How important is security in a D/s relationship

How important is security in a D/s relationship (Full Version)

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Blueswordsman -> How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 5:31:29 AM)
Is security in a D/s relationship as important love, sexual satisfaction or the desire to serve? Or more?

LadyConstanze -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 6:02:25 AM)
Wouldn't that depend on the individual?

LafayetteLady -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 9:32:04 AM)
The importance of security in a BDSM relationship is as important as in any relationship and as LC says, depends on the individuals.

crazyml -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 9:36:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady The importance of security in a BDSM relationship is as important as in any relationship and as LC says, depends on the individuals. Yup

Sirspassion -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 12:38:33 PM)
To me the security comes from a mutual agreement of the intent and commitment to the relationship whether D/s or not. In a relationship with assumed boundaries/goals/desires intentions, security is also assumed. I think security is more important in a poorly defined relationship if power dynamics are involved because of the depth of assumed trust. imho.

ARIES83 -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 1:07:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman Is security in a D/s relationship as important love, sexual satisfaction or the desire to serve? Or more? With that question. The first thing that stands out to me, as it seems it does to most of the posters so far, is that every person and every relationship, is different. Although, I think people are underrating the connections betweens D/s and security, those connections are interesting when looking at both sides. I think, it's more universal than people seem to see at first glance. And no, I'm not referring to relationships in general, but D/s specifically when separated somewhat from mainly sexual needs for the purposes of a clearer definition. "The more control you take away, the more you need to establish a sense of security in it's place, or insecurities become rampant, trust and desire break down... Submission comes from trust and desire." Thats more applicable in instances where it isn't coming directly from the genitals.

Blueswordsman -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 2:44:02 PM)
When I sad security in a D/s relationship I meant it to include safety and commitment, as well as knowing If a sub screws up their will be consequences but then the screw up is over and done with.

kalikshama -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 2:51:03 PM)
quote: If a sub screws up there will be consequences but then the screw up is over and done with. This is completely irrelevant to my D/s relationship.

kiwisub12 -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 4:55:05 PM)
If I'm not secure in my relationship I can't completely trust my partner. Or maybe its if I don't trust my partner, I can't be secure with him. Either way, trust and security go hand in hand. and if I don't have one or the other, I won't have much of a relationship.

slavekate80 -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 7:44:06 PM)
It seems like a relationship of any kind with no security at all would be hard to sustain. Some people need more than others do to feel good about it, though. For me, it's the most important thing. I have to know where I stand and what the rules are. I don't need love or sexual satisfaction at all. I very much need to feel emotionally safe, which means clear rules, clear understanding of what the consequences for breaking them are, and the safety of knowing that I won't be rejected and sent away without a good reason and without trying to correct the problem first (unless we've set up ahead of time that this is a possibility, and I'm permitted to keep my job and home so that if and when it happens I'll still have means of support via myself.)

littlewonder -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/1/2014 9:17:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman Is security in a D/s relationship as important love, sexual satisfaction or the desire to serve? Or more? Yes it's just as important along with about a hundred other things in a relationship. No one things is more or less important for me. It's the entire package all rolled together that's important. I don't separate it all into what is and isn't more important. If one piece is missing then the relationship fails. Period. Thus they are all equal.

RC21 -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/2/2014 12:49:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman Is security in a D/s relationship as important love, sexual satisfaction or the desire to serve? Or more? More, I think. Security comes from trust. If that trust is broken, the sense of security is gone. A lifetime ago I have had relationships without much love and/or sexual satisfaction. Trust and security is what held it together. When that went out of the window, so did the relationship.

JeffBC -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/2/2014 8:17:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman Is security in a D/s relationship as important love, sexual satisfaction or the desire to serve? Or more? For my money what is important in a D/s relationship is dominance and submission. The rest is all "season to taste".

DesFIP -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/2/2014 8:25:56 PM)
Not having a punishment dynamic, the op's definition does not apply here. He doesn't dish out consequences. He doesn't have to. Nor do I. What you do causes consequences. Forget to wash the dishes and you stay hungry till you get them washed. Do something that loses you the other person's trust and you get suspicion in the future. Security in terms of keeping your word, sure. But I just lump that in with trust. If your word isn't your bond, people will stop trusting you.

RemoteUser -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/2/2014 9:06:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman When I sad security in a D/s relationship I meant it to include safety and commitment, as well as knowing If a sub screws up their will be consequences but then the screw up is over and done with. And what if the dominant screws up? I think security starts when you trust yourself and your judgments. If you make a bad call, regardless of who you are or what role you fit in, you'll be considered by your entirety, not by the singular mistake. If it's a repeat mistake, chances are it's not a simple mistake and you need to stop, then learn, before doing again, if ever. What security do you offer? Being human you've likely made errors, run into bad choices. Do you own them? Discuss them?

anniezz338 -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/2/2014 9:49:49 PM)
Security is tied directly to trust. Security is knowing hard limits and honoring safewords. Security in knowing that when bondage is used, that the bonder knows what he is doing and keeping things safe. Security is knowing everything is SSC.

pg4g -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/3/2014 12:28:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RemoteUser And what if the dominant screws up? An extremely, extremely important question.

Blueswordsman -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/3/2014 9:58:35 AM)
Thomas Jefferson... "If the master makes a mistake. It is his slaves that pay the price". TJ was a smart man his face is on the two dollar bill. He must have known I was going to quote him on this board. X of the shit storm this quote is going to bring, why else would he choose a two over a twenty?[sm=hyper.gif] [sm=hyper.gif][sm=hyper.gif][sm=hyper.gif]

DeineSKlavin -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/3/2014 11:29:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 Security is tied directly to trust. Security is knowing hard limits and honoring safewords. Security in knowing that when bondage is used, that the bonder knows what he is doing and keeping things safe. Security is knowing everything is SSC. I agree with anniezz38. Security, trust, love are all interlocked. I serve willingly due to those three. If one breaks down, it impacts the others.

LafayetteLady -> RE: How important is security in a D/s relationship (3/3/2014 1:10:40 PM)
Security, as we can see means different things to different people, but if you can't feel secure in your relationship, how can you possibly call it a relationship?

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