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service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 3:28:56 PM

breagha

Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline

hello all...

it has come to my attention recently that some D types require service without emotions attached. i'm not talking about kinky playtime. i'm talking about things that happen on a daily routine basis. Cleaning, chores, tasks... whatever you want to call it.

i'm writing here to ask... is it possible to serve your Owner without emotional attachment? If so, how does one separate the adoration/love that usually develops within a M/s relationship and keep it from developing?

_____________________________

"Consumed with memories that preceded today; given a chance to bereave life that's slipping away"

Post #: 1

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 3:37:17 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline

Breagha
There is a thread that was started recently asking the question "is love necessary in a D/s dynamic". I'm sure someone who is better with the search feature will pop on and add the link. I think it is the same as your question.
The answer is that of course a service only dynamic can exist. Almost any conflagration of WIITWD exists for someone. You just need to determine what YOU want and need from your dynamic.

For me? My desire to serve only kicks in WITH emotion. Without that, I would feel like a maid. Or his mommy. Nether of those would work for me.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

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(in reply to breagha)

Post #: 2

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 3:39:09 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Emotions are natural and a dominant that doesn't understand that, may have some emotional defect or fear.

Now, some may want no romantic, emotional attachment and though my opinion is still that there may be a defect or fear... some say this is okay and I agree that romance doesn't have to be there, but there are still emotions of some sort.

Personally, even with a household slave, I cannot see it working for long in a healthy manner for all parties if there were no emotional attachments of some kind.

(in reply to breagha)

Post #: 3

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 3:40:00 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breagha

hello all...

it has come to my attention recently that some D types require service without emotions attached. i'm not talking about kinky playtime. i'm talking about things that happen on a daily routine basis. Cleaning, chores, tasks... whatever you want to call it.

i'm writing here to ask... is it possible to serve your Owner without emotional attachment? If so, how does one separate the adoration/love that usually develops within a M/s relationship and keep it from developing?

It will only work if the person has a fetish for the service and the D type is just part of the equation and could be replaced by anybody, in such a case, I think a job as maid would be just as fulfilling and you'd even get paid... If I could find a cleaner like that, I'd hire...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to breagha)

Post #: 4

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 3:41:54 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breagha

i'm writing here to ask... is it possible to serve your Owner without emotional attachment? If so, how does one separate the adoration/love that usually develops within a M/s relationship and keep it from developing?

I'm sure it's possible, but may I ask why you would want to? To me, relationship chemistry is the driving force of wiitwd.

(in reply to breagha)

Post #: 5

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 3:46:13 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

It will only work if the person has a fetish for the service and the D type is just part of the equation and could be replaced by anybody, in such a case, I think a job as maid would be just as fulfilling and you'd even get paid... If I could find a cleaner like that, I'd hire...

Yup. I have a couple of friends that have service only relationships.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 6

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 3:56:31 PM

breagha

Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline

i suppose i'd never considered it an option. Emotion ( of any kind, not just romance ) is usually the force behind service to my Owner ( both current and previous ). It is part of what fulfills the need to serve. Thank you all for your insight on this. i can't imagine having to go about serving him with 0 emotion involved. i'm still trying to imagine how that would be fulfilling and not make one feel like a maid ( like LadtConstanze said).

i'm with MistressDarkArt... why would one want to do that?

_____________________________

"Consumed with memories that preceded today; given a chance to bereave life that's slipping away"

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 4:25:02 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breagha
hello all...

it has come to my attention recently that some D types require service without emotions attached. i'm not talking about kinky playtime. i'm talking about things that happen on a daily routine basis. Cleaning, chores, tasks... whatever you want to call it.

i'm writing here to ask... is it possible to serve your Owner without emotional attachment? If so, how does one separate the adoration/love that usually develops within a M/s relationship and keep it from developing?

The simplest answer is that some people can and some people can not. Like with anything else, you have to know which you fall into. It's My personal theory that in certain situations, s-types can become more bonded than the person who is in charge of them. This is much more likely than the D/M/O ever returning that kind of affection (being real specific here) in a service based dynamic.

A service based dynamic is really not the same as an emotionally based one. It's way more like an employer/employee type of situation. Person who has the job available and person willing to do the job. Employers don't hire people thinking to themselves that the person is somebody they are growing emotional attachment for. It's just about getting the job accomplished.

Keeping it from developing? Having had to deal with the problem where a service based person didn't do well (in the end) with this, here would be My suggestions:

* Keep reality a part of your every day life. That means telling yourself on a constant basis that the other person does not love you and will most likely never love you. (Don't go into any of this expecting that to change.)

* Listen intently to what they say. That includes comments, written as well as verbalized, that there is no romantic element to the dynamic and that is not your place in their life.

* Absolutely understand that appreciation for service does not translate into affection for the person if the service was gone or is not good service. They'll "fire" you and not think much about it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to breagha)

Post #: 8

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 4:29:57 PM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

i've done this, and for a long time preferred it... i dont get attached easily and get frustrated when people expect it, even when it starts out in that sense they usually get attached and get mad at me for not being in that frame of mind. but when it is about that its about an exchange usually... you work for something, not just to come over and clean while they sit on their butt. you clean for board or stuff or sex or to be put through college or whatever it is you get out of it the same as if you wanted emotion from someone you agree to getting emotion out of it.... its not so much a relationship as a job where your boss beats you.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 4:36:50 PM

breagha

Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline

Thank you so much Lady Pact... as always your information was very helpful in aiding my understanding. i suspect this type of service dynamic would be one that needs to be discussed beforehand... meaning that it has to be made clear that love ( other emotional attachments) is not an outcome of said relationship. i know i shouldn't be shocked by this revelation... i've seen and done many more strange things than this... but for some reason my head cannot wrap around the idea.

_____________________________

"Consumed with memories that preceded today; given a chance to bereave life that's slipping away"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 4:42:27 PM

breagha

Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

i've done this, and for a long time preferred it... i dont get attached easily and get frustrated when people expect it, even when it starts out in that sense they usually get attached and get mad at me for not being in that frame of mind. but when it is about that its about an exchange usually... you work for something, not just to come over and clean while they sit on their butt. you clean for board or stuff or sex or to be put through college or whatever it is you get out of it the same as if you wanted emotion from someone you agree to getting emotion out of it.... its not so much a relationship as a job where your boss beats you.

is this normally how it would work? service in exchange for something else ( other than satisfaction of doing something well and the appreciation of it being done )?

the way it was presented to me ( and the reason for my post ) is that she calls him her Master. As in she belongs to him. i've never met anyone that entered into an M/s relationship that has established protocol and rules ( and titles ) that wasn't allowed to have the emotional attachment that i come to love when in a relationship like that.

_____________________________

"Consumed with memories that preceded today; given a chance to bereave life that's slipping away"

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Post #: 11

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 4:43:27 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

it has come to my attention recently that some D types require service without emotions attached.

I've had several service-only relationships and none of them required no emotional attachment, in fact, all of them preferred that I have feelings for them.

(in reply to breagha)

Post #: 12

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 4:46:23 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

the way it was presented to me ( and the reason for my post ) is that she calls him her Master. As in she belongs to him.

Do you know this couple in real life? There's lots of strange, velcro relationships online (especially over on fetlife) that I wouldn't use as a benchmark.

(in reply to breagha)

Post #: 13

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 4:46:52 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breagha
Thank you so much Lady Pact... as always your information was very helpful in aiding my understanding. i suspect this type of service dynamic would be one that needs to be discussed beforehand... meaning that it has to be made clear that love ( other emotional attachments) is not an outcome of said relationship. i know i shouldn't be shocked by this revelation... i've seen and done many more strange things than this... but for some reason my head cannot wrap around the idea.

You are always so nice in your replies. Thank you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to breagha)

Post #: 14

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 4:49:14 PM

breagha

Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline

yes i know them in r/l. i am only acquainted with the D but i'm friends with the s.

_____________________________

"Consumed with memories that preceded today; given a chance to bereave life that's slipping away"

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Post #: 15

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 4:50:44 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

it has come to my attention recently that some D types require service without emotions attached.

I've had several service-only relationships and none of them required no emotional attachment, in fact, all of them preferred that I have feelings for them.

What an excellent opportunity for discussion!

Would that be emotional attachment on your part or on their part?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 16

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 8:45:31 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I think it's easier to do this if you have another outlet for your softer emotions.
People who are in loving vanilla relationships can then compartmentalize and indulge their service needs or s & m needs or whatever without the other emotions arising.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 11:10:37 PM

flotsamzincia

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/30/2014
Status: offline

FR
I prefer an M/s relationship without the emotions, because I have a fairly "strong" Dissociative Disorder. Having just recently been diagnosed with it, it gave me a huge sense of relief to understand why I have this preference. :)

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/4/2014 11:52:52 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: flotsamzincia
FR
I prefer an M/s relationship without the emotions, because I have a fairly "strong" Dissociative Disorder. Having just recently been diagnosed with it, it gave me a huge sense of relief to understand why I have this preference. :)

Thank you for sharing that piece of private info, and welcome. Looks as though you're doing some gemological surface mining--how fun. (If you're anywhere near the Argyle Mines, hope you stumble upon a champagne or mocha diamond! A natural pink would be even more fantastic.)

No, I absolutely cannot imagine myself having a non-sexual service sub, much less one without an emotional involvement. It seems to me some subs want to become part of a family structure, a sense of belonging to an adoptive family dynamic. Not always the young ones either. I can't really fathom an emotionless bond, as this to me would be paradoxical, or an M/s oxymoron.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to flotsamzincia)

Post #: 19

RE: service... without emotion?? - 3/5/2014 12:17:07 AM

flotsamzincia

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/30/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Thank you for sharing that piece of private info, and welcome. Looks as though you're doing some gemological surface mining--how fun. (If you're anywhere near the Argyle Mines, hope you stumble upon a champagne or mocha diamond! A natural pink would be even more fantastic.)

No, I absolutely cannot imagine myself having a non-sexual service sub, much less one without an emotional involvement. It seems to me some subs want to become part of a family structure, a sense of belonging to an adoptive family dynamic. Not always the young ones either. I can't really fathom an emotionless bond, as this to me would be paradoxical, or an M/s oxymoron.

Yes, I was digging for sapphires near The Willows in W QLD :) Though I love finding a nice stone, I love the digging/sorting part more :)
I was a sexual slave as well as a service slave ( emphasis was actually more on the sexual side ;) ) My body responds very well to sex, it's just my "mind" that's not really connected. I am a hermit, not surprisingly, and when I first discovered BDSM 11 years ago, it was like an epiphany for me- finally, something that I COULD be a part of :)

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 20

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