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Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 3:37:27 PM

Missokyst

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Very frequently here I see someone state there are many more men than women on kink sites. Or that because there are fewer women into this stuff we do, that it is pretty much a female advantage game. We get more mail, we get more interest and attention.
Is it really that it is a numbers game?
When I was running groups I noted that women outnumbered men by nearly 50%. When I did the AOL groups and chat forums there were always more women than men. In fact, men had it so good that they could easily acquire harems, or jump onto the poly train simply so that women had an available outlet to get their needs met. I have observed that in regular life in a non bdsm sense I see more women than men would show up on local searches. And when I am chatting with other females I hear a lot of moaning and groaning about how men no longer initiate things.
This leads me to wonder if there really are more men than women into kink.

What have you noticed? Apart from the early days of your joining CM, do you still get a ton of male from men seeking? In real people space if you attend kink functions do you notice more of one sex than the other?

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

Post #: 1

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 3:41:32 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
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I don't get near as much mail since I turned 50, which works for me because I'm not looking anyway.

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RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 3:42:52 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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I've never been seeking since I've been on CM, so I don't have my direct experience. But, I have had friends that have searched and found themselves to be overwhelmed.

In the SoCal communities, I find that the socials generally have more men than women. At the larger socials it's usually about a 3:1 ratio. At the social that used to happen at Sportsmen's Lodge, during the summer it would be about 200 people...and in one corner of the garden would be about 10 Dommes surrounded by about 50 men.

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Post #: 3

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 3:55:59 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
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From: Dusseldorf
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I think you need to be a little more specific versus just general BDSM. On the whole I would guess its a 50/50 or 60/40 split. But there are specific catagories where the women are far fewer then the men.

In the dynamic of Domme women to sub men, I have had the experience of about 50 to 1. Meaning that there was only 1 Domme woman for ever 50 submissive men there. Now this might be due to my location? And I rate this as being true even before the internet. The personals magazines would have far more sub men looking versus Domme women. But even if you use CM, search Domme women in Cincinnati, and then search sub men. You will see the number for yourself. I am excluding the team viewer and cam Dommes from my number though as I do not consider them trew Dommes :)

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Post #: 4

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 3:58:48 PM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
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As a male i think many of us are jaded at least the submissives it seems that if you are a Dominant man you can find any number of willing partners.
I say jaded because at least for myself it has been pretty much like bashing my head against a stone wall.
Either Domme's i contact are looking for someone younger or better looking or who can support them in the manor they wish or they are just not looking and so far the Male Dominants aren't much better.
A couple have traded msgs back and forth a few times and then poof nothing further.
That or i get the "on your knees and suck it" types.
Even with the "on your knees" ones i stay as polite and respectful as i am with anyone else... unless they won't take no for an answer.
I just want to find a Dominant i can serve and make happy who actually cares about me and my needs.
So far i have had no luck but i am planning to become more active in the local community so maybe that will help.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 4:16:30 PM

myotherself

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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I've made it clear on my profile that I'm not looking and now it's very rare that some dimbot who is too stoopid to read my profile will approach me.

However, I stuffed up last week and lost my password to my cm account. Because of problems with my registered email address too, I was locked out for a day or so. To get in touch with admin I set up a second account. Totally blank except to say it was a 'placeholder' cos I'd been locked out of my main account, and I didn't tick any of the 'looking for' boxes.

Within a day I had 4 pages of messages. Of those pages, there were maybe 3 from guys that seemed to be looking for something other than a quick shag or wank fodder.

So yeah, I think the quantity is there, but the quality is sadly lacking.

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There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 4:25:44 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I think in real life events, vanilla or kink, there are more women because women are far more proactive.

Online, It's more men, since it's so easy to just sit there.

I went to a vanilla event a few years with a friend who ended up dancing all night with a divorced guy.

They seemed to really hit it off.

When we were leaving, she asked him to exchange phone numbers and he said, oh, just look me up on match.com and write me.

She was so upset and I said, he would rather sit home on match then see you again.

You are losing nothing.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 4:27:58 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Oh I know.. sadly for you gentlemen the ratio is a lot fewer female dominants to male submissives. That is kind of a given and somewhat understandable because it is a fairly recent thing in the spectrum of time that women have become more take charge personas. Adding in people who want to get money for doing this stuff ups the numbers but not really the odds.

But in this case I am referring to female subs out numbering the male dominant, both here and in real space. I see more women seeking to submit than I see males to accomodate. Unless you add in those who are just doing this for that BJ in the parking lot at Starbucks.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

I think you need to be a little more specific versus just general BDSM. On the whole I would guess its a 50/50 or 60/40 split. But there are specific catagories where the women are far fewer then the men.

In the dynamic of Domme women to sub men, I have had the experience of about 50 to 1. Meaning that there was only 1 Domme woman for ever 50 submissive men there. Now this might be due to my location? And I rate this as being true even before the internet. The personals magazines would have far more sub men looking versus Domme women. But even if you use CM, search Domme women in Cincinnati, and then search sub men. You will see the number for yourself. I am excluding the team viewer and cam Dommes from my number though as I do not consider them trew Dommes :)

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to mummyman321)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 6:03:13 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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Remind me to check those out if I ever get to move back to so cal.
lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I've never been seeking since I've been on CM, so I don't have my direct experience. But, I have had friends that have searched and found themselves to be overwhelmed.

In the SoCal communities, I find that the socials generally have more men than women. At the larger socials it's usually about a 3:1 ratio. At the social that used to happen at Sportsmen's Lodge, during the summer it would be about 200 people...and in one corner of the garden would be about 10 Dommes surrounded by about 50 men.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 6:10:29 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
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Status: offline

Why don't you ask the mods to look in their database and give you a count by gender?

Butch

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Post #: 10

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 7:27:56 PM

MisterP61

Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61
As a male i think many of us are jaded at least the submissives it seems that if you are a Dominant man you can find any number of willing partners.

I don't think I got this memo. Would you please email it to Me?

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 8:03:33 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Hmm.. this fits in with what my friends have been saying all along, that men no longer initiate things. It IS easier to sit and wait.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I think in real life events, vanilla or kink, there are more women because women are far more proactive.

Online, It's more men, since it's so easy to just sit there.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 8:06:16 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Hmm.. you know I have never made any inquiry from a mod. lol have no clue how to make that happen so anyone who knows how, can I get some mod input here? What is the ratio of male to female members here?
Of course, that tally will be wildly skewed by pro dom, and people pretending to be another gender.
*sigh*

quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

Why don't you ask the mods to look in their database and give you a count by gender?

Butch

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 8:49:06 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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It's not that (as someone suggested) it's "easier for men to just sit there".

For many, many years, I have been a huge believer that it is the dominant's "job" to go about their business, live their life, interact socially and if a submissive has some interest, they will find a way to let the dominant know.

I think it sort of is a gender thing. I think for all the advances in our society, I still hear ladies saying: "Oh! I'll never make a 'first move'. It isn't lady-like." I say: poop on that. Of course, this depends upon how we're defining "first move" but, I am speaking in the context of that first little ice breaker (and then, the actual cementing of the D/s dynamic).

It is the submissive who (at some point) offers themselves to the dominant. It is solely their choice to make and no one should rush that choice.

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RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 9:04:00 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

It's not that (as someone suggested) it's "easier for men to just sit there".

For many, many years, I have been a huge believer that it is the dominant's "job" to go about their business, live their life, interact socially and if a submissive has some interest, they will find a way to let the dominant know.

I think it sort of is a gender thing. I think for all the advances in our society, I still hear ladies saying: "Oh! I'll never make a 'first move'. It isn't lady-like." I say: poop on that. Of course, this depends upon how we're defining "first move" but, I am speaking in the context of that first little ice breaker (and then, the actual cementing of the D/s dynamic).

It is the submissive who (at some point) offers themselves to the dominant. It is solely their choice to make and no one should rush that choice.

None of this resonance with me. I have had dommes approach me. As far as "offering themselves," I think that's BS. Like any other relationship, it has to be mutual.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 9:11:16 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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Y

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

This leads me to wonder if there really are more men than women into kink.

Using online forums and such as a gauge for this is alittle more than deceiving. I been to a lot of lifestyle events and I find for the most part it's pretty close to the same that it's not particularly obvious if one sex is more numerous than the other. Though there does appear to be a slight edge to women numbers... Well... Unless you are at a gay leather men's event ;). I thing the numbers out in the community are affected for a few reasons.

I have notice that single men don't tend to come to events alone compared to women.

Gay males couples are less likely to come to pansexual events than gay female couples.

Poly dynamics generally are much more weighted to have the majority as female over male.

Now does this mean their are more females than males that are kinky. Mmmmm maybe in the hetro world there is a more active females than males. But I believe their is a lot of males that are just not taking the jump. As much has the male dominance seems to rain supreme in some men's eyes. I find women on this score are much more active and aggressive in living this lifestyle than men.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 16

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 10:03:55 PM

Missokyst

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Status: offline

I can say that for myself, the first move is just smiling at the right time, nodding while a small smirk escapes me at the utterance of an inappropriate remark, or an subconscious sigh or moan happens when someone makes a power move. What ever it is, men have caught on to the D/s dance all my life, it is as much a part of me as the mole on my eyebrow.
So yeah, in a way ladies sometimes do make the first move even if it is not planned.
And as far as women being active and aggressive in this lifestyle I tend to agree. But I am not sure if that is because they are trying to find a relationship, or if it is the way we are trained by our mothers to get things done.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
if a submissive has some interest, they will find a way to let the dominant know.

I think it sort of is a gender thing. I think for all the advances in our society, I still hear ladies saying: "Oh! I'll never make a 'first move'. It isn't lady-like." I say: poop on that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
As much has the male dominance seems to rain supreme in some men's eyes. I find women on this score are much more active and aggressive in living this lifestyle than men.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 10:42:52 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm just going to say that moving to Alaska is the best thing that's happened to My inbox since I've been a member here.

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Post #: 18

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/21/2014 10:50:22 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

This leads me to wonder if there really are more men than women into kink.

In my experience, plenty of women are kinky, but they don't advertise it. I have met many kinky women on vanilla sites who, according to their profiles and answers to question on places like okcupid, weren't interested in kink at all. In fact, I think it's much easier to meet kinky women on vanilla sites that kink sites.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it really a numbers game? - 2/22/2014 8:23:40 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I do think there are a lot more kinky people out there in general women in particular, maybe because of the bodice rippers most of us grew up reading.
What influences males? What ever it was I don't think it had anything to do with pursuit of women. Perhaps porn keeps people at home rather than sending them out to find something of their own.

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

This leads me to wonder if there really are more men than women into kink.

In my experience, plenty of women are kinky, but they don't advertise it. I have met many kinky women on vanilla sites who, according to their profiles and answers to question on places like okcupid, weren't interested in kink at all. In fact, I think it's much easier to meet kinky women on vanilla sites that kink sites.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 20

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