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RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 11:25:19 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

From all the nice people who have given me advice today I would say you don't until you meet and agree. But good news everyone she came back lol. She had computer issues. I jumped the gun. We are texting on cell phone. Wish me luck!


That's fantastic, but I'm still going to urge you to caution: The concern is that talking for months, being exclusive, engaging in a power dynamic before meeting means that you get emotionally invested in a cyber relationship, which means that you're emotionally invested in a stranger. And there's no guarantee that the spark will happen when you finally do meet face to face or that they'll even be who they say they are.

There are some really great posts here that show how bad it can go and how good it can go. So, I would counsel that you should use care.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 11:25:32 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

Thanks for that sound advice. I wouldn't know where to go in Indy to check it out.

Google is your friend. phrases such as BDSM in Indianapolis will bring up shit tons of info. I tried it so the information is there.


Let me start by saying HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you and the Diva of Destruction. Now I will add to the convo since most people here are not coy about their lifestyle but for me there are just a lot of major boundaries as far as transparency into my personal life and allowing my kinks to crossover to my everyday life.
I agree with what a lot of people said as far as meeting subs exclusively online, some DO get cold feet. I'm a girl and I barely weigh 130 lbs but even I sometimes scare the boys off, it happens, LOL. They think they want it and then they don't.

I have never been to a munch or social outing, you seem OK with posting your pic online so I can imagine maybe you'll be OK with showing up to one of those social events. I'm too socially awkward myself for it. It's like I saw LadyP post on a "I will be your best friend" thread, most interactions for me with people offline are pretty reluctant. I meet them at the beach, the gym, etc and most people do like me but I do get a lot of unwanted looks and stares no matter where I go. Ergo a munch most likely is not for me because it would be more awkward than anything. Online meeting= breaking the ice a bit and getting into a zone of comfort and the search for a sub is one I'd rather not be on display.
You really need to be patient when it comes to subs, don't be needy and demanding, it will spook them. Especially as a guy, I think the burden of trust is on you, sorry to be sexist here but when you meet someone offline for the first time I think the risk is moreso towards the feminine gender than masculine.
I like keeping my search online, it works for me, it prevents people from conjuring up their own perceptions of me before getting to peek inside of my mind a little bit.
Just my

Edited to add to the OP: Jumping the gun is a good sign of impatience. And I suspected you had because you said she vanished literally seconds after we gave you our advice. Wait at least a day or two maybe before making such assumptions? Please calm down and allow her to come to you in her own time. My sub has been dealing with his ill father since January and I gave him that courtesy. You will scare her off if you don't allow her to get into that zone of comfort on her own. Subs, especially new ones, get scared quite easily to venture into the great unknown.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 3/22/2014 11:29:59 AM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

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The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 11:28:06 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		It's great she came back.

Now, do what you can to step back and put a halt on the dynamic until you meet her. She may be confused at this but tell her that you're serious, you don't want a pretend fantasy relationship, you want a real one.

If she's serious as well, that's what she will want too.

Best of luck and keep us updated.

_____________________________



(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 11:28:42 AM   
BlkMastIndy


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/27/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you. Good advice that I will follow.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 11:45:58 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Good to hear you're back in touch. You don't seem like the pushy type (which is good--pushiness can be such a turn-off), so just a reminder that as a general guideline, subs expect Doms to take the initiative and to be decisive. As soon as you can phone-voice-verify this lady, the better. Women tend to respond to hearing a voice, and yours will either appeal to her, fall within her neutral zone, or not sound appealing. Nothing personal, it's a purely subjective response.

Some other stray tidbits of advice:

- You can't go wrong as a man by taking the dating approach with any woman. Ordinarily I would say it's the lady who should set the pace; but as a Dominant male, it's your responsibility to pull back in a gentlemanly manner if a femsub shows signs of impulsiveness. While it may be flattering to your ego, you mustn't let your ego or lust override your common sense.

- As a male you have more to lose if you read her signals wrong or if she sends mixed signals. Another reason to be in dating mode, to get clear-cut consent, and to cover your bases before engaging in any BDSM play. Take proper precautions before engaging in sex or any bodily fluid contact, it should go without saying.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 11:48:24 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frunandsins
In my experience, I have always been turned off by that sort of behavior. It says that the sub is not good at communicating - instead of running away and not responding to emails, they could have just articulated that they had made a commitment that they can't keep, apologize, and maybe ask to revert back to non-exclusive, or pause the relationship, or terminate it, or whatever. Simply not communicating when there is stress in the relationship is not a good sign, either for long term play or short term play.

QFT

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
Oh, and when you get on FL, be prepared for a bewildering amount of titles and descriptors such as 'under protection of' and shit like that.

Hey hey now. Don't be dissing protection. You do know that I have three protectors here, right? I thought it sounded like a great idea and I didn't see why only subs should get protection. So I drafted Athena, Ishtar and Poise. I tried to get LadyPact for backup but that fell through and honestly was probably overkill anyway :)

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to frunandsins)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 12:04:25 PM   
BlkMastIndy


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/27/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 12:27:23 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
Oh, and when you get on FL, be prepared for a bewildering amount of titles and descriptors such as 'under protection of' and shit like that.

Hey hey now. Don't be dissing protection. You do know that I have three protectors here, right? I thought it sounded like a great idea and I didn't see why only subs should get protection. So I drafted Athena, Ishtar and Poise. I tried to get LadyPact for backup but that fell through and honestly was probably overkill anyway :)

Wait. Are you trying to be protected by Me or protected from Me?



To the OP. This thread has kind of gone back and forth a lot just since it's inception, so I'm just going to answer the original.

No, none of the terms that some folks prefer to use are necessary to use. I've done times that I've used the "under consideration" label, and most folks around here already know that I do it within the 'not internet BS' type of deal that was alluded to earlier. My question for you would be, why do you want to use a dynamic term that you're not even familiar with?

For Me, a consideration period is to find out if people are compatible for a dynamic. That covers a lot of things like levels of protocol, amount of power/authority will be given, if kink/play match up, and areas that have to mesh on a personal level. If I'm reading right, this is somebody that you haven't even met yet. When I use the term 'under consideration' it's because I have an investment in that person in real life. Not just somebody who I know their screen name.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 12:46:57 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

What does it mean when a Master has a slave under consideration? Is it a must that he do so?


If being collared is similar to marriage, the under consideration is similar to engagement. Not 100% mutual commitment, but looking into it.

That said, a lot of times, a "Master" will put a sub/slave "under consideration" as a means of taking her off the market while he continues to play around.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 12:53:58 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		You're going to be just fine.. even if this one doesn't work out, I get the impression you've got all the stuff you need to work stuff out.

Good luck, and I hope you hang out on the forums here from time to time.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 1:03:15 PM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		Warning:

Unspecified and sudden "computer issues" are often in the realm of dogs eating homework and urgent hair washing that needs to be done specifically on Saturday night.

But good luck to you.


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 1:50:37 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

From all the nice people who have given me advice today I would say you don't until you meet and agree. But good news everyone she came back lol. She had computer issues. I jumped the gun. We are texting on cell phone. Wish me luck!


That's fantastic, but I'm still going to urge you to caution: The concern is that talking for months, being exclusive, engaging in a power dynamic before meeting means that you get emotionally invested in a cyber relationship, which means that you're emotionally invested in a stranger. And there's no guarantee that the spark will happen when you finally do meet face to face or that they'll even be who they say they are.

There are some really great posts here that show how bad it can go and how good it can go. So, I would counsel that you should use care.


BlkMastIndy - the above is advice I often give as well.

How far away are you two?

Have you spoken on the phone as well as texted?

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 1:52:52 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
Oh, and when you get on FL, be prepared for a bewildering amount of titles and descriptors such as 'under protection of' and shit like that.

Hey hey now. Don't be dissing protection. You do know that I have three protectors here, right? I thought it sounded like a great idea and I didn't see why only subs should get protection. So I drafted Athena, Ishtar and Poise. I tried to get LadyPact for backup but that fell through and honestly was probably overkill anyway :)


Now that I'm with someone who is not interested in going to munches, all I do on Fet is read CollarMe Refugees, but I'd be willing to put you under my protection as well

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 2:21:33 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
So I drafted Athena, Ishtar and Poise. I tried to get LadyPact for backup but that fell through and honestly was probably overkill anyway :)


It's been so dull too Jeff.

When you asked me, I was honestly picturing all the fun I was going to get to have protecting you from the ebils of online interaction.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 2:38:01 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

What does it mean when a Master has a slave under consideration? Is it a must that he do so?


Yeah, actually under consideration came from waaayyy back in the early days, when you didn't just slap a collar on the first girl who said Master to you. Consideration was the first step in that process, like DarkStephen said an engagement of sorts. You put on a test collar, a trial period. And if you both liked how things went, you graduated to that full blown real collar. Of course, that was back when you had the pomp and circumstance of a collaring. As with all things in this kink, things tend to get a bit, well perverted, and now it seems to be more of a holding pattern to keep potentials off the market... C'est la vie

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 7:02:50 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

What does it mean when a Master has a slave under consideration? Is it a must that he do so?


It means the guy has commitment issues and was hurt so badly that this is his excuse to keep him from getting involved with someone. So he uses bdsm as his excuse for his insecurities.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 7:08:42 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkMastIndy

Well I asked her about being exclusive. She said ok but then ran away. Oh well wasn't meant to be.


Personally if a guy asked me to be exclusive to him and we had never met in real life, I 'd run and run extremely quickly very, very far away. I'd think he was desperate and socially inept.

Until you meet in person you're both complete strangers to each other. So why would you want to be exclusive with a complete stranger and you know absolutely nothing about them?


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 8:47:19 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: frunandsins
In my experience, I have always been turned off by that sort of behavior. It says that the sub is not good at communicating - instead of running away and not responding to emails, they could have just articulated that they had made a commitment that they can't keep, apologize, and maybe ask to revert back to non-exclusive, or pause the relationship, or terminate it, or whatever. Simply not communicating when there is stress in the relationship is not a good sign, either for long term play or short term play.

QFT

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
Oh, and when you get on FL, be prepared for a bewildering amount of titles and descriptors such as 'under protection of' and shit like that.

Hey hey now. Don't be dissing protection. You do know that I have three protectors here, right? I thought it sounded like a great idea and I didn't see why only subs should get protection. So I drafted Athena, Ishtar and Poise. I tried to get LadyPact for backup but that fell through and honestly was probably overkill anyway :)


You do know that now I picture all three of them in pinstripe suits, with fedoras and Italian loafers, right?

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 9:16:59 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Holding sleek machine guns that shoot bubble gum?

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"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Consideration of a slave - 3/22/2014 9:22:14 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: frunandsins
In my experience, I have always been turned off by that sort of behavior. It says that the sub is not good at communicating - instead of running away and not responding to emails, they could have just articulated that they had made a commitment that they can't keep, apologize, and maybe ask to revert back to non-exclusive, or pause the relationship, or terminate it, or whatever. Simply not communicating when there is stress in the relationship is not a good sign, either for long term play or short term play.

QFT

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
Oh, and when you get on FL, be prepared for a bewildering amount of titles and descriptors such as 'under protection of' and shit like that.

Hey hey now. Don't be dissing protection. You do know that I have three protectors here, right? I thought it sounded like a great idea and I didn't see why only subs should get protection. So I drafted Athena, Ishtar and Poise. I tried to get LadyPact for backup but that fell through and honestly was probably overkill anyway :)


You do know that now I picture all three of them in pinstripe suits, with fedoras and Italian loafers, right?


I consider it a blatant violation of my rights that you dare to fantasize about me without my prior knowledge, approval, consent and without negotiation.

It's damn near rape I tell ya and I will not stand for it!





< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 3/22/2014 9:23:07 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 60
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