RE: I extend a challenge

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LadyConstanze -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 1:40:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 OP you must be new to the internet and concept of free speech and tone. Your sensitivity is nice, but you might have to dial it back a notch if you want to read message boards. The only online forum where everyone is complete sweetness and light is my cancer support site and even there, some woman called me vain for utilizing a method to save my hair during chemo. So give me a break. Completely OT, but if you're doing chemo, stock up on candied ginger, will help greatly with the nausea plus the sharpness will make you thirsty and you'll drink more and avoid dehydration.

ResidentSadist -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 1:42:25 PM)
I agree that there are positive ways to give your opinion. It takes firm and Zen like mindset to hold that perspective . . . very hard to do. Even you said "I'll come short of calling it flat-out bullying, but honestly, this is currently a golf course with members you wouldn't want to play one hole with, much-less eighteen." Why call us bullies when you could have just pointed out a positive course of action instead of identifying the negative. I like your challenge but fear I cannot live up to any better than you can.

sexyred1 -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 1:52:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 OP you must be new to the internet and concept of free speech and tone. Your sensitivity is nice, but you might have to dial it back a notch if you want to read message boards. The only online forum where everyone is complete sweetness and light is my cancer support site and even there, some woman called me vain for utilizing a method to save my hair during chemo. So give me a break. Completely OT, but if you're doing chemo, stock up on candied ginger, will help greatly with the nausea plus the sharpness will make you thirsty and you'll drink more and avoid dehydration. Thanks, any chemo tips are most welcome!

DesFIP -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 1:56:58 PM)
And what you call being nice, I may well consider being mealy mouthed. What I call blunt, you call harsh. Do you want a doctor to wrap the truth about with sugar coatings or do you want unvarnished truth? Because if you ask for advice I am going to assume you really want it and are able to take it. If you just want to be told that you're right, then ask for sympathy. Once. Since when you do the same thing repeatedly while complaining about getting the same result repeatedly, you lose the right of other people feeling sympathetic. I get it op. You like to think of yourself as an adult but really aren't. You want everyone to coddle you. I don't do that to my kids, because it doesn't help them. I'm sure as hell not going to coddle some stranger who thinks he has the right to dictate what everyone else online says. Honestly, you aren't capable of hearing plain truth. You shouldn't be on the internet.

LadyConstanze -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 1:57:33 PM)
http://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatmentsandsideeffects/complementaryandalternativemedicine/herbsvitaminsandminerals/ginger http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/chemotherapy/expert-answers/ginger-for-nausea/faq-20057891 A friend who recently went through a double mastectomy said the medical MJ also helped a great deal, she first thought I was nuts when I told her about ginger, she didn't like the ginger tea but loved the candied ginger.

sexyred1 -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 2:00:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Diore You know what, I really didn't intend for this be a projectile towards anyone personally. Certainly I define cynicism and reality much differently than many of you do, and perhaps it's because of a privileged life. I disagree vehemently with many of the sentiments and philosophies above, and many of them are the original reason for this posting. That said, if I quoted philosophy or such, I'd be essentially doing the same thing. Someone even got very defensive and took this thread as a negative criticism, declaring it an oxymoron. I can't say that that isn't one way of looking at it; however, it was intended to be constructive criticism. I don't plan on getting to know any of you. I really don't see why in the world I would want to aside from those who have written me since. I find this to be a hostile environment that enables itself. All that considered, I'd be a fool if I thought any of you were genuinely bad or malicious people. I don't. Blatherskites? Certainly. Arrogant? Perhaps a few, but I don't have enough to make that judgment. The entirety of the point was to focus on what is good about people and the world, but this has been a complete, abject failure. I've met some horrible people in life, too, but I assume there are reasons they're that way and I figure somewhere in them is a part of me that's worthy of my respect. So I'm a foolish apologist by admission who by no means has any sort of divine insight or wizardry to speak of. You all can do what you like and see the original post however you choose--perhaps it was coarsely worded--but this is not where and how it was meant to go. I'd rather be stabbed in the back a million times believing in someone wrongly than living with beliefs that condemned any significant portion of humans. Good for you on having had a "privileged life". One thing I have seen in such people, is that their views of the world are rather myopic and often, over idealistic, which makes them ripe for disappointment. You can choose to broaden your perspective of how life works or stay isolated in a protective shell. Keep me in mind though, that you are more likely to get your shell broken than to branch out and that, ironically, would enable YOU to possess the empathy you have been asking for on these boards.

DomKen -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 2:38:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Honestly, you aren't capable of hearing plain truth. You shouldn't be on the internet. This. I'd much rather get the straight truth no matter how harsh than platitudes and comforting lies.

kdsub -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 2:45:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Diore You know what, I really didn't intend for this be a projectile towards anyone personally. Certainly I define cynicism and reality much differently than many of you do, and perhaps it's because of a privileged life. I disagree vehemently with many of the sentiments and philosophies above, and many of them are the original reason for this posting. That said, if I quoted philosophy or such, I'd be essentially doing the same thing. Someone even got very defensive and took this thread as a negative criticism, declaring it an oxymoron. I can't say that that isn't one way of looking at it; however, it was intended to be constructive criticism. I don't plan on getting to know any of you. I really don't see why in the world I would want to aside from those who have written me since. I find this to be a hostile environment that enables itself. All that considered, I'd be a fool if I thought any of you were genuinely bad or malicious people. I don't. Blatherskites? Certainly. Arrogant? Perhaps a few, but I don't have enough to make that judgment. The entirety of the point was to focus on what is good about people and the world, but this has been a complete, abject failure. I've met some horrible people in life, too, but I assume there are reasons they're that way and I figure somewhere in them is a part of me that's worthy of my respect. So I'm a foolish apologist by admission who by no means has any sort of divine insight or wizardry to speak of. You all can do what you like and see the original post however you choose--perhaps it was coarsely worded--but this is not where and how it was meant to go. I'd rather be stabbed in the back a million times believing in someone wrongly than living with beliefs that condemned any significant portion of humans. Then be yourself... follow you convictions... but don't expect everyone to agree and follow your lead because you think it right. We all have a style... if yours is to be non-confrontational and you can carry it off and still be relevant then I will admire you... but I will continue to be me thank you. Butch

LadyPact -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 3:23:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Diore To the old adage, "Don't say anything if you don't have something nice to say," which is of a certain perspective and opinion, I'd like to challenge everyone to try and follow suit. What I've read numerous times and defended as, "I was being me... I was being blunt... I was being helpful in my own way... ," I say is just years of poor social practice. I'm certain that some of you are going to be more acerbic and sardonic in personality--no one is telling you not to be yourselves. Instead what I would be asking is to address topics with constructive criticisms rather than rash judgments and cruel, nonsensical cynicism. If you cannot see the other person's perspective by any stretch, then you've failed at "helping" already. There are always more positive ways to give your opinion and then leave it be; some posters simply aren't going to heed good advice regardless of how beneficial it may be. What bothers me is the attention by way of derision that commonly follows in many threads with ongoing rebuttals. There was a posting about retaining new posters: why on Earth would someone want to participate in the active "posse law" that commonly overtakes threads? I'll come short of calling it flat-out bullying, but honestly, this is currently a golf course with members you wouldn't want to play one hole with, much-less eighteen. I'm on the thread that inspired this one. I wasn't "nice". I told dude to knock off the crap. As a leather person, I'm kind of familiar with those who expect everything their own way because of the seniority that they hold. They want to stand on their own laurels whether they have earned them or not. I've got no problem respecting My elders or those who've paved the way. However, I'm not going to go with every self proclaimed three decades in the lifestyle for Me to see it. This is one area that BDSM folks and leather folks can come together. With the advent of the internet, some folks puff up their own chests more than they deserve. There are insta Masters and insta leather and I hear it's the same thing in Gorean circles. I can't even give that other OP the recognition of top's disease. If a person's got it, they'd better be able to prove it over and above words typed on a screen. I'm actually not in the category that is concerned about retaining new posters. I'm from an era where (some) people came into this thing before they were on the net. The net is a cake walk compared to the folks who had to be committed to wanting this thing. If we can/could do this stuff where we had to make a greater effort than a forum post, I think those on the internet will do alright. Speaking of the net, how's that WoW thing going?

igor2003 -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 3:33:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I get it op. You like to think of yourself as an adult but really aren't. You want everyone to coddle you. I don't do that to my kids, because it doesn't help them. I'm sure as hell not going to coddle some stranger who thinks he has the right to dictate what everyone else online says. Honestly, you aren't capable of hearing plain truth. You shouldn't be on the internet. Actually, I don't think you do get it. I didn't see anywhere that the OP said anything about wanting to be coddled. Can you point it out? All he said, basically, was, "Wouldn't it be nice if..." and proceeded to offer a challenge. A challenge, which unsurprisingly most people seemed to fail. Actually, that isn't quite true. To fail you have to at least try, and most here didn't have enough self discipline for that. And nowhere did he ask for, or say he expected the truth to be sugar coated. But I am curious...exactly where is it written that the truth has to be delivered in a harsh, cold, or uncaring way? It's interesting that a number of people mentioned how the people here are all adults, yet so many of these "adults" have no more tact, diplomacy, or self-discipline than a 7 year old schoolyard bully. Oh well. Carry on with your bad selves.

anniezz338 -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 4:15:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Diore To the old adage, "Don't say anything if you don't have something nice to say," which is of a certain perspective and opinion, I'd like to challenge everyone to try and follow suit. What I've read numerous times and defended as, "I was being me... I was being blunt... I was being helpful in my own way... ," I say is just years of poor social practice. I'm certain that some of you are going to be more acerbic and sardonic in personality--no one is telling you not to be yourselves. Instead what I would be asking is to address topics with constructive criticisms rather than rash judgments and cruel, nonsensical cynicism. If you cannot see the other person's perspective by any stretch, then you've failed at "helping" already. There are always more positive ways to give your opinion and then leave it be; some posters simply aren't going to heed good advice regardless of how beneficial it may be. What bothers me is the attention by way of derision that commonly follows in many threads with ongoing rebuttals. There was a posting about retaining new posters: why on Earth would someone want to participate in the active "posse law" that commonly overtakes threads? I'll come short of calling it flat-out bullying, but honestly, this is currently a golf course with members you wouldn't want to play one hole with, much-less eighteen. Hello pot, kettle here. I've got something to tell you.... I see your post not as a challenge but as stirring the pot. Your post attacks us like you say we attack others. Yet when we chime in with our own opinions, we are the "bad guys" yet again. I'm not understanding why you are not starting more positive threads rather than controversial threads like this one. Kinda makes you part of the problem, no?

MisterP61 -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 4:28:31 PM)
Here is some constructive criticism for you. Why don't you stop trying to make everyone like you? I would much rather deal with these other arrogant blatherskites as you call them. Why? Because they are going to tell Me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear. I for one will not stop being Myself. We don't see it the way you do and you resort to name calling. Mighty rich of you to lower yourself to our level and give us your all mighty time and opinions.

kdsub -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 4:53:53 PM)
quote: Actually, I don't think you do get it. I didn't see anywhere that the OP said anything about wanting to be coddled. Can you point it out? All he said, basically, was, "Wouldn't it be nice if..." and proceeded to offer a challenge. A challenge, which unsurprisingly most people seemed to fail. Actually, that isn't quite true. To fail you have to at least try, and most here didn't have enough self discipline for that. And nowhere did he ask for, or say he expected the truth to be sugar coated. But I am curious...exactly where is it written that the truth has to be delivered in a harsh, cold, or uncaring way? It's interesting that a number of people mentioned how the people here are all adults, yet so many of these "adults" have no more tact, diplomacy, or self-discipline than a 7 year old schoolyard bully. Oh well. Carry on with your bad selves. How funny igor... you sound just like us... you know disdain and satire.... oh I forgot... you're different... it's just us "most people here"... I think I'll just carry on. I'm really not trying to be a smart ass igor... just pointing out something you may not be seeing. Butch

OsideGirl -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 5:47:36 PM)
This reminds me of a story in the news in the past few days. Oceanside Municipal Airport has been in existence since the 1950s. At that time there were no houses nearby. In the 1980's a development was built up the hill from the airport.(We lived in that development for 2 years) Then in the early 2000's real estate boom houses were built directly behind the airport. Now, the people that live behind the airport are trying to close the airport because it's too loud. That airport was in existence long before those houses were built. They saw the airport when they drove into that development to look at the house for the very first time. They bought the house knowing it was next to an airport. Now, they expect the airport to change. These forums have been around since the start of this site 2004 (?). They have developed their own culture. And rather than determining that the culture here isn't for you, you have set out on a quest to change the culture to suit you. The reality is that it's not gonna happen and lecturing us on what you want to happen will only lead to frustration on your part and ours.

DaddySatyr -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 5:51:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl These forums have been around since the start of this site 2004 (?). They have developed their own culture. And rather than determining that the culture here isn't for you, you have set out on a quest to change the culture to suit you. The reality is that it's not gonna happen and lecturing us on what you want to happen will only lead to frustration on your part and ours. I agree with you that reality tells us that things probably won't change but is it wrong for a community member (new though they may be) to voice an opinion about how a change might better the site? Lately, there have been some threads that talk about CM/CC's reputation and I have found myself nodding in agreement (I've been around since '06).

OsideGirl -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 6:00:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I agree with you that reality tells us that things probably won't change but is wrong for a community member (new though they may be) to voice an opinion about how a change might better the site? Lately, there have been some threads that talk about CM/CC's reputation and I have found myself nodding in agreement (I've been around since '06). Actually, I think it's great when it's done constructively. But, OP in this case is presenting his position by taking backhanded swipes at the forum members. That's not constructive. If anything it comes across as stirring the pot and self righteous. I really felt that the two big threads we had were done with a genuine desire to help change the atmosphere and it had valid ideas for doing so. I even think that the threads had some effect here.

VideoAdminChi -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 6:11:05 PM)
Yes, staff made simple changes while the retention thread was running and have bigger changes in the works. Currently, the Introduce Yourself forum is supposed to be a no-snark zone and we remove snarky posts from it all the time. We're going to be expanding that section. However, suggestions that will allow new posters to have a more positive experience, such as letting them know that the text formatting they are using is hard to read, are welcome. Also, the "I Admit" thread is not officially non-snarky, but that is the culture there. Additionally, when there is a tragedy like a school shooting and posters want to start a thread for grieving in Off Topic, we staff send posters who want to make it political to Politics & Religion.

LafayetteLady -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/23/2014 9:19:27 PM)
The idea we are a collective, clique, posse or whatever is ridiculous, yet some people claim it all the time. Could it be possible that many of us who have been here for a long time (myself since 2004 in some incarnation or other) have shared values and opinions about certain things? By shared I mean common, not that we all got together to share those thoughts and come to an agreed stance. Are ther sometimes advice given from a misperceived concept? Sure, but more often than not, it is the person starting the thread who purposely left out information to try to sway advice to their liking. Sometimes people just mistakenly leave things out. Others simply can't communicate their point. For example, there is a thread going where the OP asked a question about their relationship. He was given some good advice. However, as the thread continued, more information revealed that the "relationship" was a pro/clinet situaltion. No one bit his head off, but it drastically changed the advice/opinions he received. Some people (sadly usually women well over 21) need to be clearly told that BDSM is a facet of relationships and that common sense doesn't get left at the door just because they check a box saying they are an "s" type. Then we have those who ask for advie for every little thing in their life, yet have every excuse why the advice is no good. If the least they get is snark, they should be grateful. They are drama llamas and usually just seeking attention We have one poster who has been here for quite a while. She has significant problems (I do have her permission to speak about her and in her behalf). Many of us long time members are well aware of her problems. Some of us try to be helpful, some just snark, others a combination of the two. She can be incredibly frustrating, and I am someone who has done much to help her. But that frustation can get the better of us. She gets a lot of defense because many of us realize the extent of her issues and that her mental capacity is limited. She hasn't been around for a couple weeks and I (and I'm sure some otthers) hope that's because she is following our advice and is getting help. However, few here have here limited capacity, so slack is what is limited. Should we sugar coat our feelings about people who are cheating on their spouses who think that because of BDSM feel we have no morals or values? OP, if that's what you want to do, feel free. I won't molly coddle someone who is dishonest. I don't handle ignorance with kid gloves either. What I really dislike the most is what OSide pointed out. This site has been functionaly sucessful for quite some time. Many things have changed over the years, but one ting has been consisten... newcomers who keep crying that we are a bunch of meanies who chase away new people. We don't chase them away, they get the unvarnished truth in several different forms. We have those who are as ttruthful as they can be while being kind; those who do nothing but snark or joke, and some who bluntly state what's on there mind. Of and everything in bewteen. You my young OP are in that middle ground, passively agressive. You make very disparaging staement about the lot of us, but talk about how we should all try to be kinder, more supportive. Really, when someone says they dislike all of us, would never want to play golf or meet us in person, why would we want to hear anything you have to say?

Domnotlooking -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/24/2014 9:29:20 AM)
More often than not, people with 10,000+ plus posts on a board adopt a proprietary/ownership stance that is often at odds with fundamental reality. They feel that there are 2 standards of conduct: one for the regulars and one for whatever hapless new person wanders in. They have disappeared up their own internet asses. It aint personal. You just have to either put in your several thousand posts, develop a thick skin, or just laugh at their goofy hubris and enjoy life. Best of luck to Sexyred. Astralgus, a chinese herb is worth a look too.

Rule -> RE: I extend a challenge (2/24/2014 10:18:15 AM)
FR I do not mind the opening post. I am interested in the psychology of people and the opening post shows me some of the psychology of the opening poster. That was the strong point of the vanilla ice cream cone: all of them enraged or disturbed new members who protested against the cone and thereby showed their inner selves. I have the posts of about one hundred nicks on Hide and that has removed the posts of a lot of bothersome or obnoxious people from my sight. No doubt nearly all people on here are far more human than I am. [sm=alien.gif]

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