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LadyPact -> RE: NO Safeword...?? (3/23/2014 4:37:24 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JeffBC
*pout* This is probably how I lost my MasterCard (again).
More seriously, let's be clear that you don't need to be a saidst to be dangerous. I could also be a mass murderer, rapist, or someone who likes to listen to Justin Beeber for hours on end. Once she lets me tie her up there's lots of ways that could go very wrong. But of what use is a discussion about safewords unless the scene in question clouds the meaning of the word "no"? Ishtar is saying (with Carol's and my vigorously agree) that there are other ways to make that trust determination. Just as you said, she DOES have a few years posting history with you and I -- along with some private exchanges along the way. She is using her "people sense" to size us up and make her risk determination. She's allowed time to work in her favor so that she has the data to make a real decision. I'd argue if you don't have the people sense to do that then you really shouldn't be letting anyone tie you up ever... at least in private.
I guess to me it's seems axiomatic that real trust doesn't happen in any 2 sentence interaction. Relying on some sort of artificial insta-trust (eg: "I trust him because he nodded when I told him my safeword and limits.") seems risky to me.
PS: I'm cool on the whole non-sadist thing but calling me sane was a really low blow :)
Nah. I'm not revoking your Master Card. I'm being explicit about the (heavy) Sadist card that, unless something has really changed, I don't think is the card that you're going to pull from your hand.
I absolutely agree that there are other ways to make that trust determination. Personally, I think Ishtar is also correct in saying for casual play or when associations are new, that the only power that safeword has is amounts to as much as the other person is willing to honor it. We hope it will be honored if somebody finds a line that they shouldn't cross or something does go wrong.
Granted, as a female top, and one who isn't big on casual sex, I don't automatically consider the rape factor. That's not where My head goes because that's not My intent, even though I happen to be a fan of rape play. My head goes to those experiences where I've seen people do stupid sh^t under (what I would call) the BDSM topping/bottoming area. Idiots who burn people via open flame play, folks who decide that a whip is a neat toy and if they can buy it, they can use it on another human, and people that don't realize what a blood born pathogen is, much less deal with wound care.
Maybe this is just Me. We treat these female s/bottom types who are new like they don't have a brain in their head. We school them from 101 and sometimes not even that high up. Well? If that's the case, don't you think some of their male counter-part top types are just as clueless? They get hyped up on porn and fantasies and think that all they have to do is grab a cane and hit somebody with all of the force that they can, even when the bottom is trying to tell them that they are hurting the small of their back, and they are dumb enough to think that's great. Whack her some more!
It should seem risky. This is where Ishtar and I part ways. For a lot of years, I was a casual player. I know (not think, KNOW) just how many folks trusted Me because I walked into a club somewhere, had a toybag with Me, and the person who agreed to play with Me didn't know Me from Adam. They didn't have years of listening to My opinion on various matters or know Me personally. In My case, they took a chance and it worked out all right.
If I were a bottom? I don't think I'd have that much faith in some random dude. Sorry, but there it is.
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