest of us, you, me and the lamppost included

Crazy, ain't I.

I really should let the men with the butterfly nets catch me one day.
Strawberry fields forever

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to JohnyWalker)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 2:51:52 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

It depends a lot HOW you tell a woman about your submissive cravings, and sorry to say, a lot of guys are amazingly ham fisted...

It's been quite a while that I ranted in my blog about how some guys try to tell their spouses about BDSM... Not sure if you find it helpful, you just might...

http://exdomme.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/bdsm-and-spouse.html

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 3:03:27 PM

Cilicia

Posts: 72
Joined: 1/23/2013
Status: offline

Personally, I find them rather attractive, especially when they're in very cold water.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 3:11:10 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

LOL Sexy.

OP, you are young and besides how you might have spoken about your interests, younger women may not fully understand unless they have some background that would provide it.

I remember when young, I thought... no problem with a man that cries.. I want one that can cry. Until I got one that could cry and didn't stop! I thought, I want a man's man... like my dad. Oh dear god, what did I wish upon myself? Exactly what I got and I made sure it didn't happen again. I so loved my step dad... but I am not at all like my mama!

Age can change a lot of things because of maturity, experience, etc. That goes for you and your ex's.

Submissive doesn't mean less to me. It just means different.

(in reply to Cilicia)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 3:34:13 PM

thezeppo

Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

I've had that happen with me as well, but its better to try to be honest than to end up living dishonestly I think. Look up local groups for kink-minded people and maybe go along one day.

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 3:44:31 PM

MsMJAY

Posts: 515
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline

Attractive.....Hot even. As a dominant woman, submissve men are what turn me on. So you may be asking the wrong group of women if we find submissive men attractive. Around here the answer would be a loud and definitive YES!!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnyWalker

I've lost my past 2 girlfriends, to admitting I extreme submissive fantasies. They didn't break up right away but you could tell it pulled us apart. I feel like women see subs as less of a man and want someone to take charge. And most CM profiles seem like for hook ups or getting spoiled they like subs but would never let a sub be in a relationship...

_____________________________

"The higher; the fewer."
It's not impossible. It's I'm possible

(in reply to JohnyWalker)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 3:48:57 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Good for you for being honest.
Be sure you choose your partners for mutual interests, not how they'd look in a vanilla porno version of what they think a Domme dresses like.

Reassure her that your sub desires are about pleasing her, not your demanding she fuel your fantasies [topping from the bottom].
Ask out the next girl who laughs at the same things you do, and who holds your gaze until you drop yours.
Now *that's* hot to a Domme!
Good luck!

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to thezeppo)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 4:02:11 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Ask out the next girl who laughs at the same things you do, and who holds your gaze until you drop yours.
Now *that's* hot to a Domme!

It's pretty damned hot to a sub, too. Well, this one, anyway.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 4:07:04 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMJAY

Attractive.....Hot even. As a dominant woman, submissve men are what turn me on. So you may be asking the wrong group of women if we find submissive men attractive. Around here the answer would be a loud and definitive YES!!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnyWalker

I've lost my past 2 girlfriends, to admitting I extreme submissive fantasies. They didn't break up right away but you could tell it pulled us apart. I feel like women see subs as less of a man and want someone to take charge. And most CM profiles seem like for hook ups or getting spoiled they like subs but would never let a sub be in a relationship...

This, exactly. :)

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to MsMJAY)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 4:49:06 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

OP - at your age, I think you might have better luck looking for women at TNG (The Next Generation) groups, which are for kinksters under 35.

(in reply to JohnyWalker)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 5:26:41 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

I consider my last sub sexy as hell. Especially when he sends me selfies in a shirt and tie for his new job.

However, there was a guy I played with online a few times, and met in person once, who was pretty pathetic. Bleh. Whether I find a sub as hot or pathetic depends largely on how s/he conducts him/herself. There's no one-size-fits-all answer.

_____________________________

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Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
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(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 6:03:02 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

Ask out the next girl who laughs at the same things you do, and who holds your gaze until you drop yours.
Now *that's* hot to a Domme!

It's pretty damned hot to a sub, too. Well, this one, anyway.

Eezackly! Preeecisely! Sub bait = Domme bait! Happy sigh...

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 6:10:55 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

It depends a lot HOW you tell a woman about your submissive cravings, and sorry to say, a lot of guys are amazingly ham fisted...

I agree with this, but I also think a lot of sub guys behave as less than, so it gets communicated as less than. The male subs that I've always thought were awesome were people who believed that they have worth and served with grace. A kind of confidence that's like, "Yup, I'm good catch...and I enjoy her being in control". Whiny men just annoy me, no matter what side of the kneel.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 2/17/2014 6:17:38 PM >

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 6:14:41 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

Subs have their plus and their minusses, according to my model of the mind. And sometimes minusses from another perspective are plusses too.

Subs can be extremely useful.

On the other hand I have the posts of one hundred nicks on Hide - and a fair number of them are submissives.

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to JohnyWalker)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 6:18:46 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Unfortunately you get some submissives who's whole schtick is how pathetic and worthless they are. Are all submissives pathetic? Heck no. But it all depends on how said submissive conducts him or herself. I personally like the ones who don't see being submissive as being less than or subhuman waste covered in skin. That to me is attractive as all get out.

You can't always make vanilla turn into some other flavor.

Figure out who you are and what you are about...then find the corresponding partner who is closer to where you are at on the spectrum. Good luck in your search.

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 6:33:24 PM

Whippedboy

Posts: 61
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Here's the deal--from EXPERIENCE. You can't just blurt out that you love to suck on her toes, drop to your knees and get after it. You have to do it slowly. When you are together, just start doing shit FOR her that she doesn't really want to do. Throw in a load of laundry, make dinner/bfast, wash her car--whatever. See how she reacts to it. Some women just are not comfortable being waited on like that and either it takes time or they just don't want it. The MAIN thing is you have to show them what is in it for THEM!
If you tell her all this stuff she is probably going to freak out unless she is experienced or interested. But if you show her the upside for HER and go slowly, she is much more likely to go along with it and even enjoy it.
Here's what I did a while back: started dating this girl from a circle of friends we both knew so I was VERY hesitant about letting on my subby side. I was always a bit "sub" in bed with her, always making sure she came how she wanted etc--but also the little extra. Making the bed after, just whatever--little shit. She traveled a fair amount for work so when she was gone I would tidy up, do some laundry, make sure there was something to eat in the fridge when she got home--again--doesn't matter what, as long as she is benefiting from it. She always reacted well, was thankful etc. even bragged to her friends a bit. But what I noticed was after a few trips, there would be 2 then 3 loads of dirty laundry at her place. Her place would be a little more messy when she left--she was basically getting used to me doing stuff and therefore left more and more for me to do. Her thank yous were there, but less. Became almost more an expectation. Also, during sex--she was not crazy about giving oral, so I didn't press for it but she LOVED receiving. So when she would try to reciprocate, I would tell her she did not need to. She also picked up on my foot fetish as I would pay attention to them as well. When I was going down on her she just started on her OWN to rub my cock with her feet. She basically trained me to please her orally as when I did something she liked, she would rub my cock with her foot, then back off when i would slow down or get off track. Again, we NEVER discussed any of this out loud.
I think it was mutual that I did not want to be known as a "subby bitch" in our circle of friends and she didn't want to be known as a bitch or inconsiderate. WE finally discussed some stuff after about 5-6 months and sort of set our limits on what she was comfortable doing. I told her I loved giving oral and was not worried about receiving as well as other likes/dislikes.
This was pretty vanilla stuff compared to other relationships I have been in but just to illustrate some ideas on how it benefits her.
My two cents, be patient and "try out ideas" outloud." If you see something in a movie re: bdsm, see how she reacts. Patience is key, I think, or has been for my anyway.
I don't know--with this crowd I'm sure i'm going to be lambasted for "not being honest" or what the fuck ever. I personally don't give a shit what the others think. So many of them are SOOO deep into this shit--fish can't see the water they swim in. Nobody unloads EVERYTHING about themselves right away in ANY relationship.
Bottom line is it worked out GREAT for us! WE went out for about a year and half and we are still friends today. Sex/bdsm was DEF not the problem. So, if you present yourself as someone with something to offer (i.e. that benefits her) she is unlikely to think of you as pathetic.
But if you're crawling around the ground begging for attention then yes, chances are high for that pathetic POV.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 8:19:49 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnyWalker

I've lost my past 2 girlfriends, to admitting I extreme submissive fantasies. They didn't break up right away but you could tell it pulled us apart. I feel like women see subs as less of a man and want someone to take charge. And most CM profiles seem like for hook ups or getting spoiled they like subs but would never let a sub be in a relationship...

Don't get discouraged by your exes' reactions or by your experiences on this site. Many of the Dommes who are relationship-oriented tend to be mature or older women, and the very young ones are often in it for commercialization purposes, not truly Dominant females or else extremely immature ones. It's good that you seek a relationship and not a quick hook-up or series of cam sessions, and your best bet is to find a more open-minded girlfriend. WhippedBoy gave some good advice to get the ball rolling. Younger women often have to grow into or "own" their dominant tendencies, and you can help facilitate that process.

As much difficulty as you think you have been having, it isn't a picnic for us either finding sincere male subs. What you're on is a journey and it has many winding roads. That's just life. I understand it's not easy for a male to have submissive tendencies, but don't think less of yourself for it. Confidence (not cockiness) is always attractive. So is having a healthy self-image. Don't be afraid to be yourself and become all that you can be. Dominant women will enter your life and appreciate you, and we find submissiveness in a man to be extremely attractive and desirable. Keep in mind however that we seek the man first, and while critically important, his submissiveness to us is secondary, so put your priorities in order.

Good luck finding the right partner.

ETA: Kana, I haven't heard FUBAR in so long, it made me crack up.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 2/17/2014 8:30:40 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to JohnyWalker)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 8:33:23 PM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

I see them as people.

Flawed, messed up, FUBAR folks.
You know, just like the rest of us, you, me and the lamppost included

Crazy, ain't I.

I really should let the men with the butterfly nets catch me one day.
Strawberry fields forever

Kana....Have you been hearing voices singing "They're coming to take me away ha ha"?

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 19

RE: Do you see subs as pathetic or attractive - 2/17/2014 10:32:06 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm going to take this in two parts because I want to address both the question and the comment.

I can't say that I particularly see "subs" as a whole about anything, including whether they are pathetic, attractive or are relationship material. (Males who are overly influenced by BDSM porn and mimic that 'lowly worm' type crap tend to be less attractive than others.) I try to look at people as individuals and just because somebody says they are a sub doesn't automatically make Me think one way or another about them. My current sub is sexy as all get out but I don't see all submissive men that way.

Other folks touched on this (I couldn't read the wall of text response, so I'm giving Myself a pass on that one.) so if I repeat anything just count it as an additional vote. I don't think it's a great idea to take a vanilla (you specifically said "girlfriends") and throw a bunch of extreme fantasies at them. It might be easier on that vanilla person to ease them into things rather than try to hit them with both barrels. If you approach a vanilla person with the fantasy of her wearing leather/latex, wielding a whip, so she can bend you over for her 14" strap-on........ You're really not cutting her a break. It's asking for too much, too fast, in My opinion. More often, those who are successful in introducing folks to kink allow their partners to take baby steps and let people work at their own pace.

There is a lot of good advice (and some not so good) about attempting to get a vanilla partner into some kinks. Perhaps some research would be helpful to you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 20

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