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RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 3:36:21 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Whilst in many cases in life the Adapt or Perish is true, on message boards like chat rooms there can come a time when good people leave because the new influx either deliberately and/or inadvertantly destroys the pleasure and joy of being there. Some times a short break is all that is necessary or even if the facility is available using a block to blank out annoying or disruptive posts will do. however when many old friends leave for a similar reason I can see why some one may choose to leave. After all partof the reason for being in either chats or message boards is to enjoy and have fun. If it stops being fun that it is time to rethink the matter of staying. We are all different and some choose to leave with out saying anything and others prefer to anounce their intention. I have noproblem with either. Years ago many of the old and experienced people in the Gor Role Play rooms in MSN left for this reason.. Too many came in a destroyed what was an excelent role play group. I left for the same reason in three different chat areas. Only once did I let people know because it wasn't practical to let over three hundred people know I was leaving and why. I have no regrets . I will miss DREAD, but she knows how to contact me when she is ready..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 7/8/2006 3:37:11 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 41

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 4:15:11 AM

KennelDeSade2

Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

But Collarme has changed. I cannot put My finger on just what or why but its not
Collarme anymore to Me. It no longer speaks to My kinks or differances or tolerances or being.

As near as I can tell, the world hasn't changed in any manner since times known to us. I suspect that ten thousand years ago, somebody was saying the same thing while watching the ice caps melt. Same world, same people, same old shit.
Better clothes, better toys, but the biggest problem with the human race is that the concept would work great, if only you could get rid of the people involved in it.

_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 42

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 4:25:30 AM

wandering4u

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

For or against leaving, changed or unchanged, it all does not matter. I will miss her insights and wonderful expressiveness. It is not wrong to miss a friend.

(in reply to KennelDeSade2)

Post #: 43

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 4:41:29 AM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I can't help but feel the burdon on my shoulders, being the inexperienced, chat room bantering oaf that I am. While I will miss dread, I am sure my life will go on.

But I have to say kudos! I know very few kids that can pout that well!

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to wandering4u)

Post #: 44

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 5:53:30 AM

sharainks

Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline

One thing other than death and taxes that is certain is change. I've also noticed the last month or so that this is a slightly less pleasant place to be. On the other hand some of the new people have had good postings and gotten good input. You take the good with the less good. You can either reconcile to change or move away from it.

I've never wanted to be someone who constantly uttered "this is how its always been and I don't see why things are changing." Thats the path to getting into a mental rut.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 45

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 6:40:37 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Iron Bear,

I enjoy your posts immensley, so please do not take this wrong... Half the reason I am responding directly to you is because several people have posted these thoughts, but you are the one that I enjoy reading the most out of all of them...

I wonder if those of you who have been posting on here a long long time realize how it sounds to those of us that havent been to say to us that "They are destroying CM and my enjoyment of it"? It isn't very welcoming. Perhaps it might run some worthwhile people off because they feel their input isn't welcome here.

I wonder if those of you that have been posting a long time realize that the only people that would care that you are leaving are 1) your long time friends on CM, or 2) Newbies that are worth getting to know because they would actually miss the opportunity to read your posts... Either case, the people that would least care that you're leaving, or welcome it, are the ones that you are quitting CM to get away from... and yet these sentiments are directed in a very general way at everyone new here.

It is usually we that change, not the things that we love that we become bored with..... It makes no sense to me to blame others for our personal dissatisfaction. Perhaps some of us newbies are not submissive or dominant enough, perhaps we are new to WIITWD? I know I am learning more everyday about it, and that is why I am here. It comes off as elitist to state that newbies ruined something instead of welcoming fresh perspectives and offering advice and mentoring to those who could use it and have the right attitude.... I have seen that helpfulness in your posts Iron Bear... I would be saddened if your voice remained silent because of a newbie like me, but at the same time I am from the adapt or perish school.. and I am here to adapt myself to be better pleasing to my Dom....

Just some thoughts

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 46

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 6:50:56 AM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Julia,

While I won't quote your whole post and congratulate you on how well that was said, it was damn well said. If the reason some people are leaving is because of too many people like you, I welcome the change!

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 47

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 6:55:05 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Julia,

While I won't quote your whole post and congratulate you on how well that was said, it was damn well said. If the reason some people are leaving is because of too many people like you, I welcome the change!

Yours,

benji

You made me blush darn it...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 48

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 7:11:33 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I gotta agree with you julia. I, too, enjoy Iron Bear's posts. Although I've been on this site some time, I'm a relatively new poster. I don't post all the time, but I do read a lot of the posts. Yeah, some of them makes me nuts...all the damn "weight" posts, but then don't respond. I guess that's what I don't get. Read what you want, respond to what you want. If you don't like a thread or the way the thread is heading, don't read/don't respond. I forget what thread it was in, but someone was saying that they were done with it...then again and again. Apparently, the poster doesn't know what the word "done" means, but I simply stopped reading...problem solved (at least for me).

And, yes, we do change...we evolve...that's what we humans do. We're supposed to. If you aren't interested in the boards any longer, don't read them. But don't say it's because of the stupid threads. The solution to that is simple...see above paragraph.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 49

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 7:25:03 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Thank you lass,

In my original reply to DREAD, I commented that I could possibly leave or at least reduce my posting. I think I also said that if I stayed it would be because of a few friends. I find regularly that I connect with someone new and so in one aspect it is a good reason for staying and certainly outweighs any reason for quitting. It is certainly against my nature to allow one or four people with whom I have been in contension to create a situation whereby I will leave. My examples I used in the post to which you responded was within the Gorean Role Play where a large influx of young males came in and refused to learn the role play areas of Gor and thus created an environment which did destroy the whole role play for many of us. many of the older experienced people just left mostly because it more of a hassle and little enjoyment (a reasonable reason to leave) some stayed and are still there. For me it was no longer fun and the hassles created burn out. This has othing to do with the situation here. Change is inevatable, CM has changed but for the better or worse time alone will tell and I have a beliefe that after any area of change there is usually a period whereby things settle downas the newer folk become established. Thisis the exciting part of these forums. I will miss people like DREAD and I will not miss one or two who are no longer posting. Pretty much a normal situation. My reason for the post which you responded to was in defence of DREAD leaving. Yes I know she does not need defending but it is something that one does for a long time friend where I come from.. As to me possible reducing posting here, this wilkl be because for any number ofreasons I may feel that I need to take time to refresh and re-evaluate my possition or feelings on various areas so that when I do post I am not jaded. Also I have a number of projects besides making and forging new armour suitable for SCA Combat and making garb for Neets and I, which includes resettig up a work area to start doing my calligraphy (9th C Irish) and document illumination a la Book of Kells again and catching up on websire building for both HIB and my Pagan Site.. For me slowing down here will mean I become more selective in which threads I choose to respond to. Again my thanks for your response....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 50

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 7:28:38 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I did not mean to single you out in a negative way, my post was even more directed at others in some ways, it is just that I so enjoy your posts and I find you to be a mature person with much to offer in your insights. I would miss you if you went away.,..smiles.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 51

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 7:34:04 AM

WyrdRich

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

Just using fast reply here....

This is an internet message board, not the center of the universe.

Unfortunately for those who are left, I'm not going anywhere. My fetsh for needle play comes out every time I see an over-inflated ego or sense of self-importance and there will always be plenty of those here.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 52

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 7:34:34 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I saw it as a positive post lass and one which highlited things which possibly needed further explanation... Your posts usually make me re-read them and think which is an ideal way to post..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 53

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 7:55:37 AM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Well said, Lorelei. If Dread leaves, I'll miss her, she was pleasant to be around. Of course, there are some who suck the air out of a room, and would not be missed....... however, those are usually the ones that blather about going, but you can't quite get their ass out the door............

Thanks, Mr. Self Righteous. : )

I wanted to add... I don't think there is anything wrong with a long-time member saying good-bye on the forums, and moving on... but doing so just to let those who happened to find CM after she did that they aren't quality enough for the site, seems a less than quality move to me.

There are many long-time members who post regularly, yet spew a lot of ridiculous nonsense, and there are many new members who provide some interesting, wise, and worthwhile information with most every post.

CM would likely have shriveled up and withered away, if the remaining 'originals' were the only ones who ever participated.... and there would be no forum to post any 'good-bye, you suck' on.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 54

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 10:53:53 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

You happened to us. That's why we leave

Oh come on! I have not been here that long, but good gracious, why would any of you "Old-Timers" give that much power to the selected few who come on here and don't post about things that the Old-timers want to talk about? Who is this "You" you speak of? You are responsible for what you want to read and what you would like to post about. If you see a thread going the way you don't want it to go, then don't read it. So what if the threads get hijacked by some fun loving people? How is that effecting your life? Yes there are many "voices" silenced now, but guess what? They made that choice to not post anymore. They didnt make a drama queen exit. They simply stopped posting. All I see are big titty babies throwing fits because it isn't like the "good old days". Well guess what, that is LIFE. You don't see me bitching about bell bottoms now being called flairs now. You don't see me bitching about "coo-lots" being called "capri's" now. You certainly don't see me bitching about the amount of tv shows being made into movies these days. Where is the originality of the "good old days"? My point is, the "old school" is NOW. One year from now, these same people who are being accused of being immature and causing trouble on these boards will be saying the same thing, "I miss the good old days". Leave if you want to, but do it because you want to, take the responsibility of your leaving instead of blaming others for your decision.
Good luck to those who are leaving, I have learned alot from you and it is a shame that you are choosing to allow others to hold that much power over you.

_____________________________

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 55

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 1:07:44 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

She'll be back, this is too big of an audience for her to ignore.

Ok, what's the over/under on this one?

~stef

I've had her on block for months, stef.

If I can trust information presented in an old thread linked to above, the OP has this snit from time to time. This means that there is some data for your oddsmakers to work from.

I'll certainly defend--against some other posters--her decision to post about her departure, though. I just don't get this ethic of: "If you see something of value to you going bad, walk away without a word." Does it reflect on one's approach to hard times in relationships?

Speaking out against that which you are against is pretty cool if you ask me. And taking your contributions and support away from an entity which no longer represents your values is wonderful too. She did both. Good for her.

I didn't care for her so I didn't read her. Some people I find interesting are going to miss her. She seemed to be calling them all 'pastel colored half-stepping so-and-sos.' That's amusing and just fine all the way around.

As for the: "No one cares," complaint. Well that's an idiotic thing to say after reading a few responses. Obviously some other people do care but even if they didn't, she cared herself enough to offer it for whatever it was worth.

To me personally her rant was worth little beyond the genuinely good example it set for bothering to speak up about what you believe in. More of the pompous, persecution complex baloney that inspired me to stop reading her a long time ago was what I saw in the text quoted into one of the responses (and I know a thing or two about pompousness!). Maybe she imagines that her leaving and posting about it will inspire more people just like her to quit posting here too, perhaps to meet up somewhere else. If that were to happen then then she and I might agree that its results were positive.

Here's what I find interesting. The complaint is made that people like her, said to belong to the so-romantically named "outcaste" tribe, are being oppressed or harmed or something by all of these people who have come to kink after her and who purportedly just see it as one more flavor of mainstream life.

Anyone fail to see the disconect there? "Us poor outcasts, boo hoo, so many people can look at us now and relate to us to some extent based on their own new experiences of kink. Now it takes some real mental gymnastics to think of myself as an outcaste and that makes me tired so I guess I'll go eat worms."

"... pastel colored lifestylers ..."

I like people with room in their imagination for more than black and purple.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 56

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 1:14:22 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Some people define themselves by being an outcast. When their subculture becomes more widely accepted there is a backlash from many who have been participating for a long time to say "Hey, wait a minute... Im unique and WIITWD is for outcasts, how dare you make it mainstream!" It reminds me of Barbara Mandrell's song, I was country when country wasn't cool

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 57

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 1:45:33 PM

gentlethistle

Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

A few people have mentioned in this thread that they don't know what discussions were like in these forums back in 'the old days'. Well, nor do I, because I wasn't 'here'. But there is nothing to stop anyone skipping back to the older pages of threads in any of the forums and reading around what was being discussed in 2004. So if you do feel there are things that you've 'missed'...remember that in an online forum all of history is there if you but have the time to explore it.

Laura

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 58

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 5:00:35 PM

Curiossdragnlily

Posts: 105
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

Good luck to You Ma'am. What You have talked about my Master and i have seen and experinced with other sites and it saddens U/us also. But what saddens me is that such happenings drive "true" lifestylers away from the sites that They just might help S/someone W/who is also like minded and that T/they can see then that T/they are not alone out there or "playing" at this as W/we have experienced with M/many. Have a wonderful time with Your travels Ma'am as i know You are weary from the "wannabes" as W/we get at times.
with respect,
lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios
srn 308-692-331

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

Post #: 59

RE: Retirement from Collarme - 7/8/2006 5:37:47 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KennelDeSade2

As near as I can tell, the world hasn't changed in any manner since times known to us. I suspect that ten thousand years ago, somebody was saying the same thing while watching the ice caps melt. Same world, same people, same old shit.
Better clothes, better toys, but the biggest problem with the human race is that the concept would work great, if only you could get rid of the people involved in it.

I have to paraphrase Scott Adams from his work "The Dilbert Zone"

Whereas the Peter Principle (do not recall the author) insists that people rise in an organization to their own level of incompetence, the Dilbert Principle is that people are promoted to where they can do the least amount of damage to the organization.

Before anybody points out the Simian in Chief as a contradiction, the book was published prior to the Bush Depression and may not have figured into the extensive research done by the author of the Dilbert cartoon while napping on the payroll at the post office.

To return to my pontification, Douglas Adams pointed out in this book that the human brain evolved in a somewhat linear manner from climbing down from trees and chasing small furry things (or being chased by large furry things) on the African Savannah with pointed sticks. The brain developed on biological time over millenia.

Technology has expanded exponentially in the past 500 years. So now instead of using sharpened sticks to kill small furry things, we have it done for us in robotized warehouses built by Halliburton affiliates.

Douglas Adams' point was that the human brain has not evolved to keep up with the change in technology. So while our (meaning people) world has changed dramatically, we as humans really have not. As time marches on, technology leaves us going "duh" by the side of the road.

As far as getting rid of people, our being gone would just mean that something else would fill the void, overuse the environmental resources, and eventually get naturally selected out of existence as well.

The question in my mind is whether Homo Sapiens is smart enough to save itself from itself, and when I watch MonkeyBoy talk about the pending victory in Iraq, I become more and more dubious with each passing day.

But as usual, that is just me and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to KennelDeSade2)

Post #: 60

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