Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders?

Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

sub4realhere -> Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:00:38 AM)
This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?

diamonddreamlove -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:10:40 AM)
On line is sooo easy to be who Your ideal self is or the ideal self someone else is seeking. Some i know pretend because that is who they are true pretenders in both worlds. Some just want and don't feel they are perhaps as good as everyone else so they pretend. Even here there are those that just want to fit in rather than march to their own drummer.

bandit25 -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:11:12 AM)
This question has been asked and answered so many times, but the best answer I've seen goes something like...online is just that...online. People are people...some are honest and truthful...some are liars. Learn to distinguish between the two.

missturbation -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:12:55 AM)
Online you can be anyone you want to be. I try to stay true to my real self and hope that others do too. For those wanting to escape reality though online is a real easy way.

Daddysredhead -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:13:15 AM)
Dear sub, The internet, for some, provides an outlet for them to be anyone they want to be. Some people may want to live vicariously through their fantasies, unfortunately, it often comes at another person's expense. However, do take heart, as there are many people out there who are legitimate and who are "for real." It takes a really big sifter to sort them out, but they are there. Try not to become jaded in your search for the "real" - just consider that time to be mastering your craft of becoming a good judge of people. Be well... Drh

ScooterTrash -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:13:48 AM)
It's hard to distinguish...but there are real...and there are fakes, just like in real life. Don't assume either case..it just takes time to figure it out.

juliaoceania -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:13:51 AM)
I do not know how to answer that. Perhaps our perceptions of who we really are differ from what others would perceive about us. We can be in denial and it is not like we consciously are "lying". I have found people to be dishonest in real life as often as over the internet...We may lie about different things, but we are still lying... like the guy who takes his wedding ring off when he goes away on business for example

iliv2servher -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:25:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4realhere This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world? Here's something to consider: People are here for various reason. One is curiosity about what it is that we do. Another might be here because BDSM is at the core of their being, but they are, or feel that they are, trapped in a vanilla relationship. And finally there are those who are free to choose, and are open and honest with others. We cannot pretend to know why others are here. We can only protect ourselves by taking the necessary steps to safeguard ourselves from those who would manipulate others. The Internet is filled with preditors. Let us not be their prey.

gypsyssoul -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:25:57 AM)
i am submissive in real life it gets me stepped on by alot of people ..but i am true to .. me and how i feel .. i treat people with respect and in return ... hope for it but . . i could not am not as brave as to speak ... of some of the things discussed ... face to face so to me this is the escape to be a little braver .. and mayhap not so shy ... :: goes back to corner .. to read ~~gypsy

sub4realhere -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:28:03 AM)
Thank you everyone for the replies. From what i have seen over the years, even though people are pretenders online, they are even more of a pretender in real life. i guess i am more disgusted with meeting Doms who say they are one thing, then turn out to be another, hence the pretender.

DoctorDubious -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:28:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4realhere This question goes out to both sexes and roles. *Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online?* Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world? Hey sub4realhere... and all.... I mostly do, as those who've had the very mixed blessings of meeting me in person know.... Except, I keep the tired, cranky, moods to myself. And of course, nobody online has to smell the farts. DD

Noah -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:30:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4realhere This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world? I hear from people who might strike you like that here once in a while. Not often though. I hear from quite a few people around here who are just as real as you please. Interesting people who aren't fronting as anything but what they believe they are. Occaisionally the day comes when my estimation of what they are about varies from theirs but I hardly see myself as in a postion to make infallible judgements about someone's true nature--whatever someone might mean by an expression like that. Maybe you should ask yourself why it is that you're attracting these hordes of people you want to call fake. Two people can each use a given word to mean two quite different things. When my late grandma said she was feeling gay, well I presume you know what gay used to mean. Some people impose rigid sets of personal definitions to some the key words that fly around a place like this: slave, master, submissive, dominant, etc. If two of these rigid definers happen to define the words differently and attempt a conversation with each other it will take some empathy and insight on at least one person's part to recognize that two perfectly real people are talking about real things but in different terms. I'm either interested in someone (on one or more of a large number of possible levels) or I'm not. I can't see any possible benefit... not one tiny little scrap... from bothering to define the ones I like as real and some of the others as fake.

zumala -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:34:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4realhere This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world? Your question isn't entirely clear to me. "Why can't people portray themselves in real life as they do online..." - How so? Do you mean that a submissive person should be submissive to everyone they meet in real life, whether or not the other person wishes them to do so? Or do you mean that a submissive should always dress in real life as they do in their photos on their profiles? Or maybe I should be looking at it backwards. Are you asking why you see a person's 'extreme' side online and not in real life? Perhaps you see a submissive who calls every dominant-type they meet online a 'Sir' or a 'Ma'am' and you don't view that as being very realistic or practical in real life so why are they doing it here? Hmm... I don't suppose I could request a re-phrasing of the question? zuma p.s. - No, this wasn't intended to be sarcastic. I'm not feeling well today and I guess my mind is as slow as the rest of me.

sub4realhere -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:42:32 AM)
i guess what i am asking is why people say one thing online, then when i meet them in person, they are nothing like the person online. They say this and that online but when it comes down to meeting face to face, the this and that of what was said online, isn't who they really are.

realmanfordomme -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:44:12 AM)
well honey you never met me ! jOE

KennelDeSade2 -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:45:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4realhere This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world? In dozens of real time meets in the last dozen years or so, I've been stood up once. I've never met a "fake" in person. But then, I cull real hard when I talk to somebody online. Lies, bad facts, stories that change. . .click

realmanfordomme -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:45:47 AM)
HONESTLY I THINK ALOTOF PEOLE COM HERE THINKING THEY WANT SOEMTHING.. THEN REALIZE LATER MAYBE THEY DONT ...

IronBear -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:46:06 AM)
One school of though could be that by presenting something which is an honest but simpler replication of ho you are, those who choose to take the plunge and meet you havethe entertain and at times frustrating fun of openingeach layer to be suprised at what they find when the discover the real you. A bit like meeting someone who turns you on and who is wrapped up in multilayed bundles or winter clothes and taking them into a seluded warm room you remove each layer untill they are naked... ... Just a thought nothing more and nothing less..... [sm=book.gif]

zumala -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 11:52:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4realhere i guess what i am asking is why people say one thing online, then when i meet them in person, they are nothing like the person online. They say this and that online but when it comes down to meeting face to face, the this and that of what was said online, isn't who they really are. Ah, that's better. Thanks. Hmm... Well, I think that some people portray themselves online either: a) how they perceive themselves to be, or b) how they want to be. Neither is necessarily what they are. And I know that not everyone online is guilty of that behavior, either. It is my best guess for why some people have an online 'image' that doesn't mesh with what someone expects when they meet face-to-face in real life. Of course, there are other people for whom the computer is nothing but some virtual game. They feel more free to lie. Or maybe they think that it's all fantasy and that they can make up whatever they want to. Some people are just assholes who like messing with other people. So really, I guess it just depends on the person in question each time. I've been randomly called a 'fake' before on the other side. No explanation at all was given for it. I must assume it probably had something to do with the fact that I'm married and/or not looking to have sex outside my marriage. Sometimes 'fake' has to do with the observer's feelings, definitions, and expectations. For example, if you came to CM expecting all female submissives to be single and into polyamory (and if you were to have an unreasonable nature and were unwilling to accept other's views), you would find a lot of 'fakes' because not every female sub fits your ideal description. However, if you've actually spoken with someone and they specifically told you something that you could clearly see was false when you met them later face-to-face... well, then I don't know. Sorry if I've rambled on here. I do that sometimes. zuma Edited for an afterthought: What if the person you were meeting real life was extremely nervous? Couldn't that throw their behavior off a bit? Maybe it would help if you gave an example of your experience with this situation.

sub4realhere -> RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? (7/8/2006 12:00:44 PM)
i meet the Doms who are just assholes and like messing/screwing with me because i am submissive. Sorry if i am angry and venting, met another pretender last night and i have had just about enough.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875