Outspoken..soooo What? (Full Version)

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babysburnin -> Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 8:27:44 PM)

I was instructed by my Dom not to reply to other Doms.  I disobeyed.  I was not flurting - and only gave an opinion when I felt compelled to do so... in the sub forum.  HE knows I have thoughts.  I know I disobeyed.  I can't be curbed in this one area... I asked that we speak of it, and He is agreeable.  How can I persuade Him to understanding the need of communication apart from what HE wants?

I'm sure I'll figure it out...but new ideas are welcome. :)



akisha -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 8:31:58 PM)

You aren't allowed to respond to other Dominants posts on here? I can understand e-mails but why not on here?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 8:35:16 PM)

Before you make a big fuss about it, why not find out if he specifically sees posting in the forum as replying to other Doms...
My boy isnt allowed to respond to Domme's without my permision, but I would be fine with his replying ina forum in public view.  After all, what you say can easily be checked up on.

DV



sleazybutterfly -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 8:37:41 PM)

I am not sure I totally understand.   I mean, I can see you not replying to emails and such..but on the msg boards just doesn't quite make sense to me. 
 
I would just explain to him that you can't be cut off totally..this is part of you being a social human being.  You aren't looking for anyone..nor answering emails... just replying back on a board where everyone else does as a way to belong to the community and to share your opinion.
 
He is free to check and read them anytime if there is a question about what you are saying..and as long as you are respectful and such.. I don't see the issue. 
 
          Respectfully, andrea
 
 



juliaoceania -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 8:41:04 PM)

After disobeying him on the matter wouldnt you be better off not to ask him to grant a favor to let you do something that you intentionally ignored his order about? I wouldn't expect that request to be granted... that is just me and I could be wrong

Edited to add... I would never post that I had directly disobeyed my Dom and expect sympathy for it.... I think that my Dom would feel betrayed by that, and that is unacceptable to me..



babysburnin -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 8:50:08 PM)

I know... you are right.  I'm not the best sub....



juliaoceania -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 8:55:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

I know... you are right.  I'm not the best sub....


No one is a perfect sub.. certainly not me. I am not posting to judge you sweetie, I enjoy your posts and think you add much to CM... I hope he and you find a compromise



HollyS -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 8:56:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

I was instructed by my Dom not to reply to other Doms.  I disobeyed.  I was not flurting - and only gave an opinion when I felt compelled to do so... in the sub forum.  HE knows I have thoughts.  I know I disobeyed.  I can't be curbed in this one area... I asked that we speak of it, and He is agreeable.  How can I persuade Him to understanding the need of communication apart from what HE wants?


Your post brings up several questions:
  • When your Dom first told you that he didn't want you replying to other Doms, was he clear that he meant emails and forum messages?
  • Did you discuss your need for interaction on the boards at that time?
  • Did you disobey willfully?
I certainly understand the need to connect with others through the forums, but if this is something important to him for whatever reason you're left with two choices: obey or not.  You say "I can't be curbed in this one area..." but what if after some discussion on the matter he decides that you must do as he says?

Coming at it from a need for contact with others in the lifestyle and a desire to learn through discussion may help you make your case for being allowed to respond to threads, even if the speaker is a Dominant.  I would, however, prepare yourself for the possibility that despite your efforts, he may still say "no."  And if that happens, what will you do?

~Holly



Sinergy -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 8:57:33 PM)

Hello A/all,

I am going to throw my caveat in at the start, so there is no question that this is just me and I could be wrong.

Having said that, I have two issues with this thread.

1)  Why is the Dominant so paranoid and jealous that they would deny their submissive the opportunity to speak her mind among other people.  For me, she is with me because she wants to be with me, and if that is not the case, "pack yer shit and leave."

2)  Why is the submissive attempting to enlist other people on this board (non-consensually) in her attempt to humiliate her Dominant into changing his directives to her/him.

You know, it is not rocket science.  There is a dynamic which involves one (or more) person(s) being the Dominant, and one (or more) person(s) being submissive to that Dominant.  If this is not happening, I would be disinclined to refer to what is going on as a D/s or M/s or whatever dynamic.

There ya go,

Sinergy



babysburnin -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 9:18:15 PM)

I would never humble my Dom - He is a man to be respected on many levels...He has my respect on all.  I was asking other subs about MY issues.



Sinergy -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 9:21:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

I would never humble my Dom - He is a man to be respected on many levels...He has my respect on all.  I was asking other subs about MY issues.


In that case, I apologize for my misunderstanding and hope my other comments were useful to you.

Enjoy your evening.

Sinergy



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 9:39:29 PM)

I have to admit - the first thing that went maurading through my rather twisted brain when I read the OP was to think "what sort of paranoia and lack of self confidence does it require for someone to get uptight about their partner speaking to others?"  The second thing was the realisation that, in my own experience, those who are least willing to allow free communication between their partner and others like themselves - are the ones who likely have good reason to be paranoid about being replaced.
 
I can only speak from personal perspective - which is, of course, tainted and tinted by what I have personally experienced.  My experiences with those who insisted that I not be in contact with other male dominants has been universally BAD, to the point of it sending up huge personal red flags for me as a warning to run like hell in any direction that leads Away from them.  Why?  Because what started as "do not talk to other male dominants" turned into "do not speak to anyone that I don't pre-approve" which turned into 'I don't approve of you speaking to your family or long time friends, either."  It led, in slow degrees, to complete isolation - and from there into an overtly abusive situation.  Once I was cut off from speaking to anyone, for fear that he would find out, he figured I had no support system remaining and he could do what he wanted without repercussion.
 
Is it a Trust issue?  He doesn't trust you NOT to replace him, if he allows you contact with other dominants?  That sort of trust issue, though, leads straight back to my first thought - what sort of paranoia and lack of self confidence issues are in existance, to create that sort of problem - barring, of course, some action on your own part that Warrents a lack of trust.
 
There is no way to know, obviously, if something of this nature is the case - and I could easily be Waaaaaay off base.  This is simply my gut instinct talking from a half told story.



juliaoceania -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 9:56:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin

I would never humble my Dom - He is a man to be respected on many levels...He has my respect on all.  I was asking other subs about MY issues.


People cross over all the time, if only subs or masters could respond to each other's posts here it would be very boring. I do not understand why he shouldn't voice an opinion. BTW, if it was just your issue where does your dom enter into the picture. If I have an issue, my Dom has one too, even if indirectly. It is about "us", right?

I agree with much of what Sinergy stated, I am a submissive, because of that my opinion holds more or less weight? Personally I do not come here for submissive or dominant perspectives, I come here for human ones.. and I think that is part of the trouble with the demand that you not interact with dominants on a board such as this, it is almost impossible not to do so, and your response to Sinergy proves it... you  could not control yourself long enough to not respond to him when you have been specifically been instructed not to. Now this shows disrespect for your dominant in my book, but then again it seems rather odd to give a directive to a submissive that she cannot control herself long enough to follow through on it.

Just my thoughts






xxblushesxx -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 9:59:49 PM)

I  concur with what the 'Peach' and others have said.

My Dom knows I am a chatterbox, and has never tried to stifle that.  He also knows I care about and for people, and even told me I could talk to a Dom I became  close to before I met him....any time, any way, without permission.  Forums of  course, are public, and it goes without saying, He trusts me in those. (or can check up on me!)

Sounds like there is a lot of talking to be done between the two of you.  With understanding, comes resolution.

Good luck;

Christina



babysburnin -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 10:00:12 PM)

O darn...it's nothing like that, and being human, all like that.  Sweet Dom, I apologize here for this. 



Padriag -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 10:04:56 PM)

Rhi make a good point, it could be he's making this requirement out of insecurity.  That is certainly a possibility.

I'll throw out another possibility.  Babysburnin made the comment that she disobeyed, that this was an area she could not be curbed in, that she was compelled to comment, and all of this sounds like a lack of self control.  Perhaps the dominant in question laid down the rule because of a past incident, perhaps he was trying to discipline what he saw as an uncontrolled behavior that either has or could cause problems.  After all, the behavior of a submissive does reflect on the dominant, and if she's mouthy in a public forum then that is going to publicly look bad for him.

I don't know that either possibility is the case, but both are just that, possibilities to consider.  My other thought is that it seems to me a submissive is fishing for support and justification for her behavior even though she knows she disobeyed.

There's no excuse for disobeying.  If these are his rules you have only a few options.  You can discuss it with him which you've said he is willing to do.  But ultimately you either accept his authority or you don't, and if you don't, you might as well walk out of the relationship.  Because frankly, if he's smart and has some self respect and sees you are not going to both accept and respect his authority, he'll kick your ass to the curb anyway.



marieToo -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 10:08:19 PM)

General Reply:

I'd just obey him.  But then, for me, not talking to the doms on these boards wouldnt be all that hard.



babysburnin -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 10:11:48 PM)

I have no past "offenses", but your point is true...I disobeyed.  Thanks...now I feel worse...Oh well... I will be a better sub tomorrow....



Padriag -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 10:26:26 PM)

I'm not here to make you feel better.  Neither am I here to make you feel worse.  I made some observations, what you do with them is up to you.  This is one of those moments when the tagline in my signature is very appropriate.  Yes you made a mistake, you disobeyed.  But there are two sayings I often heard growing up.  One was "A mistake isn't a mistake until you fail to correct it."  The other was, "It isn't your mistakes that matter, but only what you do about them."  Both are good advice, they remind us not to focus on what we did wrong or how we failed, but instead to focus on what we need to be doing, on what we can do right.  Try focusing on the positive, on what you can do about your mistake, on what you can do right next time.

Maybe your dom is very insecure, I really don't know.  But considering that possibility if he is then maybe you should consider walking away.  On the other hand maybe he's just trying to teach you something, trying to help you grow as a person.  If that's the case yeilding to his authority could be a very good thing for you.  You know him best of all and I think in your heart you probably already know which possibility happens to be the case.  I also think in your heart you already know what you need to do.

I'll leave you with that.  Food for thought.



babysburnin -> RE: Outspoken..soooo What? (7/6/2006 11:23:38 PM)

I seem like an animal protecting her young...please don't speak poorly of my Dom...He doesn't deserve it.  I will protect...



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