RE: Watching guys (Full Version)

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StrictlyADomina -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 7:27:39 AM)

quote:

Or do you maybe realize that some of the "women" you thought were watching you were men? If so, move on and think you about the karma brownie points you're getting for giving a guy a bit of pleasure, while you were getting your rocks off.


I think you nailed it Constanze & Steven thanks for the amen.

quote:

Of course a close relation between man an woman either dom or sub is necessary, but is it really the whole truth that no woman would get of on watching a guy on cam? -
I am not thinking about me in particular.


Yea, there are a few who do, while most don't. There are just not that many women kink or otherwise who enjoy this. What are the odds that all the people who said they were "female" who wanted you to cam for them, who were in fact female, about 0. So yea, you probably cam'ed for some guys pretending to be women. Will you find more women on a kink site who like watching a guy cam as opposed to vanilla women? Probably not.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 7:29:35 AM)

Because we don't want to do something and we tell you so, we are judgemental? Seriously, why do you ask a question if you don't want honest answers?

Nobody here judged anybody, we just made it clear that we aren't fetish delivery systems. Don't you think it is a bit judgemental if things don't go the way you wanted them, to act like a petulant child and go "You are all so judgemental, I didn't get the answers I desired therefore there MUST be a group dynamic!"

Individual women gave you their take on why they don't like watching A STRANGER doing assplay on camera.

Look, your profile makes it very clear what you are looking for, which is fine, everybody can look for whatever they want:

quote:

Okay I have come to a conclusion. The thing is that when I am online I am probadly looking for a woman to watch me fuck myself in the ass with various items. I know this approach may be bad, but it is honest. In case this endevour of mine should succeed, I am only looking for women:).., Good luck to all of you...


Well, the part where you talk about that you are ONLY looking for women, try a different approach - how would you feel if MEN approach you? Let me guess, you wouldn't be interested, because it isn't your preference, nobody has an issue with it. But why do you have an issue with several women saying "Nope, pass, not interested, not what *I* want to see!" Several of us also explained WHY we don't want to see it.

The thing is, women react different than guys when it comes to visual images, you (a complete stranger) get a real kick out of women watching you insert those items. Nobody said that you are a bad person, or that your kink is horrible, you weren't judged for your kink AT ALL, it's your kink, but it isn't MY kink, just like it doesn't seem the kink of any of the women here who posted.

What did you expect? That we'd all go "It's not our thing, but we'll watch you because it's so important to you?" Not going to happen, you're not going to watch some guy insert items because it doesn't turn you on, most of us are unwilling to watch you because it doesn't turn us on. It's not judgemental, it's just the equivalent of somebody trying to sell steaks to a vegetarian or fridges to polar bears. What you are offering, there isn't a demand for it.



altialt -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 7:36:38 AM)

Okay... I am not trying to get any of you to watch me... Okay... And I think it about time that somebody acted like a petulant child:) Let´s just leave the ass fucking on cam discussion, and my profile, alone. Do I really not have a point when adressing the replies to my questions and replies the other questions being a bit on the hostile side?



LadyConstanze -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 7:37:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt

I am not trying to blame you for answering my question, I liked the answers just fine. But I just feel so much hostility which it really did not expect. Of course all people are entiteled to their own opinion, males, female and other categories, but reading some of those opinions surely would discourage me from asking questions again. IS this not a point worth mentioning?

I am not trying to get anybody to watch me on cam, now I am just making a statement about how some answers might be perceived as hostile. A new member can, in my mind, express his or her own opinion on equal footing with the established members in a forum, or is this disregarding the social hierarchy?



Look at the answer I gave you above. It's not hostile to say "Really, we don't like to see it!" If you keep pressing on and on, yes, the answers might get less friendly. I also would like to point out that there is a FAQ where exactly that is mentioned. Don't you think it was a bit rude on your part to not read the FAQ?

If you perceive the answers as hostile, well that is your perception and we aren't responsible for your feelings, the only one being responsible for them would be you.

As for you being discouraged to ask the same question again - please look up the FAQ, because I guarantee you, that anywhere and on any board where you ask the question, the answers will be pretty much the same, because that is how women react to a stranger shoving up things his butt, the only place where you might get different answers would be if you ask gay guys, some of them might be interested in watching you.

It looks to me as if you were looking for a way to persuade women to watch you and you wanted us to give you the answers how to press their buttons and get them to watch your cam show. It's not happening because we don't have those buttons.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 7:44:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt

Okay... I am not trying to get any of you to watch me... Okay... And I think it about time that somebody acted like a petulant child:) Let´s just leave the ass fucking on cam discussion, and my profile, alone. Do I really not have a point when adressing the replies to my questions and replies the other questions being a bit on the hostile side?


There was no hostility, you aren't getting what you want, but that isn't hostile behaviour, the fact that I don't have a Porsche and I want one, it's not hostile behaviour on the part of Porsche or the people who sell them, it's down to that I don't have the cash! I don't have what they want in exchange for what I want. Simple!

Well, you brought up the ass fucking in a question here and it's important enough to dedicate a part of your profile to it, so obviously it is something that you find important. It's just as I tried to explain over and over again, women react different to guys. Most men will gladly watch a woman insert items into her on cam, it just doesn't work the other way round. I mean you can be angry about it and complain, but that won't change a thing, the positive approach would be to connect with a woman on another level than just your kink, you know treat her like a person, a human being, and THEN she might be inclined to watch you, no guarantee but I think you have a better chance this way.

ETA: Can I have cookie now for trying to be very patient and not mentioning frothy ferret, tree house and all that once?



altialt -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 7:49:15 AM)

I do not feel that I am not pressing you into anything, hopefully.... other than a discussion, which you luckily have taken up.. I am not saying that I would get other answers or more polite answers, maybe on a gay forum, but I am questioning how we adress each other. So yes I my feelings are my responsibility, and I off course could read the FAQ, but would that have helped me?

And I was not looking to find buttons which I can push to get woman to do what I want, those buttons, as you say, are probably not located through the screen. But origionaly I wasreally was interested in your opinion. I was just under the belive that even feelings online matter. I am of course to blame myself for how I perceive your replies, but now I am acting on my perceptions, as I assume you and others are to.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 7:53:09 AM)

Look, reading the FAQ would have helped a lot, try it...

Again, we haven't addressed you rudely, we told you pretty flat out why we aren't interested and we didn't sugar coat it much. But usually if somebody asks a question they want honest answers, how should we have addressed you "Kind Sir, we are frightfully uninterested watching you insert items up your anus, I hope that was helpful in your search..." Would that have made a difference?



altialt -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 8:04:39 AM)

No you probably have not adressed me rudely, because that is just how things are done on the internet and fora like this. I just saying that it might not be the best way to do it, becuase it does not leave much room for other oppinions than the established forum members. You would probably disagree but I do not think that I am the only one with this opinion. I just want to change this way of talking to eachother. And let´s just leave the discussion about my anus... But do you think their is no hold in the claim that the internet, including this forum, tends not to perceive the nicknames as human beings?

I will read the FAQ




LadyConstanze -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 8:24:35 AM)

I'm not the whole internet, but I see no reason to behave different there than in real life, unfortunately a lot of men behave quite differently and approach women on the internet in a very different fashion than they would do so in real life or outside of a kink site.

If you approach a woman with your kink, chances are that she won't be interested, unless your kink is 100% hers.

Look, all kind of different women have replied to you, some post more, some post less, so not everybody is "established" whatever that means, it is THEIR opinion, do you think a woman who gets off on watching some kink, let's call it X, wouldn't have dared to say "Yeah, I enjoy it!"

Some of the stuff I'm into, a lot of women on here aren't into, a lot of them are more into D/s dynamic, I quite enjoy being a sadist, not a secret that a lot of masochists aren't submissive, not a big deal - for me, a lot of ladies feel quite different. Personally I also don't mix sex and BDSM, I have 2 guys I regularly play with but I scratch their masochistic itch, and they scratch my sadistic one, I like them, otherwise I wouldn't want to play with them, but sex - that's something that happens with my husband. A lot of ladies here feel different about it, I have no problem with their approach, they have no problem with my approach, they don't live my life and I don't live theirs.

Does that answer your question?



altialt -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 8:41:27 AM)

Thank you for the answer..... I felt It was sincere of you. I know I might annoy you or some in here, but right now I felt like you gave an answer worth waiting for and with your answer I now see why I got the answers I did... I did not share enough information or enough of myself so to speak, so you had no real idea what to answer me other than the usual answer.. ( My opinion of course) So I have probably gotten what I deserved.. Thanks for sharing... In return I know you are right about the kink-approach is not very constructive for a man in my position:) I will try to explain - When writing a profile text or a question in a forum several factors are contributing to what I write: Hornyness ( which is often the standard in most forums, but after reading FAQ, maybe not in this forum), another factor is having curiosity in other people, curiosity in a bdsm-worldworld I do not know much of in real life, and learning from others experience.. These are but a few factors and I should have mad clear what my intentions were, although I had more than one. So my performed question should have been more elaborated. Maybe that would have sparred my feelings:) and maybe it would have made a more interesting topic than ass and cam?



LadyConstanze -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 8:52:57 AM)

I'm pretty sure it would have been a much more interesting discussion and a clearer one. And yup, trust me most of us get so many ass pictures in our mailbox, that the last thing we want to see is another ass (unless it's a cute donkey for a change)

As for posting or making a profile while you're horny, it's about the same as texting and posting while you're drunk - the next day you wish that there was this ap that would have so stopped you doing it...

There is this old rule about not going shopping when you're hungry, because you end up with a ton of overpriced stuff that you don't really need, so don't post when you're desperate ;)



VideoAdminChi -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 9:00:46 AM)

quote:

I am questioning how we adress each other.


That is beyond the scope of this thread and also not appropriate for the Ask a Mistress forum. You are welcome to start a thread about this in the Off Topic forum.

If you have any questions you may CMail me but please do not reply in this thread.



LadyPact -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 9:00:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt
What really is interesting is the norms most of the replies put on to other people (me in this case). As much as you assume that I assume things about you your roles as mistresses or dommes, as much do you assume about me. Their is little room for for error when questioning in this fora. Most replies seem to want to make the point that the raised question is so stupid or out of place that people thinking like this must not comprehend what sexuality is all about, or comprehend how women think. There is not much variation in the given answers, which would imply that there is a right kind of thought or sexuality and a wrong one. I did not expect this. In this fora there seems to be a circle of dommes who has agreed on a specific right norm of sexuality or understanding of the dominate women. It is very frustration trying to understand when all you get in return is replies that more or less state that subs or men thinking like this have it all wrong. Of course a close relation between man an woman either dom or sub is necessary, but is it really the whole truth that no woman would get of on watching a guy on cam? - I am not thinking about me in particular. In priciple I think that would leave the world a poorer place, where we all just want the same thing.

There's a disconnect going on here that I don't think you realize. I want you to ask yourself two questions:

* Would you have asked this same question on OKCupid?

* Would you walk up to a woman you didn't know on the street with the proposition of watching you engaged in sexual acts on cam?

If the answer to both of those questions is no, go a bit further and ponder why you wouldn't do that, but you'll do it here. Somewhere in your thought processes, you've come to the conclusion that women here are different than women you would be interacting with anywhere else. That is where the problem lies.

Personally, I don't care how other Dominant women do things. If I felt that I had to rely on back up or support from other people, not deciding things for Myself when it comes to My own practices of sexuality, I'd hang up the Domme title to begin with. I wouldn't care if people thought if I was the biggest prude on these boards because I prefer emotional attachment before sexual acts, rather than engaging in sexual acts to form some kind of emotional bond. (The latter is pretty much what I think you're trying to go for or hope that's how it works in some way.) If I'd have been the only person on this thread that said I wasn't interested in what you are hoping women are interested in, I wouldn't have cared if I was the singular opinion. We didn't all get together and hold some kind of meeting so we'd all respond in similar ways on the subject. I don't care how this works for other people. I care how it works for ME.

From a logical standpoint, a person has to wonder why darn near the only time around this joint that a woman is interested in watching a person they aren't involved with on cam is when a fee is involved. In other words, why did there become a market for it? The simplest answer to that is because of the balance of supply and demand. Thousands of males who want to be watched and relatively few women who are interested in watching. Viola! A market is born. Just like any other area where lots of people want a certain thing and not many people are interested in giving that certain thing for free.

As to the bit about how you expected more politeness, I don't think you really thought that one through. How polite do you think the answers would be if you walked up to women to ask this question in person? If you've got any social grace to you whatsoever, you wouldn't walk up to a group of women to ask this...... But you'll do it on the net. What does that say about who lowered the social norm first?





LadyConstanze -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 9:00:58 AM)

Btw. this reminded me of a thread in introductions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4646784/tm.htm

It also was turned around nicely and it was all in good fun. Maybe you want to try again? You know post a question about what you really want to know, maybe even introduce yourself, you as a person, at moment I think we know a lot more about your kink than we do know about you, and I don't know about the other women, but I guess they also feel the same way, it's much nicer to talk to somebody you can relate to as a person, than to "guy with fetish X"

Worth a try?



altialt -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 9:07:27 AM)

Okay I would not have pegged you for a donkey assloving kind of type, but you did mention something about some fetishes not all could follow:) ... (hopefully a clear sarcastic ovetone). Although It did not know that your mailbox was full of pictures of ass. Can not say the say for mine - but maybe related as it is filled with crap...;)

I learned many years ago the lesson about texting and drinking, it is a good comparison. I beleive there actually is an app that has that function... I am not a phone wiard so it is only rumor based..

Being desperate sometimes has it advantages, it forces you to act and later face the conseqvenses, but in general it may not leave you with the image you want. Or maybe it will:)




freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 9:31:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt
I am not trying to blame you for answering my question, I liked the answers just fine. But I just feel so much hostility which it really did not expect. Of course all people are entiteled to their own opinion, males, female and other categories, but reading some of those opinions surely would discourage me from asking questions again. IS this not a point worth mentioning?

I am not trying to get anybody to watch me on cam, now I am just making a statement about how some answers might be perceived as hostile. A new member can, in my mind, express his or her own opinion on equal footing with the established members in a forum, or is this disregarding the social hierarchy?

I think more than half your problem is purely the subject you are addressing, not the people.

It's a bit like someone saying they like to strangle little girls and get a sexual high whilst doing it.
And the question being.... do you think it would go well on live cam?

It don't take much to work out that most would be up in arms about it.
Not because of the question, or the person asking it.... it is the subject being asked about.
And why would people get their panties in a bunch over it and be hostile?
Because, on the "socially acceptable" scale, it's pretty much at the bottom of the pile and generally disliked - even amongst the most liberal-minded and kinky people.
An extreme example, yes; but used to show you where your kink sits in the grand scheme of things.

Your specific topic OP, is down that end of the scale. Simples! [:D]
Maybe mildly intriguing amongst some gay guys but hardly any women.


quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt
Of course a close relation between man an woman either dom or sub is necessary,

An assumption that just is not true.


quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt
but is it really the whole truth that no woman would get of on watching a guy on cam?

As a subject, it is pretty gross on the 'acceptable' scale, not sought after, and quite unpopular in general let alone women.
Just like a lot of guys think women get turned on by cock pics - generally they don't and actually dislike it.


quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt
Is this to please the sub, or do dom woman get anything out of watching a guy fuck himself in the ass? Just pure basic lust?

More like an abhorrent torn-OFF than lust.


quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt
I thought so:) It is up hill for many guys, so to speak:)

Not uphill... practically fucking vertical.


quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt
I believe making the transition into real life femdom relationship can be cultivated through cam play. Do you agreed?

Probably one of the worst and asinine presumptions made on these forums to date.
Answer: Abso-fucking-lutely not!!


I think you seriously need to re-think your kink and your assumptions about it and how to present it.
Clearly, most of the women on here have told you in no uncertain terms that it isn't the sort of thing they would want to watch, let alone enjoy watching it.
I'm not saying your kink, in and of itself is bad, just that the appeal-factor is very marginal at best and a lot smaller when aimed at your target audience.



altialt -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 9:36:36 AM)

Well I am not making a comparison with this forum being like the streets. I am learning right now, and I to have to stand of for what I put in this forum and that is what I am doing. Wether I am going for the sexual act or the relation, which is not stated anywhere. You seem offended? Is it not okay to pursuit the sexual act itself? - not saying that this is what I am doing, but granting that it might come of as such..



altialt -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 9:42:23 AM)

Okay I am not the bible:) but your analysis tends to grasp things out if it´s context. - As we all do:)

I just do things my way, but i seems like it is illegit....



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 10:10:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: altialt

Okay I am not the bible:) but your analysis tends to grasp things out if it´s context. - As we all do:)

I just do things my way, but i seems like it is illegit....

It was very much in context.
Your responses to the ladies on here telling you it isn't something that women (in general) like to watch amazed me.
And then you went on to say that the forums here are hostile.

What I'm telling you is the same as those ladies - your subject matter is not liked, as a subject.
But... like many people wrapped up in their kink, you find every way to side-swipe the answers.



altialt -> RE: Watching guys (3/3/2014 10:19:03 AM)

An in-context analysis it is not. I got the message from the replies the first time that is why, I change the subject matter. I tried very hard not to make this about my fetish. And side-swiping the answers takes a lot of time:)

I think I have learned something here, but I still think that many replies seems hostile, including yours, or are you not a bit annoyed at me?. Hostile might not be the right word, I am just trying describe a feeling of being on the defensive...



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