RE: BDSM and social responsibilty

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RE: BDSM and social responsibilty - 3/30/2014 2:30:03 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Oh definitely. I do believe that the labels here are very boxy. Fetlife, for example, does a far better job of describing people like this.

If I was only a masochist, I'd have to choose "submissive" on this site even though if anyone knows me, they'll know this is SOOOO far from the truth. I'll fight and fight and fight and never submit (until I hit subspace which freaks me out a LOT) because my masochism fulfils my need for... heroic masculine endurance. The box of "bottom" would be far more appropriate, but it's not available here.

Perhaps something that the people running collarme.com could work on?

We were informed in no uncertain terms that suggestions requiring data base coding changes were not being considered for implementation in the near future. http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4638039 (2/14/14 VideoAdmin Post#23)
See also http://www.collarchat.com/m_4637485/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4637966 (Post#17) & http://www.collarchat.com/m_4637485/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#4638445 (Post#35)

In fact, I haven't run across any suggestions for making separate categories for Sadist or masochist. Like littlewonder remarked, that kind of specific personal info can be disclosed within the body of one's profile. Some male sub profiles will indicate masochism, but I have yet to come across a male sub profile which mentions being a BDSM bottom.

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RE: BDSM and social responsibilty - 3/30/2014 2:42:32 AM

FightingChains

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Some male sub profiles will indicate masochism, but I have yet to come across a male sub profile which mentions being a BDSM bottom.

Perhaps that is because that's usually implied with the "sub" title.

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RE: BDSM and social responsibilty - 3/30/2014 2:58:39 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Perhaps that is because that's usually implied with the "sub" title.

Ha-ha, very funny

... but not sympatico. There's already a differentiation between submissive and slave, and that gets mixed up as it is. (Did you read Lance's comment?) I would rather see the "slave" designation get replaced by "bottom." I doubt there would be D-types who would call themselves a "Top" instead of a Dominant.

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RE: BDSM and social responsibilty - 3/30/2014 3:20:26 AM

FightingChains

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Either way, I think the point I was making and we're all dancing around is we do have a bit of misnaming and miscommunications, and we can work around that with decent communication. But we as a community might do better, not get so confused, and not put others down, if we stopped elite-ising some preferences (D/s or M/s with BDSM, for example), and diminishing others (like D/s only or BDSM only).

I think this ties back into social responsibility in that we would like to put ourselves out there as we are, and for people to go "ok, that's cool", but if we can't be open to others in the same way, how can we expect honest, open dialogue, or to find compatible partners? And if we won't accept others, but want acceptance ourselves, arent we being hypocritical?

My view is I'd hope people don't diminish me because I'm a switch, or I'm not submissive at all (struggle play ftw!), or I like equal powered relationship styles. And I think if I want that, I need to accept that people like other things and keep an open mind. I think D/s in a relationship would, for me, seem extremely repressive, but I'm open to the fact that some would like that, and I say "great, I'd love to know more and chat." I find humiliation awful, but some like that, and I think "awesome, great for them", and I'd still love to chat and respect them.

I suppose I'd hope we wouldn't all judge each other like that so much. And that I think is a social responsibility I hold and I hope others would share too. Some "kinks" aren't kinks but abuse, be it physical or psychological, and I think it's fair to point them out, but otherwise live and let live, I'd hope.

< Message edited by FightingChains -- 3/30/2014 3:31:50 AM >

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RE: BDSM and social responsibilty - 3/30/2014 6:16:11 AM

LaTigresse

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So for you, it's less about 'social' responsibility and more about wanting to be accepting for the unique little flower that you are?

Here is a fact. At the core most of us ARE selfish and hypocritical. We want what we want for ourselves but we put conditions on what we will accept in others. We can pretty it up any way we find acceptable to justify it, but that really is what it boils down to.

Your last paragraph is a perfect example of that.

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RE: BDSM and social responsibilty - 3/30/2014 7:31:32 AM

sunshinemiss

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Athena,
Your questions are too simplistic. People are complex, morality and ethics are complex. Community as a concept is complex. Are we obligated to do anything in particular? No... not beyond general human decency.

best,
sunshine

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Post #: 46

RE: BDSM and social responsibilty - 3/30/2014 7:49:02 AM

orgasmdenial12

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nyx84
On of the boys, if you meet him you will get a hug or an I love you or an your my best friend from within hours of meeting. But there teacher has asked the boys mum to get him to stop being affectionate with the other boys in his class because she is worried about having to deal with issues relating to homosexuality. [...] I see no way that thease boys will grow up without believing being gay is wrong.

I agree with the teacher - not because of the homosexuality aspect, but because other pupils have the right to learn in an atmosphere that supports them without invading their physical or emotional space. A child, no matter how friendly or loving, needs to learn to respect other people's boundaries. The teacher was probably concerned that other children may not be so welcoming towards unwanted physical contact or may be troubled by being told 'I love you' and wished to modify this boy's behaviour to be more appropriate for the learning environment. I see nothing wrong with that at all. If no-one says anything to this boy he may well get in trouble in later life because he's hugging and approaching people that don't want that contact with him. Really, his parents should have made this clear to him before he even went to school and it started to become a problem in his class.

As regards responsibility in the scene - on a technical level, no, I have no responsibility whatsoever. It's my sex life and it's nobody else's business.

The only way in which I do feel a sense of obligation is in supporting curious newbies at s&m play parties. Many a time I have been the newbie with no toys or play partner, or a newbie play partner who didn't know what he was doing, and others took the time to make me feel welcome, to show me and my partner skills, to let us play with their toys, etc. When we asked them why, they always said it was because they had received similar treatment when they were a newbie, and people taught them skills. So now that I am an 'old hand' after 13 years, I try to carry that on, and let newbies enjoy playing with the toys and equipment that I have amassed over the years. Selfishly, I still find it very rewarding, and enjoy seeing their enjoyment and enthusiasm for many of the things that I also love doing.

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RE: BDSM and social responsibilty - 3/30/2014 12:51:47 PM

FightingChains

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

So for you, it's less about 'social' responsibility and more about wanting to be accepting for the unique little flower that you are?

Here is a fact. At the core most of us ARE selfish and hypocritical. We want what we want for ourselves but we put conditions on what we will accept in others. We can pretty it up any way we find acceptable to justify it, but that really is what it boils down to.

Your last paragraph is a perfect example of that.

No. I believe in acceptance for all people, not just me. I believe to do otherwise is hypocritical. Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.

Some acts, when they become abusive, violate other's rights and you need to draw a line.

Either way, I believe we should treat everyone with consideration and respect. I viewed it this way before I was into BDSM, and I view it that way now.

And just because we are at our core selfish doesn't justify it. It's animal instinct to protect yourself first and foremost. But we as humans have a more evolved sensibility than that.

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RE: BDSM and social responsibilty - 3/30/2014 5:59:32 PM

littlewonder

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yeah, I give people common courtesy but definitely not my respect. My respect is reserved for extremely special people in my life. I can count those people on one hand.

Otherwise the term "respect" becomes completely useless.

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