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RE: Am I too young? - 2/27/2014 8:07:16 PM

Villanite

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: Villanite
Status: offline

Thank you, everyone. I really appreciate the feedback and will definitely take it to heart.

If anything, I'd like to apologize for being so whiny. :p

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Post #: 21

RE: Am I too young? - 2/28/2014 3:11:37 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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What they all said. Plus some hope.

I got married the day I turned 20. I had my own home, and I was working full time as a police dispatcher, mostly around people who were 20-40 years my senior. I was also a carer for my elderly grandparents because none of their children lived nearby. Most people at that age were still dating around, going out clubbing in the weekends, working entry level jobs or waitressing through college. I did feel sort of out-of-sync with everyone else. I was a bit of an oddity in my peer group. But what they were doing wasn't wrong - they were doing what they needed to do to become fully formed adults. Mine had just happened a bit quicker than them mostly through accidents of circumstance. It's easy to congratulate myself for being so mature so quickly, but it makes as much sense as congratulating a ten-month-old for being the first one at baby club to learn to walk. People are just different.

I know it's frustrating when you're waiting for everyone else to catch up but they do. And when they do, you won't be special any more. I'm 27. Pretty much everyone I graduated high school with is now in the same stage of life. They all have houses, families, careers, responsibilities. It will happen to your peers too, very soon. Since you are ahead of them, you can stay ahead by using this time to be awesome. Cultivate hobbies and interests which get you mixing with people from other social groups. Read a lot. Travel. Date around so you get some relationship experience. Notice your own flaws and work on them. That way you will stay ahead of the curve and when people stop thinking of you as 'too young' you will be one great guy that everyone is interested in.

You're young, but you're only going to get older. Think how much worse it must be when everyone thinks you're too old - that's only going to get worse. And there are others out there in the same stage as you, you just need to keep looking and keep positive.

And honestly, get out into the community. Men outnumber the women on this site, so it's hard to stand out. Add to that most people will filter the profiles by their desired age range, so lots of women won't even see yours. When someone meets you at a munch and thinks 'wow, he's nice and so mature' and THEN learns your age, it's less likely to be an issue than if they see 'male dominant, 23' and just hit 'next profile' before finding out all your good qualities.

P.S. I totally thought that since I was mature and responsible I was ready to jump right into D/s. I was not. You might learn that you're not as ready as you think, either. There are different types of maturity. Mature enough to handle bills and work is a good start, but mature enough for endless trust and power exchange is a whole different thing. There's no shame in dating, playing at parties and experimenting to work out exactly what you need and can offer in terms of D/s.

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Post #: 22

RE: Am I too young? - 2/28/2014 10:14:49 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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To the OP...

This is fucking gold dust...

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I looked at your profile. Yep, it shows you as being young. You're not self-aware and sound like a disaffected kid, not a computer professional with a career like you self-described.

1. Your main pic shows that you never thought about what your pic should do for you. You don't look happy, and the camera angle is weird.
2. Your profile starts off whining about the fakes on the site, and it says that you're losing motivation.
3. "I don't think I can count how many times I've updated this profile..." again, sounds tired and complaining.
4. "Yes, I have goals in my life, plans, turn ons and turn offs. But what's the point of putting all that here, anyway?" Why the heck would you put that there? If your post here says you want to share vanilla moments, why not describe the vanilla you?

Your journal entries aren't happy, either. The post above describes you better and in a more positive light than your profile does.

Try something like this:

Hi! I'm Villanite! I work as a programmer, and my hobbies include going to comedy shows and clubs, and I LOVE music. And if you have tattoos, tell me about yours and I'll tell you about mine.

I'm half Cuban, and I speak Spanish a little. If you speak it too, I'd love to get some practice in.

I'm looking for a sub or switch woman with a career, a good head on her shoulders - like a female sub version of myself.

Cheery, informative. Wimmins LOVE conversation, and a conversational tone works well.

Welcome to the site!

I have met people in their early 20's who were way mature enough to be dom (or sun for that matter - I think both sides of the kneel require a certain level of maturity).

Your profile doesn't show that though. That isn't to say you're not mature enough, just that your profile doesn't demonstrate it.

Take DarkSteven's advice.

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Post #: 23

RE: Am I too young? - 2/28/2014 10:17:02 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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Hey, if you respond to criticism like that for the rest of your life, you're going to do very well... and not just with the laydeez!

<tips hat>

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Post #: 24

RE: Am I too young? - 2/28/2014 6:17:36 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Villanite

I wasn't sure whether I should put this under the Ask a Master/Ask a Mistress or the Ask a Sub/Slave section... So I'll just put it here.

I'm 23 years old and since the age of 17 have been working professionally around adults who are 30+ as a programmer. I'm very used to being surrounded by adults older than myself and because of it have more or less mentally matured more than the people my age around where I live. However, despite this, my age still seems to play a factor in my search for a sub. Many subs are looking for older partners, my age tends to turn some of them off and it's slightly disheartening. I have a job, a house and a car, so far I've done well for myself and yet people simply look at the number of my age.

So... I guess I'm just wondering if I'm too young to be hopeful of finding a sub who I can relate with in those vanilla moments. I feel like a lot of subs my age are in it simply for the sexual excitement. Obviously, this plays a big role in the life style, but I can't help but think that many of them are still turned off or just scared by the idea of anything long term or emotionally committed. The way I see a relationship between a Dom and sub is a relationship of pure, limitless trust. Is this just a delusion of mine, am I fishing in the wrong sea, or am I just being pessimistic and/or impatient?

You're 23.

There are a LOT of subs older and younger than you, all available for your discretion.

Chill.

You're 23.

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Post #: 25

RE: Am I too young? - 2/28/2014 6:57:29 PM

MisterAdonis

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Joined: 2/22/2014
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You are both young and inexperienced. You should focus on training yourself and honing your skills and more importantly ENJOYING yourself. You seemed to be too hung up on finding a lasting relationship and at our age that isn't likely to happen. so like I said, Focus on bettering yourself and have fun with it. I am a dom and a switch and I couldn't care less about being in a relationship right now, I have casual sex with no strings attached. I need to focus on myself and my needs and not be hung up on relationships and you do too.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

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Post #: 26

RE: Am I too young? - 2/28/2014 7:04:27 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
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Just remember, life is a journey. It is not always about the destination, but how one gets there. Unless you have a terminal disease that is going to statistically shorten your life, I would go with the assumption that you have a long life ahead (ave lifespan in the U.S. is 78). So I think you have time to explore, and time to be patient as you search. Life has a way of providing opportunity when one is ready for it…….

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Post #: 27

RE: Am I too young? - 2/28/2014 7:45:21 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

Just remember, life is a journey. It is not always about the destination, but how one gets there. Unless you have a terminal disease that is going to statistically shorten your life, I would go with the assumption that you have a long life ahead (ave lifespan in the U.S. is 78). So I think you have time to explore, and time to be patient as you search. Life has a way of providing opportunity when one is ready for it…….

When the student calls......

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 2/28/2014 8:39:20 PM >

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Post #: 28

RE: Am I too young? - 3/1/2014 5:57:17 AM

ryushu

Posts: 31
Joined: 2/7/2013
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Age in this case is a matter of both personality, experience and mindset. Just by your question, you reveal that you are not really a dominant. I suspect your question is more self-examination.

In my experience, men who ask questions like yours are often insecure and feel they are an unmoored boat, adrift.

Most wannabes look at the D/s relationship and imagine Big Bad Dom say and good submissive do, but it is rarely like it is in the movies.

Dominants are taking on the responsibility for guiding and deciding for two and the waters are distinctly uncharted.

If you feel this is your calling, then do a few things first: study anatomy. This is the core to any sexual relationship.

Next, study psychology and focus on sexuality and find those voices which give you conflicting points of view.

Then study the different equipment and I think at this point you will find yourself more likely drawn to the submissive, which is unsettling in its own way, because you will be giving your complete trust to another, either a domitrix or a master to lead you and your wife.

BTW, your occupation is telling to me, and this might be skewed because I have worked with a number of computer programmers. Generally, these men prefer to be observers and those who serve the brain.

Now your letter couldn't have had less real information, so this advice might be 180 degrees off.
But I suspect I am closer to the truth than not.

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Post #: 29