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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 9:17:33 AM

BlkMastIndy

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Well I asked her about being exclusive. She said ok but then ran away. Oh well wasn't meant to be.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 9:22:22 AM

GoddessManko

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LOL that was fast and sorry about that. Maybe you should specify on your profile you are monogamous. You'll be surprised to know how many subs are open to a Domme having as many subs as she wants. My first sub insisted but to be honest, I think that deflects from giving appropriate attention and a bit gluttonous. I personally would only go with TWO as the highest # of subs I would own. That too is stated on my profile.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 9:47:15 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

Looks like Im late to the party. When I see "under consideration" in a profile...it honestly causes an eye roll response. It reminds me of the old BDSM chat rooms of the 90's, where submissives and slaves spent forever arranging their virtual selves by a virtual door to virtual beg entry into a chat room they were already in!

When I'm dating someone, I don't mark them as being "considered." I'm just dating them. They are dating me. And we are seeing if what we have turns out to be something. I never "considered" my guy and he never "considered" me. We didn't need to think about it. We just built something together...without all the ridiculous lingo of the deeply entrenched online fantasy world

I agree with the others. Be direct and honest with a potential partner. The one you just did this with might not have been receptive, but someday someone just might. It takes awhile sometimes to find a great partner.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 3/22/2014 9:48:42 AM >

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 9:51:14 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Great, it sounds like you're making the concept work, but that doesn't make Windchyme's point invalid. There are lots of doms doing exactly what she described.

Personally, I dislike the concept because it implies the sub has to prove his or herself to the dominant to demonstrate their worthiness. I sort of feel that both parties are equal until the day the power exchange is agreed, so the dom should be doing as much proving as the sub.

From a woman's perspective, weighing your options and being cautious with any prospective match is the best course to take. More so with an on-line connection, because nothing is *real* until the two of you actually meet in person and have real-time interactions.

Nevertheless, there are so many male subs who want to latch onto a Mistress to call their own ASAP that I find utilizing this concept of Under Consideration helps to define boundaries so there is no misunderstanding that just because I have taken an interest in somebody, that doesn't mean we're an "item" yet. Other Dominants may go about this differently, but when I zero in on a prospect, I'm not spreading myself thin by considering multiple subs simultaneously. So in my mind, there is a mental quasi-exclusivity during this consideration phase, where neither one of us should be leading the other on. In one sense, we are "going steady" tentatively but no commitment(s) have been made yet, and certainly nothing has been solidified.

I would not use the term "collar of consideration" since the s-type is either collared or s/he isn't. Since I don't have more than one sub at a time, once mine is "collared" we then belong to one another and cultivate our newly formed partnership from there.

ETA: BlkMastIndy, you might want to check out this discussion thread on "Under consideration" from January for an interesting read. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4621455/mpage_1/tm.htm

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 3/22/2014 9:53:20 AM >

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 9:54:12 AM

BlkMastIndy

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Well the truth is you never even know who's real. I could have been talking to a guy or teenager for all I know.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 9:56:37 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

Well the truth is you never even know who's real. I could have been talking to a guy or teenager for all I know.

That is quite likely. A quick disappearance when things go "nitty-gritty" is one of the indicators. Hey, lots more out there, hang in there, keep trying, come hang with us while you learn!

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:03:35 AM

frunandsins

Posts: 81
Joined: 10/7/2012
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Sorry that it didn't work out.

However, just be prepared that she might be back. Some submissives, especially if they're relatively new to the scene, get cold feet. She might be back.

Then the question is, what would you do, if she does?

In my experience, I have always been turned off by that sort of behavior. It says that the sub is not good at communicating - instead of running away and not responding to emails, they could have just articulated that they had made a commitment that they can't keep, apologize, and maybe ask to revert back to non-exclusive, or pause the relationship, or terminate it, or whatever. Simply not communicating when there is stress in the relationship is not a good sign, either for long term play or short term play.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:21:42 AM

BlkMastIndy

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Thanks. I appreciate the support. Where do you all hang?

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:23:41 AM

BlkMastIndy

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Thank you. I think I have a better understanding of the whole "consideration" thing.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:31:47 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

Well the truth is you never even know who's real. I could have been talking to a guy or teenager for all I know.

Sorry it went pear shaped on you. The next time you meet someone you like online, consider trying this:

Keep the conversation vanilla.

No cyber.

Do NOT engage in a dom/sub dynamic.

Get to the phone as soon as possible. This will insure at least 99% of the time that you are talking to a female.

Let them know you plan to schedule a meet sooner as opposed to later.

The top three on this list is to weed out those who are caught up in the fantasy and have zero intention of ever meeting anyone.

Also, I note that you are in Indy. Indy has a fairly decent kink scene, you should check it out.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:33:29 AM

BlkMastIndy

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Thanks for that sound advice. I wouldn't know where to go in Indy to check it out.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:36:07 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

Thank you that was very helpful. So how does a Master take a slave he truly wants to collar off the market? And the relationship is a long distance one? Is it best to leave things as they are until you actually meet and she's collared?

Until you meet face to face, you're talking to a stranger. So, why would you collar someone you don't know?

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 3/22/2014 10:51:29 AM >

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:38:12 AM

BlkMastIndy

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I never said I wanted to collar someone I don't know. I was asking about the term consideration.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:39:13 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Get a profile up on FetLife, Fet it's the best and easiest place to find groups in your area. Once you've joined, you can type in your area code or all of Indy.

There will be *pages* of groups in Indy.

I know Indy's Mast group does some great demos, though I haven't been for awhile.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:44:19 AM

BlkMastIndy

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Thank you I will do that today :)

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:54:01 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

I never said I wanted to collar someone I don't know. I was asking about the term consideration.

Yeah, you did:

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

So how does a Master take a slave he truly wants to collar off the market? And the relationship is a long distance one?

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 10:58:53 AM

MasterCaneman

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Oh, and when you get on FL, be prepared for a bewildering amount of titles and descriptors such as 'under protection of' and shit like that. I was out of the scene for twenty years, and when I went there I almost died laughing at the connections people were making. Most are total BS, but the younglings swear by 'em.

What ChatteParfait said is dead on. Get a pre-pay burn phone, and use that for initial contact. Same rules apply here as there-no offsite contacting, don't sign up for a website to talk to her, don't give anyone any money, common-sense stuff. Oh, and by the way, welcome to the Forums. One of the other Mentors will be sending you a Cmail, if they haven't already.

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 11:02:51 AM

MisterP61

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

Thanks for that sound advice. I wouldn't know where to go in Indy to check it out.

Google is your friend. phrases such as BDSM in Indianapolis will bring up shit tons of info. I tried it so the information is there.

< Message edited by MisterP61 -- 3/22/2014 11:03:22 AM >

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 11:09:02 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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There's also *this* site:

http://findamunch.com/

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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 11:19:19 AM

BlkMastIndy

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From all the nice people who have given me advice today I would say you don't until you meet and agree. But good news everyone she came back lol. She had computer issues. I jumped the gun. We are texting on cell phone. Wish me luck!

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