quote:

ORIGINAL: penfold77

Hi all, new to this place, not much experience in BDSM but have seen endless porn version and have just kinda waited for the right woman to try stuff with.

So anyhoo I recently met someone and we've fallen in love pretty fast (I'm 36, she's 25). The problem is that in the beginning she wanted me to be rough with her but I could only go so far simply because of noise restrictions. At my house it's my housemate and his 15yr old son, and at her house it's her 3 children, so as hard as she wanted me to bang her, slap her about, whatever else, I couldn't.

So the sex is mostly love makey, not totally vanilla, and I get her drenched. It's only on average about twice a week tho for about 6 weeks now.

So last night I mentioned something about tying her up and so forth and she was shaking her head. I was like "what? thought u loved all that type of thing". She went onto explain that she doesn't think that way about me now and couldn't do the whole dominating/submitting routine because now she's "seen my soft side". Again I was "WHAT???????" and pretty traumatised at the thought of no sexual adventure!!! She couldn't explain it well tho, couldn't find the words. So I asked about previous experiences, she said there was one guy with whom it was just sex, they never did it in a bed it was car, fields and he just took charge. And said she felt more carefree with all previous bf's because she was never really in love and they were all assholes. She was able to orgasm thru just sex much easier with all ex's than she can with me!!

Anyway story short she basically loves me to pieces therefore doesn't see me as a dom or and doesn't wanna dom me either cuz she's seen my soft side, and by this I think she means because I've told her I love her and miss her quite a lot (thru text message), like I've not just said it back, I've initiated those messages, and THIS I think has been my mistake.

However I've read about couples who are kinky and adventurous who are deeply deeply in love, so why can't it be the same here? I often wonder about dommes, like to me it seems a female domme is more of a job and that she doesn't play that role with her long term bf/husband, where as male doms very much do, like there's way more dom/sub rships out there than there is domme/sub ones? I'm taking a wild guess there but it feels right. If there are many domme/sub LTR's going on I'm wondering what type of man he has to be in normal life to make her wanna domme him in anyway, whether it's mild or full on pain infliction, ie does he need to be like a role reversal? so in ordinay life she sees him as dominant and secure with very little soppiness, or can she wanna wanna dominate also a guy who's a right pussy ass in touch with his emotions type in real life?

So I'm thinking perhaps if I stop the soppy shit and start acting a bit more ignorant when we aren't together, less texts (we text all day n night long usually), less of the "I love you's" just keep it to "I love/miss u too", that might help?

One other thing she said was she doesn't do planning, she only does spontaneous, so that kind of points towards the possibility that it's not really that she won't do different stuff with me, it's that she can't PLAN to, no matter who it's with, it has to be spontaneous. So maybe I should just ignore what she says and just get rough with her.

So should I start turning into a bit more of a careless asshole or do you think we can get there whilst still being lovey as fuck? lol

thanks for any advice

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ORIGINAL: BiMistressMia

If you want to dom her without her thinking too much of it start by spanking her ass when you're fucking her from behind and pulling her hair. The next time you plan on fucking tell her to suck your dick don't ask her (doms don't ask they tell/make subs n slaves do what they want. Make her beg for your dick and anything else she wants from you.) You can also call her things like whore, slut, and bitch. Make her call you daddy or whatever you're comfortable having her call you while your fucking her. Choke her while you're fucking and say things like you're daddies little whore aren't you? When you know she's about to cum stop; if she's upset say I'm not ready for you to cum yet you slut now cum suck daddies dick and shut the fuck up. Keep in mind if she's a dom this could only work as long as she'll allow it. You may want to try going to a fantasy hotel in your area or one that charges by the hour since you're worried about everyone else in the home. Aslw
However, I'm a little baffled why she can be a total whore with strangers and not the man that she loves...